Ezen Baklattan Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 Get ready for this. - 5/5 - 4/5 - 3/5 - 2/5 - 1/5 - 0/5 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 14, 2017 Author Share Posted September 14, 2017 JANUARY Killer Plane - It's lame, overblown, racist, and mind numbingly stupid. In other words, it's a Michael Bay movie. Ophidophobia - It's got some mildly amusing and fun scares, but otherwise it leaves the audience with little to remember. Would have been a fun twist to have Annabelle a traitor the whole time. Lake of the Psychopaths - It starts as an amusing premise, but it goes absolutely nowhere interesting or intelligent with it. Timmy's Winter Vacation - An inoffensive, slight family film that offers little you've never seen but is ultimately harmless. Captain Planet - Yes, it's absolutely silly, but for the most part, it somehow manages to capture the charm of the series, and almost possesses a self aware charm. Also, as a 90s child (I know, I know), the Ferngully reference was a hoot. SOMA - Definitely a bit better than most January fare, with a really promising first half. The second half takes a turn for the midly worse with a bit too much expositional dialogue (to say the least) and a lack of chemistry between Gleeson and Blunt, despite their best efforts. It's still a good time, though. Battle: Mars 3D - It's just lame. Artificial Age - A dull, fatalist ride without any semblance of originality or fun. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 + = 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 40 minutes ago, spaghetti! said: JANUARY Killer Plane - It's lame, overblown, racist, and mind numbingly stupid. In other words, it's a Michael Bay movie. I will say that it's based on a parody trailer from one of my favorite podcasts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 14, 2017 Share Posted September 14, 2017 FernGully forever <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 FEBRUARY: PART 1 White Stripes - Ineffectual, but harmless. It fails to leave much of an impression. The Devil's Hitman - Uwe Boll. Surprised? Mirror's Edge - The parkour scenes are super fun and well directed, even if it doesn't do a whole lot to lift up the contrived story and somewhat illogical leaps (pun intended) - still plenty of fun, though. Poison and Wine - Before I begin this review, Hiccup, I will say that you're a very talented writer, and you're tackling a really ambitious and interesting story here. Hell, even in CAYOM 1.0, looking back at Society gave it new light as one of my favorite films in the game. Now that that's over with, I must admit: This was a disaster. The premise could have been inspired, invoking something along the lines of a mix of political and sexual warfare. The problem is that the melodrama is upped to levels of ridiculousness: The dialogue is bizarre and unrealistic, while the relationship between the two men spins its wheels for a 90-minute chunk where it's hard to feel really invested in any of these characters, or to really give a shit about what happens to them. The sex scenes have a fascinating angle, but are at first directed with almost creepy precision, but are quickly repetitive and dull. If you're in the mood for being violent with your partner and want to punish them, take them to see this movie. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 15, 2017 Author Share Posted September 15, 2017 Side note: I am abstaining from reviewing my own titles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted September 15, 2017 Share Posted September 15, 2017 Disappointing but not surprised for Poison and Wine. I am hoping it's sequel can get better reviews (I think it will). I am currently editing the film right now and trying to trim it down. I will take all your comments in consideration for the sequel. I appreciate the feedback even if it is negative. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 16, 2017 Author Share Posted September 16, 2017 FEBRUARY - PART 2 The SCP Foundation - It's definitely the most ambitious and fascinating story of the films I've read this year so far, even if it's missing that extra something to take it all the way and bring it to a level of being a true great for the genre. The interplay of different styles and genres within horror works well, even if the content can be a little too out there or ridiculous. Even when it is, there's no denying that a great level of ambition is here, and you never know quite what to expect. I'll definitely look forward to exploring more within the realm of the strange world of the SCP Foundation, and with luck and hope, several others who watch this film will too. Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills - It's an enjoyably off-kilter movie with some fun moments and an enjoyably daring ending (albeit one that will likely kill a good chunk of WOM), but it does feel a bit overstuffed and excessive at times, trying to cram a bit more into 94 minutes than feels natural, and the chemistry between the four teens is a bit off. It's bound to be a solid cult favorite, being a messy, weird, yet ultimately unique and enjoyable flick. BraveStarr - Suffering the opposite problems of the title above, it's a fun, if ultimately slight and forgettable, flick. I'm not sure I liked it quite as much as everyone else did. Runaway: A Road Trip Adventure - If you've got a hankering for an off kilter yet convoluted and messy joy ride, this should do the trick. Even so, with Shawn Mendes being somewhat out of his element in his first major acting role, as well as a focus on bizarre hijinx as opposed to clear and consistent humor, it does miss the mark. Still not a bad time by any means. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted September 16, 2017 Share Posted September 16, 2017 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 MARCH Rendezvous with Rama - Besson's direction and trippy visual flair, along with Elba and Byrne's performances, elevate this otherwise straight forward adaption of fascinating source material. The ending never really develops into a compelling climax, but it's nevertheless a trip into Clarke and Besson's fascinating imaginations. It's certainly a must-see in 3D. Seance - A juicy, classical horror film that offers plenty in the department of well crafted scares and legitimate excitement. The twists that come can be a wee bit contrived and predictable, but it's nonetheless quite a fun time. Jim's Adversity - A fairly enjoyable and competently made sports drama, even if it fails to offer a lot of real depth, especially in terms of the life of its fascinating protagonist, led by a strong performance by Daniel Craig. Even so, I doubt I'll remember it greatly in a few weeks or so. Jungles - Fun, if forgettable. I feel like I've seen this before. Second Wind - Charismatic actors do a reasonable job of helping this flimsy and predictable script, but it's still not the worst way to knock out an hour and a half. The Adventures of Oscar Pill - It's a bit convoluted and definitely a world you'll have to roll with to enjoy fully, but with Abraham Attah's performance, it still has some strong points. IT's not a huge winner overall, but it definitely will please fans of the book, at the very least. Dawn of Extinction - Under Renny Harlin's mediocre direction and terrible performances, the film fails to embrace its ridiculous premise and never amounts into anything truly fun. Signed in Blood - Generic and excessively bleak, it's an overblown melodrama saved partially by strong cast performances. Rabbids: The Big Adventure - Enjoyably daffy if messy and disjointed, the film has a bunch of madness all around, but does offer a good bit of inspired visual gags at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 17, 2017 Author Share Posted September 17, 2017 APRIL Stephen King's Salem's Lot - Okay, first off, they expect us to see 41-year old Keri Russell as a woman just out of college? This messy, incoherent, and lazily put together King adaptation offers this as one of many head scratching moments. Second to Singapore - So this is how the Inverview got made - a wild, hilarious ride from Rogen et al, it has the exact silliness and raunchiness that you've come to love from these guys. It's just a sheer good time. The Defiler - First off, let me ask. Good lord, @Xillix, how many fucking films did you write this year? But I digress. It's a pretty fun time that, while not offering much in terms of originality or fun, still is a decent horror ride, albeit with one fairly excessive and cruel death scene. He-Man - Compared to a lot of the sillier comedies based on 80s-properties this year, it's a nice change of pace to see one a bit more sincere and genuine. He-Man is overstuffed with lore and characters, but it's still a visually impressive and exciting ride, even if the characters don't leave as much of an impression as they should. That said, Lance Garrett could have a big career ahead of him in CAYOM, and we look forward to seeing where he'll go next. Prom - Prom never takes full advantage of its enjoyably ludicrous premise, also taking a while to start getting legitimately enjoyable, but for a late April comedy, you could do a lot worse. The Trail - You've seen this movie before. It's hard to believe the director of You're Next and The Guest, both deliriously enjoyable and subversive titles, made something so dull and forgettable. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted September 17, 2017 Share Posted September 17, 2017 (edited) 2 minutes ago, spaghetti! said: The Trail - You've seen this movie before. It's hard to believe the director of You're Next and The Guest, both deliriously enjoyable and subversive titles, made something so dull and forgettable. Well, he did also make Blair Witch 2015 and the Death Note movie, so, you know... Edited September 17, 2017 by Alpha 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 2 hours ago, spaghetti! said: First off, let me ask. Good lord, @Xillix, how many fucking films did you write this year? >.> <.< Thirty-five Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 18, 2017 Share Posted September 18, 2017 On 9/17/2017 at 5:22 PM, Alpha said: Well, he did also make Blair Witch 2015 and the Death Note movie, so, you know... Blair Witch was fine. Wasn't a big fan of the first film so the two are relatively the same in quality for me. Death Note on the other hand... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 19, 2017 Author Share Posted September 19, 2017 The Adventures of Scrooge McDuck Plot's just like a hurricane Under @cookie Charm, wit, fun, and passion, worth a look-ie It's not a mystery, This'll go down in history! Ducktales, whoo! In CAYOM this film's got the best ducktales, whoo! Year's best film so far now that's good lucktales! T-T-T-Thought it's rushed at some times, They're definitely not bothersome crimes, So what to do? Grab popcorn and watch Ducktales, whoo! In CAYOM this film's got the best ducktales, whoo! Year's best film so far now that's good lucktales, whoo! Not three star tales not four star tales but Ducktales, whoo! 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 @cookie incidentally, Voltron will have to wait too. MAY Among the Serpents - What could have been an interesting, if mildly xenophobic, premise gets turned into a dull, lifeless ride that never really picks itself up to the end. It's also pretty held back by its PG-13 rating. Chrono Trigger - It's got cool visuals, but beyond being woefully miscast, this thing is overstuffed BEYOND belief. It skims the surface of its inspired and exciting source material and tries to squeeze so much into 131 minutes that it feels like an eternity. This would have worked so much better as, say, a miniseries than one movie. Mara, Daughter of the Nile - (how fitting) While it does veer a bit into melodrama at times, it's the fun kind: Ava DuVernay's tale of betrayal, intrigue, and love in ancient Egypt is simple, yet and exciting and undeniably fun to watch. Definitely recommend it. (This was more like a 3.5/5 but I wanted to make the Gods of Egypt joke lol) Operation Megasquad - It's got enough fun and cheeky moments, but it feels like we've gotten so many movies already like it this year alone. The Ultimate Prank - A vile, mean spirited, and painfully unfunny movie. Strictly for kids as a tool of punishment. Brandybrook - And this makes The Ultimate Prank look nice and wholesome. With this movie, it's basically going out of its way to be completely reprehensible, and it doesn't even try to attempt any bit of humor that someone other than 11-year old kids on reddit would find funny. Even the worst Family Guy episodes had more class and tact than this. Yet, it's so inept and pathetic that it can't even create ANY good laughs. 1 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Make sure you read the fixed version I posted in the discussion thread because there's a very unfortunate typo in the beginning of the Part 1 version. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 What was it, lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...