Rorschach Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Another year, another daily dose of F's. Actually, I'm switching to a numbers system this year to mix things up a bit. Prepare the grading line... Edited January 14, 2018 by Rorschach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) January: Mostly Human Aside from Ken Watanabe and Rinko Kikuchi giving really good performances, there isn't much in this film that audiences have seen before in other Sci-Fi films. Another bleak edition to the genre I guess. 4/10 Bloody Mary With a talented director and equally talented cast of actors, this should've been a hit horror classic for the ages. So its hugely disappointing to see great talent wasted in such a paint-by-numbers horror film with dumb characters and cliches galore. It's mostly saved by some cool visuals and a pretty good performance from Panettiere. 3/10 Two Lonely Zookeepers A boring slog that showcases the most painful melodrama I've seen in quite a while. Tom Cruise and Ansel Elgort deserve better than this. Both have characters that the audience is supposed to sympathize with but I just felt nothing for them. The film pretty much meanders throughout, not really having a beginning or an ending for that matter. It just kinda stops 2/10 January Gem I admire its ambition and it certainly has its fair share of comedic moments throughout but 'January Gem' ends up landing far from away from its titular status. 4/10 Timmy's Winter Vacation 2 1/10 Last Chapter 'Last Chapter' offers an interesting, if somewhat predictable story but it showcases three really good performances from its lead actors which helps to elevate it quite a lot. Not great but a decent effort. 6/10 Sasquatch Standard family film fair. Jim Carrey does give a good performance in the lead role. 5/10 Edited January 9, 2018 by Rorschach 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted January 9, 2018 Share Posted January 9, 2018 (edited) Breaking: Cookie Pictures Group confirmed today that Timmy's Winter Vacation 2 was the last film Fine Films Inc. greenlighted under Doe John's reign before he was fired over plagiarism accusations and suspected mafia ties last year. CPG suspects he did it knowing his time as Fine Films mafia leader president was short. There was nothing Fine Films or CPG overall could do to salvage it unfortunately. Due to PGA rules new president Eod Nohj had to put his name on it despite his lack of cooperation, telling Rotten Egg Weekly that he "did not want that evil put on him and his new regime". Edited January 9, 2018 by cookie 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 3 minutes ago, cookie said: Breaking: Cookie Pictures Group confirmed today that Timmy's Winter Vacation 2 was the last film Fine Films Inc. greenlighted under Doe John's reign before he was fired over plagiarism accusations and suspected mafia ties. CPG suspects he did it knowing his time as Fine Films mafia leader president was short. There was nothing Fine Films or CPG overall could do to salvage it unfortunately. Due to PGA rules new president Eod Nohj had to put his name on it despite his lack of cooperation, telling Rotten Egg Weekly that he "did not want that evil put on him and his new regime". 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 9, 2018 Author Share Posted January 9, 2018 @Hiccup23 Accidentally said Sasquatch was an animated film instead of a live-action family film. My bad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 February: Night Light A surprisingly solid horror film that really unnerved me. The ending was rather lackluster and left a lot to be desired but overall, I found the film to be very entertaining. 6/10 Truth Is A much-needed improvement over its overlong predecessor, 'Truth Is' dials down on the overlong sex scenes and allows us to understand the characters better. This works for and against it in a few ways. For one, I actually found myself interested in Hunter/Tyler's relationship. Much of the corny dialogue from the first film is gone and I found myself tolerating the story better because of it. I actually got invested in what was happening and never did get bored. Unfortunately, much of the shock value that the first one had is gone (save for a few scenes spread throughout the film) and it really doesn't make the story stand out as much anymore. Of course, the film doesn't escape from veering into the overly-dramatic territory, no thanks to Margot Robbie's character who is villainous to an overly cartoonish degree. Those factors add up to not make a bad film but a mostly forgettable one. Again, its a much better film than its predecessor and rights many of its wrongs but also brings in a plethora of new ones as well. 5/10 Bionicle: Trials of Toa Peter Jackson massively disappoints with this $200 million gargantuan franchise-starter hopeful that fails to create a world worth investing so much time into. 3/10 The Twenty-One Balloons A very quirky animated film that I enjoyed immensely. Not too much else to say. 7/10 Danger Calling Dylan O'Brien is a very talented actor which confuses me as to why he keeps picking these mediocre films. Well, I guess he has to feed himself somehow. 4/10 Gonna wait until tomorrow to review The Human Revolution. One long movie description was good enough for me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4815162342 Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 8 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Gonna wait until tomorrow to review The Human Revolution. One long movie description was good enough for me. Good, the edited/slightly trimmed version will be up by then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YM! Posted January 10, 2018 Share Posted January 10, 2018 40 minutes ago, Rorschach said: Bionicle: Trials of Toa Peter Jackson massively disappoints with this $200 million gargantuan franchise-starter hopeful that fails to create a world worth investing so much time into. 3/10 Yeah. I’m fucked. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 10, 2018 Author Share Posted January 10, 2018 30 minutes ago, 4815162342 said: Good, the edited/slightly trimmed version will be up by then. I would've read it but I figured I'd power through 'Truth Is' to get it over with. Plus, finals and all that fun jazz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 March (and an extremely late review of Human Revolution): The Human Revolution It has a very nice aesthetic, some cool action, and has a damn good cast but I'd be lying if I said I was totally invested throughout the two-and-a-half hour running time. Still, very competently made. 6/10 Illusiono I thought the days of bad Shyamalan films were behind the film industry. While I wouldn't place it near Lady in the Water/The Happening/The Last Airbender/After Earth levels of awfulness, the film finds its director at his most uninspired. 3/10 Torrential I'm not really big on disaster movies but oddly enough, I found myself somewhat invested in this one. My main problem with a lot of disaster films is that they usually contain a large cast of characters you just don't care about in the slightest. Here, the focus is mainly on the family which I feel gives it a leg up on other films in its genre. The disaster stuff is nothing new though. 6/10 Academy Plagiarism aside (which doesn't really affect me since I have no familiarity with Scream Queens), I found a lot of entertainment value in this film. For me, the film isn't really that great but at the same time, it was oddly enjoyable to watch. For me, most of the entertainment came from how batshit insane the plot went and how unabashedly fearless it was in shoving in a lot of really dark humor. A lot of it works, a lot of it doesn't. The one solid thing I can say about it is that the main trio of actors acting off another and everyone around them was extremely entertaining to watch. Every time they weren't on screen, the movie just didn't work for me. When they were, the entertainment value shot up every time. Special kudos to Harry Styles for carrying the majority of the film on his shoulders as the enjoyably egotistical Alex. So is it great? No, not really. Is it bad? Well, I can't really say that either. Are the insane moments really enjoyable to watch? Definitely. This is probably the second Cayom film I've read that I'd classify as a guilty pleasure (the first being Thomas the Tank Engine from Vanilla Cayom) 5/10 (guilty pleasure) On the Beach A devastating watch from beginning to end. Emotionally charged and beautifully crafted by Hillcoat and co. 8/10 Cello Another day, another unmemorable horror remake. 5/10 The Knight Filled with plenty of fantasy action to please audiences and a story worth investing into, 'The Knight' is buoyed by great performances from Gyllenhaal, Craig, and Knightley. 7/10 Action Movie While it does provide a couple of good chuckles and entertaining scenes, the film can't help but fall in line with a lot of other bad spoof movies with many unfunny bits to spare. 4/10 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 April: The Screwtape Letters Downright offensive and an overall unpleasant watch. Aronofsky and a talented cast of actors are wasted on a story that is just not fit for the big screen. 2/10 Gorillas I enjoy nature documentaries quite a bit so this film was kind of an easy win for me. Learned some interesting things but nothing too groundbreaking. 6/10 Skeleton Crew It has a very creepy atmosphere and plenty of scares to spare but I just had no interest in any of the characters. 5/10 American Dragon: Jake Long I never watched the show as a kid so I'm not the person to go to ask how the two compare. What I can say is that despite some clunky bits, 'American Dragon' is a pretty good kids' film for what its worth. 6/10 Bounty Hunters From Heaven Pretty lacking in the comedy department. The film has a lot of nice ideas but they never really come together to make something worth watching. 3/10 The 120 Days of Sodom Probably the most sickening experience in your life will be watching this film. 70 minutes felt like a lifetime to me while watching it. It's grotesque and disgusting with no reason to exist other than what I stated before. It does not deserve any stars because it doesn't deserve an ounce of thought or recognition. 0/10 Our City A fun and lively animated feature that showcases the power of imagination, which I think is a message worth celebrating in any family film. 8/10 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethan Hunt Posted January 13, 2018 Share Posted January 13, 2018 Our City keeps racking up the strong reviews damn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 13, 2018 Author Share Posted January 13, 2018 (edited) Bumping my grade for Night Light up from a 6 to a 7. Edited January 13, 2018 by Rorschach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 May: The Towering Inferno I'm with @Ethan Hunt on this one. It's pretty damn good. The film smartly builds in the beginning then goes all out in the climax. Having not seen the original, I don't know how the two compare. All I know is that this makes me want to go out and watch the original film. It's the biggest surprise of the year so far, given the director's spotty filmography in the past. 8/10 The Witch of Blackbird Pond An unremarkable drama that showcases good performances from both Watson and Bates. 5/10 Bounty Hamster This film perfectly encapsulates what I love about CAYOM so much. It gives users a chance to make movies out of properties that I've never heard/would've cared to watch and makes me want to seek out the source material. Case in point here. 'Bounty Hamster' is so unbelievably funny and charming. Day and Lillis work well off each other as an extremely entertaining odd couple. The film was a little so-so for me at the beginning but it got off and going once the main plot kicked in. The animation is also stellar, showcasing many different styles in throughout its run-time. A treat for families everywhere and the best film of the year (so far). 9/10 Life After Death Feels like some of Dan Brown's table scraps that were all put on one plate and passed off as a theatrical film. No thanks. 2/10 The Road to El Dorado I never watched the animated film as a kid so I kinda went into this not knowing what to expect. What I got was something pretty enjoyable. Isaac and Brody playoff one another extremely well and the rest of the cast do extremely well too (though I'm not entirely sold on Russell Crowe as Cortes). Funny and exciting, fans of the original will probably appreciate this live-action adaptation. 7/10 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ezen Baklattan Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Thanks for the awesome rave for BH! It was such a fun writing experience for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hiccup23 Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 Disappointing reviews for Witch of Blackbird Pond...hoping it can at least do well in the boxoffice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 2 minutes ago, Hiccup23 said: Disappointing reviews for Witch of Blackbird Pond...hoping it can at least do well in the boxoffice I'm sure it'll do just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted January 14, 2018 Share Posted January 14, 2018 1 hour ago, Rorschach said: It's the biggest surprise of the year so far, given the director's spotty filmography in the past. I attached Peyton because it was supposed to be a quick early-summer filler but I guess I accidentally made it good? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 (edited) Saved Lord of the Flies and The Simulation to read last for the month of June. Everything else I've read. Edited January 14, 2018 by Rorschach 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted January 14, 2018 Author Share Posted January 14, 2018 June: Damnation Alley It's nothing that the post-apocalyptic genre hasn't done before but this film does manage to be entertaining throughout with a damn good cast headed by Matt Damon. 6/10 From A Black Sky Has some good scares but still nothing new. 4/10 Rise of the Dead It's nice to see that Roland Emmerich is at least trying to make a good flick this time around. Nicholas Hoult acts as a very engaging lead and the carnage that ensues is entertaining to watch. Still, it harkens back to a lot of other zombie films that have overdone several cliches before (Looking at you World War Z). Decent flick tho. 5/10 Lord of the Flies Pemberton faithfully adapts one of my favorite books to the big screen with amazing performances from all of the young actors involved. Well paced and extremely well realized. 9/10 The Beach House Mercifully short but a dumb horror film nonetheless. 1/10 The Simulation It's an idea that has been done before, albeit in many different variations. Still, Garland and Co. manage to make a thrilling piece of Sci-Fi that offers up a lot of unique questions along with a great ensemble performance. 7/10 Fab 5 Heavily pales in comparison to the past films of its genre (Bridesmaids, Girls Trip, etc.) while not bringing anything new to the table. Also, it was pretty lacking in the comedy department. 3/10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
