Cookie’s Corner Year 3

[YM!]

Just now, 4815162342 said:

 

 

I see. Want to know if cookie is on the meh side or the fiery pile of shit side. I will remember this.

I’m reading Bioshock tonight .

The surprise tonight as well  unless I’m too tired from work.

[cookie]

1 minute ago, 4815162342 said:

 

 

I see. Want to know if cookie is on the meh side or the fiery pile of shit side. I will remember this.

Considering I was one of the people championing Human Revolution I don't see myself being hard on them unless you do something heinous.

[cookie]

Convenient dad just died story point is convenient.

[cookie]

Quote

 Tyler sees at the end of the pool a board rising out of the water. He turns to Hunter and asks what the board is for. Hunter asks if Tyler wants to find out. Tyler with a smirk on his face (he already has a clue) says yes.

* Thirty seconds later *

 

Edited April 26, 2018 by cookie

[cookie]

Quote

While eating the two sit in the theater room and watch The Parvelli Reunion. Tyler asks Hunter if their lives are as fucked up and dramatic as the characters in the movie. Hunter laughs and says no. 

Well you're not bizarrely making out with wolves by the end of it so you got that going for you.

[cookie]

Quote

Tyler suddenly spies a familiar figure in the back of the church standing up. It is Nicole. She is in all black with a veil hiding her face. Tyler recognizes her. His face turns from joy to shock.

Maybe this is why you SHOULD'VE CALLED THE POLICE

[cookie]

So the Saudi Prince decided to be homophobic and in return Tyler decided to be racist.

 

In the end nobody wins.

[cookie]

Quote

The camera moves to a woman in a covered in a burka. The wind blows and we see Nicole’s face under the burka. 

I laughed harder at this than I should.

[4815162342]

1 hour ago, YourMother the Edgelord said:

I’m reading Bioshock tonight .

The surprise tonight as well  unless I’m too tired from work.

 

Ok then.

[cookie]

Can't we collectively agree that Tyler and Hunter are both horrible people?

[cookie]

Mysteriously Vanishing Best Friend from Truth Is is Mysteriously Reappearing Best Friend in this.

[Rorschach]

But does Kyler come back? 🤔

[cookie]

Quote

While they change, Adam asks why Tyler brought him here. Tyler tells him that he and Hunter got into a bad argument and Hunter kicked him out.

And yet apparently Hunter has no check on his bank account because Tyler is still able to pay for the top floor of the Bellagio.

[Rorschach]

@Hiccup23 I’ll be reading it tonight. In all honesty, I should’ve put the film on my most anticipated list. 

[cookie]

Quote

She says it was weird that Tyler and Hunter didn’t call the police or even try to convict her.

 

SO ARE WE FINALLY GOING TO ADDRESS THIS?!

 

...

 

...

 

...

 

Apparently not.

[cookie]

Quote

There are reporters Tyler has wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars. Tyler opens his bank account and sees he spent only a few thousand dollars.

1. The Presidential Suite at the Bellagio is $5,000+ a night alone.

2. You gambled extensively.

 

I seriously doubt you spent only "a few thousand".

 

Edit: And indeed you didn't. Dipshit.

Edited April 26, 2018 by cookie

[cookie]

Okay seriously

 

If Tyler's behavior is somehow sinking the Pierce company by itself that company was in no stable position to begin with

[cookie]

So can we break down Nicole's master plan for a second?

 

Step 1: Stalk Hunter and Tyler to their wedding. Do nothing.

Step 2: Stalk Hunter and Tyler to Dubai. Discover that Tyler had sex with a Saudi prince.

Step 3: Try to seduce Hunter and fail. Then tell Hunter that Tyler had sex with a Saudi prince.

Step 4: Confront Tyler in Las Vegas. Gamble against him and lose.

Step 5: Tell the press about Tyler's behavior.

Step 6: Get lucky that during all of this and the previous movie, Hunter and Tyler are too stupid to call the police.

Step 7: Do nothing for SEVERAL MONTHS and then randomly go to their penthouse and attack Tyler.

Step 8: ???

Step 9: ...Profit?

[cookie]

Dark Side

 

 

And now… a round table discussion of O$corp Pictures’ DARK SIDE featuring guest appearances by @cookie from Year 1 and @cookie from Year 2. Introducing your host, @cookie from Year 3.

3: Gentlemen, I believe you know why I’ve gathered you here today.

1: Actually, I don’t.

2: I do but I wonder how the hell you managed to get all three of us in one place without creating a time paradox.

3: Roundtable first, questions later.

1: ”Later?”

3: As in ”never”.

1: Oh.

3: Before we begin, I will ask each of you to summarize Dark Side’s two predecessors Poison & Wine and Truth Is, starting with Year 1 me since he has the freshest memory of the first film.

1: Well, uh… I thought it was an interesting attempt at a Fifty Shades-style LGBT story but bogged down by an undeserved length and a whole lot of scenes that don’t seem to go anywhere. The ending is definitely disturbing though. I wonder how the sequels dealt with that.

3: Poorly.

2: Very fucking poorly.

1: Care to elaborate?

2: Truth Is is awful. When it isn’t infuriating as fuck it’s a snooze-fest to the extreme. Tons of filler, characters changing their minds without rhyme or reason, Margot Robbie as a walking cartoon character and did I mention WHY IS NOBODY CALLING THE POLICE?!

1: That meme is still a thing?

3: Yes... for good and for ill.

1: Cool!

2: And I’m glad you’re here, Year 1 me, because I need you to confirm something that bothered me all the way through the second film but I didn’t feel confident enough to bring up: Hunter basically raped Tyler at the end of the first one, right?

1: It appeared so.

2: Okay, then ask me why they get back together and get married in the second one.

1: Wait, they do that?!

2: At first Tyler is justifiably trying to stay away from Hunter but then he changes his mind for reasons I honestly struggled to decipher and decide to buddy up with him right away. And it’s never brought up again. The rest of the movie treats their relationship like that part never happened.

1: That’s… unfortunate.

3: Yeah, the implications are pretty staggering.

1: I take it part three is where it all comes crashing down and the franchise saves itself from its death spiral, right?

2: I hope. Won’t save the second film but I’d rather have it end on a high note.

3: Well… It doesn't go that way.

2: Shit.

3: But if we look past that for a second, this movie is still better than Truth Is. At least it's much more entertaining because it's more of the batshit with less of the filler.

1: So it's not boring at any point?

3: There are parts of the first act where the flaunting of their riches just gets tiresome, but once the plot gets going it at least maintains a decent pace. Plus when you're not raging you're laughing hysterically at the ridiculous melodrama. And the sex scenes are pretty intense.

2: Does that make it good or even on par with the first one?

3: No. God no. But at least I got something out of it.

1: I know, we saw your live blog.

3: Hush!

Uh, hi, I'm @cookie from the 2.0 timeline and I've just been sitting here in the background, can I be in this review?

3: No.

Aw, man...

D+

 

 

 

Edited April 26, 2018 by cookie

[Rorschach]

@cookie One journey ends, a new Odyssey begins.