Y7 OSCARS: Pulling a Spark Homeward to fix this.

[Blankments]

FCC SUES OSCAR CEREMONY FOR DROPPING AN F-BOMB UNCENSORED

[YM!]

1 minute ago, Blankments said:

FCC SUES OSCAR CEREMONY FOR DROPPING AN F-BOMB UNCENSORED

Not again.

[SLAM!]

Cayom's FCC be like:

 

[YM!]

Slight delay, we'll be up and running within 30-35 minutes. My docs page forgot to save some of the banter.

[YM!]

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING

Ashley Tisdale dressed as Sharpay walks on to the stage with such confidence as Fabulous plays.

 

Sharpay: Surprise! It was obvious, the Oscars needed someone as fabulous and drop dead gorgeous as I am to announce the winners of Best Makeup and Hairstyling. Also the folks at Endless sort of forgot about my movies so this is a compromise. The nominees are...

 

 

Green Lantern Corps Home 

The Long Way Home

Ms. Blakk 4 President 

Pillars of Eternity: An Ancient Legacy 

The Scavenger Wars Part III 

 

and the winner is....

 

Spoiler

Ms. Blakk 4 President

 

 

Marielle Heller: It’s a true honor to have won this award, and I’d like to thank the talented makeup artists who have worked hard this year, especially the team that bought Ms. Blakk and the extravagant costumes to life.

 

 

[YM!]

BEST FILM EDITING

 

Taron Egerton and Jake Gyllenhaal come on stage, humorously both dressed as the villainous Venchell from the Spark franchise.

 

Egerton: As we all know, for film sometimes not everything is used.

 

Gyllenhaal: Like my cut of Spark Homeward.

 

Egerton: Hey, you got the director’s cut, and besides didn’t your version almost kill the franchise.

 

Gyllenhaal: I’m sorry but which one of us was most forgettable out of all the Spark villains.

 

Egerton: I’ll deal with that later. The nominees for Best Film Editing are...

 

 

Countdown City 

Hypercomptency 

Megalo Box

Ms. Blakk 4 President 

Notorious

The Scavenger Wars Part III

 

and the winner is...

 

Spoiler

Countdown City

 

Mimi Leder: Wow, this is truly amazing. I would like to thank our team of faithful editors who have made this possible.

 

[YM!]

Spoiler

Oscar Preview

 

ONE
 
John Vanderbilt (Adam Driver) types on a laptop and looks up.

PLUS ONE

Kelsey DeWitt (Tessa Thompson) walks into their apartment, and sits next to him on the couch. 

Kelsey: Whatcha workin' on?
John: Oh, you know. The usual.
Kelsey: Wanna take a break?

John looks at Kelsey, who is clearly smiling widely.

John: Uh, yeah, sure!

PLUS...

Cut to a car with Lance Garrett driving. In the back sits Gabe (Roman Griffin Davis). 

Lance Garrett: You better take these classes seriously, little dude.
Gabe: Yeah, yeah, I get it.

 PLUS...

 Tisha (Pam Grier) stands at the door to an apartment. She checks her phone, and smiles, knocking.

 Inside, John and Kelsey are leaning in to start passionately making out, but the knock interrupts them.

John: I'll get it.
Kelsey: Wait, who even knocks on an apartment door?

As John reaches for the door, a hard cut to: 

PLUS TWO
December 13


Catch the new short online after the show!

 

[YM!]

See the World from Attack on Titan by Taylor Swift plays in the background as our announcers prepare.

[YM!]

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY

 

Keegan Michael Key and Jordan Peele step on stage.

 

Peele: As we all know, screenplays are needed in Hollywood.

 

Key: Especially original films. I mean it is hard to come up with an original idea. Even in CAYOM, there’s still a need to franchise everything.

 

Peele: Aren't you in Scavenger Wars IV.

 

Key: Yep, and as long as I got that, I got me a career in CAYOM. The nominees for Best Original Screenplay are...

 

 

The Ends of The Universe 

The Final Cut

The First Month

Hypercomptency 

Toons v Reality

 

and the winner is...

 

Spoiler

The Final Cut

 

Final Cut writer-directors Jen Soska and Sylvia Soska: It is an absolute honor to have won the award. We’d like to thank the team of Blankments Productions for giving us this opportunity to make The Final Cut, and would also like to thank the cast, crew and the viewers for making this possible.

 

 

[4815162342]

Oh my

[YM!]

Beyond the End from The Ends of The Universe by written and performed by Susanne Sundfør plays in the background.

 

 

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BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR

 

Dan Stevens enters the stage.

 

Stevens: It is a pleasure to be here tonight. I already won my award, but for every film, there's one smooth scenestealer that worms their way into our hearts. Our nominees for Best Supporting Actor are...

 

 

William Jackson Harper as JJ in Ms. Blakk 4 President 

Spoiler

JJ says it’s great to see Terence too, and Terence shrugs, saying that Ms. Blakk is all the rage right now, so he doesn’t get much of a break, not that he’s complaining! Terence tells his brother all about the campaign for presidency, and JJ points out that he has no chance of winning.

 

Terence: Of course I have no chance! But Ms. Blakk does!

 

JJ: That’s - that’s not what I meant.

 

Terence ignores this, but then says they have a bit of a snafu. They couldn’t find a cameraman - or camera - for a TV segment they’re doing tomorrow. JJ is confused how he could have a TV segment booked without a camera, and Terence muses that it’s rare that any of these independent stations have their shit together. Terence offers him the job, which has some pay but not much. JJ says he’ll accept, as he’s inbetween gigs right now and doesn’t get to spend a lot of time with his brother.

 

 

 

Brian d’Arcy James as Larry in Dear Evan Hansen

Spoiler

Larry: Your dad must feel pretty lucky to have a son like you.

Evan: Yeah. He does.

Larry: Good. Well, if you want to go catch up with Zoe…

 

Evan hands the glove back to Larry and begins to go inside, but then turns to Larry.

 

 

Evan: I don’t know why I said that. About my dad. It’s not true. My parents got divorced when I was seven. My dad moved to Colorado. He and my stepmom, they have their own kids now. So. That’s sort of his priority. 

 

 

Larry walks up to Evan and hands the glove to Evan, putting his hand on his shoulder. 

 

 

Payman Maadi as Faraz in Notorious 

Spoiler

 Faraz is able to prevent Naveen and Ishmael from coming to blows and suggests Naveen take a walk to get some air. Naveen agrees. Once he leaves, the mood turns ominous, with Ishmael saying that their venture requires reliability, and this is not the first time Naveen has jeopardized their contracts. Jamal rises to Naveen’s defense and Faraz asks Ishmael what he would propose and gets the reply “We make sure all business deals are handled by someone reliable,” everyone in the room understanding the meaning. Faraz says that they will put the question to a vote.
 

 

Benecio Del Toro as Coach Ned in Megalo Box 

Spoiler

Joe sits down on the stool in his corner, and unprompted tears crawl down the bruises on his cheeks. Coach Ned talks into his ear.

 

Coach Ned: Let me tell you something. Winning all your matches isn’t gonna be enough to get in Megalonia. You need some sort of quality to make people notice you. You fight without your gear, you get the attention you need. They’ll see you as an underdog, they’ll see you as a bold fighter. Without your gear, you have a statement on your gloves. Now get back up and deliver that statement in the ring! And no tears, kid, save your body fluids for the sweat!

 

Christopher Walken as Mansfield in The Final Cut

Spoiler

Mansfield shrugs and says this is how you win Oscars, blackmail and controlling the talent. Alice tries to escape but the door is locked, and Mansfield says it would be a shame if Alice too was found dead that evening, tragically committing suicide after the death of one of her stars. Alice, with tears in her eyes, says she'll finish the movie Mansfield's way. Mansfield smiles, saying that's Hollywood, baby.

 

and the winner is

 

Spoiler

Benecio del Toro as Coach Ned in Megalo Box

 

Keeping it short and sweet, Benecio del Toro thanks the academy, his wife and family, the director J.D. Dillard, his co-stars, his agent, and various other individuals.

 

[YM!]

Spoiler

Narrated over deserted and destroyed cities 

 

"In 2030 the human race will be pushed to the brink."

 

Shot of members of the  military aiming at something. We see a soldier's eyes, he is scared to death of what he is looking at. 

 

"It won't be global warming or some rouge A.I. It will be our friends, family, and co-workers. They will die and then come back." 

 

We finally see what the soldiers are looking at: Zombies slowly lumbering down a freeway. The camera slowly pulls out to show the undead horde stretching for miles.

 

WORLD WAR Z

 

JANUARY Y8

 

[YM!]

BEST ENSEMBLE

 

Tessa Thompson and Adam Driver walk on stage, as they prepare to announce the winner behind best ensemble.

 

Driver: Y’know, “Kelsey”, it’s about time we got on stage together. Maybe this time, you’ll get an Oscar.

 

Thompson: Adam, you do realize I won Best Actress. Or did you forget that my movie won best picture, when ours didn’t even make the Best Picture nominations.

 

Driver: That’s a low blow, Tess.

 

Thompson: It’s what I do. As we all know making a film is a team effort. And a great ensemble can make a great film. The nominees for Best Ensemble are…

 

 

Dear Evan Hansen 

Laika

Notorious 

Pillars of Eternity: An Ancient Legacy 

The Scavenger Wars Part III 

 

and the winner is....

 

Spoiler

Laika

 

Laika writer-director Christian Desmares: It’s an honor to win such a prestigious award for ensemble. I’d like to thank all the cast members in the film for giving their absolute all.

 

 

[Reddroast]

Yooo megalo box

[SLAM!]

BENICIOOOOOOOOO

 

[YM!]

BEST VOICE ACTOR/ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE

 

Levi (Donald Glover) and Xevarre (Olivia Cooke) walk on the stage, in their CG rendered glory.

 

Xevarre: I don't know why I'm here, I was nominated as a lead voice.

 

Levi: Hey, man. This is the closest you'll get to winning, my dear.

 

Xevarre: I find you personally appalling, dimension hopper.

 

Levi: And I find you pretty attractive. Besides you got to lighten up.

 

Xevarre: Like how you caused planetary extinction.

 

Levi: Okay I'll stop.

 

Xevarre: The nominees for Best Voice Actor/Actress in a Supporting Role are...

 

 

Ben Foster in The Scavenger Wars Part III 

 

Spoiler

Jarek rose from the throne. The camera stayed put behind Sal as he approached, the angle making him larger and more menacing the closer he came.

 

Jarek: I gave you sanctuary. I found you in the deepest, darkest pit, and I took you in. I gave you a purpose when you had none, I gave you battle to fight where there weren’t any, and I freed you from every burden the universe had put on you. And how did you repay me? By abandoning your mission… and abandoning your loyalty.

 

 

Jarek was now flaring in Sal’s face. She trembled before him, close to falling to her knees and bursting into tears.

 

 

Jarek: And now, you suddenly return... with nothing to show for it.

 

Sal: ...I… I…

Jarek: I want the truth, Sal. The whole truth.

 

 

- Sasha Lane in The Scavenger Wars Part III 

 

Spoiler

Instead, it was Sal who had to approach [Lucina]. Moonlight peeked in from the basement windows, giving her a melancholic, theatrical like glow as she approached. They both soon stood only feet from one another, neither saying anything at first.

 

“It was an accident,” Sal finally uttered. “It wasn’t supposed to happen.”

 

Lucina remained silent. Through her tears, Sal revealed how Tamara was actually supposed to flee up north so she could be safe, but instead she fought back, and that's when she got stabbed. Sal panicked and fled, and the moment’s haunted her ever since.

Sal sat down, her back turned against Lucina, hunched over. She looked prepared, shutting her eyes.

 

“Send me to the abyss where I belong,” she sobbed. “Just make it quick.”
 

 

John Mulaney in Toons v Reality

 

Spoiler

Back in the cartoon world, Randy tries to convince his fellow Toons to go with Ashley. The toons meet back up at Amira’s as Randy convinces them to join him despite Amira’s distrust over Ashley, as she doesn’t want to take that risk again as Randy inspires them as it is their chance to not only gain stardom, but have a true path and choice in their career which fires them up. W0-RY asks what about being caught, as Randy says leave it to him. The Toons then sneak out in the real world quietly tip-toe-ing around as smooth jazz plays, hiding to avoid getting spotted every now and then. However, they're being observed by the people passing by who are in shock, and fear as we see a car driving by looking at them as the driver attempts to take a picture but causing a massive pileup in traffic. In response to this, Randy says he thinks they’re safe but should move faster.
 

 

Andrew Scott in Hilda and The Midnight Giant

 

Spoiler

Molgren: It seems I’ve heard much about you, miss…?

Hilda: Hilda.

Molgren: Ah, yes, miss Hilda! What brings you to the Elf capital?

Hilda: I want to find a way we can all live together in peace. I love my home, and I don’t want to leave it.

Molgren: Well, that’s, uh… interesting. Look, I’ll be honest with you… I only promised I’d get rid of you because I knew I’d get elected if I did. It’s nothing personal.

 

Molgren gets cheers from his cabinet members. Hilda asks if they really all hate her and Johanna that much, and she gets a similarly enthusiastic response.

 

 

Molgren: You must understand that the lights from your house are much too bright at night, and you’re very loud. You keep babies up!

 

Alfur: I’ll have to concede with him there, Hilda, you and your mother are very loud!

Hilda: Not the time, Alfur…

Molgren: Not to mention, you’re always stepping on us!

Hilda: But stepping on you doesn’t hurt you if one hasn’t signed the forms. I saw Twig’s legs go right through a house!

Molgren: Still, it’s quite the traumatic experience having a giant foot come through your ceiling, isn’t it?

 

- Michael Sheen in Laika

 

Spoiler

Man (V.O.): I am a man of destiny. I will not die.

 

As we pan down onto a snowy landscape, we focus on a young Sergei Korolev (Michael Sheen) striding through a blizzard, shivering as he repeats this mantra to himself. A truck rolls up, and Korolev shouts at the driver to stop. The driver (Ned Dennehy) rolls down his window.

 

Korolev: Thank you! Thank you! Please, I need to get to Magadan.

Driver: Alright. What can you pay me?

Korolev: I—I have no money.

Driver: Then give me your coat, and I’ll take you.

Korolev: I need my coat. I’ll freeze to death without it.

Driver: The way I see it, you’ve got no choice. Trust me, you’ll be warm in here.

Korolev: If I give you my coat, I’ll still die of cold when you let me off in Magadan. I have a better chance if I keep the coat and just keep walking.

Driver: If you do that, you’ll definitely die.

Korolev: And you won’t get the coat.

 

After Korolev offers his sweater, the driver relents and offers him the passenger seat. As the two drive to Magadan, it’s revealed that Korolev has just been let out of a Kolyma gulag so his case can be reinvestigated in Moscow. After Korolev drifts off to sleep, he’s woken up by the driver, who tells him that he’s dropping him outside of Magadan. He gives Korolev directions to the port town, tells him that “coat or no coat”, he must find shelter and eat something if he wants to survive. After the driver leaves, Korolev continues to reiterate his mantra.

 

Korolev: I am a man of destiny. I will not die. I am a man of destiny. I will not die…

 

As Korolev continues down a mountain, he sees the lights of Magadan in the distance, before turning his head to the moon above, glowing brightly in the night sky.

 

Korolev (V.O.): Don’t think that I haven’t noticed you, my friend, looking down on me. Are you mocking me? Is that it? You look so close. Close enough to touch...or you’re helping me? A guardian angel, perhaps? Lighting my way through this frozen, silent world. Follow it, Sergei Pavlovich. It’ll find you somewhere warm.

 

As Korolev makes his way into town, he’s almost ready to collapse from exhaustion. He struggles to even make it through his mantra. He lands on the ground, unable to go any further. Just as he’s about to accept his demise in the cold, he hears a dog’s bark in the distance. Korolev doesn’t spot a dog, but his eyes land on a piece of warm bread in the snow. He scrambles over and grabs the loaf of bread, bewildered by the miraculous sight, before entering an army barracks. Korolev opens the door to a room filled with beds, but not before waking up one of his comrades.

 

Sleeper: For God’s sake, come in and shut the door before you let in a draft.

Korolev: Sorry comrade.

 

Korolev then settles into bed, eating the bread as he whispers his mantra to himself.

 

Korolev: I am a man of destiny. I will not die. I am a man of destiny. I will not die…

 

Fade to black.

 

 

and the winner is...

 

Spoiler

Michael Sheen in Laika

 

Sheen: What an amazing honor this is! I’d first like to thank Nick Abadzis for bringing so much complexity and emotion to the historical figure I played, and Desmares and the whole crew at Je Suis Bien Content and Hollywood Animation for making such a beautiful film. Hopefully this isn’t the last you hear about these wonderful people tonight. Thank you!

 

[YM!]

Laika/Kurdyavka from Laika by Sufjan Stevens plays in the background.

[SLAM!]

Laika's a HUGE Oscar hit!

[YM!]

Spoiler

A sneak peek at Endless’ WhatAToon’s My Hero Academia: One For All 

 

Izuku (David Manzouz) prepares to head to school. Inko (Amy Adams) asks Izuku if he’s all set as Inko expresses pride for her son and wishes him good luck in high school. Izuku narrates once more as he reaches school “Only 40 out of the 400 students applied were accepted with 4 getting in on recommendations.” Izuku prepares to open the door to his class 1-A as he notices the giant size of the door. Izuku then steps in as chaos has just begun.

 

Iida (voiced by Daniel Henney): “Take your feet off the disk right now!”

Bakugo (with a shit-eating smug grin, laughs): “You’re kidding never right. What, your old school put a stick up your ass or we you born with it?”

Izuku is dismayed to see himself in the same class as Bakugo (Dean Charles Chapman). We then get to see more interactions between the other classmates.

We see Yuga Aoyama (Adam Lambert), the navel laser teen, admiring himself in a mirror as Rikido Sato (James Rolleston), a bulky teen with dark skin as he munches on a donut, ask doesn’t he get tired of looking at him, as Aoyama says you can’t tamper with perfection.

 

Best friends, Mina Ashido (Haley Lu Richardson), a teen with pink skin and hair, black sclera and horns and Tooru Hagakure (Kathryn Newton), a teen who’s invisible but her school uniform still appears as the two gossip about heroes. Minoru Mineta (Tara Strong), a short teen with almost grape like purple hair, attempts to flirt with them. “You know Grape Juice does the body good?” says Mineta “Not interested, shorty.” says Tooru “Size doesn’t matter, babes, I can go Plus Ultra all night long.” Mina nods at Tooru as Tooru agrees. Mina then flings a weak acid into Mineta’s face that stings like lemon juice as Mineta runs off in pain.

 

 

Denki Kaminari (Jeremy Shada), a blonde haired teen with a black stripe, notes to Kyoka Jirou (Briana Hildebrand), a teen with a goth get up and earphone jacks as earlobes that there’s a lot of people with strong quirks, but notes he’ll just need to get stronger. Jirou snarks he should work on not spazzing out every time he uses his power. Chuckling, Kaminari notes his quirk as actually useful. Jirou stabs Kaminari with her earlobes causing him to release bolts of electricity. As a result, Kaminari spazzes out with a goofy face when he’s done as Jirou laughs.

 

Tsuyu Asui (Mindy Kaling), a teen with a frog like tongue, Momo Yaoyorozu (Sophie Turner), a tall teen with dark hair, and Koji Koda (Alex Hirsch), a tall, wide teen with a head shaped like a rock, discuss their performances on the exam with one another.

 

Mezo Shoji (Robert Pattinson), a teen with gray swept over hair and six arms getting along well with Fumikage Tokoyami (LaKeith Stanfield), a teen with the head and face of a raven.

Eljiro Kirishima (Jake T Austin), a teen with red spiky hair, Hanta Sero (KJ Apa), a lean teen with jagged black hair and almond shaped eyes and Mashiro Ojiro (Nick Robinson) are all amazed by Shoto Todoroki (Yoo Sueng-Ho), a teen with banged red and white hair, with each color on one side, and a burn scar over his left side, who is said to have gotten in due to recommendations as Shoto ignores them.

 

Iida: “Perhaps we got off on the wrong foot, I’m for Somei.”
 

Bakugo: “Somei huh? You must think you’re better than me. I’m going to have some good fun beating your ass”

 

Iida: “You would threaten me? I’m not sure you’re fit to even be a hero with that attitude.”

Bakugo attempts to retort but is furious to see Izuku standing in the doorway as Iida turns arounds as the rest of Izuku’s classmates look at him.

 

Izuku (sheepishly muttering): “What’s up.”

 

Iida then marches to Izuku “Good Morning, I’m Tenya Iida.” as Izuku says “I know” 

“Midoriya, you must have realized there was more on the exam didn’t you? You must be very perceptive and I completely misjudged you, you’re far superior to me.” as Iida bows “I find that very hard to believe” says a shy Izuku. “I recognize that hair” says Uraraka elated to see Izuku as she talks to Izuku amazed at his Quirk and heroism, we hear his thoughts monologue over her voice “It’s the nice girl who saved me. She looks good in that uniform.” Izuku then blushes and thanks her for talking to Present Mic much to her confusion on how he would know that. We see Bakugo goes to watching on in contempt.

 

Uraraka continues her conversation with Izuku as she wonders what the teachers will be like. “If you’re just here to make friends, pack up and leave now.” as we see Aizawa (Adrien Brody) in a yellow sleeping bag laying on the floor, shocking the whole class. “It took 8 seconds for you all to shut up. Time is precious. Rational students understand that. I’m Shotoa Iazawa, your teacher for the year”. Iazawa hands then something and tells the class to put them on and head outside. 

 

Aizawa decides to do a Quirk Assessment test as Aizawa says due to UA’s rules different to normal school, he is solely in charge of his class. Anyone who scores the lowest will be kicked out of his class and the school for the year, shocking everyone. 

Aizawa hands Bakugo a softball first, as he scored the most out of everyone, and to use his quirk to throw it so long as he says in the circle. Bakugo smiles as he throws the ball in a fiery explosion, sending it flying. The ball lands and records the score as Aizawa shows the class the score Bakugo made of 705.2 meters.
 

Izuku does the softball test and attempts to use One For All but overcharges. Aizawa stares at his as suddenly when Izuku throws the ball, it’s a normal throw much to his confusion as Aizawa explains he erased it. “Someone like you shouldn’t be able to apply to UA if they can’t control their quirk.” Izuku then recognizes Iazawa as the hero Eraserhead who can erase Quirks. Aizawa allows Izuku one last attempt out of pity but tells him he better control his quirk. 

 

The class watches in anticipation as Izuku prepares the next throw as Aizawa apples eye drops as he thinks “Either he accepts his defeat or his quirk overcharges and shuts down his body. Either way, he doesn’t belong here.” Izuku attempts to try it one more time as he throws the ball, as he throws the ball but the time charging his throwing finger as he hurls the ball hundreds of feet in the air as Iazawa, All Might (Jon Hamm) and the classmates watches, impressed. Izuku thinks to himself it hurts less this time but breaks his finger as Izuku scores a 705.3 meters beating Bakugo by .1 meter. “Mr. Aizawa, I’m Still Standing.” says Izuku. 
 

9/20/Y8

 

Edited August 9, 2020 by YourMother the Edgelord