Texas Chainsaw 3D

[75Live]

Just got home from this and while it wasn't the worst thing I have seen, it isn't any good either.Not scary in any way. As said before, stop with the trying to make us feel sorry for these killers. It doesn't work and insults the audience.C-, maybe D+

[The Stingray]

This made me crack up. From EW's review:

In fact, it's just campy enough that when the two are seated in a kitchen, having defeated one of their now-mutual enemies, I kept waiting for Heather to say something like, ''So, you want a beer?''

[baumer]

I thought they were going to mate....I swear to god I did.

[75Live]

I was waiting for them to say he was her father

[Vanilla]

Man, this was bad. Man, Alexandra Daddario is a looker. 3/10

[baumer]

Man, this was bad. Man, Alexandra Daddario is a looker.3/10

Her body in this is ridiculously good.

[Vanilla]

Yea, those cut off shirts did the film a favor.

[Kvikk Lunsj]

Man, this was bad. Man, Alexandra Daddario is a looker.3/10

Is it only a 3/10 because of Alexandra Daddario?

[Vanilla]

Acting wise she is okay nothing special.

[baumer]

The amount of work she must of had to do to get into the shape she's in is mindblowing. She had literally 0 fat on her and curves and bumps in all the right places.

[Jack Nevada]

The amount of work she must of had to do to get into the shape she's in is mindblowing. She had literally 0 fat on her and curves and bumps in all the right places.

Shes great, i mean she has an amazing body

[ainsleyb]

January tends to be a hotbed for terrible horror's but this one had to be one of the worst in recent memory, mostly because of the wasted potential. They didn't go down the obvious reboot scenario like they could have done and instead chose to produce a sequel to the original, which has to be commended at least. The opening does a good job of showing a new audience the events that take place in the first film during the credits but as soon as the new footage comes in to play things turn sour.

Taking it from the beginning we automatically have a problem as 'the family' are portrayed as being these innocents who are willing to comply with the police but are cruelly killed by clichéd gun wielding Texans. The family are supposed to be evil, Leatherface is supposed to be a giant chainsaw wielding behemoth that chops down whatever gets in his way. Do not start the film by trying to get the audience to sympathise with them. I honestly can't believe Hooper didn't have a problem with this.

Going on from there we are introduced to the main actors, and i use the term actors very loosely. Alexandra Daddario is our heroin and her low cut tops provide the greatest enjoyment you will find in the movie, she is extremely good looking without having that slutty look like the other female has. They are joined by one of the Backstreet Boys and a singer who I've never heard of. Hopefully his singing isn't as bad as his acting. They also meet a hitch-hiker who just happens to be a part time body-builder by the looks of it. Now that we have been introduced to these characters the film spends around 20 minutes making the audience hate them. The body builder is a thief, then gets killed. The slut and the singer get it on in the haystacks, and then they get killed too. The poor Backstreet boy doesn't actually seem like that bad a guy but they must have decided that killing him off early was easier than giving him any sort of character development.

So with around half an hour left the only person left really is poor Alexandra, whom if she was played by a chubby girl i would have liked as little as i did the other characters. But the film still hadn't finished trying to make me hate her as she then goes on to make several obvious and ridiculous decisions.

There really are so many problems with the movie that it's hard to believe anyone could have enjoyed it as a whole. The 3D is pure garbage, but the film was ONLY showing in 3D at my cinema so i was limited in my options. The dialogue is laughable, after the cop goes down into the basement and shoots the girl in the freezer the mayor saying "Don't worry it didn't happen" probably got the biggest laugh of the night. But the biggest travesty of all in the film is that Leatherface just is not scary at all, in fact they try and humanise him as much as possible and in the end, almost make him a sort of anti-hero.

The scene at the end where Leatherface is getting beaten by the hick mayor marks a new low for the franchise. No longer is Leatherface this unstoppable force but he is seen rather as a bit of a wimp easily taken down by this bloated baldy. The whole cousin storyline is again, such a stupid plot device. This girl finds out her estranged family, who were cannibals, were burnt by the townspeople so now she's happy to feed the human skin wearing drag cousin living downstairs for the rest of her days? Really?

Another huge flaw which has been mentioned often is the timescale these guys are working on. If we're assuming the events of the first film took place in 1974 then surely the movie is meant to take place around 20 years later... Only the kids listen to a song that came out in 2012 on the radio, dress in a relatively modern way, oh and one of the cops videos the crime scene on his phone. Which either means that all of those things were available in the mid 90's, or the film takes place in 2012 and Alexandra Daddario is playing a 38 year old, which would put Leatherface in his 60/70's?

There really is just nothing to recommend about the movie as you can just wait for Percy Jackson 2 if you're desperate to look at Daddario on the big screen.

4/10

[Neo]

Not So Fast, Avi Lerner! ‘Chainsaw’ Rights Holder Slices Sequel Plans

[baumer]

Wow. That sounds like a mess. Too many people taking credit for something with the rights are not even with who they need to be with to get a sequel up and running

[The Stingray]

Did the f**king filmmakers seriously expect me to feel sympathy for that f**ked up, inbred, leatherfaced family?!

[The Stingray]

I suppose it may sound a bit sexist, but the best thing about this shitty little, chronologically messed up movie was Daddario's breasts.

Edited May 4, 2013 by The Stingray

[mattmav45]

LMAO.As expected, one the worst films of the year.The opening homage intro to the original is a nice touch. Everything else is abysmal as fuck and an embarrassment to all involved. But hey, at least it left me with a strong desire to re-watch the original.