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CAYOM Sixth Annual Academy Awards!


11 members have voted

  1. 1. What film will win Best Picture?

    • 451 (Creator)
    • The Cardinal in the Kremlin (Numbers)
    • Careful Laid Plans (Riczhang)
    • Society (Hiccup)
    • To The Moon (ChD)
  2. 2. What will walk home with the most Oscars?

    • 451 (Creator)
    • Avarice (Creator)
    • The Cardinal in the Kremlin (Numbers)
    • Careful Laid Plans (Riczhang)
    • Cyber (Spaghetti)
    • Last Ditch Effort (Riczhang)
    • Society (Hiccup)
    • To The Moon (ChD)
    • Wicked (Alfred)
    • Other

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Kermit: We got a song performance up next, and it’s a doozy, although it may remind you of a big winner last year! Please welcome Radiohead, performing their nominated song “Dawn of Oblivion,” from The Zone!


*The performance goes by without a flaw, and it gets a standing ovation.*


Kermit: What a great song! I’d like to introduce our next presenter. Although mostly famous for his television works, where he won an Emmy three years in row, he has recently become famous in films. Please welcome, the one, the only, Bryan Cranston! *applause*


Bryan Cranston: Thank you, Kermit. *beat* If you had told me I’d be thanking a talking frog at the Oscars three years ago, I would’ve called you crazy. *mixture of applause and laughter* Although a supporting turn is never the star of a film, it often can overshadow the leads. Male or female, an Academy Award in a Supporting Role is something not to be taken lightly. Here are the nominees for Best Supporting Actress:


JESSICA CHASTAIN as MARY PAT FOLEY, the wife of a CIA agent who is also an agent herself, in THE CARDINAL IN THE KREMLIN


ANNA KENDRICK as OLIVIA PEYTON, the best friend of a boy who gets caught up in the hacktivism movement, in CYBER


ROONEY MARA as LISA CUNNINGHAM, the sister of a man who gets involved in bootlegging to work his way up in the world, in CAREFUL LAID PLANS


ELLEN PAGE as CLARISSE MCCLELLAN, a young woman who helps a firefighter realize the terrors of his deeds, in 451


EMMA STONE as ISABEL, a girl struggling with her parent’s response to her newfound sexual orientation, in SOCIETY


And the winner is... Oh, my.




*applause as she heads up to the stage.*


Jessica Chastain: Why, thank you for this win! I am so happy you guys decided to award someone who has been working long and hard to get to this place in the industry. I’d like to thank Phillip being an excellent director and Karl and Chris for being great costars! You know, I liked them a lot more in this movie than in Star Trek! *some laughter* I’d like to thank my parents and also my grandmother being such an inspiration for me for this film and every other film I’ve done! Thank you! *applause*

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Kermit: It’s time for our second spotlight of the night. Please put your hands together for a man who has hosted the Oscars and the Tonys, an Academy Award nominee and Tony winner in the past, and overall is just a great guy, Hugh Jackman! *applause*


Hugh Jackman: An original musical is rare to come by in film. Why not just take it to Broadway? However, Sam Mendes had a different idea with his musical epic Society. Tackling today’s problems with young teens, it is an earnest film with some fantastic music. It’s also the only musical I’ve ever seen with a song set in an abortion clinic. *laughter* Nevertheless, the film is anchored by its ensemble, featuring the best young actors and actresses has to offer. Society, nominated for seven Academy Awards, including Best Picture. *applause*


*A montage of Society is shown. Applause*


Kermit: Next, we have an amazing actor, known for being in a dream world, being a god of mischief, and sharing the last name with a talking cat! *laughter* The other is something I won’t even try to describe! *laughter* Please welcome your next presenters, Andrew Garfield and Gonzo the Great! *applause*


Gonzo: I am pleased to announce that we will be announcing the most important category of the night!


Andrew Garfield: We’re doing Best Picture? But there’s still at least ten awards after this!


Gonzo: No, we’re doing-


Andrew Garfield: Neither of us won Best Actor last year so it can’t be that!


Gonzo: Uhh, no. It’s-


Andrew Garfield: Ooh, screenplay? Director? What is it?


Gonzo: It’s... Best Use of Action! Yippee! *laughter*


Andrew Garfield: ...Oh. *laughter*


Gonzo: Hey, it’s a legitimate award! *laughter* What’s so funny?


Andrew Garfield: Nothing. You’re telling the truth. Without action, so many movies would just be sitting and staring at each other for long moments of time. That wouldn’t be good, would it?


Gonzo: It’d be boring!


Andrew Garfield: Right. Here are the nominees for Best Use of Action:












And the winner is...




*applause as Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson head up to the stage*


Chuck Norris: This is usually accepted by the fight choreographers.


Liam Neeson: But our directors agreed with our choreographers, who decided to take this as a chance to have us both back on the Oscar stage. *laughter*


Chuck Norris: I’m proud to finally have an Oscar in my library.


Liam Neeson: As am I, although it would’ve been nice if it was for acting instead of punching Giant Spiders. *laughter*


Chuck Norris: *bear hugs Liam Neeson* Don’t worry about it man. I’d like to thank the Academy.


Liam Neeson: Me too! And I’d also like to thank Clar-




*Animal lunges at Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson, but they respond by both throwing the Oscars to the ground, grabbing Animal and RIPPING HIM IN HALF. The Muppeteer falls down and is beaten up as well. This would traumatize the nation’s children, but thanks to a seven-second delay, it only manages to traumatize Quvenzhane Wallis. Gonzo faints into Andrew Garfield’s arms. Kermit’s eyes bulge. Statler and Waldorf are too shocked to even comment. Liam Neeson runs back to the front of the stage.*


Liam Neeson: *speaking quickly* Clark, Adam, and Quentin for letting this one be our best yet. *grabs his Oscar off the ground*


Chuck Norris: Hopefully, we’ll be here again next year. *grabs his Oscar off the ground and then runs with Liam Neeson off stage*


Scooter: *walks on stage and sees Animal’s carcass* DR. BUNSEN!!


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Kermit: *still shaken over the previous award.* I regret to inform everyone that our cut-off music is no longer working. *awkward laughter* Our next presenters are two movie stars and two Muppets. Who? I don’t even know. *Scooter runs out and whispers in his ear.* Oh? That’s good news. *returns to his dapper self* Please welcome the hilarious Ben Stiller and Jack Black along with our very own Statler and Waldorf!!


Statler: Why are we presenting this?


Waldorf: What’s more fun than rich people giving each other golden statues? DOHOHOHOHO *laughter*


Statler: So long suckers! *Statler and Waldorf leave the stage.*


Jack Black: Well, that was weird.


Ben Stiller: Yeah, why didn’t I host this year? Or Neil Patrick Harris?


Jack Black: Or someone who can’t be ripped apart by Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson. *laughter; this joke is bleeped out for those watching at home.*


Ben Stiller: Anyway, we get to announce the oh, so fun category of Best Production Design.


Jack Black: This used to be called Best Art Direction, but Terrence Malick kept on getting confused by what it meant. *laughter*


Ben Stiller: Here are the nominees for Best Production Design:












Jack Black: And the winner is...




Winner: I feel like I’m defying gravity right now. *laughs own joke; no one else is amused* Since there’s no more play-off music, I’m going to talk how I first got into production designing. When I was a young boy, our school was doing a production of West Side Story, and I wanted the lead role. I didn’t get it, so instead, I built the sets and everyone loved it. I love being loved; in fact, if I lost tonight, I’d probably go out and get drunk. I mean, who doesn’t do that? Kids, *mic is cut off and Ben Stiller escorts her off stage*


Jack Black: Best speech of the night. *huge laughter*

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Kermit: It’s time for our third Best Picture presentation of the night, and we have a comedic legend here to introduce it. Famous for his versatility between drama and comedy, he has also voiced iconic characters in films such as Robots, Happy Feet, Siri, Karate Kong, and of course Aladdin. Please welcome Robin Williams! *applause*


Robin Williams: Thank you, Kermit. A little while ago, Hugh Jackman was up here, saying the musical was too often ignored in the Best Picture category. Well, animation is just as ignored. So far in the entire history of the Academy, there have only been four animated Best Picture nominees. To The Moon makes it five. Kan Gao adapts his own video game – which I suggest you all play if you have time – into one of the greatest cinematic debuts of all time, and it’s not just the director. Indeed, it also the studio’s first film ever, which makes it mighty impressive. The story of River and Johnny is hauntingly tragic but yet, makes one of the year’s finest films. To The Moon, nominated for nine Academy Awards, including Best Picture. *applause*


*A montage of To The Moon plays. Applause*


Kermit: Up next, we have one of the few rap songs ever to be nominated for Best Original Song. Will it win later tonight? Who knows, but for now, here’s Rush, Jamie Foxx, and Samuel L. Jackson performing “Rap Battle,” from Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson vs. Giant Spiders.


*The stage explodes into a firey abyss. Jamie Foxx and Samuel L. Jackson rise up on separate platforms to rap their part, while Rush keeps the beat in the middle. A crazy pyromaniac’s dream occurs in the performances, and Cirque du Soilel does a dance break above the fire. The song is uncensored, so viewers at home are just hearing a lot of bleeps with the insane visuals. When the song ends, there is absolute silence, but then Joaquin Phoenix begins cheering and he starts a standing ovation.*


Kermit: Well, that was a real treat. Next up, we have an Academy Award winning actress who has mastered both comedy and drama. We also have a prawn. Put your hands together for Sandra Bullock and Pepe the Prawn! *applause*


Pepe: The applause of millions is the story of my life. *laughter*


Sandra Bullock: Sure, it is... But would it be a good documentary?


Pepe: What?


Sandra Bullock: Making a good documentary is hard work. You got to have sweat, perseverance, and a good subject matter to stand tall.


Pepe: I could totally do one. *laughter*


Sandra Bullock: Uh huh, yeah, right. *laughter* Here are the nominees for Best Documentary:








And the winner is...




Malik Benjellour: Thank you for giving me this award. I’d thank more people, but I’m sure the awards ceremony is running over, and I am too much in shock to remember anyone to thank. Sorry. Thank you anyway! *huge applause*


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