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rukaio101

Rukaio's Reviews (Take Two)

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Figured, since the Year has been restarted, I'd restart my review thread as well.

 

Instead of taking requests though, I'm just going to go through the whole year giving my very brief thoughts like most people. Because if you can't beat them, copy their idea and pretend you came up with it first. *looks around shiftily*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Here's January's reviews. Now updated with all of Q1. 

 

Blood Brothers- C-

 

Copy and Paste Oscar Bait which fails to improve on the original material in any way.

 

The Good the Bad and the Ugly- B

 

A exciting flick which could've embraced its goofier side a bit more.

 

Bloodbath United- F

 

Stupid, incoherent and downright boring. What the hell was Fassbender thinking?

 

Hard to Find- B+

 

Despite it's bizarre premise, it's a surprisingly heartwarming film in the vein of Toy Story. Completely understandable that some may find it creepy though.

 

Unbalanced V- B-

 

While undoubtedly an interesting premise, it suffers from a lack of focus on the characters and feels slightly stretched to fit the running time.

 

1944 Part 1: Resistance- B-

 

An interesting war drama that drags on for much much too long.

 

Army of Two: Devil's Cartel- B+

 

A dumb but fun action flick.

 

Chessmen- B-

 

An enjoyable kids film which doesn't really take full advantage of its original premise and is pretty cliche, but is still worth a watch.  

 

Ice Station 2: Area 7- D

 

While Devil's Cartel was a dumb but fun action flick, this is just kinda dumb.

 

Slenderman: The Beginning- B (for Slender fans)/D (for everyone else)

 

An enjoyable film that won't be nearly as interesting to anyone not decently versed in the Slenderman Mythos. For fans of Slenderman, it's worth a watch though.

 

Curling Men- B

Nothing too special but it's a fun watch. Ferrell is the definite highlight.

 

Silent Invasion 3: The Attack- C-

Once the invasion gets going it's pretty entertaining, but it takes much too long, following uninteresting characters.

 

We are the Champions 2: Rise of the Invaders- C

I'm not really a football fan.

 

A Love to Die For- A

Loved it. Fantastic premise, great execution, perfect casting, top-notch film.

 

Demon: The Summoning- D

Feels like something that should've gone straight to DVD. 

 

Farmville- C

There's really not much to it.

 

Hush Hush Little Baby- D

I don't even.... wha?

 

Darkseed- B-

Bizarre, convoluted and kinda stupid, but I get the feeling that was kind of the point.

 

Spinach Artichoke Dip- errr....

Well, the tagline is accurate.

 

Mirror World- C-

What starts off as a decent 'alternate world behind a mirror' kinda goes off the rails with Bartak, a being who comes out of nowhere and isn't really explained, and his plan to collide the two worlds, which comes out of nowhere and isn't really explained, being defeated by laughter which, guess what, comes out of nowhere and isn't really explained. 

 

The Last Rider- B

It's stupid as all hell, but damn if I didn't enjoy it anyway.

 

The Guardian of the West- B+

Interesting documentary about one of the West's most prolific figures, exploring both the heroic and unheroic sides of him.

 

Mountains of Madness- C

Copy & Paste adaptation

 

Twinkies- B-

I'm British. We don't have Twinkies.

 

Espionage Project 2: This time it's Espersonal- Idon'teven

...huh?

 

Pompeii- B

Pretty good to be honest. Sure some bits are pretty clunkily done and I would've liked more build up to the eruption itself but it was still enjoyable.

 

Lost Planet- B-

Overlong, a bit convoluted and a bit too much of a C&P for my liking, but has some excellent effects and action.

 

Keg Party- C+

Feels much too short and some bits seem outright laughable.

 

Hairspray- C

Meh

 

Thomas was Alone- C+

An interesting premise with an okayish execution, but many of the characters feel unnecessary and unexplored and a complete cast switch halfway doesn't help matters

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Okay, I figured if I start now, I might actually be able to actually finish the season this time! So here comes April's reviews! 

 

Note: I'm not reviewing Beijing Texas or Happy Tree Friends, since there aren't any write-ups for them and I'm not reviewing Legend of Redwall and Run & Gun for obvious reasons.

 

Life- C-

 

While pleasantly narrated and decently directed, the stories in this world-traversing drama feels more like a collection of substandard short stories than any collective whole. In addition, the over-glorification of the USA compared to other countries portrayed is rather unsettling. As is the notable lack of any real research done into any of these countries. 

 

Horror House- F (but simultaneously A)

 

This is the stupidest bloody movie I've seen all year. And by far one of the funniest. This is that rare Birdemic/The Room esque film that is so bad it leaps straight into the hilarious. The moment the house whispered 'I'm haunted' to our protagonists, I was on the floor of the cinema with stitches, as was much of the audience. In conclusion, an awful horror film but a delightful comedy.

 

 

The Most Dangerous Game- B-

 

Despite a good set-up, the film fails to deliver on the action, with the 'game' itself being much too short.

 

Walls of Stone- B+

 

While clunky and a bit dull in a few places, this Game of Thrones-esque drama overall holds up as an interesting watch. And has a first-class set design in addition, although perhaps not worth the $100 mil budget it somehow got.

 

Next Vegas- B-

 

Well directed futuristic thriller that is seriously lacking in the plot department.

 

Stephen King's It: Part 2- B+

 

Good horror adaptation of the book, even if it does seem to lose a little something in translation. In addition, the first half seems slightly drawn out. But the material's solid and the film comes out good as a result.

 

Move- F

 

One of the main characters runs over and kidnaps her ex-boyfriend. For some reason, she is not treated as a complete psychopath for this, or even particularly in the wrong. No amount of crappy pop songs can fix that.

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Okay, I figured if I start now, I might actually be able to actually finish the season this time! So here comes April's reviews! 

 

Note: I'm not reviewing Beijing Texas or Happy Tree Friends, since there aren't any write-ups for them and I'm not reviewing Legend of Redwall and Run & Gun for obvious reasons.

 

Life- C-

 

While pleasantly narrated and decently directed, the stories in this world-traversing drama feels more like a collection of substandard short stories than any collective whole. In addition, the over-glorification of the USA compared to other countries portrayed is rather unsettling. As is the notable lack of any real research done into any of these countries. 

 

Horror House- F (but simultaneously A)

 

This is the stupidest bloody movie I've seen all year. And by far one of the funniest. This is that rare Birdemic/The Room esque film that is so bad it leaps straight into the hilarious. The moment the house whispered 'I'm haunted' to our protagonists, I was on the floor of the cinema with stitches, as was much of the audience. In conclusion, an awful horror film but a delightful comedy.

 

 

The Most Dangerous Game- B-

 

Despite a good set-up, the film fails to deliver on the action, with the 'game' itself being much too short.

 

Walls of Stone- B+

 

While clunky and a bit dull in a few places, this Game of Thrones-esque drama overall holds up as an interesting watch. And has a first-class set design in addition, although perhaps not worth the $100 mil budget it somehow got.

 

Next Vegas- B-

 

Well directed futuristic thriller that is seriously lacking in the plot department.

 

Stephen King's It: Part 2- B+

 

Good horror adaptation of the book, even if it does seem to lose a little something in translation. In addition, the first half seems slightly drawn out. But the material's solid and the film comes out good as a result.

 

Move- F

 

One of the main characters runs over and kidnaps her ex-boyfriend. For some reason, she is not treated as a complete psychopath for this, or even particularly in the wrong. No amount of crappy pop songs can fix that.

 

Over-glorifcation? I don't think so but if that is how you saw it okay then. Also the stories are intermingled and not separate and because of time I couldn't expound on them further so they appear short. 

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Over-glorifcation? I don't think so but if that is how you saw it okay then. 

In 3/5 of the stories, the protagonists life is improved either by aid from the USA or by moving to the USA. All of the other countries mentioned are portrayed as horrible places to live and Mark's segment is the only one where his problems are brought on by his own mistakes rather than inherent problems with the country/culture he lives in.

 

It may not be deliberate but it's definitely there.

 

 

Also the stories are intermingled and not separate and because of time I couldn't expound on them further so they appear short. 

Well, I can't judge you on something you haven't written.

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After my ingenious move of arguing with the guy who is doing the year's actuals (which totally won't backfire on me in the long run), I figured I should do May's reviews. Also, obviously, I'm not reviewing Dresden Files again.

 

Also, I should note that I was originally going to give Christine a higher mark but after I spotted it was almost entirely a copy and paste from the wikipedia page, I really can't give it higher than a C, no matter how good the source material.

 

Starcraft: Brood War- B+

A good sci-fi epic that works for newcomers as well as fans, even if it does drag on a little bit long.

 

The Academy- A

Excellent film that switches so seamlessly through different, yet interesting, stories and genres, while still coming together and feeling like a single film. My only issue is a lack of that much explanation about the elixir or Grisham Academy, but in the end it isn't that needed. Well, that and how easy it was in Elliot's story to take down Carson kinda bugged me.

 

Christine- C

Copy and Paste adaptation of King's book that fails to take out some of the goofier elements.

 

Digimon: World Invasion- C+

Top rate effects that don't quite make up for a substandard plot.

 

Stranger in a Strange Land- B

An interesting exploration of a (nearly literal) alien exploring a futuristic, yet still noticeably human, society and the way it contrasts and explores the values of both. Shame it really goes off the rails towards the end, with all the ham-handed religious commentary.

 

Candy Crush- E

I... Films, I really don't have anything against you, but these are awful. The plot and cameos are really forced and nonsensical and it turns more into a Wreck-it Ralph spinoff than its own movie. The only reason it didn't get an F was because it had a somewhat decent opening.

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Well, the Academy may end up as the Khanera of the new CAYOM.

 

But thanks for the great review. :)

I have no idea what Khanera is, but you're welcome. I honestly really enjoyed reading through it. Enjoyment wise, it's second only to Horror House's hilarity so far this year. 

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Well, the Academy may end up as the Khanera of the new CAYOM. But thanks for the great review. :)

No no no no no.NOTHING will ever be the equivalent of Knahera: Land of Dreams. That is the kind of Malickian epic word count monstrosity that will never be repeated.
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Thanks for the review.My greatest success to date with video game adaptations was when our local CAYOM film elite riczhang ranked my adaptation of Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3's Bayhem-frenzy plot #15 for Year 7. Because the actual plot of that game is totally bonkers and making a coherent, engaging action movie from it was a big challenge.

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And it looks like I'm going to be one of the first to finish with the reviews this quarter. Which is surprising since I didn't even finish last quarter. Not reviewing Party, The Blue Mountain, For God and Glory and Orion either because they haven't written up their summaries yet or... because I can't find them. Also not reviewed Interconnected yet because, unlike Starcraft and Godzilla where I kinda got the gist of things, I'm gonna need to find + read the first film first.

 

Hand Drawn Heroes- B
 
While certainly a pleasant nostalgia trip, with some great animation and action, the plot feels very cliche, many characters feel underused and wasted and Sketchit's inclusion into the team feels kinda forced. It's still very enjoyable though

 

Age of Empires- B+ (I'm assuming you're not adding much more)

 

Medieval action extravaganza with little plot. However, I like Medieval action. I like it a lot. Thus I like this. Didn't really need the romance subplot though
 
The Chain- F
 
One guy murders an entire town, one by one, without police, army or anyone else interfering. There are no facepalm gifs large enough.
 
Wizardversity- D
 
Blatant Harry Potter ripoff which doesn't take the time to let us get to know the setting or most of the characters (many of whom feel completely superfluous and unnecessary). Add that to a ridiculously short time frame for the events to happen in and a very anti-climactic finale and you'd be better off with Hand Drawn Heroes
 
Godzilla: Apocalypse- C-
 
For a movie called 'Godzilla: Apocalypse' I was expecting, well.... more Godzilla. Seriously, one 10 minute fight scene is nice and all, but I came here to see him, not a bunch of humans I don't really care that much about. Speaking of, if the alien intruders had mind control (enough to control a base full of personnel), why didn't they just mind control everyone in H.E.A.T completely instead of just using it to cause arguments between them. In addition, this spends way too much time setting up the next film and not enough being an enjoyable film in its own right. I only gave it this much because the monster fights (as few of them as there are) are pretty fun.
 
Land of Left Turns- C-
 

But all in all, it's just a wild night, and no feelings are hurt. 

But... isn't that where the comedy is supposed to come from? The rest just felt like setup for this.

 

Shame for the letdown too, because it had a decent start.

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Well, it is called Apocalypse Part 1 for a reason  :ph34r:

I know that, but it still needs to have enough on its own to hold up as a quality film. It just feels like you're holding back all the good stuff for Part 2 and not giving this one anything fun to work with. Just set-up.

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I know that, but it still needs to have enough on its own to hold up as a quality film. It just feels like you're holding back all the good stuff for Part 2 and not giving this one anything fun to work with. Just set-up.

Have to agree here. Hopefully Part 2 doesn't disappoint.

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Since I wanted to do a Top 10 list for this half of the year, I figured I should review the rest of Q1's films, so I've updated my January post with reviews for February and March.

 

And here's my Top 10. Naturally, I'm not going to include The Legend of Redwall, The Dresden Files: Stormfront, Run & Gun and The Good the Bad and the Dead since I wrote them. I'm also not including Horror House either since, while I enjoyed it a lot, I'm not putting it on a list rewarding the best.

 

1. The Academy

2. A Love to Die For

3. Starcraft: Brood War

4. Guardian of the West

5. Age of Empires

6. Army of Two: Devil's Cartel

7. Hard to Find

8. Walls of Stone

9. The Last Rider

10. Pompeii

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Since I wanted to do a Top 10 list for this half of the year, I figured I should review the rest of Q1's films, so I've updated my January post with reviews for February and March.

 

And here's my Top 10. Naturally, I'm not going to include The Legend of Redwall, The Dresden Files: Stormfront, Run & Gun and The Good the Bad and the Dead since I wrote them. I'm also not including Horror House either since, while I enjoyed it a lot, I'm not putting it on a list rewarding the best.

 

1. The Academy

2. A Love to Die For

3. Starcraft: Brood War

4. Guardian of the West

5. Age of Empires

6. Army of Two: Devil's Cartel

7. Hard to Find

8. Walls of Stone

9. The Last Rider

10. Pompeii

 

Well, look at that! I wasn't the only one enjoying that movie.

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Well, look at that! I wasn't the only one enjoying that movie.

It seems to be the Cloud Atlas of CAYOM in many many ways. Not least of which because it flopped badly. Sorry Spaghetti.

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