Rukaio's Reviews: Year 9 (Competition Time!)

[rukaio101]

Yeah, title's pretty evident isn't it? This is the thread where I review stuff.Now, I've decided to post this early mostly because I'm incredibly bored, have mild writers block and feel like doing some advanced screenings + reviews to help me get over it a bit. If you want me to review one of your films (it doesn't matter which quarter you're releasing them or which part we're in) just PM me the story (along with who's directing/acting and your planned budget (very important for animations/effects driven films)). Don't bother asking my permission before hand. Just send it.There are a few rules and things I should make clear beforehand though. Points 1-3 (&7) are common sense. Points 4-5 actually have some effect on the game, so make sure you've read those.

 

1. If you're expecting me to stroke your ego, go somewhere else. I'm under no obligation to like your film, no matter who you are or how much effort you put into your film. If I think it's crap, I shall say so. Hell, even if I like it, I'm probably going to find several things wrong about it which I think you need to improve and tell you about them. Don't whine. Don't protest. Just accept them.

 

2. I may not get to your film immediately and my review may not be as in depth as you'd like. I do have a life outside these forums and, if I end up being very busy, I may not get around to reviewing your film for a while. So don't consistently badger me about your film whenever you see me online because I have other stuff I need to work and annoying me will only make me want to review your film less. Also, there are sometimes those films where I just can't think of much to talk about. Don't feel cheated if you get a full essay for one film and just a few sentences for others. I shall always try to include at least one things you can improve on though.

 

3. I'm not perfect and/or representative of everyone. Now, as much as I like to think I am the Holy Godking descended from high who is perfect in everything he does, I'm really not. (At least, not yet...) While, as a writer and someone who has done a lot of research into what makes a good story, I do think my words are definitely worth listening to, they're not perfect either. You can follow my advice to the tee and end up with a product with my glowing approval but it may not necessarily mean everyone will like it or that it'll succeed in the BO (especially the latter). So keep that in mind if you decide to make any improvements based on my comments. Speaking of...

 

4. If you choose to rewrite your story based on my comments, that will require a relevant increase in budget for 'reshoots'. What, you didn't think you were going to get away with that for free? This is a competitive market, buster, and if I can't charge you for my advice (and believe me, I've tried), I can at least make it more risky for you. Obviously, the increase in budget will depend on what needs improving. If it's just a small talking scene, the reshoot will cost about $1m, possibly even less. Meanwhile, a large action scene will cost considerably more. And God help you if I think the story needs a full overhaul. (Although if it's a spelling/grammar mistake that particularly bugged me, no charge). Point 3 is in full effect here, so think carefully about which suggestions you act on. If you act on my suggestions, but fail to increase the budget, I'll say so on here, your film will get an instantaneous F and I won't advanced review any more of your films.

 

5. After I've reviewed your film, I shall post its name on here along with either the tag 'Outstanding' 'Good' 'Mixed' or 'Bad' depending on how I felt about it in a 'early screenings buzz' sort of a way. This could help or harm your film (although it's unlikely to have much effect on WOM if everyone else disagrees with it) so be careful.

 

6. I will review the same film as many times as you want (as long as you change more than just a few sentences). Just remember Points 4 and 5.

 

7. If you send me a Wiki C&P, you're an idiot.

 

8. No Documentaries. Because there's barely anything to talk about and, quite frankly, I cannot be arsed to read them.Okay, I think that's everything important. Knock yourselves out.

Edited September 25, 2014 by Rukaio Alter

[rukaio101]

Okay, new rule I forgot to mention and have just realised I desperately need. (Guess why?)

 

8. No Documentaries. Because there's barely anything to talk about and, quite frankly, I cannot be arsed to read them.  

Edited May 31, 2014 by Rukaio Alter

[Rorschach]

I would send you "Into the Dead" but I feel I should wait and just post it.

[Ezen Baklattan]

I probably won't send anything this quarter. My first seriously big film will be Tabletop Catastrophes.

[Rorschach]

I don't think one small talking scene would cost $1 million to make.

[rukaio101]

I don't think one small talking scene would cost $1 million to make.

If production has already been shut down, it would probably cost as much to get it started again. Possibly even more, if the actors being called back are big name ones. The big point though is that this is just a game and we don't necessarily need to conform to reality.

 

Oh, also, here's the early buzz for some of the films I've advanced screened.

 

Alice in Horrorland- Good buzz

Horror House 2- Terrible buzz (and not the good kind of terrible)

Peace at Last- Poor buzz

[Ezen Baklattan]

Not sure if you're still going off of advance screenings, but go ahead and review Walking Alone.

[Blankments]

If you'd like to advance buzz Thin Fat and Felon, that'd be cool by me. If not, that's fine too.

[Films]

Please review Samara [and horror house 2 is an early draft, I will send you the finished version at a later date]

[rukaio101]

Since there's only one day left until Part 2 starts, I'm not doing any more Q1 advanced screenings.

[Films]

Since there's only one day left until Part 2 starts, I'm not doing any more Q1 advanced screenings.

Can you still Re review horror house 2 only as its Q2 and very short

[Alpha]

Red Pyramid, lol

[rukaio101]

Red Pyramid- F

 

TOO FUCKING LONG!

 

(Seriously though, F probably won't be the grade when I actually review the movie. The review will probably stay the same though.)

[Alpha]

Hey, Heavy Rain was over 20,000 words and won Best Adapted Screenplay.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Yeah, because Heavy Rain actually had a fairly complicated plot, and ChD did a great job in compressing it to the big details.If you could adapt the film well in ONE THOUSAND WORDS in Y5, then that's a bit more head scratching.Hell, if you multiply the length by seven or so, it would be longer than the novel it's based off of! These are plot summaries, not short novels.

Edited June 18, 2014 by Spaghetti

[ChD]

Of course you'd bring Heavy Rain up. It had 20K words in its first draft. After numerous complaints by Numbers I had to change the story (without actually changing it) and reduce it to 12K. Basically, If I could do it, you can do it, too.

 

 

@Spaghetti Oh, stop it, you!

Edited June 19, 2014 by ChD

[rukaio101]

Alright, January's reviews are up and ready. And yes, I did have these typed up and ready beforehand. I'm obsessive like that.

 

Mine- D

 

Generic, uninteresting found footage with little plot, characterisation or anything new.

 

Samara- D (but also B+)

 

A much better sequel to Horror House than the actual Horror House sequel looks to be. While not quite as uproariously hilarious as the first Horror House, Samara has plenty of goofy, laugh-out-loud moments. My personal favourite moment was Richard somehow managing to throw boiling water in his own face when Samara appears. Is it scary? Good god no, but it is pretty funny.

 

Alice in Horrorland- B+

 

Surprisingly enjoyable horror/action flick with plenty in the way of bizarre and odd images. If I had to criticise it, I’d like to have seen more parallels between the asylum and Wonderland and I think it could be a lot more horrific and twisted in parts. But it was pretty fun to watch.

 

Tortoise Run- F

 

WhatisthisIdon’teven.  Seriously, how bad must this race be if a fucking tortoise is one of the frontrunners and eventually wins? Since, you know, one of the defining aspects of a tortoise is that they’re slow as fuck. Secondly, Evil Ant’s plot is pretty damn stupid. It’d make much more sense to cripple, injure or outright kill the two rather than just kidnap them. Thirdly, why the hell is Olahoa deciding to run out and practise for the race while in a moving fucking van? And I thought Evil Ant and Ogre got killed? What the hell are they doing alive at the end? I'd make the 'It just raises too many questions' joke, but honestly this is just an irritating mess.

 

Among the Imposters- C

 

It may not be a Wiki C&P, Blank, but it’s still a C&P.

 

Change of Heart- C

 

This, on the other hand, is a Wiki C&P

 

The Last Six- C+

 

Wasn’t around to review this last time, so I might as well do it here. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan. The story feels like an Excuse Plot of the worst kind. We get no real explanation as to who/what the Boss/Afterlife are, they’re just there to gather/fight the team respectively. We have no idea how Afterlife is able to destroy the realms, he just can because they need to kill off the other gods. There’s very little explanation as to why Afterlife can’t just blow up Earth (aside from him being ‘tired’ (which just opens up a whole new can of worms of question)) or why he needs to summon a giant army rather than just sneaking into the White House to activate the nuke (or why it needs to be the White House anyway since there are plenty of more unstable countries with nukes) except for that the movie needs a giant fight scene. Which, normally, I’d be okay with, but it feels kinda grating when they do it over and over again.

 

In addition, unlike the Avengers, barely any of The Last Six, outside of Loki (who quickly hogs the spotlight) and arguably the Greek duo, get really any characterisation or development throughout the movie. Osiris, Isis and Freyja are just kinda there. We don’t get them reacting to the destruction of everyone/everything they ever knew, we don’t get them interacting and making interesting relationships with each member of the team, we don’t even get to learn about their past or roles in their various myths. They’re just there to take up team spots. Feels like a pretty major waste.

 

On the plus side, the action is pretty fun. But I still can’t give this a very high score. It just feels like a waste of an interesting premise.

 

Skyjumper- C

 

For the first half of this movie, I was really kinda enjoying it. It reminded me a lot of Rush, with the friendly rivalry between the two sportsmen, both of whom were interesting personalities. Then, the car crash happened and it all went to shit. I mean really, you build up this mix of friendship and animosity between these two people and then you kill one of them off halfway through without warning or reason? It felt like a tragic twist for the sake of having a tragic twist and a poorly done one at that. The movie loses nearly all momentum and tension after that death. Kemp becomes much less interesting without Bonheur to work off (despite the introduction of a rather generic romance) and the conflict in the movie just vanishes. The film tries to introduce a note of tension by suggesting the sky diving feat may fail, but it’s blatantly obvious it won’t. And the stunts don’t seem nearly as heart-pounding compared to the first half where it really felt like there was much more at stake as the two sportsmen tried to outdo each other.

 

So yeah, enjoyable up until that fucking car crash.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Not surprised at Skyjumper, It becomes a completely different movie after the crash, although it does happen early in the movie, so it's not there to really mess up the plot rather than mak₩)) it pretty much exists only as a visual effects showcase. :PCome to think of it, this really isn't a great quarter for me. Even Walking Alone has its fair share of problems. I also take the fact that you didn't review Dystopia to be a bad sign.

Edited June 20, 2014 by Spaghetti

[Blankments]

The Last Six- C+

 

Wasn’t around to review this last time, so I might as well do it here. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan. The story feels like an Excuse Plot of the worst kind. We get no real explanation as to who/what the Boss/Afterlife are, they’re just there to gather/fight the team respectively. We have no idea how Afterlife is able to destroy the realms, he just can because they need to kill off the other gods. There’s very little explanation as to why Afterlife can’t just blow up Earth (aside from him being ‘tired’ (which just opens up a whole new can of worms of question)) or why he needs to summon a giant army rather than just sneaking into the White House to activate the nuke (or why it needs to be the White House anyway since there are plenty of more unstable countries with nukes) except for that the movie needs a giant fight scene. Which, normally, I’d be okay with, but it feels kinda grating when they do it over and over again.

 

In addition, unlike the Avengers, barely any of The Last Six, outside of Loki (who quickly hogs the spotlight) and arguably the Greek duo, get really any characterisation or development throughout the movie. Osiris, Isis and Freyja are just kinda there. We don’t get them reacting to the destruction of everyone/everything they ever knew, we don’t get them interacting and making interesting relationships with each member of the team, we don’t even get to learn about their past or roles in their various myths. They’re just there to take up team spots. Feels like a pretty major waste.

 

On the plus side, the action is pretty fun. But I still can’t give this a very high score. It just feels like a waste of an interesting premise.

I'm well aware of Last Six's problems (got similar reviews to this first go-around), but the deal with it is is that it's basically my first movie I ever wrote in this game with effort (as in, all movies before it were three paragraphs long at most). I'm still proud of it for that reason. I'm gonna try to justify some stuff in your review though; giving you answers I would've given when I was first writing it.

 

Afterlife and the Boss are meant to be (somewhat obviously) a depiction of a monotheistic religion's yin and yang, mostly inspired by Christianity's Satan and God. This gave me a cheap way out to explain both having really high power levels, but also, in my mind, it explains your question in a really cheap way; he can destroy the realms because it's his power to destroy; he can't destroy Earth because Earth is the main realm. As for why the fight's in DC, basically I wanted a chance to write the following

 

Meanwhile, Afterlife and the Boss are still within an epic fist fight when Afterlife stops and remarks why they should fist fight when they are gods. He then grabs the Washington Monument and swings it around, knocking down every building within 600 feet and hitting the Boss. The Boss holds on so he is not thrown away from Afterlife. He then climbs onto the side sticking up, runs down it towards Afterlife, and kicks Afterlife in the face, knocking him down and throwing the Washington Monument up high in the sky. The six gods arrive just in time for Dionysus to use his powers to have vines trap Afterlife to the ground, who is now too weak to get out of them. The Boss flies up into the air to grab the Washington Monument before it hits the ground, leveling the Mall, and then moves it over to drop it back in its proper position.

 

Always thought that was over-the top in the best way. As for your complaints on characterization, I can't really argue that. The movie is flawed, but ultimately enjoyable IMO, and I think you actually agree with that mostly.

 

Thanks for the review btw!

[Films]

Like the samara review and that was the kind of review I was expecting for tortoise run (I am still surprised it got a C+, I knew it was awful from the 1st sentence)