Baumer's/Tele's/Chas' 25 films that have brainwashed people into mindless adulation (Tele pg 26)

[ShouldIBeHere]

2001 is the best film of all time. IF YOU DON'T AGREE THEN DIE!

 

Btw I'm really tempted to do a list of overrated films of the half-decade, while waiting for my turn in the Top 50.

 

I didn't say it isn't

 

But I meant regular people who have read or heard that at some point and seem to have taken this view, seemingly without really making up their own mind. Usually people seem to agree that liking or disliking a movie is totally subjective... but some (Kane and 2001 belong to them) - even outside of the movie-geek-world - seem to have earned the reputation of belonging to the "best of the best". They are referred as such in rreviews of other movies, in articles on movies etc.

 

Of course, a lot of people do sincerely like them, but as in the case of Kane - and there I agree with baumer - I sometimes wonder how many people knew before watching that they are "supposed to like it".

Edited January 13, 2015 by ShouldIBeHere

[baumer]

I understand why Tele likes Citizen Kane.  He's a cine-snob and he was an adviser to Welles on Citizen Kane.  

[Avatree]

I didn't say it isn't

 

But I meant regular people who have read or heard that at some point and seem to have taken this view, seemingly without really making up their own mind. Usually people seem to agree that liking or disliking a movie is totally subjective... but some (Kane and 2001 belong to them) - even outside of the movie-geek-world - seem to have earned the reputation of belonging to the "best of the best". They are referred as such in rreviews of other movies, in articles on movies etc.

 

Of course, a lot of people do sincerely like them, but as in the case of Kane - and there I agree with baumer - I sometimes wonder how many people knew before watching that they are "supposed to like it".

Oh, I misunderstood you. Yeah, I totally agree, those two are some of a handful of films considered mightier than anything else in the universe, including by people who may have never seen them. 

 

In fact, you could probably put me in that group of people until I saw the film. I was like, 2001 is considered one of the best films ever, it's sci-fi, I like sci-fi, therefore I shall think of it as one of the best films ever. And then I saw it last month cause it got a nationwide re-release at the cinema... I was completely blown away.

[baumer]

Here's the complete list so far:

 

2) A bunch of Pixar films

3) Citizen Fucking Kane

4) Magnolia

5) Every Single Potter Film

6) The Exorcist

7) Batman Returns

8) Chicago

9) Kill Bill Volume 1

10) JJ Abram's Star Trek films

11) Shakespere in Love

12) There will Be Blood

13) Skyfall

14) The Dark Knight Rises

15) A lot of Marvel films (but not Avengers)

16) The Hobbitses

17) Silence of the Lambs

18) Full Metal Jacket

19) The Jump Street Films

20) The Hunger Games 

21) Requiem For a Dream

22) Interstellar

23) Unforgiven

24) Any of the Nightmare on Elm Street films besides the first and last

25) The Godfathers

[baumer]

And the number one film on the list is the Pet Rock of cinema.  It's dial up internet, the Tyrannosaurus Rex of celluloid....it is....

 

[baumer]

1) Tranformers 3:  Dark of the Moon:

 

Michael Bay should be tried along side Muammar Gaddafi for crimes against humanity, his latest film is a travesty of international proportions. 

 

The film starts out just as any other Bay film with a pointless mix of thoughtless dialog and meaningless characters. Witwicky (LaBeouf) is out being the unimaginable world celebrity that he would be saving the world 2 times has no job and for some unbeknown reason is now in a relationship with a new love interest Carly (last name is not apparent anywhere in the film). The character of Megan Fox is completely dismissed from the entire film with a single sentence despite it being the supposed focal point of the entire storytelling behind the first 2 films. Her blatant departure from the franchise is not even attempted to be cleverly masked and immediately gives you a bad feeling of what's to come. The fact that Michael Bay is comfortable with creating deep plot holes, detached storytelling and single dimensional fill in characters over a petty feud with a mildly attractive wan-a-be actress speaks volumes about his creative and artistic merit, however than itself is not even close to the overwhelming tripe that is Transformers 3 in its own respect. 

Soon it is revealed through a convoluted multi-generational web of increasingly ridiculous government cover-ups that there is an alien craft on the dark side of the moon. Somehow despite this craft being the single greatest discovery in human history it is revealed that single NASA accountant smudged cost figures to point where it was deemed "infeasible" to return to the lunar surface. Considering the potential benefits to the US government and much less the entire Human Race its unlikely that anyone; not even the accountants in charge of giving Michael Bay 300 million to make this film could have convinced the government to stay away for 50 plus years. 

The next question of course is why. Why would an accountant want to keep humanity away from this extraterritorial discovery? Simple; and something Michael Bay is very well rehearsed in -- personal greed. Somehow or another the Decipticon's revealed themselves to this single person and convinced him that they would take over the entire world with or without his help this responsibility is then handed down to Dylan the son of the mystery architect of human destruction. 

By this point the film's true plot is revealed and the fight is on yet again. The Decipticons and Optimus Prime's superior, sentinel prime have devised a plan to inhabit earth for themselves and use humans as slave to rebuilds their world. This seems somewhat pointless when they are the respective leaders of the two sides and a truce on their OWN planet would have made much more sense. However that doesn't even pale in contrast to the robot race and the absolutely comparatively pathetic strength of human engineering. This is akin to human's inhabiting an asteroid trillions of light years away over a war on earth and using ants as slaves to build their new homes.

After the Autobots fake their extradition to gain an element of surprise they waste in the first 20 seconds of their return a single five by point-five meter rod is controlling the transitioning of an entire alien solar system through an inter-dimensional gateway with absolutely no gravitational effects on earth. Its destruction is the sole focus of one and half hours of completely mind numbingly pointless action sequences and over the top special effects. 

The film ends with the same sappy sequence of unity and love in the face of horrific mass destruction of an entire city as the last 2 films and is exceedingly uninviting due to the previous 2 hours being nothing more than creative excuses to waste hundreds of millions of dollars on seriously injuring lowly paid extras, poorly executing slow motion 3D hero sequences and lining Tyrese Gibson's pockets. 

All in all Transformers 3 is the worst film in the Trilogy and possibly the worst film ever created in its budget bracket. Michael Bay has spent too long inside his 500 million dollar Gulfstream 6 private jet to properly flesh out a movie plot or characters and has instead opted to blow sh*t up for almost 3 hours. This is a movie that will appeal to the same part of your brain that is activated by car accidents and terrorist attacks, it will leave you shocked, appalled and your trust and faith in humanity will be at an all time low once the soul crushingly horrible and inappropriate end credit music start rolling.

 

 

BTW....that scene I posted is one of the most exhilarating scenes I've ever seen in the theater.  It left me in awe.  It's one of the few 3D films that actually made me happy.  I just thought it would be funny to post that scene and a shit review of the film, when most of you know I love the first three films.

  

Edited January 13, 2015 by baumer

[baumer]

Thanks so much for reading.  I'll bet you were a little shocked at my number one but there you have it.

[Jessie]

wow, transformers as number 1? have to give you credit, you shit on your own aswell as everything else.

[Avatree]

Huh? I was expecting Star Wars or 2001.

 

How does Transformers 3, a film that literally no one on the planet likes (with the exception of one...), make it onto a list about overrated films?

[baumer]

Okay, the real number one is none other than:

 

1) The Artist:  

 

 

Yep, they too had a hand in this and if they didn't, this film never would have been produced let alone win best picture.  Rewarding this film all the accolades it got, especially best picture would be like the automotive industry awarding the Ford Motor company for making a car in 2015 that looked like this:

 

 

This comes with no air, gets 1.5 miles to the gallon, pollutes the air, has steel seats and no back seat.  But because the president of Ford bribed everyone into voting for it, it becomes the automobile of the year.  

 

Or it would be like the Society of on line Innovation awarding Comcast as ISP of the year for creating dial up speeds again, in 2015.

 

The Artist is a gimmick.  It's the pet rock of cinema.  You remember the pet rock?  It was a rock, dressed up with googly eyes and sold in the 80's.  People bought fucking rocks and the inventor of it became an overnight millionaire.  These techniques went the way of the do do bird and they did so for a reason.  Technology moves forward, meaning it advances.  You don't need silence anymore in film, we have sound.  We've had it for about 100 years.  You don't need to make a film in black and white without sound because we have colour now too and the budget on this wasn't a problem.  They could afford to pay the extra couple of thousand dollars to buy colour film.  The only reason this film became a sensation is because the Weinsteins have pictures of half the academy having sex with donkeys, or their sisters or they have pictures of the  men with male appendages in parts of their bodies that would embarrassing for them if these pictures surfaced.  There really is no other explanation.  It's a dead breed of film for a reason.  No one cares anymore about this.  But when it came out, you were told to like it and then like sheep, you all flocked to see it.  Then, the academy members told you it was the best film of the year and then you made it a home video hit.  My guess is this film serves as a beer coaster now.  Either that or it is collecting dust in someone's garage.  About a month after people bought this on HV, they actually began to wonder why they bought it.  

 

This is essentially parallel to what you all experienced:

 

 

It's either brainwashing or a Jean Dujardin pulled a Mephistopheles:

 

 

This should be called the Emperor's new Film.  

 

Here is Jean Dujardin, a year after he sold his soul to the devil, winning best actor.  

 

 

You watch, he'll just disappear in about 10 years.  No one will know why.  He just won't turn up for work one day.

 

Mephistopheles.   

Edited January 13, 2015 by baumer

[baumer]

Come on guys.  Transformers?  lol.

 

I love those films!

 

[baumer]

I didn't even read that review for Transformers 3.  I just went to imdb and found someone who hated Transformers 3 and posted it.  

[Avatree]

I thought, it must be a joke, but then you wrote a shit ton about it, and I figured you wouldn't do that for a joke #1 as it's a waste of time.

 

Glad to see that The Artist is at the top

 

 

I didn't even read that review for Transformers 3.  I just went to imdb and found someone who hated Transformers 3 and posted it.  

That explains it.

Edited January 13, 2015 by treeroy

[baumer]

Huh? I was expecting Star Wars or 2001.

 

How does Transformers 3, a film that literally no one on the planet likes (with the exception of one...), make it onto a list about overrated films?

 

Star Wars will never make my list of anything negative.  It is cinematic perfection.

[CoolioD1]

Eh. after everything else this is a bit of a boring choice really. I thought it would be a movie people actually cared about.

[Avatree]

Star Wars will never make my list of anything negative.  It is cinematic perfection.

Good.

 

You said that #1 would be "Space, the final frontier" so I got worried.

[baumer]

Eh. after everything else this is a bit of a boring choice really. I thought it would be a movie people actually cared about.

 

Sorry to disappoint you.  

[baumer]

Good.

 

You said that #1 would be "Space, the final frontier" so I got worried.

 

Where did I say that?

[baumer]

Here's the complete list

 

 

1) The Artist

2) A bunch of Pixar films

3) Citizen Fucking Kane

4) Magnolia

5) Every Single Potter Film

6) The Exorcist

7) Batman Returns

8) Chicago

9) Kill Bill Volume 1

10) JJ Abram's Star Trek films

11) Shakespere in Love

12) There will Be Blood

13) Skyfall

14) The Dark Knight Rises

15) A lot of Marvel films (but not Avengers)

16) The Hobbitses

17) Silence of the Lambs

18) Full Metal Jacket

19) The Jump Street Films

20) The Hunger Games 

21) Requiem For a Dream

22) Interstellar

23) Unforgiven

24) Any of the Nightmare on Elm Street films besides the first and last

25) The Godfathers

[BK007]

I love that Magnolia is on here.

 

Rated so highly on the Internet, I attempted to watch it 2 years, 3 years ago, made it 40 minutes through the film and I got bored and turned it off to watch something else.

 

I mean, even in the worse, absolute worse of films, I am intrigued by some part of the plot, to see how it turns out. Did I guess right? etc.

 

Magnolia, on the other hand, had me completely divested from every character and vignette presented in its first 40 minutes, so much so, I thought, do I really want to sit through another 2 hours of this? And I never went back to it. 

 

It is my personal opinion that PTA should make the list at #1. There's critical acclaim every year for him and yet I have been bored out of my mind just watching the trailers to his films. I do not understand how people get excited and sit through them. Under pretentious in the dictionary, there is no other definition than PTA and his films. Yes, I have only really seen Magnolia and trailers for There Will Be Blood, Inherent Vice and the Master but I couldn't give a fuck. 

 

There are things to like in the worse of films, what is there here but boredom?