Chasmmi's Top 90 films of 2016 - It is finally here!!! The world is going wild.

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

77th - Zoolander 2 - 66/100

Remember when Owen Wilson and Ben Stiller were awesome?  

 

God there were some tiring sequels last year weren't there. Zoolander 2 was meant to be something we had been waiting for for over a decade. Then the trailer came out and was pretty damn funny. Then Justin Beiber pops up with a genuinely entertaining cameo. Everything is so far so good...  

 

Then it slowly turns into a parody of itself. Now I don't hate this as much as some, but then I also don't worship the original as much as some, but it just never hits its comedic stride. There are funny moments but they are interspersed with long period where nobody is laughing. 

 

Compared to the lower comedies on this list, this rates higher because despite not have a lot of comedic highs, it also lacks much in  the way of crushing and insulting lows. 

 

 

[chasmmi]

This one is for @Telemachos  

Spoiler

 

76th - The Wave - 66/100

The film that turned really scientific probability into stupid fantastical nonsense. Well Done.   

 

I'd heard really good things about this and was ready to see the Norwegian take on the disastrous water genre ala Korea's Haeundae, and of course the heavyweights of the genre: San Andreas and 2012. 

 

But yeah, despite early promise and character development, this film descends into horrible trope and impossible escapes worse than anything Hollywood has even done. Characters' abilities to hold their breath underwater changes as the plot requires, Volvo's are the Indiana Jones Fridges of Tidal Wave survival and apparently an entire Fjord of water will destroy a town and then disappear entirely all in about 9 minutes. 

 

If the first forty minutes hadn't built things as well as it did, this would have been Assassin's Creed level stupid for me. 

 

But just to end on a positive note, this is the best Norwegian film I have ever seen. 

 

 

[Kalo]

On 3/1/2017 at 8:19 AM, chasmmi said:

This may not be popular...

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86th - The Witch - 37/100

Because goats are apparently scary now 

 

This was possibly the most boring film of the year. People raved about this horror film and I was so excited to see it, but upon viewing... well I really have nothing to say because nothing ever fucking happens. 

 

That's really all I have to say: dull, dreary, overrated and not the first time I will find myself typing about how I don't see what people see in something. 

 

Seriously? I thought the Witch was one of the most terrifying films I've ever seen, granted I am still pretty new to the Horror genre, but it was the first movie I've seen in a long time that truly disturbed me. 

[chasmmi]

5 minutes ago, Kalo said:

 

Seriously? I thought the Witch was one of the most terrifying films I've ever seen, granted I am still pretty new to the Horror genre, but it was the first movie I've seen in a long time that truly disturbed me. 

 

Every year there is a horror film that people rave about and I watch and just think is dull rubbish

 

Last year was It Follows.

 

I really hope this year does not turn out to be Get Out, I want that to be great. 

[Kalo]

Just now, chasmmi said:

 

Every year there is a horror film that people rave about and I watch and just think is dull rubbish

 

Last year was It Follows.

 

I really hope this year does not turn out to be Get Out, I want that to be great. 

 

I see, well you'll see my review in my top 100 first viewings of 2016... If I ever finish it that is.

[Plain Old Tele]

3 hours ago, chasmmi said:

This one is for @Telemachos  

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76th - The Wave - 66/100

The film that turned really scientific probability into stupid fantastical nonsense. Well Done.   

 

I'd heard really good things about this and was ready to see the Norwegian take on the disastrous water genre ala Korea's Haeundae, and of course the heavyweights of the genre: San Andreas and 2012. 

 

But yeah, despite early promise and character development, this film descends into horrible trope and impossible escapes worse than anything Hollywood has even done. Characters' abilities to hold their breath underwater changes as the plot requires, Volvo's are the Indiana Jones Fridges of Tidal Wave survival and apparently an entire Fjord of water will destroy a town and then disappear entirely all in about 9 minutes. 

 

If the first forty minutes hadn't built things as well as it did, this would have been Assassin's Creed level stupid for me. 

 

But just to end on a positive note, this is the best Norwegian film I have ever seen. 

 

 

 

I'm actually surprised it's this high on your list, given your comments elsewhere.  

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

75th - Green Room - 66/100

This was so close to being a lot better.  

 

But it was just not what it was aiming to be. There was good build up and suspense as the band is holing up in the room, but then everything sort of happened haphazardly. People randomly die, or turn on other people or just... by the end the film felt a little bit like a TV show that has gone on 4 seasons too long and the cast is all wonky and confused. 

 

Shame really. 

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

74th - Collateral Beauty - 67/100

Another film that should have been amazing, but the powers that be made baffling film direction decisions.    

 

First off, Will Smith is great in this for the 11 seconds that he is on screen. But it slowly gets worse from there. This film was going to be the re-imagining of a Christmas Carol, but no they fuck that up early into the film by telling you exactly what was up with everything and why.

 

This makes character motives become horrible and the film loses so much potential enjoyability which is a real shame as this could have been wonderful.

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

73rd - Jason Bourne - 67/100

It did the one thing I was not expecting: bored me to death.  

 

They made Bourne dull. Bourne! Dull! How do you do that. You Matt Damon with some bad guys and watch the bad guys die. It's moviemaking 101 and I have no idea how that did not happen. 

 

The original Bourne Trilogy is legitimately one of my top 5 or so best trilogies ever. Every film is suspensful, frenetic and fun. This had none of that. It was just there. 

 

And my review is just there. 

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

72nd - Keanu - 68/100

Turns out I don't care as much about kidnapped cats as I do killed puppies...  

 

Parts of this film were far better than I thought they would be, parts were a lot worse. The stuff with George Michael was excellent, really funny indeed. However some of the gang stuff didn't have the desired effect in my eyes.

 

The concept of Keanu sounds weird and irreverent. A film based around a kidnapped cat but then the film isn't really about that at all. It became more the gang version of Let's Be Cops and like Let's Be Cops it was fun and funny in places, but ultimately it just isn't that great a film. Just a decent film.  

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

71st - Neighbours 2 - 69/100

A surprisingly decent comedy gets an unsurprisingly OK sequel.  

 

Yet somehow I  think this is my highest rated Zac Efron film from 2016. Neighbours 2 tries so hard to emulate the fun of the first film and as such sort of becomes a Hangover 2 style sequel where it is pretty much the same as its predecessor with a few things changed. 

 

Now its not as obnoxious as said Hangover in its sameness, but its also not sufficiently fresh as to be an exciting comedy sequel. Overall though, I enjoyed this film and it is one of the first comedies to appear on this list that doesn't have a moment or moments that really turn me off so that was nice of it. 

 

Just 1 point away from being ratable as a good rewatchable film.

 

 

[chasmmi]

If your name is @Ethan Hunt, look away now. 

 

 

Spoiler

 

70th - Finding Dory - 72/100

Well it's still by far the best Pixar film with the word 'Finding' in its title.

 

I make no secret of my opinion that up until about 18 months ago, Finding Nemo was the worst and maybe the only outright bad film that Pixar had ever made (Good Dinosaur stole its crown in glorious fashion back in late 2015).

 

To me, Finding Nemo is a dull, generic 'oh no I'm lost and must get the help of wacky characters to find home' film that even Pixar itself has done better on at least 7 times (seriously its amazing how many Pixar films boil down to X is lost, X meets Y, X and Y go on an advbenture together as they help get X to location Z). I hated Nemo and especially the character of Dory.

 

So therefore a Dory film was not something I was ever hoping to see, yet this was actually okay. It's not a great film, Dory is still horribly annoying but no quite as much as in Nemo. The Whales made me want to captain a harpoon vessel and the octopus... no actually the octopus was fine.

 

I still think this film ranks 15th out of the 17 Pixar films to date, but it is way better than 16th.  

 

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

69th - The Purge: Election Year - 75/100

Candy bars can drive you to murder... apparently

 

So it turns out that Purge films are like Trek Films (allegedly) - The even numbers are the good ones. This is still the second best Purge film in my opinion as it is still more fun and imaginative than the original. However, despite the good moments, far too much of this is dedicated to some stupid girl and her murderous quest for candy.

 

It is ridiculous and not enough ridiculousness that is good.  

 

 

[chasmmi]

 

Spoiler

 

68th - Pride and Prejudice and Zombies - 76/100

 

This is a film that exists which is good if you think a film with that title could be good. 

 

 

 

 

[chasmmi]

67th - Boo! A Madea Halloween - 76/100

I feel like I was supposed to hate this.

 

But I didn't. It actually had some funny moments and the ending especially was really quite well done and much better than it felt it had any right to be.

 

This is also another film which like the one above, I have very little to say about. 

 

Now it's time to get two more done tonight and then stop because the 3rd film from now to appear is liable to get me lynched by a particular member of this forum...

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

66th - Blair Witch - 76/100

The horror film that was declared the new rebirth future of great horror films and then two months later was declared the worst horror sequel of all time ever.

 

For me, this film fell a fair bit in the middle. There was some cool stuff, some creepy stuff and some stuff that did a half decent job of pulling off clever. The film also built up suspense well and really did a good job of making the film feel like it was going to a dark place. It is a shame that it did not quite live up to the expectation that it was building. 

 

But it's a good horror for people who are a fan of the genre. 

 

 

[chasmmi]

Spoiler

 

65th - The Secret Life of Pets - 77/100

In trailer quality to film quality ratio this possibly even beats Minions.

 

God the trailer for this was awesome wasn't it. It looked like Toy Story but with pets and who doesn't want to watch that? However, the film itself turned out to be some weird road trip thing where dogs fight rabbits and geese are gangsters. Who made that decision?

 

And of course there is the sausage factory scene which is just one of the most bat-shit stupid and scary wrong scenes in all of the cinematic year. I watched this with a colleague and there were probably 5 or 7 times when we both just looked at each other with a 'did that really just happen' look on our faces. 

 

 

 

[cannastop]

50 minutes ago, chasmmi said:

3rd film from now to appear is liable to get me lynched by a particular member of this forum...

[chasmmi]

On 2017. 3. 9. at 0:22 AM, cannastop said:

 

Yeah, I want to continue the list, but I don't want to make an enemy...

 

 

[cannastop]

Just now, chasmmi said:

 

Yeah, I want to continue the list, but I don't want to make an enemy...

 

 

You seem apologetic enough. I'm not that thin-skinned. I mean, I am thin-skinned, but not that much.