A Good Day to Die Hard (Die Hard 5)

[baumer]

Discuss

[Jack Nevada]

Now.. I don't mind bad movies. No, not at all. There are plenty of bad movies that are very enjoyable and entertaining. Just being bad doesn't make me hate your movie. Being insulting or boring do. These are the two things. And wouldn't you know it, Die Hard 5 is fucking both. Its a movie that doesn't deserve to be talked about, it doesn't deserve attention from anyone, so I'll be brief. 

 

How is it boring? Well, first of all John McClane is Superman. He can bash through windows, steel bars, walls and he'll get a little dust on him, or in an extreme case maybe a splash of blood on his forehead. He can run through vast rooms with huge fucking helicopters shooting straight at him, and not one bullet hits him. This is common in action movies, but its taken to a new level of retardation in Die Hard 5. We've come pretty far from the lone cop with bloody feet who reluctantly fought germans on christmas eve 1988. Thats what made the first Die Hard so remarkable: having a hero who would bleed, and who was in real danger. The John McClane we see in this movie we dont care for, because there's zero chance of anything happening to him. 

A new character, his son, is brought in and he's just your average gruff "This is serious business" type of action guy with your average "Boo hoo my dad wasn't there" issues. Fortunately father and son McClane manage to find a connection.. by killing dozens of people and wrecking million dollars worth property. Ah, whats nicer than a family brought together by mindless violence?

 

How is it insulting? Die Hard 5 is a movie done with minimun effort. No thought or creativity has been put in this anus of a motion picture. Its as if someone took your paint-by-numbers direct to video action movie treatment (not even a script), wiped their ass with it and scribbled "DUH HERD 5" on it with crayons. It doesn't have a villain. Well, okay it does, fucking 13 of them. That just sucks, a movie like this needs a strong, memorable villain instead of a goddamn Robert Altman cast of boring, dumb bad guys that are so forgettable that I dont even remember what they looked like anymore. This is just another sign that there was no script for this movie. Its insulting that anyone would think this thing should be shown to other people. Its insulting that someone thought this would be entertaining for anyone. Its insulting that no matter how fucking awful this piece of putrid fucking shit is, it will still gross more than Scott Pilgrim vs. The World or any movie with any effort put into them, and that right now a bunch of executives are buying themselves new Bentleys with the money this movie has made them. Fuck those executives, fuck Bruce Willis, fuck 20th Century Fox, fuck the Die Hard franchise and fuuuuuuck thiiiiiis mooooooovie!

 

 

1/5

Edited February 18, 2013 by Jack Nevada

[CJohn]

[DAR]

So I can't tell if you liked it.

[Jack Nevada]

So I can't tell if you liked it.

I didnt

[Deep Wang]

Movie Review Haiku for A Good Day to Die Hard:

 

What a pile of shit

Script, editing, directing

It's all garbage

[Ozymandias]

Now.. I don't mind bad movies. No, not at all. There are plenty of bad movies that are very enjoyable and entertaining. Just being bad doesn't make me hate your movie. Being insulting or boring do. These are the two things. And wouldn't you know it, Die Hard 5 is fucking both. Its a movie that doesn't deserve to be talked about, it doesn't deserve attention from anyone, so I'll be brief. 

 

How is it boring? Well, first of all John McClane is Superman. He can bash through windows, steel bars, walls and he'll get a little dust on him, or in an extreme case maybe a splash of blood on his forehead. He can run through vast rooms with huge fucking helicopters shooting straight at him, and not one bullet hits him. This is common in action movies, but its taken to a new level of retardation in Die Hard 5. We've come pretty far from the lone cop with bloody feet who reluctantly fought germans on christmas eve 1988. Thats what made the first Die Hard so remarkable: having a hero who would bleed, and who was in real danger. The John McClane we see in this movie we dont care for, because there's zero chance of anything happening to him. 

A new character, his son, is brought in and he's just your average gruff "This is serious business" type of action guy with your average "Boo hoo my dad wasn't there" issues. Fortunately father and son McClane manage to find a connection.. by killing dozens of people and wrecking million dollars worth property. Ah, whats nicer than a family brought together by mindless violence?

 

How is it insulting? Die Hard 5 is a movie done with minimun effort. No thought or creativity has been put in this anus of a motion picture. Its as if someone took your paint-by-numbers direct to video action movie treatment (not even a script), wiped their ass with it and scribbled "DUH HERD 5" on it with crayons. It doesn't have a villain. Well, okay it does, fucking 13 of them. That just sucks, a movie like this needs a strong, memorable villain instead of a goddamn Robert Altman cast of boring, dumb bad guys that are so forgettable that I dont even remember what they looked like anymore. This is just another sign that there was no script for this movie. Its insulting that anyone would think this thing should be shown to other people. Its insulting that someone thought this would be entertaining for anyone. Its insulting that no matter how fucking awful this piece of putrid fucking shit is, it will still gross more than Scott Pilgrim vs. The World or any movie with any effort put into them, and that right now a bunch of executives are buying themselves a new Bentley with the money this movie has made them. Fuck them, fuck Bruce Willis, fuck 20th Century Fox, and fuuuuuuck thiiiiiis mooooooovie!

 

 

1/5

 

Thank you.

[Jessie]

Cheers guys and critics for bashing this movie like its a craze, it actually made me lower my expectations which made me come out satisfied. And that opening car chase scene would give Michael Bay a boner.

[Jack Nevada]

Cheers guys and critics for bashing this movie like its a craze, it actually made me lower my expectations which made me come out satisfied. And that opening car chase scene would give Michael Bay a boner.

[baumer]

I think I saw a different movie than you guys. In fact, I have to ask what is wrong with some of you? While not a great film, it's not a bad one the way some of you are saying. I don't understand people's taste but then again, it did get a b+ cinemascore, so people obviously liked it. The thing about Die Hard is that after the second one they became more of a popcorn film than a really serious good action film like the first two. This one continues the trend. I agree that it was much too far fetched. But if you are having fun, which I did, then you overlook that stuff.The most amazing this about the film is the action. John Moore is apparently the devil according to the populace here. But he did Behind Enemy Lines and that was amazing imo. The action here lives up to the action in that flick. The opening car/tank chase in the middle of Moscow was breathtaking and Michael Bay would have been very proud. Then you have the entire finale in Chernobyl. It too was breath-taking...far fetched but breathtaking.For an afternoon at the movies, I didn't feel cheated. It's not as good as the first two but it's still a good and fun film.7/10

[RichWS]

That opening car "chase" may have been my least favorite action scene. Moore's frantic, coked-out direction and choppy editing is so damn obnoxious. Nearly gave me a headache. Also, there's a lot to knock but I have one specific gripe: Did they cut out a fight scene at the end with the muscle-head Russian in the helicopter? Why show him like that then do absolutely nothing with him?

 

There's not much else I can add to what's been said: It's a turrible movie.

[Jack Nevada]

Glad you liked it, baumer. I guess

[Deep Wang]

I think Moore must have just discovered crash zooms and was all like, "WHEEEEEEEEEE!!!"  while filming.  

 

That shit was terrible.

[Jack Nevada]

That opening car "chase" may have been my least favorite action scene. Moore's frantic, coked-out direction and choppy editing is so damn obnoxious. Nearly gave me a headache. Also, there's a lot to knock but I have one specific gripe: Did they cut out a fight scene at the end with the muscle-head Russian in the helicopter? Why show him like that then do absolutely nothing with him?There's not much else I can add to what's been said: It's a turrible movie.

The chase scene qas awfully filmed. Just awful. I too was wondering about the bald guy! It was almost comicsl how damn useless and nonexistent that character was!

[RichWS]

Oh my God, the zooms....those annoying zooms.

[Jack Nevada]

I thought the obligatory Yippee kay yay was pretty miserable. Bruce Willis looked like "Do I have to? *sigh* Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker. Goddammit.."

[Deep Wang]

That opening car "chase" may have been my least favorite action scene. Moore's frantic, coked-out direction and choppy editing is so damn obnoxious. Nearly gave me a headache. Also, there's a lot to knock but I have one specific gripe: Did they cut out a fight scene at the end with the muscle-head Russian in the helicopter? Why show him like that then do absolutely nothing with him?

 

There's not much else I can add to what's been said: It's a turrible movie.

 

 

Oh yeah, the Russian "The Rock," he was wasted big time.

[baumer]

That opening car "chase" may have been my least favorite action scene. Moore's frantic, coked-out direction and choppy editing is so damn obnoxious. Nearly gave me a headache. Also, there's a lot to knock but I have one specific gripe: Did they cut out a fight scene at the end with the muscle-head Russian in the helicopter? Why show him like that then do absolutely nothing with him? There's not much else I can add to what's been said: It's a turrible movie.

Yep, I agree with you about that. I think John jr did fight him, why else would they keep showing him?I loved the car chase. The action was frenetic and the final pile up was amazing and when it was done me and my buddy turned to each other and both said "WOW".

[baumer]

I thought the obligatory Yippee kay yay was pretty miserable. Bruce Willis looked like "Do I have to? *sigh* Yippee-kay-yay motherfucker. Goddammit.."

Die Hard isn't Die Hard without it.

[Jack Nevada]

Die Hard isn't Die Hard without it.

I know, but Willis looked really miserable saying it, like he didnt want to