AJG

I kinda feel as if the “trending” section on these apps are BS, but whatever.

I might actually go to watch the film if I’m the only person in the screening...

Shoutout to Deadline for their “Tenet is the most pre-ordered movie in history” nonsense they pulled last week.

Now that’s out of the way what other movies are coming out free online onto VOD? I WANT THAT DUNE MOVIE.

Mulan: With all these straight to streaming films I always have a moment where I go “I see why this went online”. This film felt like a slog to get through. It was impressive to me just how far they went to make the film look like one of those modern CG infused Chinese blockbusters, from the set design, special effects, and even the way some scenes are shot. If you had told me that this was a 100% Chinese movie just reshot into English I would believe you. I’d also say it’s the best looking straight to VOD release of the pandemic. A lot of stuff in the second half of the film will put your 4K HDR TV to good use. The choice of getting rid of Eddie Murphy’s Mu-Shu also works well. When Mulan is alone in the training camp there’s no comic relief dragon coming to her rescue. She’s by herself and you do get scared for her. The risks she takes regarding protecting her identity is better felt in the remake. However this also highlights the biggest problem with this movie: it doesn’t go far enough from the original. Like it’s shackled to it. The callbacks to the original film can range from being ‘out of place’ to ‘stilted’ and to flat out ‘bizarre’. Why was the story told within the framework of the old film? The comedic scenes copied feel stiff. Things like jamming the lyrics of a song into the dialogue and having a random guy be the Lucky Cricket come across as forced pandering to a nostalgic audience that can access the original film with the click of two buttons. The expanded action can be kinda cool but this film was clearly made to be PG (it’s rated PG13 but rather than cut shots it fells like they’ve left everything intact and are using the PG13 rating towards the marketing). The action is hollow compared to other PG13 films of its scale. I just wanted to type about this thing. I could go further but the bottom line is this: this movie is another Disney remake I’m not mad I saw. I will just never watch it again and will probably forget it ever happened in 2 months just like all the others (apart from Aladdin. I like Aladdin). Oh... and Jet Li being the emperor blew my mind. I had no idea. Verdict: WAIT UNTIL IT’S “FREE”. The Last of Us Part 2 An incredible piece of technology. A fun game mostly. Brought down by a story that feels unnecessarily glued onto the back of the first game, featuring characters that only worked within the narrative of the original. I realised I didn’t much care Joel and Ellie outside of the first game pretty early on. The Shooting and stealthy stuff is fun. Going through the stages and collecting resources is fine until it feels like a chore but there’s always some cool setpeice or action moment thrown before I get too bored. Games are becoming more cinematic and that cool, but now games and players have to learn the lessons we already learned as filmgoers: not every narrative needs a sequel. It’a technically a very well made video game, but why is it here?

Dennis Rodman’s life wasn’t highlighted enough in Last Dance. He’s an action movie star, WWE wrestler, the US ambassador to North Korea.

There’s really nothing “in store”. What you see is what you get.

Because America has Data Caps which absolutley crazy to me.

Justice League DARK: Apokalypse War: LOW RENTAL DC tried to make a universe of animated movies. They Made about 10 before pulling the plug abruptly and dropping this thing to close it all. It’s essentially an Avengers knock off, but it plays out like DC fan-fiction. We throw around the “fan-fiction” insult quite a bit here, however this film includes every staple of online fan-fiction aside from the complimentary gratuitous sex scene. Cameos: check. Random and unnecessary swearing: check. Heroes turned villains: check. Writer’s OTP hookup only they care about: check. Humour they stole from The Simpsons: check. ‘Who would win’ fan fights (Harley v Lois Lane): check. Overly detailed ‘mature’ blood and gore: check. Shock romantic pairings(Constantine and King Shark):check. THIS MOVIE IS FUCKING FASCINATING. It must be seen to be understood. If it were live action it would be amongst the worst superhero movies ever made. But it isn’t. It is, however, one of the absolute strangest. HULU’S Solar Opposites: 6/10 It’s the new toon from the creator of Rick and Morty that isn’t Dan Harmon. It looks IDENTICAL to Rick and Morty. It’s not a creator signature style choice like the similarities between Futurama and The Simpsons. It looks 100% the same (almost like a spin off). It sounds the same. The voice acting is the same. The main character is a Rick clone. But the writing is off. The characters are not as interesting. The humour doesn’t land as often. The scifi isn’t as fun and dynamic. A couple episodes flat out suck. Look... The show is short. It’s fine, just don’t go in expecting your new favourite thing. The Matrix I liked it. So many other things have borrowed from this film and our understanding of tech has increased in the last 21 years making a lot of the time they spend explain stuff feel long-winded, but aside from that (and Trinity’s weird “I love you”) it was an entertaining time. It still looks great for a 21 year old film. The First Half of Alita Battle Angel. This movie is weird. I should like this movie more. All the pieces are here, they just don’t click with me.

Now that Disney own Fox (and they don't have to split the sales), Marvel are finally putting out X-Men movie toys (they haven't had toys since First Class). https://twitter.com/OriginalFunko/status/1260963197424672774?s=20

Similar to us then. From my understanding all the HBO produced stuff goes to Sky and NowTV in the U.K. All the kids originals go to CN, and all the originals produced by other studios can be sold off to whoever wants it.

Oh for fucks sake. Now I have to go outside.

Yep. They’re way of grading films is great. I like that it encourages people to still at least try out a movie even if it isn’t the best thing out.

Wonder Woman: FULL PRICE This is one the better super movies to rewatch. Just a nice Sunday movie. I also completed my rewatch of Star Wars Star Wars Ep 1: BORING Star Wars Ep 2: HORRIFIC Star Wars Ep 3: KINDA BORING but last 20 mins kinda great. Star Wars Ep 4: a FINE adventure movie Star Wars Ep 5: a GREAT adventure movie Star Wars Ep 6: meh Star Wars Ep 7: BORING and LONG Star Wars Ep 8: BORING but last 20 mins are KINDA COOL Star Wars Ep 9: a FINE movie, it can get boring but it’s fine. In conclusion, Star Wars is a very long and mostly unremarkable franchise and the fact you people have been losing your minds for 40 years over this thing is fucking weird. I can go a good 20 years before I ever want hear some this music or look at a stormtrooper again. It’s ridiculous. Stop it. Also who the fuck was this: This person showed up in one of these movies quite prominently and I’ve not seen or heard of him since. Is he a big deal? Why?

The content is also way too overproduced and demanding for casual viewing on public transport. I can watch YouTube, TikTok, and social media junk on the bus because I dont have to be glued to the screen. I can look away, be aware of my surroundings, make sure no one will grab my phone out of my hand etc. Quibi 'premium' content calls for more attention than a Youtube hot-wings interviews. Also in todays Quibi news: Jeffrey Katzenberg’s Quibi Cries “Shakedown” As Bossman Named As Defendant & New Claims Added In TurnStyle Tech Dispute https://deadline.com/2020/05/quibi-lawsuit-jeffrey-katzenberg-defendant-eko-turnstyle-1202932467/