Blank's 14 Movies of 2014 That Would've Been Better Off Released As Blank Film Cartridges

[Blankments]

Alright, maybe that title's a bit harsh, but too bad! Starting tonight, I'll be posting my top 14 worst movies of 2014, with explanations why and cool pictures too! First though, the disclaimer on notable movies I haven't seen, which are as follows:

 

300: RISE OF AN EMPIRE

A MOST VIOLENT YEAR

ALEXANDER AND THE TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY

AMERICAN SNIPER

ANNIE

THE BABADOOK

BLENDED

THE BOXTROLLS

CAKE

CALVARY

CITIZENFOUR

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ELEANOR RIGBY

DUMB AND DUMBER TO

THE DROP

EXODUS: GODS AND KINGS

FORCE MAJEURE

FOXCATCHER

FRANK

THE GIVER

GET ON UP

GETT: THE TRIAL OF VIVIANE AMSALEM

GLEN CAMPBELL: I'LL BE ME

HEAVEN IS FOR REAL

IF I STAY

THE IMITATION GAME

THE IMMIGRANT

INHERENT VICE

JODOROWKSY'S DUNE

THE JUDGE

LAST DAYS IN VIETNAM

LET'S BE COPS

LEVIATHAN

MAPS TO THE STARS

MISS JULIE

MR. TURNER

NO GOOD DEED

THE OTHER WOMAN

OUIJA

THE OVERNIGHTERS

PRIDE

RIDE ALONG

RIO 2

SELMA

SEX TAPE

THE SKELETON TWINS

STILL ALICE

TANGERINES

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES

THINK LIKE A MAN TOO

THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING

TOP FIVE

TRANSFORMERS: AGE OF EXTINCTION

TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT

UNDER THE SKIN

WHIPLASH

WILD

WILD TALES

 

All in all, I have seen 69 2014 releases. I will start the countdown later!

[Rorschach]

Half the films you mentioned would be better off with you NOT watching them

[baumer]

I'm going to combine this thread with the main one when it's done.  

 

Mods, please leave it as a separate thread.

 

Thanks.

[Blankments]

First off, some dishonorable mentions:

 

 

 

 

 

[Blankments]

14.

 

 

The countdown begins with a movie that made a very poor decision in development. The cast assembled is great, but they’re all being asked to do a dramatic film. I know what you’re thinking, “Well, Blank, this is a dramedy! They’re got hired for the –medy!” You’re right. The comedy in this movie is good; the scene with Bateman, Driver, and Stoll smoking joints is one of the biggest laughs I had at the theater this past year. The issue is more that it’s about 80% drama, 20% comedy and it just doesn’t work at all. The dramatic stuff is generic and dull to sit through. I love Bateman and Fey but they were out of their element here. Also, why cast Rose Byrne if you don’t have her doing any funny? A great cast, wasted by a poor script.

[Blankments]

BTW, y'all, much like baumer in his thread, everyone who posts in this thread will get a like, to thank you for reading my list

[Empire]

Interesting thread so far. Looking forward to see what else makes your list.

[Blankments]

13. 

 

 

It’s no secret here that I don’t particularly like Angelina Jolie, but I went into Unbroken with an open mind. After all, I had heard repeatedly from good friends on this board and real life that the source material was great, and thus, the movie should be great in the Coens’ writing hands. After seeing the film, I can confirm, the source material must be great. However, Jolie and the Coens screw it up hardcore. The most interesting aspect of the story is relegated to closing titles. The first 45 minutes hammer in the theme of faith so obnoxiously, I just wished I had popped in a Life of Pi Blu-Ray instead. When they get to the prison camp, it seemed to me that the PG-13 rating should’ve been given a credit, since it certainly influenced the movie more than any other character besides Jack O’Connell. In fact, the best sequence of the film, when Louie competes in his Olympic race, is ruined by poor editing. Why did Jolie choose to make this a flashback driven movie? It would’ve been so much better in a linear story telling. She cuts away from the race before we can truly bask in the feeling of triumph, leaving one feel totally empty. As I commented to my friend after seeing it, I felt as though Angelina Jolie had just saw 12 Years a Slave with her husband and thought, “Gee, I want to make a PG-13 movie like that for white people!” After I saw Unbroken, the audience applauded and I had no freaking idea. I guess Unbroken is my personal “Film That Brainwashed People Into Liking.”

[Empire]

So far I liked both films, but neither were anything special. I could see why someone would dislike them enough to put them on their worst of the year list.

[Blankments]

BTW, to clarify something quickly: on my actual ranking of the year, 78 Project Film and Dear Mr. Watterson are in my bottom 14. However, they are merely there because I'm not a fan of documentaries in general, and I definitely would not be able to do a write up on them anyway.

 

*belated disclaimer over*

[grim22]

BTW, to clarify something quickly: on my actual ranking of the year, 78 Project Film and Dear Mr. Watterson are in my bottom 14. However, they are merely there because I'm not a fan of documentaries in general, and I definitely would not be able to do a write up on them anyway.

 

*belated disclaimer over*

 

The biggest issue I had with Dear Mr. Watterson was that it really didn't go in-depth about Calvin and Hobbes. As a huge C&H fan (own the omnibus, every single trade, the lazy sunday book and the special edition), I was really hoping that the documentary would explore the origins, the phenomenon and the current pop-cultural relevance of C&H. Instead, it ended up being a by the numbers exploration of what C&H used to be and why it was a hit. One day I am sure a proper C&H documentary will be made when a new fan who is also a filmmaker will decide to go really in-depth, but Dear Mr. Watterson was not the C&H documentary I was waiting for, the perfect C&H documentary will remain in my head for the time being.

[Blankments]

The biggest issue I had with Dear Mr. Watterson was that it really didn't go in-depth about Calvin and Hobbes. As a huge C&H fan (own the omnibus, every single trade, the lazy sunday book and the special edition), I was really hoping that the documentary would explore the origins, the phenomenon and the current pop-cultural relevance of C&H. Instead, it ended up being a by the numbers exploration of what C&H used to be and why it was a hit. One day I am sure a proper C&H documentary will be made when a new fan who is also a filmmaker will decide to go really in-depth, but Dear Mr. Watterson was not the C&H documentary I was waiting for, the perfect C&H documentary will remain in my head for the time being.

Totally agree. I love Calvin and Hobbes, but Dear Mr. Watterson is much more a movie about people who like Calvin and Hobbes rather than the strip itself. It wass indeed a massive disappointment to me.

[Empire]

Yeah as a C&H fan it was a huge disappointment. Didn't focus on what I was hoping it would.

[Blankments]

12.

 

 

 

I really don’t get why this is referred to as a comedy. I laughed a grand total of once in this movie. It’s painfully unfunny, and continues to try to be “edgy.” Talking about vaginas and sex can be really funny, but this movie has a struggling stand-up comic as a main character, and it’s obvious to see why she’s struggling because WOW, she sucks. The main character is obnoxious in general though, and she seems like the person who always shows up at parties that you avoid like the plague. If I knew her in real life, I’d avoid her because she’s obnoxious, loud and just a terribly behaving person. Now, this movie is also about abortion, and I’ll admit, it’s as sensitive as it be can with the subject matter in a comedy. Actually, I just realized what my problem is with this movie. You know how I said This is Where I Leave You should’ve been an all-out comedy? Well, Obvious Child should’ve been more leaning towards a dramedy. The few dramatic moments in this movie are the rare moments it works. However, almost all of them are ruined by a joke or refusing to go deeper into the subject matter. Maybe there’s a great movie about abortion out there, but Obvious Child certainly isn’t it, as it just goes for the obvious joke and refuses to say something deeper about life.

[Empire]

Yes! Glad that made your list! I really hated Obvious Child!

[Ezen Baklattan]

12.

 

 

 

I really don’t get why this is referred to as a comedy. I laughed a grand total of once in this movie. It’s painfully unfunny, and continues to try to be “edgy.” Talking about vaginas and sex can be really funny, but this movie has a struggling stand-up comic as a main character, and it’s obvious to see why she’s struggling because WOW, she sucks. The main character is obnoxious in general though, and she seems like the person who always shows up at parties that you avoid like the plague. If I knew her in real life, I’d avoid her because she’s obnoxious, loud and just a terribly behaving person. Now, this movie is also about abortion, and I’ll admit, it’s as sensitive as it be can with the subject matter in a comedy. Actually, I just realized what my problem is with this movie. You know how I said This is Where I Leave You should’ve been an all-out comedy? Well, Obvious Child should’ve been more leaning towards a dramedy. The few dramatic moments in this movie are the rare moments it works. However, almost all of them are ruined by a joke or refusing to go deeper into the subject matter. Maybe there’s a great movie about abortion out there, but Obvious Child certainly isn’t it, as it just goes for the obvious joke and refuses to say something deeper about life.

 

 

Yes! Glad that made your list! I really hated Obvious Child!

 

 

Obvious Child is great. 

[Empire]

Obvious Child is great.

[Blankments]

 

Obvious Child is great. 

[Blankments]

11.

 

 

If I was making a list about the most disappointing movie of 2014, I’m pretty sure this takes the cake. The 2011 Muppets movie is actually my favorite movie of that year, managing to be both heartfelt (no pun intended) and hilarious. This sequel, however, decides to ignore that first aspect and go for broke on the second. However, it fails on multiple levels. First of all, the movie decides to make the second biggest character of it Walter, the Muppet they introduced in the 2011 movie. This is a horrible, horrible decision as he doesn’t really work much as a character as he’s not supposed to be funny. No one cares about Walter compared to the classics, yet he gets more screentime than Gonzo and Rizzo combined! The music is a major stepdown from the first one too, the only memorable song being “We’re Doing a Sequel.” (Sidenote: I totally blame Gonzo for Toy Story 4 being greenlit.) Also, the song reminds you of how changing the title from “The Muppets… Again” to “Muppets Most Wanted” is very uninspired… much like this entire movie! Actually, it’s kinda funny in a way. “We’re Doing a Sequel” satirizes every sequel trope there is, making you expect a funny movie that mocks sequels along the way. Unfortunately, unlike a movie that will be appearing on my top 28, this movie is too enraptured with its own cliché plot to really make fun of sequels outside of the opening number. Muppets Most Wanted chooses to be the late-90’s obnoxious Muppets instead of the newly reinvigorated Muppets of 2011. Bring back Jason Segel for the next one please.

[Blankments]

That's it for tonight, I'll post top ten tomorrow!