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chasmmi

Chasmmi's top 50 (or so) films of the Year - Top 5 is finally on its way - will there be any shock entries?

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Ok so I need to create this thread before I am beaten to it by somebody again :)

 

So this is my top 50 or so films of the year. Why top 50 or so? Because I have seen precisely 50 (or so films from 2014) so this is actually a run down of every film I saw this year from worst to best.

 

As with everyone else, there are some films I have not seen and I will list those below:

 

*Every film that does not appear on this list*

 

 

I also want to give the usual caveat that this is subjective and ergo is objectively wrong, therefore I am bulletproof from all forms of criticism.

 

 

Now with that formality out of the way, may the list commence!!!

 

 

We shall start with:

 

THE BAD  

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55th - The Amazing Spiderman 2: 13/100

 

 Image result for tasm2

 

What I Was Expecting/Hoping: After the pretty pointless, but decently average retelling of the origin story for TASM 1, I was optimistic that the foundations had been set for TASM 2 to do what the original Spiderman 2 did and take the franchise to new heights. Rhino looked cool in the trailers and it's spiderman - arguably the best superhero blueprint of them all to work with.

 

What I got: Another shitting lead up film! When a film like TASM 1 is made in the knowledge a sequel is 100% happening, it is almost forgivable to give large portions of the runtime over to setting the scene for that planned second film and is probably a factor as to Comic movie part 2s are these days often better than the first ones. However when you use film two to just set up a spinoff and film three then you are taking the piss.

 

This film made me angry watching it, the random insertion of Green Goblin from nowhere, ending the film on a fight you advertise in the trailer and just expecting people will pay to see because: Spiderman. What makes it worse is that if the plans for TASM 3 had been continued and it actually turned out to be the great film that 5 hours of build would hope to create, it would be even more infuriating as future viewings of this mythical awesome TASM 3, would require the watching/rememberance of this pile of shit again  to truly set its stage.  

 

The only really incredible achievement this film accomplishes is to manage to be my most hated film of the year despite the performances of Garfield and Stone being so amazing. They owned those roles completely and it's an insult to both them and the characters that such great realisations of great characters can be turned into such a pile of steaming arse.

 

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54th - Into The Woods - 15/100

 

Into_The_Woods_(film).jpg

 

 

What I was hoping/Expecting:  I didn't really know what to expect. I knew it was a musical based around fairytales so was basically hoping that it would be the could kind of musical with a fun and unique take on the stories I knew (a bit like Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes). Oh and I also hoped that Johnny Depp would be decent for the first time in 10 years.

 

What I got: A film that felt like one of those cheap amateur stage musicals where everything and everyone is awful but the cast and directors think they're putting on Shakespeare at the Globe. For about half an hour, I was able to just about stick with the concept (thank Buddha to James Corden who was one of the few redeeming performances here). But then Depp happened...

 

  I don't normally like to do hyperbole (I do it and embrace it but don't like to do it for the sake of it), but I can't remember the last time I felt this uncomfortable watching a scene. If Depp was going for raging Pedophile then he nailed it because this is one of the most horrid characters I've ever seen in film and is a new low for Depp (in an ocean of recent lows) as either this was not intended and thus is terrible, or it was intended and then becomes the most disgusting choice of direction I've witnessed for a character in many a year.

 

I could have forgiven that one scene if the rest of the film was any good and it was sort of middling to okay. My major gripe though was the after credits scene: Why would you film a 40minute long end credit sequence AND show it before a single credit rolls. It is confusing and befuzzling and almost gives the impression that the Earthquake and everything that followed was an intentional part of the story and there's no way that can be true.

 

 

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53rd - The Boxtrolls - 21/100

 

The Boxtrolls poster.jpg

 

 

What I was hoping/Expecting:  Another film I knew nothing about and was probably never going to watch. Then it got nominated for an Oscar at the expense of some other good animated title (not naming names) and so I felt obliged to check it out and see if it deserved its spot.

 

What I got: Proof that some Oscar folks have no clue what part of their face their eyes are as this was another terrrible terrible film. As this list progresses you will see that I do not hate films easily (In fact this is the last film of the year that I outright hated), but when I do dislike something, the bile is strong. The characters in this annoyed me, the voice acting did not work for me at all and by the final 20 minutes I was just fighting to make it to the end so that I don't have a quandry over adding unfinished films or not.

 

Stop motion is admittedly hit and miss for me (when it isn't Ardman which is always hit), but the last one I saw was Corpse Bride which was lovely and I hoped for this to at least other some semblence of reason for an Oscar nod and there was just none. They couldn't even make cheese obsession funny.  

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Next up, are the films I rated as disappointing or to paraphrase a popular drumming film:

 

 

NOT AT PRECISELY THE EXACT DRUMMING SPEED I WAS HOPING FOR IN THIS PARTICULAR RENDITION OF THE MUSICAL NUMBER WE ARE PLAYING RIGHT NOW:

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Yes, the wolf in into the woods is intended to be peadophilic. It's actually more overt in the stage musical. I thought Depp played it super well, but that storyline in the movie doesn't play quite as well because all the other storylines are softened a bit too much.

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52nd - Under the Skin - 48/100

 

Under the Skin poster.png

 

What I was hoping/Expecting: A masterpiece where Johannson breaks all preconceptions one may have had of her to deliver a masterful performance to cement herself as a potential A list actress for years to come. I knew nothing about the book and had only vaguely heard that she plays an alien and that some of the scenes were actually Scarlett chatting to unknowing members of the Scottish public.

 

What I got: A film that just went over my head. I didn't realise that I needed to do homework before watching the film to know what was going on and I just couldn't enjoy it.

 

This is the first of three films in a row that are probably going to upset some people for being so low so I should offer my reasoning from the outset. I've already said this is a subjective list of how much I enjoyed the film, not how well made/directed/acted it may be. As such there are going to be some objectively bad films coming up later that I tolerated because I either wasn't expecting much from them or they were servicable in what they did. This film however was one I had high hopes for but it was just not my kind of film at all.

 

I think the main issue I had was that it was made in a style that grates with me 80% of the time, when there is little to no dialogue and long takes of people staring somewhere as scenery goes by (It was something I was worried was also going to be a problem for me in the opening 5 minutes or so of Whiplash but I will get to that one later). I wanted to like this film, I really did and I just found myself bored and disappointed. It's not horrible like the above 3 films, just dull.  

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I think the main issue I had was that it was made in a style that grates with me 80% of the time, when there is little to no dialogue and long takes of people staring somewhere as scenery goes by

 

 

Note: never suggest you watch a Leone film

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51st - Interstellar - 55/100

 

A ringed spacecraft, revolves around a wormhole, here depicted as a reflective sphere.

 

What I was hoping/Expecting: I was hoping this would be a return to Dark Knight/Prestige level quality and not picking up where TDKR left off quality-wise. I am a big fan of Nolan and have great respect for the ambition he has in filmmaking which is to be applauded. I was hoping that the end product would match the ambition.

 

What I Got: One of the most upsetting misfires of the decade (not worst films, misfire). It starts slowly, but that's forgivable if it's building up to an epic crescendo of awesome and amazingness but it didn't. There were to many acts of stupidity by the characters, brain-melting plot holes and issue after issue that just left me wanting to be put out of my misery.

 

The effects are amazing in places and there's a great idea for a story here, but I just felt heartbroken that that wasn't the story we were given. I truly applaud Nolan for attempting to hit the home run with this film and if the next film he lines up has a similar scope/scale and level of ambition, I'll be front row centre and hoping it's a massive success.

 

Nothing would have made me happier than to see this film place in my top 5 for the year as that would have meant a massive, ambitious, original high-concept blockbuster aimed for the fences and got the home run. Sadly for me, Nolan struck out with this one. 

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51st - Interstellar - 55/100

 

220px-Interstellar_film_poster.jpg

 

What I was hoping/Expecting: I was hoping this would be a return to Dark Knight/Prestige level quality and not picking up where TDKR left off quality-wise. I am a big fan of Nolan and have great respect for the ambition he has in filmmaking which is to be applauded. I was hoping that the end product would match the ambition.

 

What I Got: One of the most upsetting misfires of the decade (not worst films, misfire). It starts slowly, but that's forgivable if it's building up to an epic crescendo of awesome and amazingness but it didn't. There were to many acts of stupidity by the characters, brain-melting plot holes and issue after issue that just left me wanting to be put out of my misery.

 

The effects are amazing in places and there's a great idea for a story here, but I just felt heartbroken that that wasn't the story we were given. I truly applaud Nolan for attempting to hit the home run with this film and if the next film he lines up has a similar scope/scale and level of ambition, I'll be front row centre and hoping it's a massive success.

 

Nothing would have made me happier than to see this film place in my top 5 for the year as that would have meant a massive, ambitious, original high-concept blockbuster aimed for the fences and got the home run. Sadly for me, Nolan struck out with this one. 

 

 

 

aliens_hudson_game_over.jpg

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50th - The Grand Budapest Hotel - 59/100

The Grand Budapest Hotel Poster.jpg

 

What I was hoping/expecting: Wasn't sure with this one either. I have never been overly enamoured with the works of any of the Anderson Directors (Paul or Wes) and so even though I heard many good things about this film, I was also pesimistic as to whether I would like it myself.

 

What I Got: To explain how I feel about this film, I need to go back to 2003. I had made a decision to start reading books more often and specifically try some so called classics, modern and less modern. Among the books I chose was one called Coming Up For Air by George Orwell. I chose this book as Orwell was such a famous writer that I had never read and it was not not one of the obvious choices like 1984 or Animal Farm.

 

When I started reading the book, one thing struck me about it more than anything else: this was possibly one of the best written books I had ever come across. The prose was imamculate, the character and world creation brilliant. Orwell had a flourish for writing that most would kill for. Then 50 pages in, I put it down and never picked it up again. As brilliantly written as it was, it didn't mask the fact that I found the actuall story monotous and a chore to read. I recognised the talent of the author, but had no wish to see how his story unfolded.

 

Budapest is like a screen version of that book. I watched this film and was nothing but impressed by the acting, the direction, the beauty of the sets and set pieces. This was an expertly made film... that bored me to tears. I just found it dull and couldn't connect at all to the story unfolding. I wanted to, I really wanted to but I couldn't. It just isn't for me at all which is a shame. But hey, it's an improvement on my thoughts about Fantastic Mr. Fox which I despise. :)

 

 

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49th - Sex Tape - 66/100

 

Sex Tape (film).jpg

 

What I was hoping/Expecting: I was hoping for Jason Segal to get a big hit comedy as I really enjoy him from HIMYM and would love to see him have success. However his big screen outings have been very hit and miss for me so I worried that this could go badly in the other direction too.

 

What I got: A disappointingly below average affair. There was the odd decent joke here and there but overall this just wasn't funny enough to work. Ignoring the fact that it was in parts a running advert for Ipads which is just doubly sinful, this could have been a decent enough slice of low-brow cinema. I don't really have much more to add other than this just wasn't really all that great. 

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48th - Dracula Untold - 70/100

A man walking away from a large amount of bats.

 

What I was hoping/expecting: Dracula is one of the most iconic characters in fiction and a new Dracula film is always cause for hope that his story will be done justice. However, there is also the problem that too often, Dracula films turn out to be dissappointments at best.

 

What I got: A film containing a character called Dracula and film type stuff occurs between the first and last minute of the film. That's about all I can really say about this film. It exists. The end.

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