The CAYOM Film Festival: Volume II - The Festival's End

[Ezen Baklattan]

 

Reviews were on the bottom of the last page...

Edited June 11, 2013 by Spaghetti

[4815162342]

If you think it's really just a baseball movie Alpha then you didn't get it at all. I had to chop out a lot of extraneous fat from the original version from CAYOM 1.0 since that version was more miniseries than film, but this isn't just a straight sports film.

 

Also, Scorsese directed: Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore, The Color of Money, The Age of Innocence, Kundun, The Aviator, Hugo, etc. I think he's allowed to expand his zone. He directed a film about pool players (The Color of Money) it's not a stretch that he'd cover the most tumultuous season in the history of his hometown Yanks.

Edited June 11, 2013 by 4815162342

[Alpha]

Bumped up my grade to a C+ after a second read. Still didn't like it though.

[riczhang]

Can I get a clear text version of it? I can make anything out on my phone without hurting my head.

[4815162342]

Can I get a clear text version of it? I can make anything out on my phone without hurting my head.

 

The Bronx is Burning:

Alpha- C+ (5.8)

Blank- 9.5

Spaghetti- 9

 

Overall- 81/100

[4815162342]

Also, Alpha calling it 42 for White People is kinda insulting, since really the fact that Reggie Jackson was black is mostly irrelevant. The actual events would be pretty much the same if Reggie Jackson had been white. The film is a lot about the struggle between selfish advancement and selflessness/team spirit and how the former does win out when it produces results for others.

 

Maybe Alpha would have liked the original version more which had two huge subplots about the 1977 mayoral election and the Son of Sam murders spanning much of the film, as well as a big setpiece in the middle about the infamous July '77 blackout, but in the end they're too big and expansive for a single film and would just have been criticized I think for being filler.

Edited June 11, 2013 by 4815162342

[Alpha]

Also, Alpha calling it 42 for White People is kinda insulting, since really the fact that Reggie Jackson was black is mostly irrelevant.

 

What more do you want?

[4815162342]

I'm allowed to state my opinion of your opinion. We're not a Kumbaya society, we're allowed to strenuously disagree with people's reviews and labels.

[Blankments]

The screening for The Mansion just began. Unfortunately, one of the jury members got in a fist fight with Benedict Cumberbatch and is unable to attend. In his place, Vin Diesel is attending the showing, in support of his friend Paul Walker.

[Alpha]

The screening for The Mansion just began. Unfortunately, one of the jury members got in a fist fight with Benedict Cumberbatch and is unable to attend. In his place, Vin Diesel is attending the showing, in support of his friend Paul Walker.

 

More development on this story occurred when reporters had gone to the pub earlier, and one of the jury members got so wasted that he couldn't speak properly. When the reporters asked him why he was here, and he said "It's 5 PM somewhere in the world." The reporters told him he needed to review the films, and the panelist said, "F--- you, I can eat all these apples."

 

The reporters dragged the panelist back, who endlessly kept singing Frankie Valli's "Big Girls Don't Cry" before getting into the fight with Cumberbatch.

[The Dark Alfred]

Sounds like a film that would fare pretty well in my corner. Scorsese clearly showed over the years that he isn't just a mob-film director.

[Blankments]

The Mansion just finished its showing. Paul Walker went up to give Vin Diesel a bro hug after the movie, but instead Diesel just looked at him sadly and walked away. The two jury members' opinions will be posted shortly.

[Blankments]

The two panelists left the theater to head back to the pub, saying they need to wash something out of their mouth. Benedict Cumberbatch, who won the fight with the other panelist, was left to read their reviews out loud.

 

Blank's Review

No introduction here, I just need to talk about this film. Why was it even at this festival? Simply put, The Mansion is the typical January horror movie. It's full of cliches, stupid characters, and violence. I'm not a horror guy, and this did not convert me at all. A true pain to sit through too; I had to pee the entire movie. The direction is average, and everything about the film is just plain stupid. I can't not recommend this film enough; it's cliche and overdone horror that has no scares whatsoever.

 

Let me put on my inner Armond White. For all the flaws The Wanders had, it was still an entertaining film where I cared about the characters. I didn't give a shit about any of the characters in The Mansion. Furthermore, The Wanders had a good mystery, where as The Mansion doesn't care to explain anything; it'd much rather just have murders and gore abound. It's just stupid, no other word to describe. I am at a loss for words on how disappointed I am at this being entered into this festival.

 

0.5/10 (I like Ethan Hawke, so I can't give a zero)

 

Spaghetti's Review

Creepy Child? Large House? What Could Go Wrong?

 

I've never been a huge fan of horror movies, save some of the classics, like Jaws. I do like a creepy artsy film, however, and when I heard that a movie like this was coming to the festival, I was intrigued to say the least. This is the tale of a mysterious baby who arrives at a house, only to be taken in by the family that lives there. Needless to say, bad things happen. This is the story of The Mansion, a film which offers some decent thrills, but ultimately doesn't amount to a whole lot.

 

The acting is decent for a horror film, especially in the case of Ethan Hawke, and there were some genuinely creepy moments in there, but ultimately, one just can't shake the feeling that this movie has a sense of "Been there, done that." Despite its moments of legitimate thrills and surprise, the movie feels cliched and even a bit ridiculous at times, and I was never able to really get invested into this film.

 

Then again, I never really liked horror movies, so I suppose that this movie wasn't my cup of tea to start off with. It's better than a lot of horror movies today, and it does have good atmosphere, but it's just kind of there. I doubt that this is going to really stay with me as I progress through the various films at the festival this year. There's not much to say about this.

 

4.5/10

[Alpha]

Average Score:

25: Generally Unfavorable Reviews

Edited June 12, 2013 by Alpha

[Alpha]

Our drunk panelist was quoted saying after the reviews for The Mansion, "I swear on my father that is Jesus Christ that one day, John Harrison is going STRAIGHT TO HELL! Or whatever the heck his name is!"

 

Also, a superstitious moviegoer screamed and assaulted various people after the screening of The Mansion, after he saw a black-haired child stare at him creepily.

[Hiccup]

Nervous! Mine is the first one for Wednesday. I really hope the shortness of the plot doesn't affect the reviews. I am also hoping Alpha might look favorable on it. I will be offering up sacrifices to him to earn his favor and appease him

[Alpha]

Nervous! Mine is the first one for Wednesday. I really hope the shortness of the plot doesn't affect the reviews. I am also hoping Alpha might look favorable on it. I will be offering up sacrifices to him to earn his favor and appease him

I can neither confirm nor deny any of that

[The Creator]

I think Alpha is trying too hard to be an uptight reviewer. I've seen people like this all too often in the 20+ CAYOM years I've participated in. Every now and then, some rookie ventured in and thought he'd be hot shit to give outrageous reviews...half the time (more so actually) the player never actually read the films. Now, not to say Alpha is doing the same, but I notice similarities in that he insists only on giving negative reviews (a point he stated earlier when he said he'd be particularly tough...which is ridiculous, by the way, as being tough doesn't reflect the quality of a film). 

 

And I'm not just saying this because he gave Bronx is Burning a C+...because I don't particularly like BiB either. BUT, from a technical point, it is a brilliant film, almost as good as Black as Night. 

[Alpha]

I do have to say sometimes I don't give films a chance, but I'm pretty honest about my reviews. There are only a few films you can really like.

 

One day I may do another read of BiB and see if my opinion changes. Honestly, I didn't like the film, there's no reason that I have to like it.

Edited June 12, 2013 by Alpha

[Alpha]

We've just received reports that our drunk panelist from last night had a terrible hangover this morning. He says he will not participate for the first half of the day, and therefore will only see Midnight In The Afghan Valley and Donuts Are Zombies Along With The Dominant Walruses instead.

Edited June 12, 2013 by Alpha