Xillix' Unreasonably Critical Reviews, Y3

[Ezen Baklattan]

14 minutes ago, Hiccup23 said:

 

 

Oh I am not talking about Redeeming Love. Have at that film lol

 

With the mean spirited reviews, I don't think it is intentional but I have noticed since starting CAYOM 3.0 people seem to almost compete for who can be the most aggressive or harsh reviewer. In Year 1 and Year 2, I tried not to do that but Year 3 is a different game fyi. If y'all wanna play, I'll play. 

 

Unfortunately, I lost Society and it will never see the CAYOM again  I also think it would do poorly in CAYOM 3.0 especially since the cultural climate has changed so drastically. 

 

Also, I am not trying to come after anybody. I am just trying to say what I have been feeling about this game for a while. This was my opportunity to vent so I did.  

As much as I dug on the Poison and Wine stuff, it was a blast to read. You’ve got a passion and nerve that really makes things go boom, and as messy as the final product was, I really did enjoy reading the movies.

 

I try to see the positives in the films people write, (and I try to shy away from even looking at other peoples’ reviews so I can give my own honest opinion. There’s definitely a fine line between honest and harsh, and I don’t want to cross it. I’m actually going to try something a bit different for my Top 25 list this year that reflects this theme a bit. 

 

Too bad about Society  I think a lot of parts could work in it. Not sure if you’ve heard of the musical Dear Evan Hansen but it made me think of Society as I heard the music. I’ll see if I can help find it.

 

And I definitely know you’re not going after anyone, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t doing any of the things that were bothering you. And I want to make sure that this is a fair and fun game for everyone as much as I can.

[cookie]

With CC I exaggerate most of my negative reviews mainly for comedic effect, but I do understand why that can get tiresome and come across as mean-spirited when your work is subjected to mockery from multiple fronts. That’s something I’ll likely tone down on this year.

 

There are times I do take serious issue with something but that’s mainly when a movie tries to tackle a subject matter no real movie would tread similarly on without me getting similarly or even more worked up about it (looking at you, After Party - sorry @Isle of Pasta). Most of the time though I’ll just chuckle at the bad stuff.

 

I appreciate most of the stuff you do bring to this game @Hiccup23 mainly because it’s unlike any other player’s output (who here otherwise would write something like the P&W trilogy?) and that brings much needed variety. And at least when some of your movies bellyflop they do so in... interesting ways, which no one who I’d call a bad writer would bring.

Edited April 25, 2018 by cookie

[Ethan Hunt]

@Hiccup23 you're dope. 56 Days of Love is actually the best thing I've read in this game without a doubt. The thing actually made me an emotional wreck. Poison and Wine? One of my favorites of Y1. Midnight in the Afghan. Real good stuff. And

the Chrysallids is good!

[YM!]

@Hiccup23 for every Redeeming Love you tend to make a 56 Days Of Love so it all evens out but I get your pain. I am not going to lie I feel kind of shook as well.

Edited April 25, 2018 by YourMother the Edgelord

[4815162342]

6 hours ago, Hiccup23 said:

 

Unfortunately, I lost Society and it will never see the CAYOM again  I also think it would do poorly in CAYOM 3.0 especially since the cultural climate has changed so drastically. 

 

 

I'm pretty sure you can find it in the forum archive here.

 

 

I remember really really liking it except for that ending, which had a real sour taste to it.

[cookie]

44 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

 

I'm pretty sure you can find it in the forum archive here.

 

 

I remember really really liking it except for that ending, which had a real sour taste to it.

I’d like to think it was Year 5 or 6 but I can’t say for sure.

Edited April 25, 2018 by cookie

[4815162342]

3 minutes ago, cookie said:

I’d like to think it was Year 5 or 6 but I can’t say for sure.

 

I looked. It is Year 6, page 1 of the part 1 thread.

 

And it is no longer there, looks like he deleted it from the post.

[Ezen Baklattan]

37 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

 

I looked. It is Year 6, page 1 of the part 1 thread.

 

And it is no longer there, looks like he deleted it from the post.

A bunch of old CAYOM films were inexplicably purged from the game. That’s why I wrote Spark Rising from scratch.

 

I’ll try to see what happened.

[cookie]

1 hour ago, Isle of Pasta said:

A bunch of old CAYOM films were inexplicably purged from the game. That’s why I wrote Spark Rising from scratch.

 

I’ll try to see what happened.

Good thing I had Scrooge 1 on a Google Doc then

[Xillix]

SEPTEMBER

 

The Cycle of the Werewolf

"James Wan delivers another effectively moody, scary horror flick with some interesting themes courtesy of Stephen King's novella - sadly, though, the book's structure isn't a great fit for the screen, with the movie effectively divided into several 'episodes' of about 10-15 minutes each, frequently introducing characters only to immediately kill them off in the style of a lousy slasher. The execution is so far and above the usual Friday the 13th Part Whatever, though, that it still mostly works."

 

Cross Country

"It's generic and predictable, but still a reasonably diverting action-thriller saved mainly by the competence and dedication of the cast and director."

 

Dazzled

"Its subject is maybe a bit icky, but it's an old comedy chestnut, and there's nothing especially great or terrible about its execution here."

 

Fright Town

"I'm not sure why O$corp is releasing this so soon after Cycle of the Werewolf, but the good news is that it's bad enough that it shouldn't steal too much of that far-superior movie's thunder. There's plenty here to satisfy gorehounds, but no one else, and no semblance of fear or suspense to be found. The concept could've worked a lot better as a parody or at least an intentional horror-comedy."

 

Kim Possible

"This is adapted directly from a TV movie special, the intended series finale in fact, and boy does it show. There's no point of entry for outsiders, no introduction to the characters, concepts, world, or backstory. It's hard to care about the characters' romantic and social troubles if we have no idea who they are. Will only hold appeal to nostalgic fans of the series who are willing to splurge on a trip to the movies just to see an existing animated special dubiously brought to life with a relatively meager budget and none of the original cast."

Edited April 26, 2018 by Xillix

[Xillix]

@Hiccup23 Apparently the complete original text of Cycle of the Werewolf by Stephen King is under 16,000 words. You could've copypasta'd the whole thing and no one would have batted an eye.

Edited April 26, 2018 by Xillix

[Ezen Baklattan]

It's time for....

 

*HUGE BAF3 SPOILERS*

 

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Xillix]

OCTOBER

 

Fatal Rendezvous

"There's no single fatal flaw in this Hollywood thriller, no smoking gun I can point to that explains all of its issues, but it's merely a competent, unoriginal, and frankly somewhat boring crime flick without any of the inventiveness the director's brother brought to Memento so many years ago. The cast is strong, but they and Nolan feel like they're just going through the motions."

 

Halloweentown

"A stylish-looking animated film, with a certain amount of charm, but a woefully underwritten script that feels as though someone read a summary of the TV movie and just filmed that."

 

Blood and Fur: Inglourious Paw-Stards

"It's been a fun ride, but the series should really end here. There are still chuckles and guffaws to be had, but things have gone so far off the rails that the entire thing just sort of skates by on a total absence of logic, the new elements so overtly cartoonish as to not be terribly effective and the rehashed bits having lost much of their effectiveness."

 

Uglies

"Emblematic of just about everything wrong with YA movies, this is a thoughtless, sketchy adaptation, again seemingly based on a brief summary, of a hopelessly generic book that is basically interchangeable with dozens of others. Every theme and plot point here has been dealt with much more successfully several times before, on page and on screen."

 

Hope-Fear-Adventure

"It's a decent enough family parable with talking animals and a good message, but I'm still not sure why this kid can apparently run across water."

[Xillix]

FYI Wikipedia copypastas are pretty annoying, IMO.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Guess the walls I hit in writing it.  If it’s going to end, I’m ending it in my own crazy, bonkers way.

[Ezen Baklattan]

We've got two months left and only four films had a rating of four stars or over. Lord.

 

Even if every film in November and December get 4+ stars (as well as The Scavenger Wars), they're guaranteed to be in the top 25.

[Xillix]

November

 

The Chrysalids

"It's an ambitious adaptation of the classic novel, which today would likely be considered an early example of the 'young adult sci-fi' genre. The story is generally quite interesting, though admittedly not as impactful as it must have been back in 1955 given the spate of recent books and films treading such similar ground. Sadly, this film has pacing issues, with too many characters and events to fit comfortably into two hours; quite a bit of the second act could have been trimmed. The ending, faithful to the book, is also somewhat anti-climactic. Thankfully the cast is mostly great, the budget is ample, and technical aspects are impressive. Sadly the bizarre decision to market this is a period horror film - which it's clearly not, the only scares coming from a couple of brief nightmares - seems likely to backfire at the box office by putting it in direct competition with Silent Hill and potentially alienating the YA audience."

 

Don't Let the Pigeon Drive

"If they lost all the food in the lake, how, in the next scene, do they have enough food for everyone? What was the point of the whole heist? That and a few other continuity or logic issues aside, though, this is a sweet, sometimes funny, always interesting family film with a good, if overdone, message, and a handful of memorable scenes."

 

Le Grand Ecran

"I love the concept of the movie, and the style, but there's some real sloppiness here that takes it down several notches. The biggest, most ludicrous of which has to be the scene in which our heroine, Angelique, is trying to shoot a scene in the movie where she is not only playing a man, but trying to hide the fact she's not a man from the crew... yet is wearing a long, beautiful red dress she has trouble dancing in? How did that slip through? This is just the most prominent example of the movie's horribly distracting inconsistency as to who is or isn't supposed to be aware of Angelique's true identity, almost as if scenes from two totally different versions of the story were edited together and released, or like a major script rewrite was only half-finished by the time it went to animation. A huge waste of potential."

 

Bartimaeus and the Amulet of Samarkind

"Loud, flashy, and full of fancy CGI, Bartimaeus sadly suffers from a common problem among adaptations this year in that it doesn't do an awfully good job of filling in the uninitiated on who the characters are, what the rules of its world are, or why they should care. Characters and concepts jarringly show up out of nowhere repeatedly. The backstory and lore we do get is doled out oddly in fits and starts.  Some of the stuff that happens seems to happen for no apparent reason; the final battle is especially frustrating given that the way the villain is defeated is not only superbly anticlimactic but comes completely out of nowhere with the audience given zero indication - before or during the scene - that the tactic used would even do anything. Thankfully there is at least some actual character development on hand, and plenty of impressive magical battles. It's a far cry from Harry Potter or, hell, even Percy Jackson - but not quite a disaster like, say, The Last Airbender."

 

Mirror's Edge: Catalyst

"A rushed, breathless, ludicrous techno-thriller which is essentially more of the same - a labyrinthine but uninteresting plot filled with ludicrous twists which is ultimately just window dressing for some admittedly impressive stunts and battles. It's not offensively bad, but the law of diminishing returns is in effect here for sure as the type of visuals and antics here were already in the first movie, and have lost some of their power."

 

The Raven Boys

"There are cool ideas at play but I honestly had a hard time getting through this overlong YA fantasy flick. It suffers badly from poor writing, desperate need of serious editing, and frankly a rather uninteresting plot that seems to be nothing but buildup for a payoff that never really comes. Maybe it'd be in the sequels - there are, after all, apparently three further books after this one - but this first installment often feels less like a movie and more like homework you need to do before you can get to the real story."

 

51

"The Waco Siege is a fascinating tragedy, a controversial case in which many of the facts are still unknown. Making it into a found-footage thriller - one that condenses the 51-day-long siege into 90 minutes of shakycam mayhem without any identifiable characters - is, in my opinion, both in poor taste and a horrible waste of a good story. As far as found-footage films go, it's competently made (not that this is a high bar), but it leaves a bad taste behind and only delivers sporadic, guilt-ridden thrills. The story deserves re-examination - or an examination of any kind, really - in a serious film. This is probably best left ignored."

[Xillix]

So yeah of the 77 movies this year I've either written or reviewed, I gave or would give two stars or lower to 35 of them. That's over 45%.

 

December better be LIT y'all.

[cookie]

At this rate Ripper could be in top 10 

[YM!]

1 hour ago, cookie said:

At this rate Ripper could be in top 10 

So could My Peoples