Cookie’s Corner Year 3

[cookie]

"Cookie Pictures President and CEO Sebastian Peters speaking."

 

Yeah hi, this is @cookie. Can I get Tyler Bates on the line?

 

"No because he's not doing Voltron anymore."

 

What? Why?!

 

"The Duffers wanted Michael Giacchino instead."

 

Crap. Is James Newton Howard available then?

 

"Sure."

 

 

* Ship captain walks up to @cookie *

 

"We are entering the land man-eating giants, sir."

 

Good, that means we're on the right track.

 

* @cookie turns to the camera *

 

I'll be back, @Rorschach

[cookie]

The Odyssey: The Counsel of the Dead

 

Before we begin, I must pay my respects to the brave men and women on board the H.S.S Cookie who were brutally slaughtered by murderous giants, evil spirits and six-headed sea monsters trying to make this review happen. Your very entertaining sacrifices will not be in vain.

 

 

I gave the first Odyssey my first ever perfect grade when it came out, but as time passes I will admit it has flaws, mainly in that the story doesn't flow as naturally as it should. This sequel, while it has some of those same story flow issues, improves on a lot of things.

 

For one, Odysseus is no longer the only great character in a crowd of good for his son Telemachus gets equal screen time and his arc is a lot more engaging than it seemed at the start, a son trying to prove himself by facing those setting out to marry his mother. It's probably Dacre Montgomery's finest performance (funny how how both the red and pink Power Rangers get lead roles in two major blockbusters this year) and his arc's resolution, while a bit of a downer, does parallel well with the main story of Odysseus continuing his journey back home.

 

What I mean when I say that this and its predecessor has some story flow issues is that the first half feels very episodic, which I guess is unavoidable to a certain extent with the material at hand. This becomes a lot less of an issue in the second half (although I'm pretty sure you could've cut the siren scene entirely and the narrative wouldn't have changed a bit) and there's actual setup and payoff to a lot of what happens in the movie.

 

Speaking of payoff, the climax is awesome. Just the way it's presented with the parallel cutting had me on the edge of my seat the whole time. I think honestly just the sheer masterful use of tension is enough to make wading through the sometimes off flow of the earlier parts all the worth it.

 

Is this better than its predecessor? Since I've cooled on The Spoils of War a bit, I'd say yes, yes it is. With the third and final installment landing a year from now, I'll be greatly anticipating the conclusion to this so far stellar trilogy.

 

A/A- (it was an A- but that climax really is some of the best work I've seen in CAYOM)

Edited April 26, 2018 by cookie

[Rorschach]

Hey, an improvement upon the predecessor was mostly what I was hoping for with this film so mission accomplished. 

 

I’m very pleased with the reactions towards Telemachus and Laertes. I never realized how in-depth I was gonna go with those characters until I sat down and started writing. Hopefully, one of the two gets a shot at Oscar glory.

Edited April 26, 2018 by Rorschach

[cookie]

2 Lonely 2 Zookeepers

 

2.0 me, the time has come.

 

You told me we were going to see Scrooge 2 >:(

 

No, I didn't.

 

...Scavenger Wars?

 

No.

 

Odyssey 2?

 

I already reviewed that one.

 

Spark: Homeward?

 

The test screening version I saw kinda sucked, and no.

 

Cataclysmic?

 

I didn't name any of those movies.

 

Prince of Egypt?

 

Are you done stretching this joke?

 

...

 

Battletoads?

 

NO! No on all of those! We're seeing 2 Lonely 2 Zookeepers!

 

Yeah, but why?

 

Because the jackass who requested it told me to.

 

But why would anyone make a sequel to such an obviously horrible first film?!

 

I don't know, okay?!

 

* loud, rumbling sounds can be heard coming from the theater *

 

Alright, brace yourselves...

 

 

 

* 111 rhino-riding, milk-chugging and bad "Call Me Maybe" karaoking minutes later *

 

 

Told you I wanted to see Scrooge 2...

 

Shut up...

 

F

Edited April 26, 2018 by cookie

[Ezen Baklattan]

I do find it funny that the two people who actually quite liked the first draft were mixed on the final version. Hopefully your reaction is more akin to Rorscach or YourMother.

[4815162342]

40 minutes ago, Isle of Pasta said:

I do find it funny that the two people who actually quite liked the first draft were mixed on the final version. Hopefully your reaction is more akin to Rorscach or YourMother.

 

If 8.1/10 is mixed.... 

[Ezen Baklattan]

3 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

 

If 8.1/10 is mixed.... 

I meant Hiccup and Ethan. I know you liked it.

[cookie]

4 hours ago, Isle of Pasta said:

I do find it funny that the two people who actually quite liked the first draft were mixed on the final version. Hopefully your reaction is more akin to Rorscach or YourMother.

Just a heads up, I’m essentially going to review both versions of the movie.

[Xillix]

@cookie Cataclysmic and Silent Hill  

[Rorschach]

I wish I could view both versions, the theatrical and the original director’s version. Like a Superman 2 kind of deal. Guess I should’ve tried to read before it got taken off.

[cookie]

LiveStream

 

or

 

The second time Pidge decided to bail on Team Voltron (and it went badly for her)

 

So not only is Pidge in the starring role but you have Telemachus, Hiro Hamada and Admiral Packer (in a thankless cameo)? What fresh hell of franchise cross-streaming is this?!

Anywho...

PIDGE HOLT THE GREATEST DETECTIVE



But she's kinda dumb in this



Keith what are you doing in that gif you're supposed to be dead.

But the movie is really dumb so she comes out on top



But the movie is still really dumb (and shot on an iPhone because Steven Soderbergh did it, I guess)



And MRW that awful, awful twist where Telemachus and Giles were the villains this whole time



But I'd be lying if I said the proceeding parts weren't entertaining (and the fact that the villains tell Pidge she shouldn't go to the police and she does anyway warms my heart because my running gags are actually making an impact).

Can I get a verdict?



Fair enough, then I'll have to give one on my own.

 

C+

 

 

[Rorschach]

11 minutes ago, cookie said:

LiveStream

 

 

  Hide contents

 

 

or

 

The second time Pidge decided to bail on Team Voltron (and it went badly for her)

 

So not only is Pidge in the starring role but you have Telemachus, Hiro Hamada and Admiral Packer (in a thankless cameo)? What fresh hell of franchise cross-streaming is this?!

Anywho...

PIDGE HOLT THE GREATEST DETECTIVE



But she's kinda dumb in this



Keith what are you doing in that gif you're supposed to be dead.

But the movie is really dumb so she comes out on top



But the movie is still really dumb (and shot on an iPhone because Steven Soderbergh did it, I guess)



And MRW that awful, awful twist where Telemachus and Giles were the villains this whole time



But I'd be lying if I said the proceeding parts weren't entertaining (and the fact that the villains tell Pidge she shouldn't go to the police and she does anyway warms my heart because my running gags are actually making an impact).

Can I get a verdict?



Fair enough, then I'll have to give one on my own.

 

C+
 

 

 

 

 

This is troubling indeed...

 

[cookie]

@Isle of Pasta It's time for dual 2park judgement

[Ezen Baklattan]

Wake me up inside.

 

Ready for the C.

[cookie]

Spark: Homeward (Test screening version)

 

 

This was a mess.

I've gone over why this was such a disappointing sequel in the discussion thread already, but for those who never saw it, here's a rundown of why it just didn't hold up for me.

The main problem, the black hole that sunk this movie, was Jake Gyllenhaal.



Can we just break down what his supposed master plan was again? (I'm basing this off of memory since the movie got retooled after that, so I may be wrong on one or two details).

Step 1: Get DNA off of Alex (or her parents, can't exactly remember). Do nothing with this for what was it, twenty years?

Step 2: Attack a casino where Alex and gang are doing diplomatic stuff

Step 3: Tell the galactic council that if Alex goes back to Earth and stays there nothing else bad will happen. Why Alex has to be on Earth is never elaborated on.

Step 4: Expect that Alex ignores that warning anyway (which she does).

Step 5: Build a robot copy of her father. Why? I don't know.

Step 6: Reveal to Alex that her father was a robot this whole time. This would've been a devastating twist but again, what he expected to gain from this I legit couldn't figure out.

Step 7: Remove Alex's superpowers (which is apparently super easy to do despite the first movie making a big deal of how special Alex is) and give it to himself. Why he didn't do this from the start I don't know.

Step 8: Hijack an expo and release gas to kill everyone, because evil.

Step 9: Build a robot copy of Alex that will attack people at said expo. Why? Do you really expect the movie to answer that?

Step 10: ???

Step 11: Profit? Or at least break even since you decided to kill your own sidekick in order for this master plan to work?

 

Even looking past Gyllenhaal, there was a lot else that didn't work. The movie introduces this human/alien prejudice that you think would carry through the entire film, but it lasts one scene and is then never brought up again. Did the makers of this movie somehow get their hands on the script for The Scavenger Wars and went "oh shit, we can't have two movies in one summer dealing with human/alien prejudice!". It would've been cool if this factored in to Gyllenhaal's scheme but that's totally removed from it.

While Alex and Kozar are still the highlights of the film, the supporting cast doesn't entirely hold up like they should. Aera gets a few entertaining lines, but the whole part where her parents come out of nowhere in the last act was just random and honestly unnecessary, and the two who stalk Alex trying to get juicy stuff for their TV show or something (I can't remember their names) were just annoying.

 

So yeah, this was a pretty big disappointment and I'm glad Hourglass decided to retool the film before release. Will the retooled version be better? That's what I'm about to find out.

 

C+
 

 

Edited June 20, 2019 by cookie

[Ezen Baklattan]

Oh god you didn’t read it yet?

[cookie]

Just now, Isle of Pasta said:

Oh god you didn’t read it yet?

I'm doing it now. You better do my boi Taron good.

[Ezen Baklattan]

1 minute ago, cookie said:

I'm doing it now. You better do my boi Taron good.

I hope I did too. 

But I do like to think that the new version at least attempts to fix these problems.

[Rorschach]

@Isle of Pasta Do you have the original draft of 2Park? I'd like to do a comparison between the final and the old. I never got to read it. If not, that's fine.

[Ethan Hunt]

I liked the original better tbh