Blanked Out Reviews, Y4 3.0 (A Retrospective As Well)

[Ezen Baklattan]

1. The Greatest Grecian

2. Reliable with the Ladies

3. Silver Patriarchy Playbook

4. The Shape of Kibble

5. The Grand Budapest Jedi

[4815162342]

Just now, Spagspiria said:

2. Reliable with the Ladies

 

I'm a Trust Fund Baby, You Can Trust Me

[Blankments]

5. Wes Anderson's Month at Belmond Lane

 

@Spagspiria

 

1. Matt Reeves's The Odyssey: Homecoming

 

@Rorschach

 

4. Steven Spielberg's Fortnight

 

@4815162342

 

3. Tony Yacenda's By the Balls

 

2. Jennifer Yuh's Spark: Beyond the Sky

 

@Spagspiria

[Blankments]

Top 10 Worst of the Year:

 

10. One Piece: The Journey Begins
9. Extreme Dinosaurs II
8. Our City: Growth
7. Frosted
6. Spirit Curse
5. 3:37AM
4. Johnny Test
3. A Black Man, A White Man
2. Outside Man
1. The Second Crash Bandicoot

 

Honorable Mentions:

 

A Fool’s Errand
Earthsong Volume I: Haven’s Guard
Kingdom of the Sun
The Mole
Samurai Pizza Cats 2
 

Top 25:

 

25. Sir Thymes Time
24. Santa Claus: Ultimate Badass
23. The Amityville Nightmare Part II
22. Pillars of Eternity: The Hollow Vale
21. Earth Day
20. Tulpa
19. Blue and Gold
18. Jonny, Jonny! (Yes Papa?) Making Movie? (No Papa!) Telling Lies? (No Papa!) Buy Tickets Now! (Ha! Ha! Ha!): THE MOVIE
17. Amulet II: The Last Council
16. Paradise Lost
15. Extrasensory
14. The Princess Diaries 3: The Heir Apparent
13. Starlit Highway
12. Pokémon: Rise of the Rockets
11. American Dragon: Darkness Rising
10. The Square Mile
9. Mass Effect
8. Marked Up Time
7. Resonance
6. Can You Imagine?
5. A Month at Belmond Lane
4. Fortnight
3. By the Balls
2. Spark: Beyond the Sky
1. The Odyssey: Homecoming

[4815162342]

Curious to see your thoughts on Spark 3's third act acceleration.

 

 

Thanks for the mentions.

[Rorschach]

Thanks for #20 and #1 fam!

[Blankments]

As promised, here are the reviews of the second half:

 

July

 

Hoops – it’s no Uncle Drew. 1.5/5

 

Jaws: The Return – what seems to be a solid-yet-pointless sequel/remake oddly becomes a huge ridiculous blockbuster by the end. The cast is good but I struggle to understand why anyone thought an amusement park falling into the ocean would be a good climax for a Jaws sequel. Also worth singling out is Kira’s sacrifice which doesn’t make sense and feels weirdly emotionally empty. Just a weird movie that completely falls apart in the third act. 2/5

 

The Doppelganger – solid comedy but I wish it hadn’t turned to sentimentality halfway through. Disappointing. 2.5/5

 

I Am Omega: Part One – is this actually a movie 0.5/5

 

God of War: Retribution – this is white noise. I can’t understand how many so actors got lured into a film that felt entirely plotless. 2/5

  

Amulet II: The Last Council – First, a note on the writing style: I actually appreciate the minute count a ton. Makes reading it a lot easier. This is a bit too long for a PG-rated animated movie, but it’s well-paced and packed with story. It’s a solid sequel that I’d say is on par with the first, not better. Still hard for me to grasp this franchise, but again, a ton of care is being put into it so that’s very nice. 3.5/5

 

ThunderCats – Zwick is a horrifically bad choice to direct this but seeing the little effort put into it, I don’t feel bad saying this was pretty trash. 1.5/5

 

August

 

A Fool’s Errand - The short was cute. This movie looked nice, but had a generic plot that again was super hard for me to get into. So basically a Laika movie irl. Not a fan of the light cliffhanger though. 3.5/5

 

The Guardian of the West – solid documentary. Doesn’t do anything exemplary but it’s an interesting time. 3/5

 

Resonance – Fuck it, I liked this lol. It’s weird, intoxicatingly hypnotic and a damn good movie. 4/5

 

The Last Day of Summer – Okay. 2/5

 

Tattooed Teenage 4lien Fighters from Beverly Hills: Game Over - again… this franchise having no continuity severely bothers me. This at least has a fun angle of Hollywood satire the other two lack though and an incredible David Henrie joke. This also has the best ending of the three, although it lacks the true freshness of the first film. 3/5

 

September

 

Citizen Welles – Forgettable but solid. Marked down a half star for the inclusion of Tambor though. 2.5/5

 

Tulpa – Decent horror flick. Great cast but bad director and the plotting works pretty well, until the ending which I found a little dumb. Still, it’s a solid time. 3.5/5

 

Outside Man – Come on, if you’re gonna do a legacy sequel, you gotta give some effort. This is lowkey insulting to treat as an actual film. 0.5/5

 

The Swarm – why is this an anti-bee propaganda piece? Why is Amy Adams wasting her time in this and Jaws 4? This was dumb and I didn’t like it. 1.5/5

  

The Second Crash Bandicoot – this made me realize a problem I have with a few of YourMother’s films, in that the plot feels very incidental and there’s no real sense of character or theme, or even sincerity to the world’s existence. The whole film feels like a filler episode in other words. I’m not necessarily sure anything happened in this movie that justified its long length; there was no theme, Crash didn’t learn anything, it was just white noise. Sorry buddy, this one didn’t do it for me; it’s a sequel that regresses from the first film. 1/5

 

October

 

Leviathan – a fun blockbuster that knows not to overstay its welcome. A good change of pace. 3/5

 

Extreme Dinosaurs II – Didn’t like this one either. Inexplicably a lot longer than the first one, it’s not ever remotely funny. Some of the action is better, but still, it’s safe to say this is a franchise I’m not a fan of at all. 1.5/5 0:17

 

Baked Sale – why is the short got more plot than the film itself 2/5

  

The Amityville Nightmare Part II – a significant improvement on the first film, it builds character and tension well, while telling a fun story. Edgerton is a fantastic addition and it’s very enjoyable. That said, I wasn’t a big fan of the climax but overall, it was a lot more fun and readable than the first film. 3.5/5

 

Bats – okay 1.5/5

 

The Square Mile – this really isn’t in a genre I like but I can recognize its well-made with very distinct characters, despite a sometimes generic story. It’s paced well, has a fantastic ensemble and utilizes a non-linear structure to memorable affect. A very good crime drama. 4/5

  

Samurai Pizza Cats 2- again, I found the fourth wall breaks tiring, but this was about on par with the first. I found the plot more disjointed but more interesting as well. A fun if not very memorable time. 3.5/5

 

Starlit Highway – this was pleasant with strong characters and a good reveal at the end. It works more as a hang-out movie than anything else but honestly? That’s okay. 3.5/5

 

November

 

Guys and Dolls – fun musical that services the spectacle aspect and not much else. 3/5

 

A Wish for Wings That Work – a cute Christmas movie that’s pretty fun. I liked it. 3/5

 

Crysis – A decent action movie. Not much else. 2.5/5

 

Food Wars – wasn’t a fan of the ending, but this is a charming enough comedy not to really hate. 2.5/5

 

Santa Claus: Ultimate Badass – it’s problematic at points but it’s ridiculously fun. Loved Hemsworth in this. 3.5/5

 

A Black Man, a White Man – this is not okay. 0.5/5

 

Silent Hill: Restless Dreams – I’m gonna address this here because I know I’ve been giving bad reviews to practically every horror movie Xillix has given to me besides Amityville 2: I need to have a real reason to care about the characters to be engaged. The Conjuring is my favorite horror film to talk about simply because it cares deeply about its characters. Both the Warrens and the family being tormented are given moments for us to really connect with them and their problems. This does it better than Silent Hill 1 honestly, mainly due to the dialogue giving James an actual personality, but it still could go further. Case in point: the main reason I cared in Amityville 2 was because Lee Pace’s character had gone through the ringer in the first movie and was clearly shaken by it and other parts of his job. He also had a strong personality and, due to feeling responsible for a lot of the mess of the first movie, much more relatable than I found him the first go-around. But about Silent Hill 2… I liked this more than the first one honestly. I know this isn’t the common opinion but I found James a more compelling protagonist and the repeating Maries and dealing with grief were so much more fascinating than what the first movie had. I again feel like there’s not much going on here thematically or really character-wise and it’s much too long for what happens in the movie, but the main mystery is compelling enough that I was still into it. 2.5/5 (very close to a 3)

 

December

 

Home Invasion – wasn’t expecting the aliens. 2/5

 

Spark: Beyond the Sky – a heartpounding blockbuster that builds and builds until it finally explodes. A worthy follow-up to the first film, it almost justifies the average second film by having elements that seemed useless seem important. It’s a massive step up in scale and in theme and I really enjoyed this one. Especially worth pointing out is the character of Xevarre, who essentially plays more like I feel Venchell was supposed to; a nuanced villain who we can understand despite hating everything she stands for. The action is great, and the third act is incredible. The stakes have been risen and I can’t wait for Spark IV. 4.5/5

 

Kingdom of the Sun – let’s talk about the importance of putting together a good creative team before we even go into the treatment here, because in my opinion, there are three very clear problems with the crew of this film. First, Michael Gracey is a director who really has only done one film that only excelled at musical sequences. The Greatest Showman director shows NOTHING that would fit a Mesoamerican family epic and from how I imagine this film, there isn’t much dancing involved. Second, Pasek and Paul specialize in ballads, and if you listen to the songs from The Emperor’s New Groove (deleted and original), I don’t understand how you can think they sound remotely similar to Pasek and Paul’s work on Dear Evan Hansen, Greatest Showman or La La Land. They don’t fit the tone here and the songs would stick out like a sore thumb. Finally, this cast is pretty whitewashed, and I know when I did YZMA in 2.0 I had the same problem. I wouldn’t repeat that today. That said, I won’t hold the cast against this film because I know I did the same thing back in the day. The director and songwriters though? Definitely. As for the film itself, it’s interesting. I think the best way to enjoy it is to totally divorce it from The Emperor’s New Groove since they’re totally different in tone and honestly, removing the humor of TENG makes me want to dislike this more than I do. It’s a concept that really has no interest to me. I think a lot of the plot elements here don’t necessarily come together as well as they could, but it’s entertaining and a very unique setting for a film. Ultimately, this was one of the better blockbuster this year, but I’m definitely knocking off a half star simply because not a lot of thought seems to have gone into the production team behind this. 3/5

 

Fortnight – in some ways, this falls under the “not my tempo but very well done” area. That said, the amount of research here is legitimately impressive and the war sequences are a sight to behold. It’s a well-ticking clock that honestly never really stops with it’s fascinating machinations despite how tiring I found it at points. Intricately woven and telling an important slice of history, it’s a truly excellent film, even if I had trouble being engaged at points. Don’t let this tepid response fool you, I legitimately enjoyed this movie a ton. 4.5/5

[Blankments]

@Rorschach @Spagspiria @4815162342 congrats on making my top 5! As a reward, you can choose a pre-read of any of my following movies, but once a movie is picked, it can't be picked again, and you must choose in the order I've listed above. The films that are up for grabs were the ones in my week of announcements, which are:

 

Chuck Norris and Liam Neeson 2

Children of Eden

The Santa Clause

Shiverin' Gulch

Kappa Mikey

The Secret Saturdays

 

Congratulations again to everyone for a dope year!

[Ezen Baklattan]

Thanks, mate!

 

I'll take CHUCK AND LIAM II.

[Rorschach]

I’ll take Shiverin’ Gulch

[4815162342]

2 minutes ago, Blankments said:

 

Children of Eden

 

 

[cookie]

You seem to be putting a lot of stock into what directors people pick...

[YM!]

11 minutes ago, Blankments said:

made me realize a problem I have with a few of YourMother’s films, in that the plot feels very incidental and there’s no real sense of character or theme, or even sincerity to the world’s existence. The whole film feels like a filler episode in other words. I’m not necessarily sure anything happened in this movie that justified its long length; there was no theme, Crash didn’t learn anything, it was just white noise

Thank you very much for the constructive criticism. I only have recently started writing in CAYOM as I haven’t done creative writing for fun like this since eighth grade, but this does seem to be my weakest link as a storyteller and I will try my best to improve that especially as I have a lot of big projects next year. 

[Xillix]

I don't think I'll ever forgive you for dropping Restless Dreams' score below Resonance.

 

For real... once @cookie publishes his list and the critical consensus/Metacritic is done, I'll probably go back and do some more in-depth reviews on the movies where my opinion was drastically different than most others'. Resonance will definitely be one of them because, in all honesty, I'm actually kind of baffled by how well that one's done critically.

 

Glad you like ANII though.

[Blankments]

1 minute ago, cookie said:

You seem to be putting a lot of stock into what directors people pick...

?

 

The only director here that actively hurt a film's reception is Gracey. The other ones I mention are just side-comments in a review. Also... the cast and crew picked should have an influence on reception imo

[Blankments]

1 minute ago, Xillix said:

I don't think I'll ever forgive you for dropping Restless Dreams' score below Resonance.

 

For real... once @cookie publishes his list and the critical consensus/Metacritic is done, I'll probably go back and do some more in-depth reviews on the movies where my opinion was drastically different than most others'. Resonance will definitely be one of them because, in all honesty, I'm actually kind of baffled by how well that one's done critically.

 

Glad you like ANII though.

please give me one of By the Balls because I'm legit still kinda confused by the short one you gave it, but judging off what you've said about it in other threads, I'm legitimately curious because I believe you probably have constructive criticism there for me

[4815162342]

3 minutes ago, cookie said:

You seem to be putting a lot of stock into what directors people pick...

 

Sometimes it is worth commenting on. Like Michael Bay doing War and Peace

[Xillix]

1 minute ago, Blankments said:

please give me one of By the Balls because I'm legit still kinda confused by the short one you gave it, but judging off what you've said about it in other threads, I'm legitimately curious because I believe you probably have constructive criticism there for me

I will, but to be honest, my extended review for it is actually going to repeat a lot of points from what @cookie just posted about it. With the marked difference that the flaws he points out but excuses (and he is well within his right to do so) bothered me a lot more.

[YM!]

2 minutes ago, Blankments said:

?

 

The only director here that actively hurt a film's reception is Gracey. The other ones I mention are just side-comments in a review. Also... the cast and crew picked should have an influence on reception imo

I choose Gracey from a mainly box office perspective. I wanted KOTS to be a fun musical that the general audience would enjoy and eat up. However I understand why you would think Gracey isn’t a great choice. 

 

 

I also get the criticism on casting however apart from Pfieffer and Farmiga, the rest of the actors/actresses were people of color. 

[cookie]

11 minutes ago, Blankments said:

?

 

The only director here that actively hurt a film's reception is Gracey. The other ones I mention are just side-comments in a review. Also... the cast and crew picked should have an influence on reception imo

 

9 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

 

Sometimes it is worth commenting on. Like Michael Bay doing War and Peace

I get if it's egregious like that. It just made me worry for my work next year more than it probably should (I've been on the edge over a lot of things lately so apologies if I'm being a bit paranoid).