Slam! Movie Reviews [Y5 Edition]

[SLAM!]

Why, hello there! You'd stumbled upon a humble little place where the latest movies are reviewed! If you're searching for a thorough, introspective, and considerate review for your movie, well, you've come to the right place!

 

Here's a guide to my rating system:

 

10 - Exceptional

This score is given rarely and indicates a one of a kind cinematic experience that must be seen in theaters.

 

9 - Adept

This is a film that, by all intents and purposes, not only accomplishes what it sets out to do, but is even able to expand upon its initial vision in unique ways.

 

8 - Proficient

Fans of this film's genre will certainly have a good time, though, perhaps, a certain pizzazz was left on the cutting room floor.

 

7- Fine

A film that, while technically sound, often fails to offer any new or fresh cinematic ideas.

 

6 - Mediocre

A film which leaves many things to be desired from both its technical and storytelling aspects -- though fans would surely still resonate with a film such as this.

 

5 - Hollow

The shell of a better film which fails to hold within itself the ghost of a more efficient product.

 

4 - Poor

It is evident that certain elements of the film fail to come together to make a coherent whole.

 

3 - Unsatisfactory

The talent and workers involved in this film did not perform the jobs that were asked of them by the studios who hired them.

 

2 - Incompetent

It's not that the talent and workers didn't do their jobs. It's that they couldn't.

 

1 - Traitorous

The act of seeing or watching a film with this score ought to be considered sacrilege against the countless filmmakers in history who fought tooth and nail to ensure the prosperous cinema we have today.

 

 

I am looking forward to reviewing the films of Y5 as the months go by! Here's hoping I'm able to give out many high scores this year!

 

Yours Truly,

 

The Slammy Slamster

Edited March 11, 2019 by Slambros

[SLAM!]

So the order of which I'll be reviewing films is this:

 

I'll be reviewing every film (other than the New Journey Pictures films for obvious reasons), and I'll be doing it in the order of the release schedule. When a sequel comes up, and I haven't read the preceding films in its franchise, I'll go back and read that one / those ones before reviewing the newest one. Slam! is a monthly magazine; therefore, I'll be posting one post for January, one post for February, and so on, and so forth. If I'm passionate enough about a film, I'll give it a Spotlight--its own large review, all to itself, right before the month's collection is posted--but if a spotlight is to happen, it'll be one per month--exceptions will be made sparingly. But, at the very least, each film will get a meaningful paragraph and a numerical score. And, do note that just because I don't Spotlight a film doesn't mean I don't love it, and just because I do Spotlight a film doesn't mean I don't loathe it.

 

This is something I'll at least do for the first game year I'm doing reviews, and maybe in the coming years, I'll start taking requests and experimenting with different styles of review. But until then! I'll be reviewing each film rigorously, and with no holds barred.

 

Yours Truly,

 

The Slammy Slamster

[SLAM!]

The January issue of Slam! Movie Reviews will be released tonight.

 

After I go to the store because I'm out of laundry detergent pods and there's no way I'm not starting my laundry tonight.

[SLAM!]

SLAM! REVIEWS: JANUARY ISSUE SPOTLIGHT

 

Spoiler

LIFE OF GALILEO

 

Dir. Baz Luhrman

 

This film is nothing short of fascinating to me. It tosses the viewers into the time period with deft film-making, and Luhrman is able to embed a real sense of vivacious to the world of the film. Many of the performances, especially those by Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio, are excellent.

 

Now, while the film is able to use its many storytelling risks to its advantage, there are some times where the film takes its style too far--especially in the moment where

Spoiler

Kanye West is rapping.

 

And despite its risks, it feels, to me, that the film is spun from a manufactured yarn--aiming to be the thread between the general audience and a casual cinematic understanding. Its intimate moments are often overshadowed by cameras which soar through the 16th century streets like eagles, and the constant fore-grounding of music, Lurhman's hit-or-miss directorial trademark.

 

And yet, I must commemorate the respect that the film has for Galileo, as well as its daring, unflinching attitude. On the question of whether the film should be seen, I would be remiss not to recommend it. This is a film whose sheer ambition demands to be experienced in theaters.

 

[SLAM!]

JANUARY REVIEWS

 

One Last Time

The Ariana Grande concert film suffers from a lack of ambition. For those who are not already fans of the pop singer, I would advise for their valuable time on New Year's Day to be used in more valuable ways. 6/10

 

Hostel: Bloodline

The hyper-violent horror flick brings many memorable performances to the table, but is otherwise a been-there-done-that affair. A well-filmed one, however. 7/10

 

Life of Galileo

The film's intimate moments and intriguing breakdowns of a historical event more than make up for the jarring overuse of questionable stylistic choices. Kate Winslet's performance is masterful. A film which feels out of place in the January time-slot. 8/10

 

The Study

The film seemingly ends where the story is supposed to begin--and audiences everywhere will be left disappointed. 4.5/10

 

Headline

As subjective as this criticism may seem, I do insist that Lynch would have been better off in Dillon's role, and Dillon would've been better off in Lynch's role. This unfortunate casting misfire holds back a film that could have otherwise thrived. 5/10

 

Kaleidoscope

The film's apparent endorsement of hallucinogens rubs me the wrong way. 3/10

 

 

Edited March 20, 2019 by Slambros

[YM!]

Is February tomorrow @Slambros?

[SLAM!]

1 minute ago, YourMother the Edgelord said:

Is February tomorrow @Slambros?

 

Maybe, depending on the amount of work I have to do for college.

[SLAM!]

SLAM! REVIEWS: FEBRUARY ISSUE SPOTLIGHT

 

Spoiler

BYTEREALM

 

dir. Alex Proyas

 

ByteRealm runs on a cinematic thread that is easy to identify at first glance. But with its clever anti-hero plot, breathtaking visuals, and character-appropriate virtual avatar designs, this unassuming Sci-Fi blockbuster fare ultimately proves to be more than meets the eye.

 

That is not to say that it is without its faults. The film is high in exposition; the audience is told a lot of information within the span of the film. Of course, some or most of the exposition is necessary--vital, even. But it goes without saying that, armed with the knowledge that ByteRealm is a virtual world, the average audience would not necessarily need to know the amount of information that the film chooses to give. At the very least, the way in which the exposition is given is appropriate to the tone that the film is trying to convey--props to the film's script. In all fairness, an original franchise hopeful calls for a fair amount of exposition, so this can be a necessary hindrance.

 

What is most upsetting about this piece is that the virtual world of ByteRealm is ill-defined. When I watch the scene which take place in ByteRealm, I do not feel transported into the world. There is a crucial sense of place that is missing from this piece, and if there is to be a sequel to this film, I would absolutely yearn for more visual description of the culture and scenery that ByteRealm contains.

 

Perhaps, that is not the story the film wants to tell. This introductory is placing a palpable emphasis on the real world, and the plotlines of those who dwell on it. The film treats the real world as the primary world and the titular world of ByteRealm as the secondary world, and while it makes sense from a storytelling standpoint, and from the standpoint of being able to witness the complex live-action performances of Dacre Montgomery and Hailee Steinfeld, I am perplexed that the gritty hacker storyline and a I-don't-know-how-they-missed-it new world adventure storyline aren't as evenly balanced as they perhaps should be.

 

What I'm saying is this: I want to know more of this world. My thirst for setting is left unquenched.

 

However, I am still left satisfied by all the things that work--the visuals, the design, the acting, the tone. I recommend that lovers of the science fiction genre support this film, so that the world can be elaborated on in the sequel.

 

[SLAM!]

FEBRUARY REVIEWS

 

Broadway Selects: Hello, Dolly!

Broadway has chosen an excellent production to give moviegoers a chance to witness--a perennial classic, no less. While the necessity of a Broadway production for the silver screen can be called into question, fans of theatre would be remiss to skip this. 8/10

 

Next Vegas

The film effectively misuses its science fiction moniker by devolving into a run-of-the-mill crime thriller. This is a film which has been seen before. 5/10

 

Medusa

A deftly animated production filled with memorable characters and set-pieces, one that's destined to please many generations of animaniacs. It's most pressing flaw: its narrative is taken too seriously for its own good. 8.5/10 (*This was very close to being February's spotlighted film.*)

 

Perfect Match

A well-cast action thriller (both in the acting sense and directing sense), in the guise of a romantic film, that is sure to entice audiences of many different tastes. However, the film's tone feels a touch tamer than what it aspires be--which can be seen as both an asset and a detraction. 8/10

 

The Poet

The film's ending throws the tone of the film into question, causing the film as a whole to feel rather incoherent. 4.75/10

 

ByteRealm

This is a film which attempts to tell the story of two worlds. It is an aesthetic and technical masterclass, though it suffers from an overemphasize on one of its worlds over the other. 7.75/10

[Ezen Baklattan]

And now you'll start getting to my films that aren't terrible.  

[Blankments]

EGK is relieved Perfect Match so far is getting good reviews

[SLAM!]

So the March film I haven't read yet is Artifacts: Rise of the Crest. Given that it's 11:00 PM where I am, I've decided to read it tomorrow. My brain is going into shut-off mode. But I'll have my spotlight(s) and reviews tomorrow, for sure.

 

Edited March 22, 2019 by Slambros

[SLAM!]

SLAM! REVIEWS: MARCH ISSUE SPOTLIGHT

Spoiler

*DOUBLE FEATURE*

 

Spoiler

THE EPSILON SYNDICATE: UNION OF THIEVES

 

dir. Drew Goddard

 

There exists a film, in a realm separate from ours, that showcases the marvelous misadventures of exaggerated super-spies. The film in question is known to the movie-going public by the title of Kingsman: The Golden Circle. Its method of adding urgency to the protagonists' plight: a disease which ravages the public. The disease is known to be dangerous, but the film brushes past this by curing the public very quickly. If there is anyone dying by the hand of the disease, they are few in number.

 

This is one of many places where the marvelously executed Epsilon Syndicate differentiates. This film, one available to witness in the realm of CAYOM, utilizes the plot device in ways that truly elevate the sense of scale that Kingsman: The Golden Circle is said to have been somewhat missing. While Epsilon still boasts the same comedic tendencies as its counterpart, Epsilon does not waver on the perceived vitality of its own plot.

 

The performances add a great deal to the film, especially those of Thomasin McKenzie and Emily Blunt. Their characters are nuanced and exciting to watch, just like their counterpart. The action is equally as exciting--every scene, where punches are thrown and bullets are sprayed, fully exude the film's various inspirations, while simultaneously becoming something of its own. Not only this, but the film surprisingly knows how to withhold its action until the action's proper bursting points, while still remaining exciting.

 

The film still heavily relies on the conventional style of Hollywood storytelling, but the execution of the style is almost pitch-perfect. This film is truly a must-see for anyone who is a fan of action films.

 

Spoiler

CRUSADER

 

dir. Timothy Van Patten

 

Crusader is often similar in tone and feel to the masterful Fortnight from last year, but that doesn't mean Crusader fails to offer new and exciting in its own right. The film is masterful in the way it makes use of its underused setting and philosophical nuances.

 

Every performance in this film is excellent, though Mads Mikkelsen is especially good as Father Johann. His nuanced portrayal of a man still clinging to faith directly after its rampant misuse during the crusades is truly a sight to behold.

 

The film is also brilliantly paced from the slow start to the thrilling riverside climax--though, in the film's ending moment, the film disappointing devolves into corniness. Cutting away as Liam Neeson is rushing towards the enemies, failing to drag out the final moment in a way that honors the dramatic tone of the rest of the picture, is a tonal misstep that makes me genuinely sad it missed its mark. I get why it was filmed the way it was, and I'm sure the general audience will eat it up, but it simply wasn't for me.

 

Nevertheless, when the majority of the film is as high caliber as it is, I have no choice but to recommend it to everyone who is willing to give something different and unique a chance at the theater Make no mistake: Crusader is an epic.

 

 

Reviews and scores coming later today.

Edited March 22, 2019 by Slambros

[cookie]

Have you read the first TSW yet or do you plan to do so when you get to the sequel?

[4815162342]

Slambros I have to disagree. Drawing out the final scene would have not served any purpose other than to string things out. We didn't need to see how it played out since the point of it was the character arc itself finding closure in the character's choice.

 

Spoiler tags are a pain on mobile, so I'll refrain from going further.

[SLAM!]

Just now, cookie said:

Have you read the first TSW yet or do you plan to do so when you get to the sequel?

 

Sorry for the delay.

 

For all of the sequels this year, if I haven't read their prior films yet (or if I think I need a refresher), I'll read them right before the sequel. 

[SLAM!]

12 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

Slambros I have to disagree. Drawing out the final scene would have not served any purpose other than to string things out. We didn't need to see how it played out since the point of it was the character arc itself finding closure in the character's choice.

 

Spoiler tags are a pain on mobile, so I'll refrain from going further.

 

I think that's a pretty fair point, to be honest. It was just that my initial reaction was that of getting flashbacks from Amazing Spider-Man 2. I will say that the moment in Crusader is like a million times better executed than it was in ASM2.

 

But overall, I thought the film was excellent! It played on its themes well, and it was very well-written!

[4815162342]

9 minutes ago, Slambros said:

 

I think that's a pretty fair point, to be honest. It was just that my initial reaction was that of getting flashbacks from Amazing Spider-Man 2. I will say that the moment in Crusader is like a million times better executed than it was in ASM2.

 

But overall, I thought the film was excellent! It played on its themes well, and it was very well-written!

 

It's funny you say TASM2 because I intended it to homage the ending of The Grey.

[SLAM!]

47 minutes ago, 4815162342 said:

 

It's funny you say TASM2 because I intended it to homage the ending of The Grey.

 

 

[cookie]

Haven’t read Crusader since the 2.0 days but the ending felt very The Grey to me. The Liam Neeson connection probably helps.