Pirates of the Caribbean Dead Men Tell No Tales (2017)

[Blankments]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a shattering disappointment. The return of Will and Elizabeth, a villain played by Javier Bardem, and a much more interesting choice for directors this go-around should've added up to so much more. Instead, there's a film with three distinct issues:

 

- First, the plot completely disregards the rules set up within this universe. It feels as though the writers wanted to go out of their way to destroy the stakes of the previous films, blatantly ignoring some key bits of the worldbuilding just so they could have their "Save Will" plot. (Will is not cursed; to even attempt to free him from the Dutchman would cause major issues in ferrying souls to the afterlife, and I could go into more detail but I doubt any of you care.)

 

- That leads to the second issue, which is that the film picks the wrong main character. The strongest character arc belongs Scodelario's Carina and she's notably the only new character that's actually memorable. She ties into Sparrow and Barbossa's story a lot better than Henry, despite Henry being Will's son.

 

- The final issue is Johnny Depp. He isn't playing Jack Sparrow here. It's both the fault of the writing and his performance but even in On Stranger Tides, he feels like Captain Jack Sparrow, a unique character with his own agency and memorable moments. Here, he has finally become annoying, as he falls out of character time and time again for the sake of joke that doesn't fit in. Depp doesn't even do the voice right and always plays him even broader than he's ever been in previous installments. He has finally become annoying.

 

It's not to say the film doesn't have strengths. There's a few great setpieces, especially one that uses a guillotine in a truly wacky way. Scodelario, as previously mentioned, is great in it, and Rush gives yet another excellent performance as Barbossa, the only legacy character this film gets right. Bardem is sadly forgettable, as the film doesn't do anything really interesting with the fact that he's the first cursed villain in the franchise that isn't a pirate. Yet, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales sadly proves what many have been saying for a decade now. This franchise should've ended when Verbinski left, as everything after it has been a useless footnote in these characters stories, an endless epilogue without any agency, slowly ruining the franchise's legacy with every new film. It's time to leave these dead men to rest. D+

[John Marston]

7 minutes ago, Blankments said:

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales is a shattering disappointment. The return of Will and Elizabeth, a villain played by Javier Bardem, and a much more interesting choice for directors this go-around should've added up to so much more. Instead, there's a film with three distinct issues:

 

- First, the plot completely disregards the rules set up within this universe. It feels as though the writers wanted to go out of their way to destroy the stakes of the previous films, blatantly ignoring some key bits of the worldbuilding just so they could have their "Save Will" plot. (Will is not cursed; to even attempt to free him from the Dutchman would cause major issues in ferrying souls to the afterlife, and I could go into more detail but I doubt any of you care.)

 

- That leads to the second issue, which is that the film picks the wrong main character. The strongest character arc belongs Scodelario's Carina and she's notably the only new character that's actually memorable. She ties into Sparrow and Barbossa's story a lot better than Henry, despite Henry being Will's son.

 

- The final issue is Johnny Depp. He isn't playing Jack Sparrow here. It's both the fault of the writing and his performance but even in On Stranger Tides, he feels like Captain Jack Sparrow, a unique character with his own agency and memorable moments. Here, he has finally become annoying, as he falls out of character time and time again for the sake of joke that doesn't fit in. Depp doesn't even do the voice right and always plays him even broader than he's ever been in previous installments. He has finally become annoying.

 

It's not to say the film doesn't have strengths. There's a few great setpieces, especially one that uses a guillotine in a truly wacky way. Scodelario, as previously mentioned, is great in it, and Rush gives yet another excellent performance as Barbossa, the only legacy character this film gets right. Bardem is sadly forgettable, as the film doesn't do anything really interesting with the fact that he's the first cursed villain in the franchise that isn't a pirate. Yet, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales sadly proves what many have been saying for a decade now. This franchise should've ended when Verbinski left, as everything after it has been a useless footnote in these characters stories, an endless epilogue without any agency, slowly ruining the franchise's legacy with every new film. It's time to leave these dead men to rest. D+

 

 

 

this bugged me too. Also the rules of the compass

 

 

I still got some enjoyment out of this movie though thanks to the setpieces and I just like the world and characters and I would still like a Pirates 6. It definitely should have been better though

[John Marston]

saw this again. I liked it more this time. The script still needs a lot of work but the set pieces (especially the escape from the execution scene) are good, the humor is pretty funny, Carina is a really likable character and she and Henry have pretty good chemistry, Salazar is a good villain (though he needed more screentime) and the movie does a good job capturing the sense of adventure and fun a movie like this needs.

 

 

hope the next one works on ironing out that script a bit more

[ShouldIBeHere]

Didn't think it was as bad as I expected yet I never stopped thinking "Does this rally work with what was set up before?".

 

I also thought the main villain was a bit wasted, while Commodore Faramir was completely useless.

 

The character of Henry, though, is a major failure. OMG. So bad. Badly acted, no charisma, no interesting arc. Carina should have been the lead front and center.

 

Sparrow was bearbale in this and soemtimes even funny... still tragic Depp isn't capable of much more anymore these days. Bloom is pretty awful as well in this.

 

 

4/10

Edited July 4, 2017 by ShouldIBeHere

[nick64]

My review of Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales:

https://grabyourseat.wordpress.com/2017/07/09/pirates-of-the-caribbean-dead-men-tell-no-tales-film-review/

 

In 2003, Gore Verbinski’s Pirates of the Caribbean became an overnight sensation with its first entry The Curse of the Black Pearl. Much of this was due to Johnny Depp’s Oscar-nominated portrayal of the bumbling-yet-clever Captain Jack Sparrow. 2006 and 2007’s sequels were even more successful, but were accused of being too bloated. Despite the central story line being wrapped up, 2011 saw Sparrow return in On Stranger Tides, which put him truly front and center, and the results were not pretty. Six years later, we’re back in this world again with Dead Men Tell No Tales, and new co-directors Joachim Rønning and Espen Sandberg have attempted to bring the series back to what made it so successful in the first place. The outcome is enjoyable, but, once again, nothing special.

 

Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites) is a young sailor who hopes to one day find the Trident of Poseidon, which can rid the ocean of all curses, so that he can free his father, Will (Orlando Bloom, returning from the original trilogy). He recruits the help of Captain Jack Sparrow (Depp), Will’s old friend and a renowned pirate currently in a rut; and Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario), an ahead-of-her-time astronomer who thinks she can read the map to the Trident in the stars. However, their journey is complicated by Captain Armando Salazar (Javier Bardem), an undead Spanish sailor who seeks revenge on Jack for getting him and his crew stuck for decades in the Bermuda Triangle.

 

As previously mentioned, Depp as Sparrow was once the strongest part of this series. His combination of superior wit and sheer and utter luck always made for an entertaining diversion from the complex plot around him, making him an invaluable support character. On Stranger Tides proved that the word “support” was crucial, but now they’ve pulled a complete 180 and you’ll almost wish he was front and center again. Sparrow is present throughout most of the film, but he doesn’t really do anything. There are absolutely some funny set pieces involving him, but he really has no business being with the new duo and his presence actually makes them a target for Salazar. His cleverness is gone, and, rather than seeming like he might actually be one step ahead of everyone under all the insanity, every move he makes is detrimental to the heroes. The movie just doesn’t need him.

 

It really wouldn’t be much better without him, though. Thwaites and Scodelario are decent with their performances, but their characters just aren’t that interesting. The script does give them backgrounds, and Carina is a great female role model, but their personalities are just boring and not very pleasant. Both characters are annoyingly stubborn, and their decisions as based on what would be the most interesting for the plot. But even more frustrating is the incredibly forced romance between them. The two have absolutely no chemistry and are completely different in every aspect beyond not knowing their fathers, but the plot seems to think they should flirt and eventually become a couple.

 

Other than those two big weak spots, it’s actually a pretty entertaining film. The biggest highlight is Bardem as Captain Salazar. Salazar is an incredibly entertaining on-screen presence, and Bardem absolutely gives it his all for a wonderfully over-the-top performance. A lot of scenes involving the character are unfortunately backstory heavy, but he thankfully has a pretty interesting backstory, and the main flashback scene is one of the best in the movie. He’s also just mesmerizing to look at. Salazar’s curse has Bardem caked in makeup, and his hair is constantly waving as if he were perpetually underwater. It’s a really cool touch, and the makeup artists definitely deserve some awards love. Geoffrey Rush is also back in his role as Sparrow’s frenemy Captain Barbossa, whose allegiance is once again a mystery. The character remains one of the series’ most entertaining, and Rush is just as hammy as we’ve come to expect. And despite his character’s poor writing this time around, Depp is still great in his signature role.

 

Dead Men Tell No Tales is one of the most expensive films of all time, and it shows. The sets are wonderful, the effects are jaw dropping, and set pieces are consistently strong. All the prettiness can’t really hide the blandness underneath though. The action is exciting and a good portion of the humor hits, but the plot is once again a convoluted mess. The Trident of Poseidon is such a laughable McGuffin, and the overall plot arc is just a reboot of The Curse of the Black Pearl, this time on autopilot because Rønning and Sandberg just aren’t as strong as Verbinski. It’s flashy, it’s funny, it’s well-acted, it fixes some of the problems of the last film, and the Will Turner cameo will fuel nostalgia, but Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales winds up being another empty shell in the end.

 

Grade: 5.5/10

 

[MrFanaticGuy34]

I enjoyed this one as well.

 

About as much as it’s predecessors.

[Lordmandeep]

A 6 out of ten film with a heartwarming ending that raises it to a 7

[aabattery]

Immensely unsatisfying after watching the first 3 POTC's before it. Was straight up embarrassed for Depp for 99% of his screen time. That being said, it is better than On Stranger Tides (I think. It's been 6 years since I saw that one and I'm not planning on watching it again) and there is some fun stuff coming through but it just feels so lifeless compared to the first three.

 

Also, don't cast a fucking 30 year old as Keira Knightley's son LOL. It was nice to see Will and Elizabeth together on screen again though.

[cookie]

Might be the worst of the five Pirates movies.

 

Haven't seen Black Pearl in a long while but I remember it being fun, Dead Man's Chest and AWE are all over the place and you forget who's doing what and who's going where but they're magnetic in their extravagance. On Stranger Tides is alternately amusing or shitty but at least it felt the most straightforward and Depp and Penelope Cruz had a report.

 

This... Just stop already.

 

Depp just looks tired. Bardem tries but the movie gives him so little to work with and the VFX on him has nothing on the flawlessness that still is Davy Jones. Kaya Scodelario is cute but the other characters either treat her like crap or make some really inappropriate remarks towards her. Like I get that pirates weren't known to be clean but some jokes laid at her got really uncomfortable and she does nothing to deserve it. I just felt bad for her.

 

And Brenton Thwaites... why does this human sandpaper have a career? Who still puts him in movies? He's not even really an active character in the movie, Scodelario and even Depp do more to make the plot move forward than him, and half the point of Jack Sparrow is that he's just a stumbling drunken fool. And of course he has zero chemistry with any of them.

 

Even the filmmaking is lackluster. The VFX are inferior to the Verbinski trilogy FROM TEN YEARS AGO, outside of a few shots (like the island made to resemble a night sky which was actually pretty clever) nothing really impressed me and most of the sets look really slapdash. The action scenes don't help as they're either underwhelming or cartoonish but not in the way that makes them fun like the Fast & Furious movies. Even the music feels like a budget version of what it once was. I thought "man, Hans Zimmer's really let himself go, has he?" but then I checked and discovered that Zimmer didn't even do the soundtrack to this one! What the hell.

 

Even if it's the shortest of these movies it pretty much felt the longest. The plot sets itself up like it should be simple and straightforward but there are so many pointless side tangents that I honestly started losing track of where the movie was going. At least when I lost track in DMC and AWE it was because they built up this huge complicated mythology, Dead Men Tell No Tales is complicated for no goddamn reason.

 

The post-credits scene promises at least one more movie. Please make it the last one and just go all out. It's clear you're just doing this because the money forces you to Disney, at least make the final outing count for something.

Edited January 15, 2021 by cookie

[John Marston]

Liked this more on repeat viewings 

 

 

hope they make another 

[xanamanax]

Recorded this on cable a few weeks back and finally was able to watch. I thought it was okay, nothing more. Some of the action was good, some of it looked too choreographed. There was a decent amount of laughs. I loved the idea for the story, Will Turner's son trying to free his dad from his curse. I don't think it was well executed. I didn't like the surprise near the end. It was too daytime soapish. I wished Bardem had more screen time. 

 

C