cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 The Honorable Mentions Exactly 25 movies received a B- or above from me this year, but not all of them will make the top 25 list unfortunately. Here are those that sadly missed out: Seeing Her by @spaghetti! - Me bumping the grade up to a B- is the only reason this is even an honorable mention. I've gone over my frustrations with the film in great length, but the stuff I thought worked worked just enough to earn an honorable mention. Phone by @Xillix - A decent late summer horror despite some logical leaps throughout and a late-game reveal that doesn't serve much purpose. One of the better horror entries in a year already jam-packed with them. The Beckinsville Files by @Xillix - A found-footage film where the characters do the smart thing right away (even if it's already too late) and has more than enough monster action on screen, despite its overall predictability. The Defiler by @Xillix - A downer ending and a needless jump scare at the end drag this down to being an honorable mention, but there's enough creative monster spooks to go around. Séance by @Xillix - An interesting ghost story undone a bit by the ending, but a strong lead performance from Téa Leoni earns it an honorable mention 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) #25 BraveStarr by @Xillix - A fun cowboy adventure that's unfortunately bogged down by unnecessary self-deprecating humor throughout, but the goofy charm was enough to pull this over the edge. #24 The SCP Foundation by @Alpha - The strength of the last two shorts are what earn this film a spot in the top 25. Even if the earlier shorts are far weaker, strong direction is present throughout. #23 He-Man by @Xillix - Despite it taking a long time for the title character to get in on the action, this is still a fun fantasy action adventure with exciting set pieces, fun visuals and an earnest tone that proves to be much welcomed. #22 The Provider by @spaghetti! - It's a confusing film, no doubt about it, but gorgeous cinematography, a strong first act and a shining performance by Gugu Mbatha Raw help elevate the film above most of its competition. #21 America! by @Bastien - Beautiful vistas of Utah and a message of preserving the environment help this film stand above its peers. Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 The Voltron Award for Best Combination of Genres And the nominees are: Me and My Shadow by @spaghetti! - I'm cheating a bit here since it's more of a combination of styles (2D and 3D) than necessarily genres, but the blend mixes perfectly, giving us two worlds with unique perspectives - literally. Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills by @Xillix - A superhero parody movie that goes to pretty absurd lengths but is made all the funnier for it. The SCP Foundation by @Alpha - A horror anthology series, each short with wildly different styles. Points for ambition if nothing else. And the winner is: Me and My Shadow Congratulations @spaghetti! - You won a pretty easy category, to be honest. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) The Hunchback Award for Beauty on the Inside And the nominees are: Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills by @Xillix - By all accounts this should have been grating and awful, but the subversive plot and absurdist tone works almost seamlessly here, leading up to an ending that's sure to be remembered for a long time. Blood and Fur by @spaghetti! - A trashy exploitation film about nazis versus furries, a bargain basement premise given a ton of charm, humor, gore and hilarious turn by Al Pacino. Bonus points for bravely taking a side when South Park-style "haha, both sides are stupid" would have been the easy (and shitty) way out. The Space Pirates by @Xillix - A sci-fi action comedy released in the late August dumping ground should never have been this much fun. Sure, it chickens out on a grand finale, but the preceding movie is still a riot. And the winner is: Blood and Fur This bold and subversive comedy isn't going to win any Academy Awards, but it's an instant cult classic that's going to be a midnight staple for many years to come. Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) #20 Rollercoaster by @cookie #19 The Space Pirates by @Xillix - By all accounts this should've been bad, a sci-fi pirate comedy dumped in the dog days of August, but it's actually really entertaining, save the fact that it ends kind of abruptly. A proper climax would've propelled it much higher on the list, to be honest. #18 Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills by @Xillix - It's trashy, it's stupid, it's lame, it's cheap... and also very, very funny. #17 The Truth about the Harry Quebert Affair by @Bastien - An investigation drama with a few entertaining twists and turns, even if some of them stretch your suspension of disbelief. #16 Second To Singapore by @cookie Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChD Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Hey, say what you will about Life is Strange, but it's the BEST worst movie, so that's something! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) The Reverse Hunchback Award for Ugliness on the Inside And the nominees are: Public Eye by @Hiccup23 - A drama touching on a very important subject in today's society sprinkled with a good cast and a talented director... that bafflingly choses the wrong perspective to tell the story from and is almost offensive in how it portrays its subject matter. Life is Strange by @ChD - An otherwise acclaimed video game adaptation with beautiful cinematography, great cast, inventive visuals... that falls flat on a story that is either poorly adapted from the game or never made much sense to begin with. Touching Spirit Bear by @Alpha - It was about... something, I guess? I'm not really sure why it gets such high praise from other reviewers. And the winner is: Touching Spirit Bear Good cinematography, a promising cast and an entertaining curb-stomp bear scene can't save this movie from being anything else than an infuriating clunker. It is true that you're supposed to despise the protagonist from the start, but the movie gives us no insight or understanding into him so when he eventually does come around (which happens in a very rushed section at the end of the movie) it leaves no impact. Why this is ranking so high on other players lists is beyond me. Congratulations @Alpha, as a reward you get to watch this piece of shit: Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) The Rollercoaster Award for Best Thrill Ride And the nominees are: Airframe by @Xillix - A very entertaining thriller with enough air industry easter eggs to go around. The Yellow Wallpaper by @Alpha - Darren Aronofsky delivers another suspenseful psycho-thriller buoyed by an excellent lead performance from Rose Byrne. White Hurricane by @Xillix - The Perfect Storm on a lake set in 1913. A tense, expertly directed and expertly acted disaster drama. And the winner is: White Hurricane Dealing with storms, guilt, family loss, racism, revenge, rivalry and the hope of a brighter future, White Hurricane is everything you could've asked for from a disaster drama by the one and only J.A Bayona. It's certainly the best thriller to come out to cinemas this year. Congratulations @Xillix, enjoy the ride! Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 23 minutes ago, cookie said: The Reverse Hunchback Award for Ugliness on the Inside And the nominees are: Hide contents Public Eye by @Hiccup23 - A drama touching on a very important subject in today's society sprinkled with a good cast and a talented director... that bafflingly choses the wrong perspective to tell the story from and is almost offensive in how it portrays its subject matter. Life is Strange by @ChD - An otherwise acclaimed video game adaptation with beautiful cinematography, great cast, inventive visuals... that falls flat on a story that is either poorly adapted from the game or never made much sense to begin with. Touching Spirit Bear by @Alpha - It was about... something, I guess? I'm not really sure why it gets such high praise from other reviewers. And the winner is: Hide contents Touching Spirit Bear Good cinematography, a promising cast and an entertaining curb-stomp bear scene can't save this movie from being anything else than an infuriating clunker. It is true that you're supposed to despise the protagonist from the start, but the movie gives us no insight or understanding into him so when he eventually does come around (which happens in a very rushed section at the end of the movie) it leaves no impact. Why this is ranking so high on other players lists is beyond me. Congratulations @Alpha, as a reward you get to watch this piece of shit: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChD Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 6 minutes ago, Alpha said: Wanna trade awards? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) #15 Mara, Daughter of the Nile by @Hiccup23 - A not particularly deep but still engaging drama with some nice set pieces and a show-stealing lead performance by Sofia Boutella. #14 Amulet by @Alpha - An imaginative, exciting fantasy adventure that would've been even better if it slowed down to take a breath every once in a while. #13 Airframe by @Xillix - An investigation thriller with planes, Jodie Foster and corporate intrigue. What's not to like? #12 The Yellow Wallpaper by @Alpha - It stretches the story a bit thin even with the short running time but Darren Aronofsky delivers another hit combined with a thrilling performance by Rose Byrne. #11 The Curse of Monkey Island by @Bastien - An excellent pirate adventure that were it not for the miscast lead would've propelled even higher, but it's still great nonetheless. Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 4 minutes ago, ChD said: Wanna trade awards? But Touching Spirit Bear loses either way Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChD Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 2 minutes ago, cookie said: But Touching Spirit Bear loses either way Shhhhh! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 The Faith Award for Most Daring Film And the nominees are: Poison and Wine by @Hiccup23 - A Fifty Shades-style love(?) story featuring two college-age men, dialogue-heavy scenes and plenty of gratuitous butt-grabbing to be had. It ultimately doesn't work overall, but it gets an A for effort. Blood and Fur by @spaghetti! - A trashy comedic gore fest that dares to take a stand where lesser filmmakers would have not. Also has one of the more unique premises of the year. Public Eye by @Hiccup23 - Telling the story of Ferguson from the story of the police is... ahem... bold, even if it falls apart under scrutiny. Love at First Sight by @Bastien - Another LGBT love story, this time involving a blind person. Certainly a unique setup. And the winner is: Poison and Wine I may have been critical of most of @Hiccup23's output this year, but one thing remains clear: he goes where few other CAYOM filmmakers would go, and you have to commend him for that, even if it doesn't always work, this film being one of them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) #10 ReBoot by @Xillix - A hugely entertaining adaptation of the classic series with fun characters (even if the lead is a bit too bland for my taste), welcomingly updated visuals and a surprisingly mature message for kids. It's an easy late-year winner. #9 Spark: Rising by @spaghetti! - Spark has all the makings of a fantastic film. It doesn't quite get there, mainly because it throws too much at you in the second half, but the first half is close to pitch perfect and it's one of the most entertaining franchise-starters of the year. Here's hopefully to a long and prosperous series. #8 Faces & Voices: The True Story of Milli Vanilli by @Xillix - A late-year surprise all things considered. While it's a bit standard at times and the epilogue leaves something to be desired F. Gary Gray delivers a hugely overarching story true to facts with a little bit of magic sprinkled about. A real gem for the end of the year. #7 Voltron: Defenders of the Universe by @cookie #6 White Hurricane by @Xillix - An extremely intense but also very engaging disaster drama that while not deep enough to make it into the top 5 is still one of the year's biggest surprises. Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xillix Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Fun fact: Some of the details in Faces & Voices about what happened in Farian's studio are actually primary-sourced. I'm Facebook friends with the Rocco sisters and I interviewed Jodie about it >.> 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 (edited) The Zarkon Award for Best Bad Guy And the nominees are (spoiler warning): Al Pacino as Vincent Haverford in Blood and Fur ( @spaghetti! ) - Who is he? CEO of Starlight Hotels. Evil plan? Join the nazis in the fight against the furries. Motive? He's a nazi. A hugely entertaining performance by the always great Al Pacino that comes in just at the right time. Will Arnett as Shadow Hale in Me and My Shadow ( @spaghetti! ) - Who is he? The shadow of Will Forte's Professor Hale. Evil plan? Become the Prime Shadow. Motive? Power. A sneaky little asshole that uses deceit and trickery to get what he wants, plus proves to be an exceptional threat to our heroes. Michelle Pfeiffer as Agorava Naryani in Spark: Rising ( @spaghetti! ) - Who is she? Senator in the Celestial Alliance. Evil plan? Use the Infinites to destroy the world. Motive? Evolutional supremacy. A smooth-talking but also mighty deceitful villain who manages to fool pretty much everyone, and a welcome return for Michelle Pfeiffer into tentpole villain roles. Christoph Waltz as Alric Stein in White Hurricane ( @Xillix ) - Who is he? Rival fisherman and patriarch of the Stein family. Evil plan? Outdo the Davies family. Motive? Pride. A highly abusive, racist and altogether hateful character that you love to hate in any movie, Stein is the terrible parent or relative we've all come across at some point. Benedict Cumberbatch as Megabyte in ReBoot ( @Xillix ) - Who is he? A destructive computer virus. Evil plan? Infect the super computer and "corrupt and conquer". Motive? Evil programming. Megabyte is an evil, but surprisingly funny adversary that's refreshingly humble and honest about his true intentions and provides a real challenge for the hero's pacifist philosophy. And the winner is: Al Pacino as Vincent Haverford in Blood and Fur Some villains are sympathetic, others may just be misunderstood. Some may have had tragic events lead them to the mindset that shapes their villainy. But sometimes it's nice to just have a bad guy that's just unrepentantly evil because he can, and who's better at the job than a nazi? Al Pacino's hugely entertaining performance seals the deal on Haverford going down as one of the all-time CAYOM bad guys. Edited September 28, 2017 by cookie 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alpha Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 Yes, Algernon's in the Top 5! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cookie Posted September 28, 2017 Author Share Posted September 28, 2017 And we've made it. The five best films of the year. Only one can take home the grand price. Which one will it be? I'd like to thank @Alpha @spaghetti! @Xillix @Hiccup23 @Ethan Hunt @Rorschach @Electric @Bastien for sticking with me through all of this. Your input has been much appreciated. The Cookie Award for Best Movie of the Year And the nominees are: The Adventures of Scrooge McDuck Blood and Fur Me and My Shadow Flowers for Algernon The Hunchback of Notre Dame And the winner is: Spoiler And here to present the Cookie Award, Warren Beatty! Spoiler Hmm... looks like he's having a bit of trouble reading the envelope. Yo Francis, go tell Beatty to hurry up! "The Adventures of Scrooge McDuck" Spoiler WOOOOO Spoiler I GAVE AN AWARD TO MYSELF Spoiler CELEBRATORY SELF-MASTURBATION TONIGHT Spoiler Uuuuh Francis, why are you going back up on stage? Spoiler "Sorry guys, there's been a mistake" Spoiler "Flowers for Algernon, you guys won Best Film of the Year" Spoiler WHAT THE FUCK FRANCIS Spoiler GIVE ME THAT ENVELOPE Spoiler "Emma Stone - Best Actress" WHAT?! HOW?! Spoiler Warren Beatty, you fucking moron Spoiler How the hell do you arrive at "Scrooge McDuck" with an envelope that doesn't even say that?! Spoiler How the fuck do I manage to fuck up my own awards show?! Spoiler Urgh... Spoiler Flowers for Algernon Congratulations @Alpha Spoiler Now if you'll excuse me, I have a corner I need to go cry in. 2 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rorschach Posted September 28, 2017 Share Posted September 28, 2017 More spoilers in that one post than a season of Game of Thrones 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
