CAYOM Y10: Part 1 (TAKE TWO) (THIRD TRIMESTER)

[Ethan Hunt]

Peter and the Starcatchers

Director: Gary Ross

Genre: fantasy/adventure

Release date: July 17th

Theater Count: 3,890

Budget: 160M

Runtime: 119 minutes

Rating: PG-13

Cast:

Tom Holland-Peter

Darcy Rose Byrnes-Molly

Ed Oxelbound- James

Sophie Turner- Tinkerbell

Sean Harris- Black Stache/Captain Hook

Mark Ruffalo-Smee

Plot:

In this prequel to the story of Peter Pan, Peter and his ragtag group of orphans are placed on the leaky, poorly-run ship known as the "The Neverland," to be deposited on the island of Rundoon. Rundoon is governed by a barbaric king, whose acts of torture and abuse--such as the time he fed his father to his pet snake--are well-known throughout the empire. As the orphans travel the wide seas in a leaky vessel infested with rats, take abuse by the second-in-command, Slank, and are served meals that are still alive and moving, they are not sure if their fate under such a tyrant would be worse than their lot on "The Neverland," or perhaps an improvement. They look to Peter for help.

As it happens, as the ship was loading these poor boys, a large trunk was placed in the hold of the vessel, and locked up tight. There is clearly something magical about this trunk--whoever touches it is healed, begins to sense of the beauty if the universe, and feels a profound sense of happiness and well-being. Peter is determined to find out what treasure this trunk holds, and in doing so he runs across Molly Aster, the only daughter of the man who is scheduled to be the ambassador on Rundoon, and who has--oddly enough--booked his passage separate from his daughter. Initially, Molly clearly knows more about the trunk than she will tell Peter, but she is forced to take him into her confidence as Black Stache, the most dangerous pirate on the high seas, successfully attacks first Molly's father's ship and then heads for "The Neverland."

What the trunk holds is much more than simple treasure; the contents are so powerful as to be connected to the ongoing struggle between good and evil that pervades the universe. Peter and Molly valiantly try to fight off both Stache and their ship's own Slank from the trunk, but the battle for it takes a backseat as a violent storm whips up, and all the boys, Molly, Stache, and Slank wind up on an island inhabited by savages where visitors are promptly fed to a vicious beast in order to strongly discourage them from ever returning. "

Thanks to Molly and Peter, the trunk of starstuff is safe, returned to the Starcatchers and Molly's living father. Peter however, in his surviving exposure to the starstuff, has gained the permanent ability to fly. It is also uncertain as to whether or not he will ever age. Peter learns he will be an outcast, and even though Molly will return to London, he decides to stay on the island, so he can be the person he "really is" and not "a circus sideshow". The orphan boys decide to remain with him, and Leonard Aster creates a fairy, which they name Tinker Bell, to protect Peter. Peter and the other orphan boys are soon taught by the natives how to build a house, and they learn to survive on the island, which Peter names "Never Land" after finding a plank that said "Never Land" from the ship that wrecked on its rocks as he watches Molly, and only Molly, on the ship containing a her, a few starcatchers, Leonard, and Alf sail back to England.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Ethan Hunt

[4815162342]

The Line

Genre: War
Cast: Jason Clarke (Captain Martin Walker), David Oyelowo (Lieutenant Alphonso Adams), Elyes Gabel (Sergeant John Lugo), Stephen Lang (Riggs), with William H. Macy (The Radioman), and Sean Bean (Colonel Konrad)
Directed By: Scott Cooper
Release Date: July 17, Year 10
Theater Count: 3411

Running Time: 128 Minutes
Budget: $125 million
MPAA Rating: R for scenes of graphic war violence, strong language, and disturbing images

Plot Summary: Adapted from the video game Spec Ops: The Line, slightly modified to fit the times
 

The game begins with Captain Martin Walker (Clarke) lying unconscious on a sand dune, bruised and bloodied. He wakes up, disoriented, as his voiceover says “An old friend once told me that every soldier has a line, and there’ll come a point when they have to decide whether to cross it.” Walker achingly stands up and as he does we see a wide shot of him in the desert near a crashed helicopter, on the outskirts of a Dubai buried by a sandstorm, parts of the city smoking.

THE LINE

48 Hours Earlier

We go to the beginning of the story, with a voiceover from Walker explaining that in the year 2020, the largest sandstorm ever measured erupted in the Arabian desert, and engulfed much of the Persian Gulf, especially the United Arab Emirates. Evacuations were assembled, with the famous 33rd Infantry, led by Colonel Konrad dispatched to help with the evacuation of Dubai. But the storm moved too fast, and most of the regiment and city was cut off and surrounded by the storm. “That was six months ago, and we had no contact from anyone in the city…until now.” [This is played over news coverage of the catastrophe]

We cut to the interior of a sandstorm, with a small unit led by Walker traversing the storm wall through to the outskirts of a mostly-buried Dubai on foot. The unit includes Lieutenant Alphonso Adams (Oyelowo), Sergeant John Lugo (Gabel), and a few others. Adams is all serious and business, while Lugo is more of a wisecracker. They exit the storm wall and marvel at the city and outskirts buried under feet of sand. We learn that Walker served under Konrad in the Syrian Intervention in 2016 and Konrad saved his life as well as the lives of his unit and countless refugees. It’s clear Walker has a lot of respect and reverence for Konrad. We also learn that when the storm grew too severe, Konrad was ordered to withdraw with the 33rd, but he refused, instead deliberately staying behind with the remaining citizens.

After some initial walking they come in contact with a group of hostile armed survivors who have just executed several members of the 33rd, save one. A firefight breaks out and the hostiles are killed and the remaining member of the 33rd is mortally wounded in the crossfire. Before dying he tells Walker that “Konrad has failed.”

The team briefly debates what to do. Their mission was to find evidence of what happened to the 33rd and then report in for extraction so the military can decide what to do. Adams wants to follow the orders and Lugo wants to learn more first. Walker elects disobey orders and try to find out what has happened in the city.

They move closer towards the city, a bit nervous, and soon come across refugees being rounded up by 33rd soldiers. They try to peacefully intervene but the soldiers mistake them for CIA operatives and begin a firefight, resulting in the team having to kill fellow American soldiers, much to their dismay. One of the redshirts in Walker’s unit is killed as well. As the 33rd retreats with a number of civilian prisoners, Walker insists, over Adams’ objections, on investigating further in hopes of evacuating survivors and finding Konrad to get answers. However night is falling and with no one knowing the area, they decide to hold position and plunge into the city in the morning. As they look for a place to settle, we hear a voiceover from Walker saying that it made no sense for the 33rd to attack them, and they tried to settle things nonviolently. He wonders if this means that Konrad has lost control of his men, or worse, is dead. Walker says his mind wants him to turn back and follow orders, but his body feels compelled to go forward.

As they bunker down, we get some quiet talking with the three main characters. Adams strenuously objects to staying in the city and says they need to call in for support now. Lugo on the other hand wants payback for the loss of one of their men and thinks if something is wrong they gotta find out what and maybe try to fix it. Walker says he can’t believe Konrad would allow anything bad to happen, not after what happened in Syria, so he feels a need to press on and get to the bottom of this. The team also debates why they were mistaken for CIA operatives.

As they sleep, Walker dreams of the past. We see him in Syria and going to meet Konrad (Bean), who seems to be the model of a perfect military commander. Konrad tells Walker that several hundred refugees have been rounded up in the foothills and they’re going to go in and get them out. Walker suggests that they’re acting outside of protocol. Konrad scoffs at this and says they have to do what is necessary to do the right thing, even if it means breaking some rules. He tells Walker to gear up.

At dawn, Walker’s team enters Dubai. The streets are deserted and the few civilians in the area run and hide in fear upon seeing the soldiers. They also start hearing radio broadcasts by a man (H. Macy) they recognize as a famous journalist who had traveled with the 33rd to Dubai to chronicle the evacuation (audiences would now remember a couple short clips of the character in the opening swath of news footage). The Radioman gives almost propaganda speeches about the need for the people to follow order and let the 33rd keep the city secure from all elements that would cause havoc. The Radioman also references Walker’s team as some new arrivals meant to cause trouble. Lugo comments that the guy sounds like he went off the deep end. Adams thinks it’s just another reason to get the hell out.

As they get further into the city, they encounter several 33rd soldiers who open fire on them. Another of the redshirts is killed and the rest of the team is able to retreat into an abandoned shopping center. They are pursued but hold them off until several armed locals arrive and kill the rest. With the locals is Riggs (Lang), a former Special Forces officer recruited to lead a CIA strike unit. Walker and his men are both glad and suspicious to see Riggs, who explains the situation to them: After the failed evacuation, Konrad and the 33rd returned to Dubai as an occupying force and essentially took over the city, and committed atrocities against the civilian population with the intent of maintaining order. The news shocks everyone, especially Walker. Adams asks what the CIA is doing here and Riggs says that after the world lost contact with Dubai, the CIA sent a few agents in to investigate. When they saw what went on, and after they lost their ability to leave the city safely, they decided to help the locals fight back. Riggs gives them instructions on how to reach a rendezvous point for the militia, though they would have to get through a fortified intersection known as The Gate to take the fastest way there. Riggs also mentions that civilians have been rounded up by The Gate and haven’t been seen since. Riggs finally says he will go to the rendezvous point by a different route to round up some more militia

Walker’s team moves out, though not before Adams and Walker get into a big argument about what they are doing. Lugo, starting to think something doesn’t feel right, tries to play peacemaker but to little success. They hear some more broadcasts from The Radioman trying to convince them that Dubai isn’t their fight and they should leave while they still can. As they press into the city, Walker’s voiceover returns, commenting on the Radioman’s broadcasts alternatively sounding like the rants of a dictator and the cries of a scared boy for help. “Maybe both are true.” The voiceover says part of him refuses to believe Konrad could go so far, but the other part admits that, based on Syria, it isn’t surprising. “If Konrad is alive at the end of the road, he will answer for what he has done.”

As they near The Gate, they are joined by some local militia to assist, but their probe draws mortar fire which contains white phosphorous rounds. The rounds incinerate and char flammable material, such as people, and the barrage kills most of the militia, the remaining redshirts, and civilians caught in the way. Walker and Adams are enraged by this and want to go on the attack, whereas Lugo is now wanting to retreat, saying that this is far more messed up than he thought. When they ignore him and advance, he has no choice but to follow.

The three arrive at the Gate, which is heavily guarded by the 33rd, and fight their way to an overlook over the plaza where they find a mortar with white phosphorous rounds. Disregarding Lugo's objections, Walker and Adams use a mortar loaded with white phosphorus to attack the 33rd’s positions. After the fire clears, the three advance through the carnage, which is presented in an almost ethereal quality that enhances the horrible effect of the weapon, and the three soon learn to their horror that the 33rd was providing shelter for civilians within The Gate, and many of them have been killed by the white phosphorus rounds. Lugo accuses Walker and Adams of being murderers. Adams doesn’t know what to say. Walker, sick to his stomach and getting headaches, mutters that he didn’t know, and that the 33rd forced him to do this, since it was the only way to get ahead.

Exploring the inside of The Gate, the team discovers Konrad's former command squad, who have been executed and sat around a table as near-skeletal corpses. By the table is a handheld radio and Walker picks it up and tries to use it. After some fiddling he hears a voice on a channel: Konrad’s. Konrad addresses the team, not knowing who they are, and says they are making a mess of everything by getting involved. Walker talks to Konrad and identifies himself. Konrad remembers Walker and says he would have thought Walker would know better than to do what he did. “I remember Syria, don’t you?” Walker, disgusted, ceases communicating, while Adams and Lugo look on with concern.

The three exit The Gate and move into the inner ring of the city to find Riggs. Shortly afterwards, in an overpass intersection, Walker sees the team surrounded by snipers and tells them to halt, which Adams and Lugo do, reluctantly. Walker sees a local and a member of the 33rd hanging from the bridge by their wrists. Konrad tells Walker to choose between executing an Emirati survivor who stole water from the 33rd, or a 33rd soldier who was tasked with bringing the former to justice and killed the man's family in the process. Walker says he isn’t playing any games and Konrad says that Walker has shown himself to be perfectly willing to get involved in people’s lives and pick who lives and dies, and adds that if Walker doesn’t choose, the snipers will kill everyone. Walker grimaces and clutching his head hit with migraines, finally chooses to shoot the soldier. He sees a sniper shoot the rope holding the local, who falls the ground and scampers away. Konrad wonders if Walker even knows why he picked the soldier.

Lugo and Adams begin to more and more openly express their wariness and doubt about Walker's judgement at this point, but are unwilling to leave their commander to wander on alone. Walker meanwhile starts to look haunted and dazed as he presses on, now professing a desire to kill Konrad for making him do these things. Walker’s voiceover says that every death in this city is on Konrad’s hands, everything Walker does, he does to stop Konrad, killing who he has to in order to save the rest.

The three continue to move forward until they are surrounded by a number of armed locals. A man exits a building and tells the locals to stand down. It is Riggs. He tells Walker and the others they have great timing in coming to the city.

Riggs leads them to a large underground center where additional militia are gathered. Riggs explains to Walker and the others that whoever controls the water supply controls Dubai, and Riggs was preparing to lead the militia to take over the Underwater Aquatic Coliseum, but held off when Gould told him that they were on the way. The plan is to steal several huge tanker trucks full of water and take them to a secure location, and use it to leverage the 33rd into finally contacting the outside world. After some discussion, the team decides to aid Riggs. Riggs looks at them and says given their condition, they should get some sleep and they will attack just before dawn.

As they try to rest, the Radioman broadcasts about the slaughter at the Gate and says the outsiders continue to leave death and destruction and that they don’t know when to leave enough alone. Adams and Lugo turn off the radio and Walker mumbles it’s better to listen to him than Konrad. Adams pulls Walker aside and asks him if he is ok. Walker says he is fine, though his looks betray him. Adams says what happened at The Gate was f—ed up, but they made a call with the info they had and they have to focus on the mission. He asks Walker if he can keep his head in the game. Walker nods and Adams walks back to Lugo. Walker then mumbles “the mission, at all costs.”

As the team sleeps, Walker again dreams of Syria. He is with Konrad and their unit is now on the mission to rescue the refugees. The unit, with air support, assaults the enemy encampment and overwhelms them, but Walker and Konrad, upon entering the compound, find that a nervous, scared man in a suicide bomb vest is standing in front of a small crowd of refugees with a gun to a woman’s head. The insurgent threatens to kill the woman and blow the vest. Walker tries to talk the insurgent down, and there is a hint that it may work, but Konrad ends things by shooting the woman, the bullet also taking down the insurgent. Both are dead. Walker is startled and Konrad tells him that one innocent’s life was worth saving the others. The surviving insurgents are rounded up and a spokeswoman for the civilians mentions the barbarities the insurgents have done. Konrad nods and tells his men “No prisoners.” Walker looks on stunned as the insurgents are executed.

The following morning Walker is woken by Konrad speaking over the radio, wondering where Walker has gone and if Walker has come to his senses and abandoned his quest. Walker tells Konrad he isn’t going anywhere and Konrad will see him soon. He then joins Adams, Lugo, Riggs, and the militia as they gear up. They assault and take over the Aquatic Coliseum and fill a number of trucks with water, Riggs staying inside to facilitate. They then start the convoy and are attacked by members of the 33rd, who want to stop the convoy without destroying the trucks. Many of the 33rd and militia are killed in the moving firefight, but they seem to be trapping the convoy when suddenly the Water Coliseum explodes in the distance. Walker sees Riggs in another truck holding a detonator and realizes what he has done. Before he can shout anything, Riggs presses it again and a few of the trucks explode, causing the rest to violently crash and rupture. Walker is briefly knocked out. He comes to and is pulled up by Adams and Lugo, and sees all the trucks ruined and the Aquatic Coliseum a smoking ruin in the distance. “No water, they’re all dead” Lugo says in hushed tones. “Four days, then we all start dying” Adams remarks. They see the survivors of the 33rd have already left and investigate the wrecks for survivors and find Riggs, trapped underneath one of the trucks.

Walker grimly interrogates Riggs and learns he wanted to wipe out the entire remaining population of Dubai so that no one would learn of the 33rd's atrocities, which he feared would turn the whole region against the U.S. “All the good we have done the past four years would be undone, and it’d be worse than ever” he says. He claims what he did was right, it would save the U.S. from violence and the rest of the Middle East from renewed strife, he sacrificed the city to save the world from what would come. Disgusted, Lugo walks away. Adams looks at Walker and says it’s his call. Walker looks at Adams, then Riggs, and then walks away to let Riggs die from starvation/dehydration/exposure as Riggs howls and begs for them to come back and put him out of his misery.

Since the entire city will begin dying of dehydration within four days. the team, which is becoming increasingly hostile toward each other, heads to the Trans-Emirates Building to warn the city of an evacuation using the radio antenna. As they head towards the building, the Radioman sends messages warning people to conserve what water they have as there is a “temporary” disruption in the supply. Meanwhile Konrad returns over the radio to taunt Walker, saying that Walker has killed everyone in his attempt to save everyone. “I thought I taught you a lesson, but I guess you learned it far too well” Konrad says with a laugh. Walker, starting to hallucinate amidst his migraines, tries to ignore Konrad entirely. Walker’s voiceover chimes in, saying that soon the whole city would wither away, swallowed up by the desert. “Did I cause this, or was it always going to happen and I just fit in like a piece in a machine?” Part of him wants to eat a bullet and let it end, but the rest is convinced that if he can find Konrad, it will all make sense. “I have to know, am I like him?”

They reach the Trans-Emirates Building and briefly fight their way to the top, where The Radioman is stationed with his equipment. The Radioman surrenders and criticizes the three for what they have done to the city. Adams and Lugo retort that what the 33rd did was criminal. The Radioman replies that when the evacuation failed, Dubai turned into chaos and anarchy, and someone had to take charge. “If Konrad didn’t step in, there would be no Dubai by now.” Walker finally ends the conversation by telling the Radioman to show them how to get a message outside the storm wall. The Radioman says this building only can send signals out around the city, the powerful antenna that can get through the storm is on the Burj Khalifa, which is Konrad’s headquarters. After instructing Walker on how to use the radio system, he is shot dead by Lugo, who like Walker seems to be losing a grip on things. Adams berates him and also Walker for not stopping him. The brewing argument is interrupted by the arrival of men from the 33rd.

To escape, Adams commandeers a UH-60 Black Hawk helicopter on the roof. As they start to fly away, a soldier fires a rocket that explodes near the helicopter and damages it. Adams is able to maintain control for a while and fly relatively near the Burj Khalifa, but is forced to crash land. All three are knocked unconscious.

Upon waking up after the crash, we return to the opening scene of the film Walker experiences a hallucination with the Burj Khalifa on fire before snapping back to reality. The area around the helicopter seems deserted, but after some wandering he locates an injured Adams. The two look for Lugo, Adams increasingly hostile and angry at Walker for “going off the reservation.” They enter a marketplace to find Lugo lynched by a mob of civilians angry and desperate over what has happened to them. When attempts to resuscitate Lugo fail, Walker, in a delirious daze, points his weapon at the mob and ponders opening fire, but Adams shoots his gun in the air to scare the crowd away. “Enough killing” Adams comments. Walker disagrees and says there is one more to kill: Konrad, for what they have been put through. Adams tells Walker to let it go, that there is nothing to prove, but Walker insists he has to rid the city of the villain. Adams mutters "the only villain here is you Walker, it's only you".

Afterward the two arrive by the Burj Khalifa but are soon attacked by the last of Konrad's men. Walker attempts to surrender to get inside, but an enraged Adams insists on fighting to the death and shames Walker into running for safety inside the tower. As he does, Adams takes several grenades and explodes them by a fuel drum, the large explosion killing all of the 33rd men and throwing Walker against a wall to knock him out.

In his unconscious state, Walker flashes back to another memory, this time Stateside at Arlington Cemetery. A funeral has been held for a member of Walker and Konrad’s unit and Walker walks away troubled. Konrad follows him and the two talk. Walker wants to know how Konrad could do what he did in Syria, implying that the refugee incident was only the beginning of actions taken by Konrad that were morally questionable at best. Konrad says, in a callback to Walker’s first voiceover, that every soldier has a line, and there’ll come a point when they have to decide whether to cross it. “Once they do, it becomes easy to do what is necessary, and they accept the price to be paid for it. After that, all we have to do is wait to die.” Konrad then leaves a troubled Walker behind. “I never saw him again” Walker’s voiceover says. “I tried to reconcile the hero I knew with the things he had done, and buried the latter out of my mind. I thought I could be the best of him without a thought about the worst.”

Walker awakens and stumbles into the tower. Upon entering, Walker is saluted by the remnants of the 33rd, who surrender to him. Walker demands to know where Konrad is, and is pointed to the penthouse elevator. After Walker enters the elevator and it goes up, a lingering shot reveals the entry foyer to be empty.

Walker gets to the penthouse and wanders around, finally finding Konrad sitting on a chair on the large, luxurious balcony patio. At first, Konrad appears to be the paranoid, charismatic force behind the atrocities Walker was hoping for, until a few sentences said by Konrad trigger a migraine in Walker, and when Walker snaps out of it he sees a decaying corpse where Konrad had been sitting. Walker has been suffering from a dissociative disorder to rationalize the actions he has witnessed and carried out. The real Konrad had committed suicide before some weeks earlier, while the Konrad that Walker has been in contact with during the game is actually a traumatic hallucination that none of his team saw or heard, appearing only in his mind. We see brief flashes showing that several of the things Walker said and heard were entire figments, such as the “sniper choice” scene, with the snipers being entirely imaginary and the soldier and civilian actually being two dead corpses.

Walker looks around bewildered and in disbelief and denial until his mental projection of Konrad returns, explaining that Walker knew he had the choice of stopping, but pushed ahead out of a desire to be a hero. “You wanted to be like me, you wanted to save the day, but you forgot what it meant to fill those shoes” ‘Konrad’ says. “And when you couldn’t accept the things you did to be like me, you invented my survival to take the blame away from you.” With Walker’s fantasy coming to an end now that the truth is in front of him, 'Konrad' tells him that the two of them are now at an impasse and Walker must confront the lie he has been living. Pointing a gun at Walker's head, 'Konrad' tells him that he will give him until the count of five to make the decision of who is to blame for the events in Dubai, or he will shoot.

We see that Konrad pointing a gun at Walker is actually Walker pointing a gun at his own head, though Walker is still disassociating that. After straining and tearing as Konrad counts up, at the count of “four” Walker points his gun at Konrad and shoots him, though we see he is really just firing off into thin air. Walker empties his clip and then collapses to his knees, sobbing.

The camera pulls back slowly from Walker on the balcony and we hear a final voiceover by Walker saying that he used the equipment at the top of the tower to send a distress signal, and got a response, and the world is finally coming to Dubai, and his mission is now done. He says he chose to blame Konrad, not for what happened in Dubai, but for inspiring Walker to create a piece of Konrad within himself. “I became what I wanted to be like, and I had to kill it to wake up.” He adds “When they get here, I imagine someone will ask me how I managed to survive this place…..but then again, who’s to say if I really did?” We get a last shot of the tower standing in the devastated city before the screen fades to black.

Edited September 18, 2015 by 4815162342

[4815162342]

The Scarecrow

Genre: Crime/Thriller
Cast: Edward Norton (Jack McEvoy), Diane Kruger (Rachel Walling), Richard E. Grant (Wesley Carver), Brie Larson (Angela), Thomas M. Wright (Freddie Stone)
Directed By: Miguel Sapochnik
Release Date: July 31, Year 10
Theater Count: 2766
Running Time: 115 Minutes
Budget: $40 Million
MPAA Rating: R for violence and disturbing images

Plot Summary: Adapted from the Michael Connelly novel

The story begins with Jack McEvoy's termination by the Los Angeles Times due to the newspaper's financial crisis. He is given two weeks to train his replacement, Angela Cook, on the "cop beat" and decides that he wants to write one more major story before his last day. Jack focuses on the case of 16-year-old drug dealer Alonzo Winslow, who confessed that he brutally raped one of his clients, then stuffed her body in the trunk with a plastic bag over her head, tied shut with a length of rope around her neck. Angela, a beautiful and ambitious young reporter, maneuvers to get herself a part of the story. However, after Jack is given access to the defense files, he learns that Alonzo only confessed to stealing the car containing the body, not to the rape-murder. In researching trunk murders on the Internet, Angela unwittingly finds evidence of a similar crime in Las Vegas. However, Angela's research also took her to a "trap" site set up by the real murderer: Wesley Carver, an MIT graduate who is the chief security officer of a "server farm" (colocation and backup services) near Phoenix, referred to by everyone as the "scarecrow" of the farm. Carver cracks her e-mail password at the Times and learns that Jack is headed to Vegas. He promptly creates a fake data emergency so that his company will send him to L.A.

The next day, Jack finds that none of his credit cards nor his cell phone work, so he buys a throwaway phone. He shows the evidence of the identical L.A. murder to the attorney for the convicted Vegas murderer, who gives Jack a letter permitting him to meet his client, imprisoned in a remote location in Nevada. During the lengthy drive on the "loneliest road in America", Jack calls FBI agent Rachel Walling, his former girlfriend to whom he hasn't spoken in years, to report the "under the radar" serial killer and also tells her about his bad luck that day. When he arrives at the prison, he is told that he cannot see the prisoner until the next day and books a room in a local hotel. A cowboy with long sideburns plays slots next to him. When Jack heads to his room, he sees "Sideburns" coming directly toward him in the hallway as his door opens ... to find Rachel inside his room. "Sideburns" passes by. Rachel had taken a private FBI plane to the prison after she concluded that Jack's discoveries and his electronic problems were linked but that she had no way to warn him. Rachel and Jack learn that "Sideburns" was not staying at the hotel and surmise that he must be the killer. When calling the Times, Jack learns that Angela has disappeared. Rachel and Jack promptly take the FBI jet back to L.A., during which Rachel examines the evidence and notes that the murdered women were both exotic dancers with similar body types ("giraffes"), and that both were put in leg braces ("iron maidens") while being sexually abused before death, a perversion known as abasiophilia. On arrival, Rachel admits that her recent relationship with a police detective ended in part because she still had feelings for Jack, but they then find Angela's dead body under Jack's bed, killed in the same style as the other victims.

Because of Rachel's testimony, Jack is cleared of Angela's murder, and the evidence causes both Alonzo and the Vegas convict to be freed. The FBI links the trap site to Bill Denslow, a fake name used by an online client of Carver's server farm. Jack is a featured guest on CNN to discuss the case, but Rachel is summoned to a disciplinary hearing and forced to resign from the FBI under threat of a theft prosecution for "stealing" the gasoline in the FBI plane during the round trip to Nevada. Carver has his assistant, whom he gave the pseudonym "Freddie Stone", help him murder and bury the server farm's CEO and then quit. Jack deduces that the serial killer knew non-public legal information about his victims and finds that all of them were represented by law firms whose sites were handled through Carver's server farm, just like the trap site. He persuades Rachel to join him there, where they pose as potential clients and talk to Carver, who doesn't reveal that he knows their real identities. Following a trail laid by Carver, they find Stone's house, identify him as "Sideburns", and uncover evidence concerning the killings. They call in the FBI, and Rachel is able to use her role in finding the killer to regain her job. Jack agrees to return to L.A. and goes to Rachel's hotel room to say goodbye—but finds that she has just been kidnapped by Stone. He intercepts Stone, rescues an unconscious Rachel from a laundry bin, and then chases and kills Stone in a battle on the top floor. Rachel tells Jack that the FBI believes there were two killers: Stone and Angela's murderer. With Carver's help, Rachel and the FBI team find evidence that Stone and the missing CEO committed all of the murders.

Jack's high profile causes the Times to rescind his termination, even though Jack's role as a participant means that he cannot write the story of the Arizona events. Jack turns it down and accepts a two-book deal to write about this case. However, Jack then sees a picture from The Wizard of Oz in his editor's office and realizes that the method used to suffocate the victims looks like the classic head of a scarecrow, except using a plastic bag instead of a burlap sack. He immediately heads to Arizona to warn a disbelieving Rachel, including the links to the real Fred Stone and Bill Denslow, but unfortunately meets her in a coffee shop near the server farm with a full-time Webcam in it. Jack deduces that they are being watched by 'The Scarecrow' over the webcam. Carver watches their discussion, then ambushes the other FBI agents. Carver's plan to kill the agents and fake his own death is foiled when Jack figures it out, and Rachel shoots Carver in the head when he tries to ambush them, leaving Carver in a seemingly permanent comatose state. In a brief epilogue, Jack's research has revealed that Carver's mother was an exotic dancer similar in appearance to the victims who needed to wear leg braces when not performing. Jack and Rachel are hinted to have reconciled and be together again.

Edited September 19, 2015 by 4815162342

[Ezen Baklattan]

The Departure

Genre: Horror/Drama

Director: Jennifer Kent

Producer: Jason Blum

Cast: Katie McGrath (Dana), Sebastian Stan (Hans), Gabriel Byrne (George), Jessica Lange (Rhonda)

Date: August 7th

Theaters: 2,978

978

Rating: R for disturbing content and some strong language

Runtime: 91min (1hr, 31min)

Budget: $15 million

Constantly belittled by her father, George, Dana's life has been miserable ever since he had fallen ill, forcing her and her husband, Hans, into a state of financial lockdown while caring for him and his recent cancer outbreak, especially while raising her three year old daughter, Evie. Eventually, George passes away, much to Dana's secret relief. She assures to her daughter that while she is actually truly sad about the death, Hans knows better, and he promises Dana that they will move on from this and create a better life for themselves. After so many years, Dana is finally at peace with her own life, and she truly believes that things are going to be better in the world.

After a few weeks, when they had seemingly moved on, Dana receives calls from the nursing home where he was living, where the phone attendant mentions that patients have been having complaints about mysterious noises coming from the room where her father was presently staying, which is currently vacated. Dana goes to visit one last time to see if there is anything out of the ordinary, but there doesn't appear to be, except for a picture frame of Dana and her father, from several years ago, when she was only 9. Katie takes it home, but on the way back, she nearly gets into a severe car accident. She tells Hans upon returning that she may be feeling ill, and that she may need time to recover.

Throughout the next two weeks, Dana's life remains in an even greater state of chaos, filled with disturbing flashbacks of the way her father had treated her, making Hans especially concerned. Dana has little appetite one night, choosing to go to bed early. That night, she has a nightmare about her daughter crying in the other room, running to get her. In her little bed, she is wearing her night gown, covered in blood. She is crying hysterically. Dana tries to comfort her, but a blood drenched hand creeps up on her shoulder, and she faintly recognizes it. She turns around and screams awake. Now in the world of reality, she walks into Evie's room and simply gives her a big hug, telling her how much she loves her.

Dana begins to seek medical assistance, much with the support of her husband, and they recommend moving somewhere away from the city. In addition, they probe the question if there was anyone else she was close to. Dana then, after some hesitation, decides to call her mother, Rhonda. She does love her, but the two haven't seen each other for a while, and Dana is still a bit annoyed that she did little to support her in terms of her Father's financial troubles. This causes a family road trip to visit Rhonda's home. They seem to really hit it off at first, and Rhonda is very happy to see her daughter. However, Dana finds that her nightmare-ish fever dreams haven't stopped; in fact, they're getting worse. Dana looks around the house one night, looking through the attic in particular, particularly the collection of things upstairs.

Looking through some old photos, she finds many of George and Dana playing together, smiling. Dana becomes confused upon seeing these, as it did not seem like she remembered this. Even looking through some old workbooks she did, Dana finds that she wrote a lot about how much she loved her daddy. She calls up the nursing home where her father stayed, and she asks if the noises had gone away, now that she came to get her things. "I'm sorry, ma'am, but not only haven't been in here since your father died, but I'm not sure there were any extraneous noises to begin with. Some of our patients are just a little slow. Have a nice day." Dana, slowly becoming shocked, begins to lie down.

After a day of doing activities nearby, Hans decides to go upstairs as well, looking through the stuff that Dana went through. Hans is more confused, but he soon notices Rhonda coming up from behind him, whacking him across the face with a wooden rod. "If you let one fucking word slip about what you know, I'll make sure you never see my daughter again." When Dana goes running the next day, she feels better, but her memories feel different. It's not her father that is doing the abuse - it's her mother. Dana realizes that, considering the fights she had as a kid, it was never her father who was abusing her. She secretly knew her mother hated him more, and all of this time she had been turning her against her by creating false memories in her head.

Dana tells Rhonda that they need to talk, but first, Rhonda wishes to do something. She walks in on Hans' bedroom, as he reading a book (Evie is in the other room). Rhonda pulls out a knife and slits Hans' throat. Dana screams and lunges at her mother, but Rhonda points the knife back at her. After a tense standoff, Dana confesses that she had deliberately withdrawn payments to let her die. Dana, feelings scared, grabs Evie and a suitcase, running away from her home. She begins driving away, considering calling the police, looking at her phone and beginning to dial a few numbers.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Spaghetti

[Ethan Hunt]

All Kinds of Bull

Genre: Drama

Director: Glenn Ficarra and John Requa

Date: June 5th

Theatre Count: 2,900

Budget: 27M

Rating: R

Cast:

Brad Pitt

Plot: Based on a true story the film tells a tale of a widower (PItt) from the south in the 1880s who during some difficult times moves up to Michigan. He takes the position of a lighthouse keeper. After his first day on the job he goes to the house (which is a very nice h and rather large house) as he explores the grand house he discovers that in a room in the far end of the house he finds a sleeping bull. The man meets with the man who gave him the position and asks about the bull. He is told that he agreed to take care of any responsibilities that came along with the house and that includes the bull. At first the man does his best to keep his distance from the bull but often finds himself lonely being alone in such a large house.

One day when he comes home from the job, he sees the bull outside in the front yard. This is the first time that he has seen the bull outside of that one room. After observing the bull for a little while he notices that it is obviously limping. He attempts to seek around for medical attention for the bull but no one seems to want to assist an old frail bull. It is around this time that the man and the bull start to form a bond.

The man now begins to care for the bull in a nurturing way and he is happier than he's been in a long time. We see Him telling the bull much about his life story, about his childhood, about his wife, about the struggles he went through after his wife died.

One day when he comes home he finds the bull laying down in the room in which he originally found it. He doesn't pay much attention to it at first it but as the day goes on he realizes that the bull never gets up. He walks into the room and says to the bull “Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?" The bull just looks up at him. “Come on get up" no response from the bull. At this point he becomes emotionally intense screaming while a few tears trickle down his face “Come on get up! I want to for a walk on the beach!" The bull tries to get up but just collapses half way through the process. The man begins to sob violently now and sits down next to the bull.

He begins to work less and less hours at the lighthouse and instead dedicates his time to taking care of the bull. He spoonfeeds it, he reads the bull books and stories, ect. He received contact from some high up people upset with his lack of dedication to his work at the lighthouse. We see him building some kind of contraption. He goes into a meeting with the people upset over his lack of work. The meeting starts out fine but I'm the end it turns into screaming match and he leaves pissed off.

The contraption he was making is revealed to be a way for him to move the bull from the house to the beach. Using nhis contraption he takes the bull to the beach. They sit there and look out at the water silently for a long time. Finally he says “One of these days you're gonna go and I'm going to be alone again, but you're not. When you get up there I want you to find my wife, I want you to look out for her, and I want you to tell her that I'll be there soon, I've just got a few.things into do before I go... Can you do before that?" The two meet eyes. “I knew I could count in you."

He begins to spend his time more evenly between the lighthouse and his bull. He has another meeting with the same people in which they tell him that they are happy with his improved dedication and he tells them that bit has nothing to do with him. One day when he comes home from work he hears the bull crying. When he comes into the room he sees that bull looks to be in awful condition he sits there with the bull form the rest of the night. Crying he says “You can't be afraid to to go, I'll be fine." Later that night the bull dies. He digs a spot on the beach for the bull and buries him.

He spends the rest of his life working at the lighthouse and living in the same big empty house, but he doesn't feel as lonely knowing that his wife has a companion. Some years later he digs to more holes on either bsode of the bull. One for his wife (who's body isn't there but he puts some of her possessions in there ) and one for himself

Edited September 19, 2015 by Ethan Hunt

[Ethan Hunt]

Loony Ben

Genre: Comedy

Date: August 21st

Director: David Bowers

Theatre Count: 3,050

Rating: PG-13

Runtime: 97 minutes

Cast:

Neil Patrick Hairs- Ben

Jennifer Aniston- Mary

Kevin Hart- Dan

Plot:

Ben and Dan (Ben's adopted brother) each inherit 400 Million dollars when their uncle dies. Both men being financially stable they make an agreement that they will each go and blow their inherited money over a 24 hour period. Dan is fairly narcissistic in his purchases and choices while Ben decides to be very generous an doesn't purchase anything for himself. In the midst of this Ben meets a girl named Mary. Ben wins Mary over with his goofball charm.

Edited September 19, 2015 by Ethan Hunt

[Blankments]

The Wedding Prey

 
Director: Ted Melfi
Date: July 31
Genre: Comedy/Drama (advertised as a comedy)
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Scarlett Johansson as Jo Myer, Melissa McCarthy as Andrea Myer, Steve Carell as Jim Turner, Reese Witherspoon as Emily Turner, Lupita N’yongo as Rose Myer, Adam Driver as Mark Turner, and Anna Kendrick as Rachel Turner.
Music by: Theodore Shapiro
Runtime: 121 min 
 

Summary: After discovering their son is marrying the adopted daughter of a lesbian couple, two parents attempt to ruin the wedding on their own terms.

 

Plot:

Jo and Andrea drive to New York City. They go to an apartment meet with Rose, their daughter and Mark, Rose’s fiancée, who already living together. Jo and Andrea are already good friends with Mark, having met him multiple times, and are happy their daughter is getting married within the week. Mark asks them to dinner that night with his parents, and Jo and Andrea say that sounds lovely. After they leave for the hotel, Rose tells Mark that they haven’t asked his parents yet. Mark is certain they’ll say yes.

 

At the hotel, Jo and Andrea discover they accidentally purchased the penthouse suite. Andrea comments she was pretty sure that it was her job to get the right room, but Jo forgives, saying it was an easy mistake since they’re payrolling Mark and Rose’s honeymoon. They ask the manager to downgrade their room, and he tells them they’ll be unable to get a refund. Jo offers to clean the counter of the lobby for a cheaper rate, and the manager just looks at her oddly, but then says yes. Jo and Andrea then clean the counter, which is actually quite disgusting. They run into their room, which has a Jacuzzi and a chocolate fountain. Jo says she has a splendid idea, and Andrea fears the answer. We cut to the chocolate fountain flowing in the Jacuzzi, with Jo and Andrea staring at it disgusted. Jo says sometimes she gets it wrong.

 

Meanwhile, Rose and Mark head out to meet Emily and Jim, Mark’s parents, at their house. Rachel, Mark’s sister, still lives them and answer the door, smoking and asking them why they’re here. Before Rose can formulate a reply, Emily and Jim arrive and are happy to see Rose. After some small talk, Rose invites them to dinner with her parents, so they can all meet each other. Emily and Jim are up for it, and Rachel asks if she can tag along. Rose says sure, even though Mark has been oddly quiet through the whole exchange. While walking back to their apartment, Mark points that she hasn’t mentioned that her parents are lesbians to his parents, but Rose isn’t worried. After all, it’s the modern era, right?

 

That night, Jo tries to hail a Taxi for them, but instead Andrea just wants to get their car. Jo argues that they aren’t getting the premiere New York experience, and Andrea understands that. Andrea just wants to save money though, until Jo points out that gas is really expensive these days. Andrea agrees and the two try to hail a cab. After about five minutes of weirdness, one finally arrives and takes them to the restaurant.
 

Dinnertime. Emily and Jim are super dressed up, while Jo and Andrea are still wearing what they arrived in New York in. Rose, Mark, and Emily are all sort of casual. Emily and Jim are polite, but surprised when they find that Jo and Andrea are lesbians. They hide it well though and the four of them converse, although notably with Jo and Andrea leading the conversation. However, Rachel, having her own conversation with Mark and Rose, mentions that it’s so cool that Rose’s parents are lesbians, and she wants to know why she never brought it up before. The table gets quiet, and Mark apologizes immediately to Jo and Andrea. The two don’t mind though, realizing their sexuality is frequently an elephant in the room, and they’re happy to own to it. Jim says it’s completely reasonable for Rachel to be surprised and Rachel says they don’t need to defend her. Emily states that she shouldn’t apologize, and it escalates to a point where Rachel, Mark and Rose are offended and leave the dinner before the food is served. Left alone with Jo and Andrea, Emily and Jim leave out of awkwardness. Not to let good food go to waste, Jo and Andrea eat anyway, not really bothered by the night’s events.

Back at home privately, Emily and Jim can’t get over the situation, until Jim comes up with a great idea: what if they manipulate Jo and Andrea to the point where they’ll make Rose want to cancel the wedding? Emily asks what he means, and Jim mentions that if they just make Jo and Andrea leave town before the wedding, no way will Rose will get married without her parents there. Emily thinks this might be a bit overkill, but Jim brings up the awkwardness of the dinner, and tells Emily to imagine this continuing to happen for the rest of their life whenever they want to talk to Mark. Emily agrees then, figuring it makes sense.

 

The next day, Andrea and Jo drive to Central Park (Andrea wanted to take the car out). Emily and Jim sabotage the car while they tour the grounds. When they come back, Andrea freaks out because the car won’t start… until Jo manages to hotwire it anyway. Jim is upset but has to take his son to get a haircut (well more that he promised him but that’s besides the point). Dad complains that Jo and Andrea seem rude, and Mark, not wanting to get an argument, just says they’re from California. Andrea and Jo do more wacky shit as Jim and Emily try to sabotage them more. After this, Mark and Rose start planning the seats and Jo and Andrea help them through it. Meanwhile, Jim and Emily planning another sabotage plan but Rachel tells them what they’ve been doing is weird, since none of them know Jo and Andrea; they should at least give them a shot. Jim and Emily make excuses for their bigotness. It’s time for the bachelor and bachelorette party and Mark and Rose head out with friends. We then see Jo and Andrea spend the night on the town, running into Rachel drinking her sorrow away. The three spend the night together, going to Coney Island and messing with people. Jump ahead to the wedding day. Rose is excited for her wedding day, and so is Mark. Finally, Jim and Emily realize that they won’t be able to delay the wedding. Emily gives up, but Jim won’t, even as the wedding goes on. At the reception, Jim blows up in the middle of being served and storms out upset. Rachel says she’ll go talk to him. Rachel asks her father’s what wrong and Jim answers that he doesn’t like Jo and Andrea and now essentially they’re in-laws. Rachel tells him to give them a chance, and Jim asks how. Rose and Mark head off to their honeymoon while Rachel takes the other two parental sets out to dinner. Jo and Andrea strike it off well with Mark and Rose and with their minds finally open to the possibility of being friends, the film ends.

 

 

Total approximate runtime between the couples is split:

40%  Andrea and Jo

30% Jim and Emily

10% Rachel

10% Mark and Rose

 

Theaters: 3,623
Rating: PG-13 for language and some suggestive content.
Budget: $40 million

[Blankments]

The Hateful Eight Redeux Cut

Director: Quentin Tarantino
Genre: Satire/Action
Date: August 28
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast:
Starring: 
The Hateful Eight: Michael Shannon as Quentin Tarantino, Samuel L. Jackson as Spike Lee, Christoph Waltz as Woody Allen, Idris Elba as Steve McQueen, Matthew McConaughey as Michael Bay, Charlie Day as J.J. Abrams, Sandra Bullock as Kathryn Bigelow, and Paul Dano as Wes Anderson.
Rodriguez’s Ochord: Aaron Paul as Robert Rodriguez, Joaquin Phoenix as Ethan Coen, Sacha Baron Cohen as Joel Coen, James McAvoy as Edgar Wright, Clark Gregg as David O. Russell, Louis C.K. as Joss Whedon, Uma Thurman as Jennifer Lee, and Ken Watanabe as Ang Lee.
And: Robert De Niro as Martin Scorsese.
Co-Starring: Matt Smith as Lucas Hamnet, Jonah Hill as Nick Denton, Patton Oswalt as William Bristow, David Tennant as Jim Carrey, Ben Affleck as Ben Affleck, George Clooney as George Clooney, Marion Cotillard as Marion Cotillard, Jesse Eisenberg as Michael Cera’s stunt double, David Henrie as David Henrie, Woody Harrelson as Brad Bird, Michael Fassbender as Michael Fassbender, and Harvey Keitel as Neil Patrick Harris.
Guest Starring: Woody Allen as Steven Spielberg, Kenneth Branagh as Nathan Fillion, Leonardo DiCaprio as Christopher Nolan, Nathan Fillion as Kenneth Branagh, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Spike Jonze as Spike Jonze, Shia LaBeouf as Dale Virgo, and Ben Stiller as Derek Zoolander as Ben Stiller.
Runtime: 166 min
Tagline: The Definite Quentin Tarantino Revenge Flick

Plot Summary: After his new script leaked on the Internet, Quentin Tarantino goes on a massive revenge rampage through the Hollywood industry.

Plot: 

Logos appear. Fade in an office. Nick Denton, owner and CEO of Gawker, is playing paper basketball with William Bristow, his head writer. Bristow asks what his next assignment will be and Denton replies that he has someone on the way with the project in hand. Bristow doesn’t like secrecy, but respects Denton’s ideals. There’s a knock on the office door. Denton yells at the person to enter and in walks Jim Carrey, spokesman for Gawker, who has a day job of being Denton’s secretary. Carrey makes a funny face and mentions how he’s thankful that Denton gave him a job where he can support his daughter but also remain in the limelight. Bristow snorts at Carrey’s groveling, but Denton ignores it, instead asking Carrey what he wants. Carrey answers that there is a Dale Virgo here to see them, and Denton smiles, telling him to send him in, but then, interrupts himself, and says that in the future, Carrey should use the intercom. Carrey smiles, and states he thought Denton liked his presence. After receiving a glare from Denton, Carrey leaves and about five seconds later, Virgo enters, uber-sweaty due to crazy nerves. Denton asks him if he has the goods, and Virgo says yes he does, handing a sealed package to Denton. Bristow asks what it is, and Denton hands him the package with a boxcutter. Bristow opens it up, and the content is clear: a screenplay for Quentin Tarantino’s THE HATEFUL EIGHT. Bristow gasps, saying that a major script leak is something Gawker has never done before, and Denton smiles, saying this will give them ridiculously high amounts of web traffic. Denton orders Bristow to start scanning, and then, start writing an article for the script. Virgo asks what his next job will be, and Denton presses the intercom, telling Carrey to enter and give Virgo his next assignment. Carrey enters, and immediately shoots Virgo. Denton thanks Carrey, stating that Virgo had reached the apex of his career; there’s nowhere to go but down. Virgo groans, revealing he is still alive. Denton grabs the gun from Carrey and shoots Virgo – the camera being from Virgo’s point of view. After the gunshot, cut to the opening credits:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUwS8EgyIf8

CHAPTER I – DAYS OF CONFUSED

Nathan Fillion and Kenneth Branagh are sitting together at a bar. Branagh tells Fillion he’s a huge fan of Castle. Fillion smiles, and says he loved the direction on Thor. Branagh stares at him sadly, when Quentin Tarantino returns with the drinks. Tarantino hands each of them a drink, and they both thank Tarantino. Tarantino explains that he has written a new script titled “The Hateful Eight,” and he has a role in mind for each of them. Fillion asks why he doesn’t just call their agents, and Tarantino grimaces and says he did. However, the agents were idiots, saying Fillion is too busy working on Castle to film anything longer than a cameo role in a movie, and Branagh is too busy prepping the next Once and Future King movie to do any serious acting. Branagh says that’s very true, and Fillion sighs, saying he wished he had signed a better contract. Branagh thanks Tarantino for the drinks and gets up to leave, turning down the offer thanks to prior commitments. Tarantino stands up, and stops Branagh, stating that the least he could do is hear him out. Branagh sighs and sits down, and Fillion takes a long swig as Tarantino pitches the film: there are two brothers. In secret, they actually despise each other for the glory the other gets in their profession. However, together, they bond together to stop a band of outlaws known as the Hateful Eight. Now, the Hateful Eight is a slight misnomer: there actually fourteen in The Hateful Eight, as they used to be two different gangs of outlaws, but the leaders of both died, so the seven people left from each gang joined together: the H8ful, and the Evil Eight. Thus, The Hateful Eight. Tarantino’s cell phone rings, and Tarantino groans, saying he hates being interrupted in the middle of a pitch. As he checks the caller ID, Fillion comments he definitely wants to be in the project regardless of content: it’s Quentin Tarantino! Tarantino apologizes to Branagh and Fillion, saying that it’s his lawyer. Tarantino picks up the phone, and angrily states he’s in the middle of a pitch. Two seconds later, he screams “WHAT?” He’ll be in the lawyer’s office in a half hour. Tarantino promptly hangs up and Branagh asks what’s wrong. Tarantino glares at Branagh and flips the bar table they’re at in anger. Tarantino screams that his script has been leaked, and Branagh and Fillion run away, terrified.

At his lawyer’s office, Tarantino rants at him asking how this could possibly happen. His lawyer, Lucas Hamnet, is used to Tarantino’s ramblings, and explains that clearly, one of the few people who read the script must have handed it off to Gawker. Tarantino tells Hamnet that he’s an idiot; he only handed it off to three people: Christopher Nolan (after being the only Hollywood-name big fan of Expedecade, Tarantino wanted to repay the favor), Martin Scorsese (since, after all, if it weren’t for Scorsese, who knows if Tarantino would’ve even joined the business?), and Bruce Dern (wanted for the lead role in the film). Hamnet mentions that he technically didn’t send the script to Bruce Dern; rather, Bruce Dern’s agent got it. Tarantino screams in rage, stating he wishes agents would just disappear. Hamnet says that’s against Hollywood unions’ laws, and Tarantino sighs, saying he knows. Hamnet asks Tarantino what he’s going to do, and Tarantino asks Hamnet how many views the script has on Gawker. Hamnet answers with with a sad 10,000. Tarantino tells him to email Nikki Finke and let her know that he’s cancelling The Hateful Eight out of anger and moving onto some different project. Hamnet nods grimly as Tarantino leaves the office, defeated.

A golf ball falls into a hole. It’s the next day and Tarantino is putt-putting with his good friend, Christopher Nolan. Nolan asks him if he’s sure he wants to quit The Hateful Eight, and Tarantino answers with he doesn’t see the point of directing a movie everyone knows the entire plot too. Nolan mutters something under his breath and Tarantino asks him to speak up. Nolan says it was nothing, and Tarantino asks if Nolan knows anything about the leak. Nolan responds that he burned his copy of the script after he read it, knowing the dangers of leaking onto the Internet. Nolan then asks Tarantino what he thinks of shooting in IMAX. Tarantino groans, telling Nolan to stop bringing it up. Nolan smiles, and says that if Tarantino really wants to show celluloid to the max, then IMAX 70MM is the way to go. Tarantino says he’s fine with classic 65mm being shot with Panavision. Nolan smiles, and says at least they agree on film. As Tarantino putts in a golf ball, Nolan asks him if he’s really gonna give up on The Hateful Eight. Tarantino asks why he shouldn’t and Nolan answers that if he let websites decide his future, he would be making Inception 2 right now. Furthermore, his script for Interstellar leaked online: didn’t stop him from making the movie. Tarantino can’t let Gawker win. Tarantino hears this and understands what Nolan is trying to say. Tarantino says he won’t let Gawker get away with this. Nolan smiles, and putts in his last golf ball. Nolan states he has a flight out tomorrow, and Tarantino asks what for. Nolan answers that he’s doing a location scout for a movie produced by James Cameron which will have intense underwater scenes shot in 70mm IMAX. Tarantino asks if he could look at the script, and Nolan grimaces, saying he would loan him the script, but there’s only one copy and he needs it for the location scout. Tarantino understands Nolan’s need for secrecy and the two part ways.
Tarantino returns to his lawyer’s office, and tells Hamnet his new idea: he’s still dropping the movie, but he doesn’t want Gawker to get away with it. Hamnet says that technically, by leaking a script already registered with the Writer’s Guild of America, Gawker has broken copyright infringement laws, and thus must pay the cost of high piracy. Tarantino points out that they both know Tarantino isn’t a member of the WGA and never will be, but Hamnet insists that Tarantino’s brand name, being as popular as he is, is its own guild. Tarantino gives him a look and says he doesn’t think it’ll work, but if Hamnet insists... Hamnet goes off to file the suit and Tarantino leaves again.

The next day, Tarantino goes out to lunch with his best friend, Robert Rodriguez. They both eat Animal Style burgers at In-and-Out as they talk. Rodriguez tells Tarantino he’s heard about the leak, and Tarantino, still mighty grumpy about it, says that all of Hollywood knows about it. Rodriguez asks if the lawsuit is true, and Tarantino answers that of course the lawsuit is true, why wouldn’t it be? Rodriguez shakes his head, and Tarantino blows up, saying the only reason anyone has against his lawsuit is that since he isn’t a member of the WGA, he deserved for it to happen. Rodriguez clarifies that he has no interest in the guilds either. However, Tarantino should just make the movie anyway. Tarantino, frustrated, explains that he has no desire to be stepped on by the people of the Internet and if he backs down, it betrays his sense of honor. Rodriguez shakes his head again and says that if Tarantino was truly thinking like himself, he wouldn’t be getting back with a lawsuit. Tarantino asks what he means by “himself,” and Rodriguez says that Tarantino is a has-been: if The Hateful Eight got off the ground, it’d be his third western in a row after Django Unchained and Hired Guns. Tarantino throws his burger in Rodriguez’s face and leaves the restaurant in anger. Sitting in his car, he hits the horn in anger and then calls Hamnet. He tells Hamnet he’s been talking to a friend and it’d probably be best to drop the lawsuit. Hamnet asks Tarantino if he’s sure, and Tarantino tells Hamnet to fuck off, of course he’s sure, and then hangs up the phone.

Approximately two seconds later a call comes in, and Tarantino sees the caller ID, picking it up immediately. Cut to Tarantino speeding up to a mansion and entering through the closed gates, springing them wide open. Tarantino jumps out the car and runs to the pool in the back of the mansion. Martin Scorsese is sunbathing in the back and asks Tarantino why he’d do that, now he’s going to have to replace the gates. Tarantino comments that he’s always worried when Scorsese says there’s something urgent, since Scorsese is rather old. Scorsese glares and says he’s only twenty years older than Tarantino, and Tarantino says that’s ancient. Scorsese rolls his eyes and Tarantino asks why he said it was urgent. Scorsese first wants a promise that the gates will be replaced, and Tarantino swears he’ll pay for them, while apologizing again for jumping to conclusions. Tarantino also says congratulations to Scorsese on his recent Best Director nomination for his remake of Bugsy Malone, and Scorsese thanks Tarantino, commenting it’s only one more until he ties with Wyler! Scorsese then tells Tarantino he heard about the script leak. Tarantino sighs and says he’s already decided to give up on the movie, and he’s talked to Christopher Nolan and Robert Rodriguez about it: he’s not changing his mind. Scorsese says that’s not why he called him; rather, he’s rather offended by the idea of the lawsuit. Tarantino sighs again, and says that he has decided to drop the lawsuit since it isn’t something that someone of his clout would do. Scorsese says that’s good to hear, but how is he going to get revenge? Tarantino says he has no idea, and Scorsese laughs, saying he’s Quentin Tarantino; he knows plenty about revenge. Scorsese then dismisses Tarantino, who is confused, while Scorsese says he’ll see him at the Oscars in a few days. That night, Tarantino lies in bed staring at the ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Scorsese’s words echo in his mind as Tarantino tries to make sense of them. Tarantino’s eyes glance over at posters of Pulp Fiction. He doesn’t think much of it. Kill Bill. Inglourious Basterds. Django Unchained. It hits him and he gets up in bed suddenly.

His lawyer’s office the next day. Tarantino explains Hamnet his new idea of revenge: what do the Bride, Aldo Raine, and Django have in common? Hamnet states they’re all leads of his movies, and Tarantino says that’s correct, but they all also went on bloody quests for revenge on those who wronged them and their entire people. The Bride is a feminist icon who got her revenge ultimately on the man who screwed over greatly. Aldo Raine is a Jewish-American who ultimately gets the best revenge ever for a Jewish man: killing Adolf Hitler. Finally, Django saves his wife from a vicious slaveholder and destroys everyone who wronged him previously in life. Hamnet doesn’t get what Tarantino is saying, and Tarantino lays it down simply: for too long, filmmakers have been wronged by bloggers and people on the Internet who judge their work before general release. It’s disrespectful to all filmmakers to be stepped on by the people of the world, so Tarantino is going to fight back. He’s going to the Gawker headquarters and killing the CEO of the company. Hamnet looks at him like he’s crazy and starts laughing at Tarantino. Tarantino doesn’t see what’s funny, and Hamnet sees that Tarantino is actually being serious. He grabs his phone and tells Tarantino he’s about to dial 911. As Hamnet presses 9, Tarantino draws a hidden pistol from his belt and shoots Hamnet in the leg. Hamnet falls to the ground screaming, and Tarantino says that, simply put, this will be his masterpiece of what he leaves Hollywood. Hamnet breaks down crying, and screams that he always wanted to work for Tarantino because Pulp Fiction is his favorite movie of all time. Tarantino smiles, and says he’ll leave the earth with good thoughts: “Ezekiel 25:17,” Tarantino begins, "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee." Tarantino shoots Hamnet dead immediately and then giggles to himself, saying he always wanted to say that line himself. Tarantino leaves the room and the camera fades to black.

CHAPTER II – PRETTILY MADE ALL IN A SHOW

Tarantino throws his burger in Rodriguez’s face and leaves the restaurant in anger. As we hear the door slam on the way out, Rodriguez takes the burger off his face and calmly tosses it in the trash. We hear the door open and we see the back of someone sit down across from Rodriguez. Rodriguez says not to worry, he’s not interrupting anything. Rodriguez continues, deciding to explain why he invited this man to eat with him. It’s best to start at the beginning. Rodriguez’s career started in a good fashion. Desperado. From Dusk Till Dawn. The Spy Kids trilogy. Sin City. However, after Sin City, his career suddenly began tanking. The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Shorts. The Machete duology. After Sin City: A Dame to Kill For released and bombed at the box office, Rodriguez didn’t have anyone willing to finance his movies. He had a job offer at Gawker he ultimately turned down and went to Jim Carrey, but instead, he got a call from the MPAA. The MPAA itself would finance Rodriguez’s next films directly if he spent time with them for a few years as a chief enforcer among directors. Directors need to hold themselves to the same moral scrutiny of their films and it was Rodriguez’s job to make sure this happened. For example, Mel Gibson’s blacklisting from Hollywood? That was all Rodriguez’s scheme, after Gibson went on a racist rant that was not appropriate for children. Eventually, Rodriguez came to found a task force for his MPAA “enforcement,” who he will be introducing now.

The film flashes back, and Ethan Coen and Joel Coen screaming “Action!” in unison. They’re filming Empty Hearth, and it’s a scene with just Marion Cotillard moaning about. Basically, it’s her Oscar clip scene. However, as Cotillard enters a building, she trips and breaks her leg. Ethan asks if they can keep the shot in the film, and Joel says it’ll probably look good in the film itself. We jump ahead a few months after the Oscars where notably, Ethan and Joel were snubbed for Director noms. Joel complains that the only reason Cotillard got nominated for her Oscar was the scene they left in when they broke her leg. Rodriguez appears and says they admit she broke her leg. Ethan asks Rodriguez what he’s doing here, and Rodriguez answers that with his connections to the MPAA, he has the keys to everyone’s house. Rodriguez explains his role as an enforcer for the MPAA, and that since they failed to report the injury to the Screen Actors Guild, their careers must now be obliterated. However, he wants to offer them a chance to keep their careers. Joel asks what he means, and Rodriguez answers that he has a plan to take down the MPAA from the inside. The film ratings system desperately needs reform in America, and he knows personally how bad it is. If the Coens join him, then he won’t ruin their careers, but instead tell his boss, the CEO of the MPAA, that he wants to bring the two of them onto his task force. Ethan says yes immediately, knowing just how bad their careers can be ruined. However, Rodriguez says the only way he can trust them is if they tie up some loose ends with Marion Cotillard. Ethan and Joel look at each other, and the film cuts to Joel pitching Cotillard on his next film idea, Careful Laid Plans. However, as the pitch goes on, Joel begins to flirt with her. Cotillard is largely uninterested and states that Joel is a married man. Joel then says he has a thing for French woman, and Frances isn’t home. Cotillard sees right through this, and says that Frances McDomand is an American woman. Joel shouts “Shit, it’s not working, Ethan!” and Ethan bursts in with a pistol in hand, saying he knew the seduction idea was dumb. Cotillard asks what’s going on, and Ethan shoots her in forehead. Cut to Rodriguez at the In-and-Out stating that’s how his Ochord began. A few months later, he was attending the Toronto International Film Festival when he had the opportunity to allow it to grow even more...

Edgar Wright yells “Action!” as Michael Cera’s stunt double jumps out of the way of a few unnamed thugs. Wright is filming Scott Pilgrim vs. the Sequel in Toronto, and generally is enjoying himself. Wright muses that he has no idea how he got this greenlight, but he’s totally cool with it. Michael Cera’s stunt double asks what the next scene is, and Wright smiles, saying it’s going to be the scene where Gideon drives a car into Scott Pilgrim, sending him into a parallel dimension. Michael Cera’s stunt double says he’s going to do the best acting ever, and gets into place. Wright chuckles to himself at the stunt double’s blind naivety. Rodriguez stands across the street from the filming, eagerly watching to see if he can pick up any directing craft from the talented Wright. Meanwhile, Michael Cera’s stunt double is too excited for his big scene that he forgets to buckle his safety harness on completely. “Action!” screams Wright, and the car drives forward and hits the stunt double, but instead of being sent back a few feet, he is merely run over thanks to his lack of a fully connected harness. Horrified, Wright screams “Cut!” and runs to look at the stunt double. The stunt double asks who it is, revealing he has somehow become blind from being ran over. Wright walks away back to his cameraman to ask him for privacy as he figures out something to do. Enter Rodriguez, who is holding a machete. Wright recognizes Rodriguez, having met him before at a dinner party, and asks him what he’s doing with Evil Ex’s #11 weapon. Rodriguez hands the weapon to him and says that if Wright doesn’t kill the stunt double right now, he knows the MPAA will send him after Wright to ruin his career. With the stunt double dead, no one except Rodriguez will know what happened, leaving Wright trapped in the Ochord thanks to blackmail. Wright has heard rumors of the MPAA’s control of directors, but he refuses to kill the man. Rodriguez, desperately wanting Wright for his Ochord, forces the machete into Wright’s hands. Wright throws the machete to the side, refusing to kill anyone. However, a large moan is heard and we see that Wright has accidentally thrown the machete into Michael Cera’s stunt double’s neck, killing him. Wright’s face turns pale as he asks himself what he has done, but Rodriguez just welcomes him to his Ochord.

Jumping ahead a few months, David Henrie is prepping for his big scene in the new untitled David O. Russell movie. Meanwhile, Russell welcomes Rodriguez to the set, saying he’s glad to have visitors when shooting movies. Rodriguez thanks him for letting him visit as a production assistant gives them both a can of beer. Russell looks at it, and then throws in the assistant’s face, calling him a “fucking imbecile” for thinking that “Bud fucking Light is worthy of actual mother-freaking-fucking movie directors.” The assistant runs away crying as Russell takes a swig of the beer anyway before yelling action. Henrie begins to fake-cry but it’s painfully obvious that it’s fake. Russell begins screaming at him too, asking him: “Do you like fucking p*ssy?” Henrie is confused, and asks what that has to do with anything. Russell screams at him, saying it has to do with everything. Russell then goes on a tirade on how Henrie should consider his ass lucky that Russell even considered him for a role, let alone the lead fucking role of an actual Oscar contender. That said, Henrie would be fucking lucky to ever work in Hollywood again after this fucking shit performance. He’ll make history alright; he’ll be the first lead actor of a David O’fucking Russell movie to win a fucking Razzie. Henrie begins crying, and Russell screams that it’s good for once, but he wants more, so then he starts beating Henrie up. Unfortunately, this has the opposite effect as Henrie’s face begins to bleed, pissing Russell off even more because now, there will be a massive continuity error. Rodriguez finally speaks up, asking if Russell know he’s a member of the MPAA task force. As Henrie sobs louder and louder, Russell realizes his mistake: Henrie will report the abuse to the MPAA and he’ll become blacklisted from Hollywood again. Russell says he’s gone too far to make the same mistake, and begins strangling Henrie to death. As he dies, Russell holds the body behind his back and walks up to Rodriguez, stating there won’t be an issue with the MPAA now. Rodriguez says he’s not blind; he sees Henrie’s body behind him. That said... “Welcome to the Ochord.” Russell doesn’t understand what he means by that, and thus asks if he’ll be blacklisted. Rodriguez sighs and says no. Russell claps to himself giddily.

Rodriguez’s new movie Choose-Your-Own-Adventure is about to premiere. No one is actually at the red carpet premiere except for Rodriguez himself. However, suddenly a limo pulls up, and Rodriguez smiles from excitement. Inside the limo, we see Joss Whedon and Jennifer Lee have decided to limo-pool together. We discover through dialogue that the two actually have no interest in the movie itself, but actually feel bad for Rodriguez’s recent string of flops. The two exit the limo, seeing only Rodriguez standing there. Immediately feeling awkward, Whedon turns back to the limo, but it has already sped away. Rodriguez runs up to them like an eager puppy and says he’s so happy they’ve come. Jennifer smiles, saying that she always had a guilty pleasure for Spy Kids, and Whedon smiles too, saying Sin City is a movie worthy of great respect. Happy that two high-profile filmmakers decided to attend his premiere, he suddenly gets an idea. He hands both of them a pistol and, before they can respond, quickly takes a picture of the two of them holding the guns. Whedon asks what the big idea is, and Rodriguez explains that’s he’s forming an Ochord made of movie directors with secret scandals for the purpose of taking down the MPAA from the inside. Jennifer doesn’t understand what this has to do with them, and Rodriguez answers that in an increasingly liberal Hollywood, anyone carrying a gun in the open will be immediately ostracized because honestly, the second amendment isn’t that important. Whedon says this is stupid; they would’ve joined his group anyway without a scandal on their hands because they both like him as a director and can’t stand the MPAA. Jennifer points out that she still has no idea why Frozen was rated PG. Rodriguez smiles, but says he doesn’t know if he can trust them. Jennifer asks how they can show their trust, and Rodriguez pulls out two pistols of his own, aimed at both of them. Whedon asks how he was holding four pistols in his pocket, and Rodriguez yells that it doesn’t matter; it’s a Mexican standoff with a twist. Jennifer says she thought Mexican standoffs were more equal, and Rodriguez tells her this is more fun. Whedon asks what he wants them to do, and Rodriguez answers that the only way he can trust them is if they shoot each other in the leg. Jennifer says that’s a stupid way to judge trust, after all- she interrupts her own sentence with a scream: Whedon has already shot her in the leg. Whedon apologizes, but he realizes when the audience should have pain over the loss of a loved one (Answer: ALWAYS). Jennifer asks what he’s talking about, and Whedon asks her if she loved her leg. Jennifer grimaces at him and then shoots him in the leg, snarking that she hopes the cold doesn’t bother him. Whedon screams in pain and also yells that that doesn’t even make sense as a one-liner. Rodriguez takes the two of them in a bear-hug, happy they joined his Ochord.

Back in the In-and-Out, we can see time has passed by it being nighttime in the window behind Rodriguez. Rodriguez explains that now, his guest might be wondering why he calls it an Ochord. Well, simply put, it both sounds cool, and represents his plan to take down the MPAA, which needs eight (Ocho in Spanish) people. Rodriguez, Ethan and Joel Coen, Wright, Russell, Jennifer, and Whedon make seven, and Rodriguez wants Ang Lee to be his eighth and final member. Ang Lee chews his eighth burger of the night in silence. After swallowing, he answers that he’ll think it over in the bathroom. As Ang excuses himself, Rodriguez smiles; his plan may finally come to fruition in a mere few days. Rodriguez suddenly gasps though, as we suddenly see Ang, instead of going to the bathroom, decided to sneak around Rodriguez and chop off his left ear with a knife. Rodriguez, although in deep pain, says he’ll take that as a yes. Sitting back down, Ang mentions that after Brokeback Mountain, he has had routine issues with the MPAA, so he’d definitely be happy to join to try to take them down. Ang then also apologizes profusely for the Reservoir Dogs reference, saying he had no idea how to reference a Rodriguez film. Rodriguez notices the sun rising, and then smiles, saying Ang could’ve said they’ve been sitting in the restaurant From Dusk Till Dawn. Rodriguez laughs at his own joke as Ang looks at him unamused. Suddenly, the TV in the restaurant starts blaring, as the morning news has begun. The anchor says that the top story of the night is Quentin Tarantino’s lawyer has been found dead in his own office, and Tarantino himself is the prime suspect for the murder. Rodriguez frowns, saying he hoped his friend wouldn’t have got involved in this way. Ang asks what the trouble is, and Rodriguez answers that they’re going to have to take down Tarantino for the MPAA before they take down the MPAA itself. Ang nods in sad agreement. The anchor on the TV continues, stating that speculation exists that the script leak of The Hateful Eight is what led Tarantino to such a mental breakdown. Rodriguez’s eyes narrow in amusement as the screen fades to black.

CHAPTER III – THE GREAT ESCAPADE

Heavy panting is heard under the title card. The camera fades into Quentin Tarantino running in the dark night, out of breath. Tarantino runs up a long pathway and knocks on a door to a mansion. A man looks through the peephole, and then opens the door, and says he’s surprised to see Tarantino without calling ahead. Tarantino thanks him for opening the door as the camera turns to reveal Spike Lee. Spike says that it’s great to see Tarantino again, and Tarantino says the same to him. Spike asks why Tarantino didn’t take his car, and Tarantino answer that it’s a long story. Cut ahead to Spike and Tarantino eating some pizza in Spike’s dining room. Spike comments that they really should stop their fake rivalry put on for the cameras; it’s been fun, but seriously, it’s getting old. Tarantino agrees slightly but then comments that if he hadn’t kept up this façade, no one would be able to protect him from the law. Spike’s eyes narrow and then asks Tarantino what he’s talking about. Tarantino explains the predicament: he decided to take down Gawker as revenge for leaking The Hateful Eight, but in the process, had to kill his lawyer. Spike rolls his eyes at Tarantino, stating he always did have a nasty temper. Spike asks Tarantino what he plans on doing, and Tarantino says that, for irony’s sake, he’s going to assemble a team of eight directors to go infiltrate Gawker and kill the president of the company. Spike says he’s in, and Tarantino comments that that was oddly quick, and Spike says that it’s not like he’s making any movies at the time anyway. Tarantino nods and then begins to speak of his full-plan.

The next day, Spike leaves his house in a very, very nice car. He quickly heads to the Russo & Frank Grill, where he has having a meeting with financers. He enters the building and sits down with Woody Allen and Steven Spielberg. After Spielberg orders a steak, Spike has to be blunt with Spielberg and Allen: his experiment with Kickstarter ultimately failed, but he hopes that by getting other bigshot directors financing his work, he might actually have another film put in wide release. Allen scoffs at this notion: who cares about wide release? Wide release is overrated, and besides that, he is too busy writing his new film Original Love. Allen tells Spike that there might be a role in Original Love for him, if he wants to keep busy. Spike, trying to keep in his rage, tells Allen that it sounds interesting, and immediately turns to Spielberg to ask him about the possibility of coming onto his own movie as a producer. Spielberg apologizes to Allen, saying that it’s just too much work for him, since he’s financing Michael Bay’s new blockbuster. Spielberg has an obvious affection for Bay, clearly thinking of him has a good man and a visionary director. Spike blows up at the table, and asks Allen if he truly thinks he’s a good actor. Allen nonchalantly says no and Spike punches him in the face. Allen’s nose is bleeding but he smiles, saying this is perfect for his new idea! Allen leaves the table excited as Spike continues staring at Spielberg.

Spike, being desperate for his funding, continues his schmoozing with Spielberg, saying that even though Bay is a (Spike struggles to find the right words) interesting director, Spike’s own idea is a movie that’s worthy of being pitched. Spielberg sighs, and says, biting into his recently served steak,that he’s actually waiting for Bay to come in and talk to him about his new film. Spike asks for a pitch, and Spielberg says he wants it in fifty words or less. Spike opens his mouth and says “The-“ when suddenly, Michael Bay walks in, uber eager to talk to Spielberg. He sits cross-legged on Allen’s chair, and interrupts Spike by saying he’s a huge fan of 25^th Hour. Spike smiles, and asks what he liked most about. Bay answers he loved the explosions that happened as Jack Bauer beat up so many bad guys in glorious shaky cam. Spike is not amused, but Spielberg interrupts Bay, and asks him about what his new film idea is. As Spike sits, annoyed Bay is getting much more respect than he did, Bay answers that he actually doesn’t have an idea, but he did come up with a cool new way to rig explosives, involving rockets and bazookas! Spielberg is not amused, but Spike has an idea. He mentions to Bay that he has quite a few explosions in his movie idea that needs producing, and Bay has produced quite a few movies. Spike then invites both Spielberg and Bay back to his house for some talks over dinner. Bay is very interested in producing the movie because, y’know, EXPLOSIONS, but Spielberg is annoyed with Spike, and points out that he literally just bought a steak; he’s not going to eat dinner. Spike glares at Spielberg and leaves in silence. Bay gives Spielberg a kiss on the cheek goodbye and runs after Spike. Spielberg rubs where Bay kissed him in disgust.

Spike drives down the road with Bay in classic shotgun position. Bay annoys Spike by pointing to various lights and signs and talking about how neat-o it would be if they just exploded with a ka-boom. Spike tries to ignore him but then Allen screams “Hello!” Spike immediately looks behind him and sees Allen was lying in the backseat the whole time. Bay freaks out in a good sense, saying Allen is so cool to surprise them like that, almost like an explosion in their head. Spike ignores Bay and asks Allen what the fuck he is doing in his car. Allen explains that he was waiting for Spike to come to his car to talk, but he accidentally fell asleep while waiting. Spike still wants to know why Allen is in his car, but Allen doesn’t really pay attention. Allen instead begins to beg Spike to be in his movie, because he thinks that if he gives Spike Lee a minor acting role in his new masterpiece, reviewers will stop complaining that he only casts white people. Spike says that that completely, utterly misses the point of token casting in Hollywood, and Allen shrugs, saying that if he wants, he’ll cast Tyler Perry, since everyone likes Tyler Perry’s movies more than Spike Lee’s anyway. Spike screams “WHAT??” in anger, but then Bay points out the car has stopped, and someone outside is screaming like they’ve been in an explosion. The three exit the car in curiosity and see Michael Fassbender bleeding to death in front of their car. Allen blames Spike for not paying attention to his driving, and Spike blames Allen for distracting him. Fassbender screams for his lover, Steve, and Allen has no idea what he’s talking about. Bay points and says that there’s a man coming for them who looks like he’s about to explode. Spike and Allen turn and see Steve McQueen running to Fassbender. Fassbender tells McQueen he loves him, and McQueen, in tears, tells Fassbender he loves him too. Fassbender dies, and then McQueen turns to Spike, Bay, and Allen in utter rage. He screams at them that he was filming an eight-minute long take for his new movie, and they killed his star, and his one true love. As McQueen runs toward them in complete anger, Allen asks what they should do, and Spike has no idea. Suddenly, Bay pulls out a grenade and tosses it at McQueen. Spike looks at Bay in terror – they don’t want to kill two Hollywood bigshots. Luckily, the grenade hits McQueen in the head, knocking him out instantly, but yet, it does not go off. Bay frowns, saying he likes it when it explodes. Allen gives Bay a hug anyway, stating he saved them. Bay doesn’t really care, and Spike just rolls his eyes at the whole proceedings. Allen then picks McQueen up and loads him into the trunk (requisite trunk shot), stating with pleasure that he has another black man who can be his new movie. Spike tells Allen to shut the fuck up with his racism and Allen smiles awkwardly, half-heartedly apologizing.

Spike enters his house with Allen following close behind, continuing to pitch Original Love to him. Bay carries McQueen’s unconscious body in the house, saying that it’s funny how easy people fall asleep when exciting things happen: a good example of this is his friends who fall asleep during his own movies. Spike tells Bay that no one cares, and then says to both Bay and Allen that there’s someone here to talk to them. Tarantino enters the room, eating some ramen. He says what’s up to the two directors, and then explains the situation to them: Gawker leaked his script; he wants to break into the Gawker headquarters and kill the CEO of the company. He needs eight directors to go with him to do this, and he wants both of them on his team. Are they in or out? Allen answers that it’s funny that it’s Gawker; conveniently, his apartment in New York is right across from the Gawker headquarters. It could easily be used as a headquarters for Tarantino’s operation. Tarantino asks if it means he’s in, and Allen answers that as an older gentleman, he really should get out of the house more. He’s in for that reason alone. Tarantino asks Bay, but Bay is jumping up and down in excitement; after all, Tarantino’s plan will for sure, without any doubts, include explosions. Why wouldn’t he be in? Tarantino then turns to McQueen, and then asks Spike why he isn’t awake. Spike answers that Bay knocked him out, and Bay yells that he wishes there was an explosion. Ignoring Bay, Spike decides to wake up McQueen by slapping him in the face. McQueen jerks up and focuses on Spike. Remembering Spike’s comments on 12 Years a Slave, McQueen yells at him that Spike is worried he’s washed up and was trying to get McQueen out of the directing game through murder. Fassbender being killed was an accident; McQueen was the target. Spike is confused and has no idea what he’s talking about. It doesn’t matter because it’s time for a fight: Spike Lee vs. Steve McQueen (shot in a single tracking shot in reference to McQueen’s famous style). McQueen jabs Spike in the stomach! Spike responds by grabbing McQueen’s arm and flipping him over onto a coffeetable! As Spike leans in to punch McQueen in the face, McQueen rolls out of the way and kicks Spike in the groin! Spike howls in pain, but, noticing Tarantino’s ramen bowl sitting on the couch, grabs the bowl and breaks it over McQueen’s head! McQueen shakes it off, instead flipping over to grab Spike’s hand and cracks one of his knuckles for him! A GUNSHOT IS HEARD! Tarantino has fired a pistol above… accidentally hitting a chandelier heading straight towards McQueen and Spike! Spike grabs McQueen and jumps out of the way of the chandelier, saving both of their lives! McQueen turns to Spike and, even surprised at himself, thanks him for saving his life. Spike says killing Fassbender was an accident, and he’s truly sorry for it. McQueen understands, but is still heartbroken. Tarantino, realizing this might not be the best time, but it’s still an important question, asks McQueen if he’s heard about his leaked script. McQueen comments that he was in a coma, not asleep. He heard everything he said to Bay and Allen, and he understands Tarantino’s plight. He’ll join the Eight, but McQueen does not believe the plan will work. Tarantino asks why, and McQueen asks if Tarantino has seen the news; he’s one of the most wanted men in America now. Tarantino says they need to leave town that night, but how? As everyone ponders this question, Bay brings up that before they leave, he wants to pick up a few snacks in his private jet. Tarantino smiles.

The next day, Bay’s private jet takes off. However, almost immediately after they’re in the air, Allen notices something outside the window: the engines are burning up. Allen runs into the cockpit and asks Bay, piloting the jet, what is going on. Bay smiles, and says he likes to light the fuel on fire after takeoff, because it reminds him of explosions. Spike, hearing this, asks Bay if he’s insane, but Tarantino tells Spike to calm down. Bay, cool and collected, says he’s already factored in a refueling spot on the way to New York City: Kansas City. Spike’s eyes light up; that’s where Kathryn Bigelow is filming her first sci-fi movie right now; perhaps she’d finance his new picture! As they soon land in Kansas City, Bay takes Allen with him to refuel the plane. As McQueen sleeps still on the plane, exhausted from the previous day’s events, Spike heads off to meet with Bigelow, and the producers on her sci-fi film, J.J. Abrams and Brad Bird. Tarantino asks if he can tag along, to try to get the three to join his hypothetical Eight, but Spike says that with the negative publicity, it might not be a good idea to meet them in a public area. Tarantino asks who said anything about a public area. On the set of the movie, Spike joins with Abrams, Bird, and Bigelow to pitch his movie. Spike introduces himself to all three of them, schmoozing appropriately. Bird says he’s a huge fan of Spike, and Spike smiles at the all-too-rare praise. However, feelings change as soon as Tarantino enters the set, arriving a few minutes after Spike. Sides are immediately taken in the room. Bigelow makes the first move, walking up to Tarantino and giving him a hug. Tarantino says it’s lovely to see her again after both of them (along with Ben Affleck) were close friends after the Best Director snubs of the 85^th Academy Awards. Tarantino breaks the hug and congratulates her on her recent Oscar nom; this year, she was notably not snubbed, and her film, The Death, is widely considered the frontrunner for Best Picture. Bigelow humbly thanks Tarantino, and mentions off-handedly that she has a flight back to L.A. for the Oscars in two days; she’s only visiting for one day and then back to work for her. Tarantino admires her work ethic. Bigelow apologizes to Tarantino since she heard about the leak, but Tarantino shrugs, and he’s okay with it with his revenge scheme coming along. Bigelow asks what that is but then Abrams interrupts, fanboying over Tarantino. After all, Tarantino is his second favorite director after Spielberg, and despite being in Hollywood for so long, he has yet to actually meet Tarantino. Tarantino mentions under his breath that there’s a reason for that. Bird interrupts everyone and asks why they haven’t dialed 911. Bigelow asks why they should; Tarantino is a suspect, he likely didn’t kill his lawyer. Tarantino awkwardly smiles and says sure to that. Abrams says Tarantino can do no wrong, and Bird freaks out, calling Bigelow and Abrams psychopaths for not immediately calling the police. Tarantino rolls his eyes, draws a revolver, and shoots Bird in the forehead, instantly killing him. Bird falls to the ground as Abrams gawks in delight, saying it was just like a Tarantino movie. Bigelow stares at Tarantino in new, slightly disgusted eyes. Tarantino explains that Gawker leaking his script ruined him, and now, he’s heading for vengeance with Spike, Woody Allen, Michael Bay, and Steve McQueen. He asks Abrams and Bigelow if they’ll join them in their quest for justice. Bigelow is disturbed by Tarantino’s murder of Bird, but ultimately says yes, saying that Tarantino and Bigelow are much too close friends to say no. Abrams says he definitely wants in, but Spike interrupts, saying that Abrams hasn’t really proven himself yet. Tarantino looks at Spike weirdly but Spike winks at him. Abrams says he’ll do anything to work with Quentin Tarantino, and Spike answers that he can work with Tarantino... if only Tarantino’s good friend Spike Lee would get his movie financed. Abrams promises to produce the movie with one condition: there needs to be absolute secrecy involving the plotline. Spike shrugs and says it’s a worthy sacrifice. Abrams asks if he’s in the Eight, and Tarantino smiles, and says yes.

The plane flies in the air, this time notably without the fuel on fire. Bay flies the plane with Allen as his copilot, and Bay begins to complain that it’s his plane; they should be fine with his lifestyle on having extravagant explosion-like fire on the wings. Allen rolls his eyes and says that he slightly understands why they’re against it; what if the Gawker headquarters saw them coming with the flaming fuel? Bay looks at Allen like he’s crazy, and Allen admits it probably is a crazy idea. McQueen enters the cockpit and asks where the food is. Bay says he doesn’t carry food on his plane; food is for the weak. McQueen stares at him in bewilderment, and Allen states he has a few peanuts in his pocket. Bay asks for them because he’s hungry and Allen hands them over. McQueen just stares at them both like they’re insane and leaves the cockpit. McQueen leaves and sits down next to Spike, who is now sleeping. He looks around the cabin, and wonders out loud to himself where Tarantino is. Well, Tarantino is in the backroom, watching some foot porn on his laptop. Abrams walks in on him, and Tarantino tries to hide it. Abrams doesn’t care though, and instead grabs his own camera. Tarantino asks what he is doing, and Abrams answers that he really wanted to film Tarantino and make a documentary about him, and this could be some test footage for it. Tarantino shakes his head and goes back to his computer. Abrams comments to himself that he can’t wait to add some lens flare in post-production. Meanwhile, we see Bigelow’s feet, which get up from her seat in the cabin and enter the cockpit. Bigelow says hello to the two there but Allen has fallen asleep within the past two seconds. Bay says hi, without looking at her. Bigelow begins to compliment Bay, saying that he is one of the best action directors working, and she’s sorry he doesn’t get enough credit. Bay looks at her and is instantly smitten. He tries to thank her, but starts to blubber like an idiot until he yells at Allen to wake up. Allen wakes up, immediately saying he wasn’t sleeping. Bay asks Allen to take the controls; he wants to talk to Bigelow. Allen does so, and Bay starts the conversation by complimenting Bigelow on one of his favorite explosions ever taking place in Zero Dark Thirty. Bigelow laughs at Bay’s oddities and the two continue to talk as the plane flies.

The plane lands in New York, actually in a private airfield behind Allen’s apartment (“I may act like a starving artist, but you need to remember I started as an actor!” Allen reports). The seven enter the apartment and look out the window across the street to see the Gawker headquarters. Bigelow comments that she doesn’t know how they’re going to take Gawker without any weapons, and Allen laughs nervously to himself about that, saying there’s a funny story about that... He leads them to a closet, which the seven all walk into. There are several pieces of weaponry, guns, and explosives. Bay faints in utter bliss, and Spike and McQueen look at each other, and for the first time ever, actually tell Allen this is pretty cool. Tarantino tells everyone to get to sleep, they have a big day ahead of them tomorrow. Later that night, everyone does fall asleep except for Tarantino and Abrams. Naturally, Abrams is keeping Tarantino up by asking him various questions on how he makes his films, since Abrams loves them all and wants to know how to ape him. Tarantino tells Abrams that he should really stop being such a derivative artist, and Abrams says that really, he doesn’t have enough faith in his own skill to not try to be like George Lucas, Steven Spielberg, or heck, even Tarantino maybe. Tarantino says he has talent; he knows how to shoot a scene at least. Abrams smiles in delight at Tarantino’s passive-aggressive compliment. Suddenly though, the doorbell to the apartment rings and Abrams heads to open the door. A man is standing out there, creepily smiling. He introduces himself as Wes Anderson, and Tarantino is instantly suspicious. He draws a gun to threaten Anderson, and Anderson immediately comments that that seemed to escalate far too quickly. He then explains that he came here to help, since, much like how, when you see a Tarantino movie, you know it’s a Tarantino movie, the same can be said for Wes Anderson movies. Tarantino is flattered that Anderson wants to help with whatever Tarantino is doing, but Abrams starts cheering for them to fight because he thinks it’d be cool. Tarantino glares at Abrams who immediately shuts up. Tarantino then shakes Anderson’s hand, saying that he’s happy he came; he desperately wanted a team of eight, a Hateful Eight, for maximum irony in his revenge. Only a few hours remain until the assault on Gawker.

 

CHAPTER IV – APOCALYPSE WOW

Carrey jumps up from his desk inside the Gawker headquarters and runs in to talk with Denton. Denton asks Carrey what he wants, and Carrey says that he’s been getting a lot of angry calls from big directors (like Christopher Nolan and Ben Affleck) and other people in the Hollywood industry about the Hateful Eight leak. Denton is disgusted, saying they should turn on Tarantino for killing a man. Carrey comments that in Hollywood, you can do whatever you want (except go on a racist, anti-Semitic rant) and keep your career. Besides, according to several Hollywood workers, Tarantino shouldn’t really be to blame for the murder, since really, he was under so much duress thanks to the script leak. Denton says to tell him the actual point, and Carrey says that they want Gawker to the pull the leak. Denton is disgusted; the Hateful Eight leak is giving Gawker its biggest web traffic in years! How dare Carrey suggest such a thing! Denton grabs the gun that killed Virgo and shoots Carrey dead on the spot. He then goes to his desk and intercoms Bristow, ordering him to come in. Bristow enters the office and sees Carrey dead on the floor. He responds naturally to the sight by asking why Carrey is dead, and Denton says that Carrey expected too much of them. Denton’s phone rings and Denton immediately picks up and talks to the man, telling him not to worry, Tarantino going insane helps their cause severely, and yes, the specialists should be here soon. As Denton hangs up, Bristow comments that really, they should’ve decided to work for the MPAA a long time ago; it pays better than Gawker does. Denton agrees, stating the old fogeys who run the MPAA have more money than any website traffic will really give them… although web traffic is important for extra money. Denton’s phone buzzes, letting him that the MPAA’s specialists, the Ochord, have arrived.

Rodriguez enters with the other seven members following close behind. He then asks what exactly their mission here is; they aren’t typically contracted out to work directly under MPAA officers. Denton says that, thanks to his friend higher up in the MPAA chain, he believes Tarantino should be coming with seven other people any minute now for bloody vengeance. The job of the Ochord is to finish Tarantino off once and for all. Rodriguez’s eyes widen; he wanted to leave Tarantino out of his secret double life as an MPAA enforcer. Denton doesn’t notice the response and instead snaps his fingers at Bristow. Bristow leaves the room (removing Carrey’s body while he’s at it) and quickly returns with a box of weapons. Ethan and Joel head to grab a machete for each of them, saying they actually enjoy the gracefulness of the weapon. Wright grabs some nunchuks, saying he doesn’t want to kill anyone, but he knows he’ll need to defend himself. Russell snorts at this slight pacifism, and thus grabs an AK-47 for himself, squealing with delight that he has it. Whedon and Jennifer look at each other, both of them really not wanting to hurt anyone, or even defend themselves. Thus, they don’t grab any weapons. Ang looks at them weirdly, but then understands. He’s not going to grab a weapon either; why use a weapon when you know martial arts? A loud buzz suddenly goes off, and Denton turns his head to the security TV right behind his desk. Tarantino is at the front door of the building, along with his Eight. Denton smiles and says to finish them all.

Outside the building, Allen apologizes for one thing: even though he had so much weaponry, he did not have any bullets. The rest of the Eight are all already visibly annoyed with him, but there’s not much they can do about it now. Suddenly, the doors open and Tarantino screams, “We’re the Hateful Eight, and you’re going down, you Gawking son-of-bitches!” The Ochord storms down the stairs of the seven floor building as Denton locks himself and Bristow in his office. Now it’s time for an epic battle royale! Thanks to the confusing amount of fights going on, I’m going to write this in separate paragraphs, but you have to imagine they’re all intercut in a chronological and fascinating way. Let’s start this up!

On the second floor of the building, Russell arrives and starts shooting everything in sight! Seven of the Eight pass by, but McQueen realizes a fight must occur! However, how can he fight a man armed with an AK-47? Russell has the high ground on the stairs! McQueen begins to jump behind pillars, working his way up to Russell! Russell screams several expletives in utter glee! McQueen manages to sneak around him thanks to the pillars, grabbing him by the neck! Russell drops the AK-47, and asks where McQueen came from! McQueen smiles, and says that in the future, Russell should think better before referring to a four-film contract as worse than 12 Years a Slave! Russell screams in terror as McQueen kicks him in the groin! Russell falls down the remaining flight of stairs, dying along the way!

On the third floor of the building, everyone left in the Eight passes the level except for Abrams and Anderson, who are stopped by the sudden arrival of the Coen Brothers! Ethan and Joel show off their machetes, but they didn’t count on Abrams’ secret weapon! Abrams tosses a lightsaber to Anderson and then draws his own! Unfortunately, as Anderson wields the saber, he soon discovers it is merely a prop! Anderson and Abrams then promptly run away from Ethan and Joel who are both wielding their machetes, but then Anderson gets an idea! Anderson leads Abrams and, thus, the Coens to the elevator! Anderson yells at Abrams that he should know what to do from Toy Story 2! Abrams yells back that he hasn’t seen that movie in a long time! Anderson says he hasn’t either, but it’s the only frame of reference he can think of! Abrams suddenly remembers and then opens up the hatch to the top of the elevator! However, Anderson holds off Joel and Ethan by overusing the fake lightsabers! Ethan sees right through it though, and passes by Anderson to get to the top of the elevator! Anderson is decapitated by Joel, oddly smiling when he dies! Meanwhile, at the top of the elevator, Abrams jumps around to avoid Ethan’s machete, but then gets what Anderson truly meant! He maneuvers himself so that Ethan’s machete hits the elevator cable, after which Abrams jumps up to grab the new end of the cable! The elevator plummets to the bottom floor, leading Ethan and Joel to their deaths! Abrams comments that he’ll miss Anderson’s unique framing!

On the fourth floor of the building, Ang and Wright stop the remaining five immediately! Spike says he’ll take care of it, and the others run past Ang and Wright! Well, not everyone; Allen wants to stick around for the fight! Ang moves in for the fight with Spike specifically (a battle of the Lees) while Wright goes after Allen with his nunchuks! Spike kicks Ang in the stomach, but Ang jumps back before the kick connects! Meanwhile, Wright apologizes, but says he has to hurt Allen! Allen smartly decides to just run away! Ang jumps up in the air and kicks Spike six times in the stomach in an epic wire-fu moment! As Wright is stuck chasing Allen, he quickly becomes annoyed and just throws the nunchuks at Allen! Although Ang has Spike at his mercy, what he doesn’t count on is Allen ducking from the nunchuks, causing them to hit Ang in the face! Ang starts to massively bleed all over the place from his head, but he is much too enraged to truly notice! However, in his bloody blindness, Ang walks over to Wright, and, believing he’s Spike, snaps Wright’s neck before he can protest! Ang then passes out, dead, thanks to severe blood loss! Spike thanks Allen for saving his life! Allen says that Spike is welcome, and Spike should still star in Original Love! Spike glares at Allen, and tells him not to push his luck!

On the fifth floor, Jennifer and Whedon are waiting for everyone! Tarantino manages to slip by though as Bay and Bigelow run to confront their fight! However, Jennifer announces they don’t want to fight! Indeed, Whedon mentions that they were practically kidnapped by Rodriguez and forced to be in his stupid task force! Bay doesn’t care about logic, and punches Whedon in the face! Whedon asks what that was for, and Bay heroically responds that he can punch Whedon in the face all day! Bigelow apologizes for Bay’s rude behavior to Whedon, and asks him if his face hurts! Before Whedon can reply, Bay says he just wants to prove himself as a worthy companion of Bigelow! Jennifer rolls her eyes at the passive sexism! However, Bigelow mentions that the notion of proving one’s self to a lover is very archaic, but still very sweet of Bay! Despite her annoyance at Bay’s sexist comment, Jennifer says that Bay and Bigelow would be a very cute couple! Bay is confused, and asks if they are truly together! Bigelow responds by kissing Bay on the lips very romantically! As Bigelow moves back, Bay just starts smiling with a goofy grin! Whedon starts applauding, happy for the new couple! Unfortunately, Bay did not properly secure his pocket, and a stick of dynamite falls out of it! Whedon’s quick reflexes allow him to grab it before it hits the ground, but unfortunately, it explodes his hand clear-off! As Whedon begins to bleed to death, Whedon asks why this happened! Bay shrugs with a reply, saying that Whedon should’ve really thought better before ripping off Transformers 3 in Avengers! Whedon screams in utter terror, but neither Bay nor Bigelow acknowledge it! Instead, they begin to make out passionately! Jennifer looks at the scene in disgust, and calls the two action directors “major Chris Buck-ups!” Even Whedon groans at the awful pun as he dies!

Finally, on the sixth floor, Tarantino runs into Rodriguez! Rodriguez apologizes in advance for the uppercut punch he delivers to Tarantino’s chin! As Tarantino recoils, Rodriguez says that if he truly had a choice, he wouldn’t hurt Tarantino at all, but unfortunately, fate has led to him to have to kill Tarantino! Tarantino punches him in the stomach while screaming the simple question of “Why?”! As Rodriguez spits blood out of his mouth, he answers that if he doesn’t kill Tarantino this very night, the MPAA will blacklist him from Hollywood and any major release in America for the rest of Rodriguez’s life! Tarantino kicks him in the stomach, and says that Rodriguez deserves it; if he hadn’t switched to shooting digital over actual film and betrayed his roots, maybe the quality of the actual movies wouldn’t have gone down! Rodriguez rolls his eyes, and then tucks and rolls to trip Tarantino! Rodriguez then stands up and puts his boot on Tarantino’s face and says that he really doesn’t want to kill or even hurt Tarantino, but if Rodriguez has to choose between Tarantino’s film career and his own, he’s definitely going with his own career! Tarantino decides to use one of his most infamous qualities to his advantage and begins sucking on Rodriguez’s boot! As Rodriguez jumps back in response, Tarantino rolls and kicks him in the groin from the ground! As Rodriguez holds his beloved man parts, Tarantino gets up from the ground and asks that if the MPAA is going to hurt Rodriguez and his career, why didn’t he just tell Tarantino and then the two of them could’ve took on the MPAA together, as brothers-in-arms! Rodriguez breaks down into manly tears, and tells Tarantino he didn’t want to sully Tarantino’s much better career by bringing him down to Rodriguez’s level by getting him involved! Tarantino puts out his hand and says that whether Rodriguez wants him to or not, Tarantino is involved with this MPAA power struggle, and Rodriguez and Tarantino, the Ochord and the Eight, will take down Gawker and the MPAA together! The rest of the fights are done by this point in the film, and Rodriguez realizes the truth of what Tarantino is saying. Rodriguez speaks into an earpiece and tells anyone alive in the Ochord to report to the sixth floor: they’re going to take down Gawker, and then the MPAA together.

Alas, the only one alive is Jennifer, but with Anderson dead, they are now Tarantino and the Hateful Eight. On the seventh floor, Denton waits in his office when he gets a video call from right outside his room. It’s Bristow, who says that Rodriguez has betrayed them. Denton asks how he knows, and Bristow explodes on the monitor as Bay’s faint giggle is heard. Denton quickly calls his boss on the phone and asks him what to do now that all is lost. Barely audible, the boss says that in order for Gawker to survive, he must transfer the current call to the video chat. As Denton clicks buttons to do this, Denton asks what about his own survival. The boss on the phone chuckles at the question as Denton finishes the process. Suddenly, the door behind him opens and two gunshots go through him: one is a headshot by Tarantino, the other is a shot in the chest from Rodriguez. He immediately falls to the ground dead, and Rodriguez and Tarantino high-five each other. However, as the other directors enter the room, they all notice the static-y picture on the TV set behind Bristow’s desk. Suddenly, the identity of Denton’s boss is made clear, and Tarantino is in utter shock: Martin Scorsese is the man behind Gawker, and the true agent of the MPAA! Scorsese smiles at the nine directors’ shocked looks, and Bay asks who the fuck is this guy; he’s never seen him before in his life. Scorsese rolls his eyes at Bay and Tarantino asks him what he’s doing. Scorsese says that they caught him, so why not explain what’s been going on? Scorsese has been working with the MPAA closely for the last decade. If you think about it, it’s very obvious: if Scorsese didn’t have an in with the MPAA, how could The Wolf of Wall Street only be rated R? McQueen says that’s a good point, since Shame wasn’t nearly as inappropriate as Wolf. Scorsese smiles at McQueen, and then turns to Tarantino, saying that Scorsese always intended for Tarantino to go on this epic bloody vengeance quest. After all, there’s no way his career will survive it, either with an MPAA enforcer or just in the eyes of the public. Scorsese explains that with Tarantino out of a career, the MPAA will be pleased that almost all high profile graphically violent movies are no longer important. Also with Tarantino gone, the very dark comedy genre will be monopolized by Scorsese himself, and he will finally win his third directing Oscar in just a few days. Spike asks what the fuck is he talking about, and Allen looks grimly, saying he heard about AMPAS’ recent rule involving posthumous wins. Simply put (and Allen finds this more utter bullshit on why the Academy Awards are a waste of time), if someone dies before the ceremony, they are disqualified from winning. Scorsese points out that his remake of Bugsy Malone is the only eligible movie now. The other noms were Wes Anderson, who’s dead, the Coen Brothers, who are dead, and finally David O. Russell, who died too. Scorsese has to win now. Bigelow steps forward and tells Scorsese he must be mistaken; he forgot the fifth nominee: herself. Scorsese frowns, but then smiles, saying that Bigelow is right, and then he presses a button on a remote control he is holding. A spear jabs out of the TV Scorsese is being displayed on and stabs Bigelow right through her chest. Bigelow falls to the ground in agony, and Bay bends down to help her, hoping to save her life. Scorsese says goodbye to Tarantino and his friends, saying that he hopes they enjoy the self-destruction. As the TV turns off, the building begins to crumble around them. Jennifer asks what do they do, and Bay, holding Bigelow and kissing her softly, pulls out a grapple gun, and shoots it out the window! The grapple zigs and zags through a bit of New York and then hits the private jet. Bay explains that he put in an electromagnet for his airplane in case he ever forgot where he parked it; the grapple-line should be able to double as a zipline. They all evacuate, getting onto Bay’s zipline one by one. Finally, it’s just Bay and Abrams alone in the crumbling Gawker building. Abrams asks Bay how he thought ahead for the zipline. Bay just stares blankly back at Abrams, with tears in his eyes and Abrams has no more words to say. As he goes down the zipline, he says quietly that he is a Michael Bay fanboy now. Bay then takes the zipline one-handed with Bigelow in his arms. As he tries to load the plane carrying her, Allen stops him, saying to Bay sadly that Bigelow is gone forever. Spike takes Bigelow’s body to carry back to Hollywood in the cargo bay as Bay himself breaks down into Allen’s arms, who tries to soothe him, but ultimately, fails.

The jet takes off, and Allen leaves it on autopilot back to Hollywood. The remaining eight meet in the cabin to have a meeting. Rodriguez beats himself on the fact that he was too busy protecting his own skin to really look into the MPAA when he was under their employment. Tarantino doesn’t blame him for it, but Spike does, calling Rodriguez an imbecile. Rodriguez takes the insult to heart, and then apologizes to everyone for ultimately leading to the deaths of eight wonderfully talented directors today. Jennifer looks at him and tells him that he’s wrong. Rodriguez might not be the best guy in the world; he’s not even a good guy. However, the deaths of the Coens, Ang, Wright, Russell, Whedon, Anderson, and Bigelow were Scorsese’s fault and Scorsese’s fault alone. He manipulated both Rodriguez and Tarantino to this and they can’t let him win. Tarantino agrees with Jennifer and says that he has an idea. Allen points out that the last idea Tarantino had led them to this bloody carnage, but McQueen says they should hear Tarantino out. After all, McQueen might not be a big fan of Tarantino, but he’s a good leader to them all. Tarantino thanks McQueen and then says there’s only one thing to do: the Oscars are less than 24 hours. They need to kill Scorsese at the ceremony and expose the MPAA’s corruption to the world. Then, they need to dedicate the Best Director Oscar to the eight directors who just died in the onslaught on Gawker. Rodriguez is in immediately, saying he’ll never leave Tarantino’s side. Jennifer is in too, along with Spike and Allen. McQueen is in, saying he trusts Tarantino now with his life at least. The seven stare at Bay, who hasn’t said a word since entering the plane. He stares at the seven of them, and gives a sad smile, stating quietly, “Let’s go win an Oscar.”

CHAPTER V – THE COULD, THE SAD, AND THE EXPLOSIONS

Live from the Dolby Theater, it’s the Academy Awards! Neil Patrick Harris is hosting, which means it’s going to be a sweet time. After all, who could possibly be a better host than NPH? However, a quick look at the audience easily reveals the current viewpoint in Hollywood: it’s a dangerous place. After eight directors were found dead the previous day in Gawker’s now obliterated headquarters, no one wants to be out in public, actor or director. Well, that might be a tad of an exaggeration as there are two people attending the Oscars of their own accord: Martin Scorsese and Ben Stiller. NPH make a few jokes about them but then his monologue is cut short by his need to announce recently appointed officers of AMPAS to make sure there are no threats at this year’s Oscar ceremony. Spike Jonze and Joseph Gordon-Levitt take the stage and introduce themselves as cops, since, as they have both experienced many aspects of the filmmaking arts, they decided to become officers for AMPAS, which is pretty sweet. They reassure the two person audience that they are on the lookout for any suspicious characters.

And with that, it is time for the first award! George Clooney comes out and says it’s time to award the Best Animated Feature of the year. Clooney snarks that there really aren’t any of the nominees here, so why should he bother reading them out loud. Stiller boos him but Clooney tells Stiller to fuck off. “And the Oscar goes to...,” but before Clooney can open the envelope, Jennifer takes the stage from the back entrance. Clooney asks her what’s she doing there, and she says she’d like to accept her second Oscar. Clooney points out that she didn’t even have a movie release in the previous year, and Jennifer shrugs, asking who else is going to accept the Oscar. Clooney tries to counter this argument but finds that there’s nothing he can truly say. He hands her the Oscar and she goes into an acceptance speech, thanking the Academy. Scorsese watches from the audience, highly suspicious from Jennifer’s arrival.

After she finishes her speech, NPH returns, because it’s time for a dance number! An original song, “A Day at the Oscars Can Be Lonely, But Not As Lonely As Going To Disneyland By Yourself” is performed, as NPH runs through classic films such as Casablanca and The Room represented as Disneyland rides, and seven back-up dancers dressed as the Seven Dwarfs dance with NPH. As the song quickly ends, we see the back-up dancers edit and take off their giant head costumes. It’s the Hateful Eight, minus Jennifer. Tarantino mentions that Jennifer’s part of the plan went off without a hitch. Yes, Jennifer was supposed to awkwardly interrupt Clooney’s presentation so that way the rest of them could sneak into the theater without being seen. Now for the rest of the plan. Tarantino tells Bay that he needs to set up the back-up plan explosives for the theater in case they fail at stopping Scorsese. Tarantino and Rodriguez will confront Scorsese himself during the Best Director presentation. As Bay leaves to do his duty, Spike asks what the remaining four should do for the plan, and Tarantino stares at them awkwardly. He actually doesn’t have a place for them in the plan. McQueen asks why they’re even there for this plan then. Tarantino gives a kooky smile, and says he wanted a Hateful Eight again – y’know, for irony! The four directors glare at him and Abrams says that he just lost a lot of respect for Tarantino. McQueen rolls his eyes and say he’s getting concessions, and as the four directors leave to watch the ceremony (since they are all members of the Academy anyway), Allen remarks that he hopes this is a good show; this will be his first time in a long while.

Later on that night, Best Director is going to be announced by Ben Affleck. Affleck takes the stage and starts making awkward jokes, and says that maybe one day, he’ll win the award or maybe, just maybe, even be nominated. Stiller laughs hysterically at this joke, but Scorsese, Abrams, McQueen, Spike, Allen, and Jennifer (who joined the audience after her win) just stare at him awkwardly. Affleck mentions the new “posthumous wins are banned” rule kinda kills the suspense in the category, but for tradition’s sake (he glares at Clooney off-stage at this moment), he’s going to read the nominees. Wes Anderson for Fuzzy Mojo. Kathryn Bigelow for The Death. Ethan and Joel Coen for How to Die Conformably in Rio. David O. Russell for Pizza Town. Martin Scorsese for Bugsy Malone. And the Oscar goes to... Martin Scorsese, to absolutely no one’s surprise! Scorsese runs to the stage, overjoyed he has won his third directing Oscar.

His celebration is short-lived though when Tarantino and Rodriguez jump from the rafters! Immediately, Rodriguez tackles Scorsese and restrains him to the ground. Tarantino grabs the mic, and, in utter worry of Tarantino being a raging murder, the play-off music begins blaring at loudest volume. Affleck notices that when Tarantino landed on the stage, a gun fell out of Tarantino’s notoriously small pockets on his suit. Affleck grabs the unnoticed gun off the ground and aims at Tarantino for a second, who stares at Affleck in actual terror. Affleck then moves the gun slightly and shoots, killing the conductor of the play-off music. Affleck says he wants to hear what Tarantino has to say to them all there. Tarantino exposes the MPAA’s corruption of the Academy, mentioning how they forced the bullshit “no posthumous wins” rules in, which they should all know is a dumb win. He also brings up the very recent deaths of David Henrie, Brad Bird, Michael Fassbender, Ang Lee, David O. Russell, Wes Anderson, Ethan and Joel Coen, Joss Whedon, Edgar Wright, and Kathryn Bigelow, and accuses Scorsese of causing, either directly or indirectly, all of these unfortunate deaths. Scorsese even attempted the cruel irony of manipulating Tarantino to kill Rodriguez or vice versa. Scorsese is the true bad guy here in Hollywood. Scorsese laughs hysterically at Tarantino, saying who the fuck is honestly going to believe him. Spike stands up and says that even though he despises Quentin Tarantino (while winking at the man himself), he believes what he’s saying. Allen stands and says he believes him. McQueen believes him. Jennifer believes him. Clooney walks out on stage and says he felt left out, and he believes in Tarantino himself. Stiller starts loudly complaining, asking if this is truly the best the Oscars have: a shitty Spartacus rip-off?

Finally, JGL and Jonze return to the stage, taking their roles of cops of AMPAS very seriously. JGL states AMPAS was well aware of the MPAA corruption going on in Hollywood, and it’s their job to put Scorsese under arrest. Indeed, JGL does just that, and, after putting him in handcuffs, leads Scorsese away to jail. Jonze then pulls out his own handcuffs and arrests Tarantino. Tarantino asks why the fuck he’s doing that; he just gave AMPAS its biggest bust of illegal MPAA influence in history. Jonze apologizes, but says that regardless of intent or Scorsese’s influence, Tarantino has either killed directly or led to the deaths of many Hollywood workers, and he’s now under arrest multiple murders. Spike runs up to Jonze on stage and tells him something important: who the fuck cares? Allen yells to Jonze that the filmmakers of the world have forgiven him for suspicious dealings, and heck, Roman Polanski got a standing ovation at the Oscars after raping an innocent girl. Why should murders really matter in Hollywood. Abrams, eager to look smart, also yells out that this is why Hollywood should forgive Mel Gibson for just being racist; it’s not bad a crime. Spike looks Abrams in utter annoyance, and McQueen shoots Abrams in the kneecap to prove him wrong. Spike yells thank you to McQueen and McQueen gives him a thumbs up. As Abrams screams in his own personal agony, Allen feels the need to point out that he’s definitely not racist anymore: he added another minor black character to Original Love! Everyone ignores Allen’s comment, and instead look to Jonze for his decision. Jonze ponders it for a few seconds, but then sees the logic: it’s Hollywood, why should anyone actually care about the personal life? Come fifty years from now, no one will remember crimes; rather, they’ll remember the works of art. Tarantino is let go on the basis that he makes good films and the audience of directors cheers, as Tarantino and Rodriguez hug each other. However, Jonze does go to arrest Affleck, since he murdered the conductor. Affleck protests, saying that he’s a good asset to Hollywood. 24 Hours and Argo were great movies. Jonze points out that no one likes his acting though as he handcuffs Affleck. Affleck screams that he thought he gave a good performance once or twice in his career. Jennifer yells, “Fuck off, Daredevil and just let it go,” and everyone laughs for once at Jennifer’s awful Frozen pun. Tarantino smiles and turns to Rodriguez, saying it looks like a happy ending for all of the film industry. Rodriguez points out that this is very unusual; if this was adapted into a film of Tarantino’s, there definitely wouldn’t be a happy ending. Suddenly, multiple explosions go off in the building, killing everyone in the Dolby Theater, and effectively leveling Hollywood.

A month later, Michael Bay drives a pickup truck through the effectively abandoned Hollywood. A voice-over informs us he was hiding in a bomb shelter when he set off the explosions. After all, the rest of the Hateful Eight never informed him that the plan went well, so he presumed that Tarantino and Rodriguez had failed, so they had to kill Scorsese anyway. Now, Scorsese is dead but so is practically every Hollywood filmmaker. Those who did survive, such as Steven Spielberg, Christopher Nolan and James Cameron, have relocated to New York, believing Hollywood to be too much of a dangerous place. However, Bay still likes Hollywood and he returns to his leveled mansion, where only a statue of Bumblebee stands now. He heads into his cellar to pick up the script he was working on for Spielberg before the whole Hateful Eight business started. He smiles at the script titled DORA THE EXPLORER. As he heads out to his car, he notices something in his passenger seat: the picture of Kathryn Bigelow he keeps now as a reminder for the one woman he ever truly loved. He looks under the picture and finds another script: MURDER AND MERCY by Mark Boal. He realizes it was Bigelow’s next project, and he decides to take it on for himself, throwing Dora the Explorer out to the wind. After all, if there’s one thing he’s learned from this experience, it’s that good directors can be bad people and bad directors can possibly save the day. Maybe, just maybe, he will make his first ever masterpiece. For Tarantino, for the Eight, for the Ochord, and Kathryn Bigelow, Bay thinks, as he drives off into the sunset.

THE END.

Theaters: 1,249
Rating: R for intense sequences of action and violence, strong language, and sensuality.
Budget: $3 million (for this cut)

Edited September 20, 2015 by Blankments

[rukaio101]

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: The Adventure Begins

Director: Elle Michalka
Genre: Animation/Fantasy
Date: June 19th
Cast: Sam Riegal (Pell), Maxey Whitehead (Muddy), Colleen Clinkenbeard (Wigglytuff), Wallace Shawn (Chatot), Liam O'Brian (Groyvle), rest appropriate professional voice actors. 

Plot:

We open in the midst of a raging storm over the ocean. Suddenly, the camera shakes as if hit by an shockwave. The sky above the storm starts to distort and we hear blurred shouting between two voices.

<What happened?!>

<I… don’t know… I’m slipping!>

<Hold on! We’re almost there! Grab my hand!>

<I… can’t………>

<Pell!!!!!>

The camera shakes again and we see a limp shape fall out of the distorted sky and into the raging ocean waves as the camera fades to black.

 

We open the next day in Hub Town. The storm has passed, everything is bright and sunny and all the townsfolk (who are Pokemon) are busy in their day to day lives. From two Kecleons running a shop to Kangaskhan’s bank/storage to Chansey’s nursery, we get a real feel for everyday life in the town. We also get to hear some narration.

 

“The Pokemon World is a wide and varied place with endless possibilities and variations. In some worlds, humans and Pokemon work together to achieve common goals. They battle together, build together, live together and bond together. But in other worlds, humans are a rarity and the Pokemon build civilisations of their own. Like this one. Welcome to the world of Mystery Dungeon.”

 

We get also get an explanation, via montage, of Pokemon exploration teams. Exploration teams are groups of Pokemon who join together to help rescue other Pokemon, explore hidden areas (in the form of areas called Mystery Dungeons) and defeat and capture outlaw Pokemon. Many prolific and famous explorers/teams are graduates of Wigglytuff’s guild, a guild of explorers let by the prodigal explorer Wigglytuff. Many young Pokemon dream of growing up and joining that guild but the training is said to be so harsh that many are too frightened to approach.

 

We then cut to sunset in front of the Wigglytuff Guild building. A young Mudkip, named Muddy, is standing nervously in front of it. He tells himself to pull together and that today he’ll finally take the plunge and join the guild. He takes his first few steps towards the guild… and immediately chickens out and walks back. He manages to stop himself though, reaches into his pouch and pulls out a small strange artefact. This artefact was something he found as a young child and is a good luck charm for him. With its help, he gets the self-confidence to walk back up to the Guild building, step on the wooden grate in front of the entrance and-

<Footprint Detected! Footprint Detected! The footprint is a Mudkip!>

A loud voice sounds from beneath the grate, absolutely terrifying Muddy and causing him to run away. Seconds after he’s gone, a Loudred walks out of the guild entrance and looks around, wondering what all that was about.

 

Muddy heads to a small secluded location near the beach and watches the sunset. He pulls out the artefact and examines it. The main reason he always wanted to be an explorer was because he wanted to find out what the artefact was. However he is too cowardly to enter the guild by himself. Suddenly, he spots a shape washed up on the beach. Panicked, he goes to investigate. Once he is gone, a Zubat and a Koffing emerge from a hiding place. They comment that the artefact Muddy was holding might well be worth a lot of money and decide to steal it. Meanwhile, back on the beach, Muddy comes across Pell, a Pikachu, lying unconscious on the beach. He tries to rouse him, with little luck, so instead he feeds Pell a Reviver Seed, a special item that revives an unconscious Pokemon. Slowly, Pell begins to come around. However, he is a touch disturbed by the fact that he now has a tail. And pointy ears. And short, stubby arms and legs. And is yellow. See, Pell didn’t use to be a Pikachu, he actually used to be human. And now he’s transformed into a Pikachu. He understandably freaks out.

 

Muddy is naturally a bit bemused at Pell’s freakout and asks where he’s from. Pell doesn’t know that either, realising he’s completely lost his memory and begins having a minor existential crisis. Muddy is a little bemused by all this, but offers to take Pell into town to see if anything jogs his memory. On the way there, the two are ambushed by Zubat and Koffing and knocked unconscious by Koffing’s poison gas attack. When they regain consciousness, Zubat and Koffing are gone, along with Muddy’s artefact. Muddy naturally freaks out, but Pell manages to find tracks, by examining the nearby trees, and intends to follow the two.  Muddy is a little hesitant, but is emboldened by Pell’s confident attitude and agrees to follow the two. They manage to find Zubat and Koffing who, while initially surprised, laugh at the two when they claim they’re going to take the artefact back. However, Koffing’s poison gas needs time to recharge so Zubat leaps into battle. Pell tries to punch Zubat out of the air, but he is unused to his new body and fails. (Pell: “Damn my adorably stubby arms!”) Muddy is too frozen by fear to help and Pell is taking a lot of damage. However, Pell, entirely by accident, manages to use an electric attack to shock Zubat out of the air. With only one opponent left, Pell charges at Koffing. However, Koffing has recharged his poison gas and attacks Pell with it. Muddy snaps out of his funk in time to throw Pell a Reviver Seed, allowing Pell to withstand the gas and knock Koffing to the ground with a tail swipe. (Pell: “Huh. This tail thing might not be so bad after all.”)

 

Zubat and Koffing leg it, leaving the artefact behind them. Muddy is overjoyed at retrieving his treasure and Pell is satisfied with his good deed. However, he has no idea what to do now since his memories aren’t returning and he has nowhere to stay. Muddy has an idea though and soon the two find themselves in front of the Wigglytuff Guild building again. Muddy explains that explorer trainees at the guild get their own rooms and that the two could board there. Plus Muddy thinks that with Pell’s help he might get the courage to finally join. The two approach the grating and Muddy has his usual crisis of courage. While he’s freaking out, Pell casually boots him onto the grate.

<Footprint Detected! Footprint Detected! The footprints are a Mudkip and a Pikachu!>

Mudkip tries to leg it, but Pell casually grabs his tail and keeps him in place. A Loudred emerges from the entrance and deafens them while asking why they’re here. (Pell: *wincing* “Why did I have to get these new large ears?”) Pell turns to Muddy to explain why they’re there. Muddy tries to explain but is nervous and teary to the point of utter incoherence so Pell explains instead. Loudred snorts at this, asking if they think they accept just any untrained Pokemon who walks up to their door. Because…. they’d be right. They do. Pell and Muddy can join. But they should know that many Pokemon quit after the first week…

 

Pell and Muddy are given a room for the night. They get a few hours sleep until first light, when Loudred bursts into their room and wakes them with a booming roar. Pell and Muddy dazedly get up for the guild morning meeting where we get to meet most of the other Guild Pokemon (Bidoof, Croagunk, Corphish, Sunflora, Chimecho and Diglett + Dugtrio (who are responsible for recognising Pokemon from under the grate). We also get to meet Chatot, the snooty second-in-command of the guild and general taskmaster who introduces the two newcomers to the rest of the guild. We also get to meet the guildmaster Wigglytuff who enter by slamming open the door to his office and striding in in a badass manner… only for it to be revealed that he’s sleepwalking with his eyes open. An embarrassed Chatot is forced to rouse him with a Perfect Apple, his favourite food. Once awake we quickly learn that Wigglytuff is, in Pell’s words, ‘somewhat certifiably insane’ with his quirky and utter nonsensical morning speech to the guild (which is followed by him falling asleep again on his feet). To help the two newcomers with the ropes of guild life, Chatot assigns the previously newest guild member, Bidoof, a chirpy, friendly Pokemon, to give them an explanation of what they do.

 

Before the guild splits off to do their everyday jobs, however, Chatot reminds them to remember about the ‘expedition coming up’. Pell asks about this and Bidoof explains that the guild is organising an expedition to a newly discovered land. However, only a few guild members will be chosen, hence why everyone is working their hardest to make the selection. However, since Pell, Muddy and he are new, they probably won’t make it. (Pell: “You know, for a guy with such a chirpy attitude, you’re remarkably pessimistic.”) Before Bidoof can take them to the requests room to explain explorer basics, Loudred asks him if he can pick up some much needed supplies from the market first. Bidoof asks if Pell and Muddy are okay with taking a trip there first. They are and the three head to the market.

 

On the way there, the three run into an Azurill, a Marill and a Drowzee. Bidoof knows Azurill and Marill and asks how they’re doing. The two are fine but they recently lost their Water Float, a rare and precious item to them. Luckily, they ran into a friendly Drowzee who happened to have seen it in a nearby dungeon and has offered to guide the two there. Pell accidentally bumps into Drowzee while walking past and has a strange vision of Drowzee cornering Azurill against a cliff face. When Muddy and Bidoof ask if he’s okay, he tells them he’s fine and he just had a mild headache. The three pick up the necessary supplies and head back to the guild’s requests room. There, Bidoof explains the two types of request the guild and explorer teams get. The first is general stuff like rescues, searching for lost items, escorting through dungeons, etc etc. However, the second is hunting down wanted Pokemon and outlaws. Bidoof suggests they stick to general requests for the moment. Muddy agrees. They find a pleasantly simply search quest for a lost Spoink’s pearl and are about to take it when Pell notices a wanted poster on the wanted board. It is a poster for the same Drowzee they saw with Azurill and Marill. Bidoof naturally freaks at this. Pell asks where they were headed. Bidoof doesn’t know and scampers off to find Chatot and put together a team to track them down. Pell thinks it’ll take far too long to do that, however. Recalling his vision of Drowzee when they bumped into each other in the market, Pell tells Mudkip about said vision and the location he saw the two in said vision. Muddy, while sceptical, recognises the location described as being a nearby dungeon. Pell suggests the two go and investigate, leaving behind a message for Bidoof and the rest of the guild.

 

They make their way through the dungeon, fighting off wild Pokemon (with Pell starting to get the hang of his electric attacks (although they still make him feel tingly)). They run into Marill, lost in the dungeon. She reveals that Drowzee ditched her and ran off with Azurill. The three arrive at the location Pell saw in his vision and find Drowzee cornering Azurill against the cliff, exactly like Pell saw. Drowzee wants Azurill to crawl into a tiny hole in the cliffface because he heard a tip that said hole leads to buried treasure. Pell and Muddy confront him, Pell charging up to electrocute him. However, Drowzee has prepared in case he was found and secretly hypnotised Marill so she’d grab onto Pell. Now Pell can’t use his electric attacks without hurting Marill and it leaves him wide open to be struck by Drowzee’s psybeam (especially as he has to cover Marill while he’s doing so). Muddy, realising he’s being a liability by letting Pell do all the fighting, steps up to cover for him, using water gun to deflect Drowzee’s beams. However, he’s not skilled enough to beat Drowzee by himself but his actions do give Pell enough time to feed Marill a sleep seed and get her off him. Pell starts to battle Drowzee but gets hits by a confusion, throwing off the aim of his electrical attacks. However, he’s finally able to hit Drowzee by tricking him into standing on the puddles left by Mudkip’s water gun and electrocuting that instead.

 

Drowzee is knocked unconscious and Bidoof arrives with Magnezone (police officer) to arrest Drowzee. Pell and Muddy are congratulated for their work back at the guild. However, shortly after, Chatot arrives with some grave news. Apparently a time gear has been stolen from Mysterious Forest, horrifying most of the guild members. Pell, confused, asks what the problem is. Muddy explains that a time gear is a rare object that controls the flow of time. If stolen, all time in the nearby area freezes. Pell asks why someone would steal it and who could be responsible. No-one answers. We get a flash of a mysterious Grovyle removing the time gear from the forest. Lightning flashes and momentarily illuminates his face as he chuckles to himself. We then get a montage of Pell and Muddy working typical explorer jobs, helping Pokemon, bonding with their guildmates, getting blasted out of bed by Loudred, etc etc. In addition, Pell’s visions are starting to become more and more sporadic, usually happening when he touches something. He uses this ability to discover secret areas in dungeons and track missing Pokemon down. Thanks to Pell’s visions, the two are doing well enough that Chatot tells them they may have a chance of being put on the expedition in a week’s time. However, this is overheard by the Zubat and Koffing who attacked them earlier. They decide to report this to ‘their boss’.

 

The next day, Chatot announces he has important news about the expedition. A second guild team who has offered to join them and lend their expertise. A foul stink suddenly fills the room as a Skuntank emerges, flanked by the Zubat and Koffing who tried to rob Muddy. The three are part of an exploration team named Team Skull and are to stay with the guild the next few nights in order to ‘build relations’. Their poor body odor and general haughty attitude rub the rest of the guild the wrong way but, as long as Chatot (who believes the group to be upstanding professionals) and Wigglytuff (who just wants to be friends with everyone) are happy having them around, no-one else is allowed to complain. One day, Pell and Muddy are approached by a nervous looking Chatot who has a very important mission for them. Recently, the guild’s stock of Perfect Apples has bizarrely dropped and now they’ve run out. In addition, since they’ve run out sooner than expected, the Kecleon store doesn’t have any either. Since Perfect Apples are Wigglytuff’s favourite food, they’re necessary for keeping him cheerful and friendly. However, if he finds out there are none left, he could go on a rampage. Chatot needs Pell and Muddy to go deep into Apple Woods and find one of the few trees Chatot knows grows Perfect Apples on a regular basis. Pell and Muddy agree to go. However, Team Skull were eavesdropping on their conversation. It is revealed that Team Skull have been breaking into the larder and eating the Perfect Apples. However, Skuntank has a sinister idea to help Zubat and Koffing get their revenge…

 

Pell and Muddy make their way through the woods, fighting off wild Pokemon, and soon reach the Perfect Apple tree Chatot told them about. However, once there, they are ambushed by Team Skull. Pell tries to attack but the two are quickly knocked unconscious by Skuntank/Koffing’s combined Stench attack. When they wake up, all the Perfect Apples on the tree are gone. They are forced to report back to Chatot who is at first surprised, then furious and unwilling to listen to any excuses and  then basically has a mental breakdown when Wigglytuff enters. Wigglytuff on the other hand, is willing to forgive the two, telling that everyone fails sometimes and that they shouldn’t get too downcast. However, this good mood only lasts until Chatot points out that since there are no Perfect Apples left, that means Wigglytuff can’t have any. The soundtrack cuts off with a sudden screech and Wigglytuff begins to shake, obviously building up to some great eruption. Suddenly, Team Skull arrive with a bushel of Perfect Apples, to claiming to have found them in a dungeon and decided to donate them as proof of friendship. This calms Wigglytuff down and a relieved Chatot thanks them. However, when Pell and Muddy try to protest, trying to explain that Team Skull attacked them, Chatot blows them off for making excuses and as punishment bans them from dinner that night, as well as telling them that their chances on going on the expedition are basically nil now. 

 

The two Pokemon are stewing in their rooms, starved from missing dinner when Bidoof and several of the other guild Pokemon sneak in. They explain that they believe the two about what Team Skull has been up to and have smuggled in leftovers for them to eat. Naturally Muddy is pretty teared up at this and even Pell is fairly touched at the offer. Bidoof also explains that they did some research on Pell’s memory loss and discovered information about a Pokemon named Uxie who can seemingly erase memories. However, they were unable to find anything more. Pell tells them that they’ve already done plenty and thanks them. After the guild members leave, Muddy feels reassured and, after the lights go out, thanks Pell for everything he’s done. After all, without him, Muddy would be stuck watching the guild from a distance, constantly trying to work up the courage to enter. Pell, facing away tells him it’s fine and to forget it before sniffing. (Muddy: “Pell… Are you crying?” Pell: *sniff* N-No…”)

 

Eventually, the day comes for the guild to choose the members for its expedition. While Pell and Muddy have been working very hard, Chatot tells them that they shouldn’t expect anything. Indeed, when Wigglytuff announces the names, it seems like everyone except Pell and Muddy have been chosen to go… until Wigglytuff announces their names as well. It turns out Wigglytuff decided to bring the entire guild along, much to everyone (including Chatot)’s surprise. (Chatot: “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Wigglytuff: *shrugs* “Fun?”) He announces that the target of the expedition is Fogbound Lake, a mysterious area that, true to its name, is surrounded in fog. Due to the low visibility, previous expeditions have been unsuccessful, but Wigglytuff believes they have a shot of finding the supposed treasure that is claimed to rest there. Team Skull is a little put out that everyone (including Pell + Muddy are coming) but Skuntank considers this the perfect opportunity to torment them further.

 

After travelling through some dangerous locations, the guild (+ Team Skull) arrive at Fogbound Lake. Once there, Pell is struck by an eerie sense of deja-vu, as if he’s been there before. Muddy asks whether it has anything to do with his visions, but Pell doesn’t think so. Suddenly, he has a flash of inspiration and splits up from the group down a different path. Muddy, nervous about going off alone, follows him and the two arrive at a large, gnarled tree. Inside a knothole, Pell finds a red stone that is hot to the touch. Muddy asks what it is. Pell has no idea but he knows that it’s important. Unbeknownst to them, Team Skull have followed them. Zubat and Koffing want to attack now, but Skuntank holds them back, stating that if Pell has some method of finding treasure, it makes sense for them to wait and see what the two will lead them to. Meanwhile, Chatot has decided that, to cover more ground, the guild should split up. However, he’s failed to noticed that every other guild member (except Bidoof) have already gone off on their separate paths. Wigglytuff even replaced himself with a Pokedoll to escape.

 

Pell and Muddy, meanwhile, are wandering the fog-ridden area searching for anything. They don’t seem to have much luck, only running into cliff faces, until eventually they run into a large Groudon statue. Pell has another of his visions, this time of two shadowy putting the red stone into a small indent in the chest. Pell instructs Muddy to do the same. Muddy, although unsure, does so. The ground around them begins to shake before the statue vanishes in a flash of light, revealing a set of stairs beneath it leading into an underground cave filled with crystals. Pell and Muddy are both naturally awed by this, but have little time to admire as Zubat swipes down attempting to take them out. Team Skull make their appearance, thanking the two for leading them straight to the secret passage way and, presumably, the treasure of Fogbound Lake. Skuntank and Koffing then hit the two directly with their stench attack, seemingly knocking them unconscious. However, when Koffing gets too close, Pell leaps up and KO’s him. It is revealed that the two (along with most of the rest of the guild) foresaw Team Skull’s betrayal and thus had some special noseplugs secretly made to protect from the stench attack.

 

Pell and Muddy begin fighting Skuntank and Zubat. Muddy is having trouble as Zubat’s constant flying about makes it difficult for his Water Gun to hit. Pell, on the other hand, while a more skilled combatant, has to deal with Skuntank’s superior strength and ability to shrug off all but his most powerful attacks. Things are looking bleak until Muddy suggests they switch opponents. Pell agrees and, after an awesome mid-air maneuverer where he manages to defect one of Zubat’s attacks on Muddy, begins trying to zap the bat Pokemon out of the sky. Muddy, on the other hand, begins using Skuntank’s excess bulk against him, first by muddying up the floor and causing him to slide mid-charge. Pell, meanwhile, uses his electrical attacks to trick Zubat into flying into a wall. At the same time, Muddy manages to get Skuntank fully stuck in mud. The two congratulate each other on a job well done. Koffing, meanwhile, has begun to come around but noticed that nearby puddle has begun shaking. The room begins shaking more and more as it sounds like something huge is approaching. Suddenly, a real Groudon enters the room, dwarfing all the other Pokemon and roars ferociously at them.

 

Everyone naturally freaks out at this and Zubat and Koffing leg it. Pell is about to do the same when he notices Muddy staying behind. Skuntank is still stuck in the mud and Muddy is determined to free him before Groudon can attack. Despite Pell shouting to leave him and Skuntank agreeing he’s not worth saving, Muddy refuses to leave a fellow Pokemon in need no matter the circumstances. Groudon, meanwhile, raises an enormous claw to try and squash the two. Pell leaps in front of the two, intending to take the blow himself. However, someone else leaps in front of him and catches the claw mid-blow with tremendous strength. It’s Wigglytuff and he’s brought the rest of the guild along to help. Pell and Muddy are naturally overjoyed at this and, together, the group starts working to try and bring Groudon down in an epic sweeping shot, showing each of the guild members doing their utmost to attack, trip or otherwise keep Groudon from rampaging. However, nothing they do seems to even inconvenience Groudon. The only thing that seems to affect are direct physical attacks like Wigglytuff’s punches.

 

Chatot figures out, via use of his sound-based attacks, that the Groudon they are fighting is a decoy and that there’s something in the cave beyond controlling it. However, Groudon is blocking everyone from getting past to investigate. Wigglytuff decides their best course of action is to work together to create an opening in Groudon’s defence just long enough for someone to slip through. He decides to put his trust in and send Pell and Muddy. The rest of the guild work together to blind and constrict Groudon’s movements while Wigglytuff punches a hole in its defence. However, the mud they were using to blind Groudon slips off and he’s about to crush Pell + Muddy when, suddenly, Groudon is hit and blinded by Skuntank’s stench attack and assaulted by Zubat and Koffing. Skuntank tells the two to break through and they do, barely making it past before Groudon’s foot stomps down.

 

Pell and Muddy make their way through the dark cave ever prepared for an attack until, eventually, they make it to a vast, beautiful underground lake surrounded by crystals and with one huge glowing crystal in the centre. The two are naturally in awe at this, so much so that they nearly don’t notice when a giant rock falls and tries to squashes them. The two see a Pokemon, Uxie, floating above them and psychically controlling the rock. He shouts at them to leave and tries to squish them when they refuse. Muddy launches a water attack only for that Uxie to seemingly vanish and reappear elsewhere. They try hitting him a few more times, all with no success until Pell notices that the Uxie’s they’re fighting don’t have any reflection in the water. He realises that it’s not teleporting. The Uxie’s they’ve been trying to hit are actually just illusions. Using the water reflection, they are able locate and hit the real Uxie. When they do so, the Groudon the rest of the guild were fighting is revealed to be an illusion disguising chunks of psychically controlled rock. Uxie, obviously exhausted, reforms the fake Groudon to try and crush Pell + Muddy, telling them he can’t let them steal the treasure of Fogbound Lake. Muddy tries to assure him that they’re not here to steal anything. Uxie is disbelieving until Muddy willingly stands still in the face of one of Groudon’s attacks to prove his resolve. Uxie freezes at this, before collapsing with exhaustion, causing the fake Groudon to collapse as well.

 

The rest of the guild arrives and celebrate taking down Uxie. However, when Muddy explains Uxie’s motives, Wigglytuff decides to take pity and feeds Uxie a Reviver Seed. Uxie is surprised at the show of generosity and chooses to believe the guild truly mean no harm. Pell asks what the treasure of Fogbound Lake is. Uxie explains that in the island at the very centre of the lake is a Time Gear and that he exists as a guardian for said gear. The guild immediately understand why Uxie was fighting so hard and agree that they won’t touch the Time Gear. Even Team Skull knows better than to mess with that. Instead, Wigglytuff decides to have a guild picnic in sight of the beautiful lake and invites Uxie to join. Uxie is hesitant but Wigglytuff isn’t taking no for an answer.

 

While the group is enjoying themselves, Pell approaches Uxie and asks whether he might be responsible for his memory loss. Uxie explains that he can erase memories, but he has never used that power on a human or a Pikachu. In addition, he can restore the memories he has erased but cannot do so for Pell, proving that Uxie wasn’t responsible for his memory loss. However, Uxie can tell him something about his visions. They’re a rare ability that humans/Pokemon are, on a once-in-a-generation occasion, born with called the Primal Scream. They can, sometimes, see visions from the past or future. However, he has not heard of anyone currently alive, human or Pokemon who has the power. Pell wonders what he must’ve been doing before his memory loss that no-one could’ve heard of him. Chatot asks if Uxie intends to wipe out their memories. Uxie is unsure but he decides not to, trusting the guild to keep his secret.

 

The next morning, the guild bid their farewells to Uxie and return home. Pell is mildly downcast that the trip didn’t provide any answers about why he lost his memory, but Muddy cheers him up, assuring him that they’ll find the answer soon or later. Besides, he hasn’t found the origin of his artefact yet either. Pell smiles and thanks Muddy for reassuring him and promises that, whatever the truth, they’ll find it together.When they arrive back at the guild building, however, they find the place swamped with Pokemon requesting missions for the guild members. Wigglytuff orders everyone back into action and Pell and Muddy prepare to go on their next quest.

 

In a post credits scene, we return to Fogbound Lake. We see the Groudon illusion has been destroyed and a badly wounded Uxie curses his foolishness for letting the guild members leave without wiping their memories. His assailant, unseen, states he has no idea what Uxie is referring to but that he should stay out of the way while he retrieves his prize. Uxie warns him against removing the Time Gear but the figure ignores him and takes the Time Gear, causing all time in the area to stop. We get a flash of light revealing the thief to be the same Groyvle who stole the Time Gear in the forest. Groyvle mutters to himself ‘Two down…’

Theaters: 3923 theatres
MPAA Rating: PG
Budget: $150m

[ChD]

SOMA

Director: Drew Goddard
Genre: Thriller/Horror/Drama/Science-Fiction
Cast: Domhnall Gleeson as Simon Jarett, Emily Blunt as Catherine

Composer: Clint Mansell
Release date: October 30

Theaters: 3000
MPAA Rating: PG-13
Budget: 50M
Plot:

 

 

 

 

The movie starts with the opening credits being shown as we see everything from behind a car windshield as it drives around the empty city, at night. We hear a young male and a young female talking about all kinds of stuff. It’s quite obvious they get along really well and like each other. The male voice belongs to Simon Jarett, our main character, and the other voice belongs to Ashley Hall.

The credits eventually come to an end as the car reaches a red stop light. It stops. Simon and Ashley keep talking about things. We don’t see what happens, but we can see the light turn green and the car not moving. After a couple of seconds, Ashley tells Simon that the light is green and he quickly apologizes and starts moving. The car reaches the middle of intersection and we hear a deafening bang from the right. The camera, together with the car, does a few flips before ending upside down. Very slowly, the camera starts fading to black as police sirens are heard faintly in the distance.

A bright flash follows and Simon wakes up in a chair situated in a dark room. Lights around him come on and Simon gets out of his chair. He calls out, but no one answers. On a table, next to a closed door, he sees a strange looking device. The room is futuristic looking, all made of metal. There is no way to open the door manually. Other than that, the room has a few empty lockers and a few air vents that are out of Simon’s reach. After toying around with the device he found on the table, he manages to open the door.

As soon as he gets out of his room, he realizes he is on a weird kind of space station. An abandoned space station, as there is nobody around and it looks really old and unused for a long while. He walks around, looking through rooms. It was clearly populated by someone before since there are posters hanging on walls, old fashioned Mp3 players and even TV’s. Eventually, Simon reaches a big room without windows. In the middle, there’s a long table with numerous computers in it. He sees a slot that seems to be for the device he found earlier, so he puts the device in. The computers come on. They all display errors, apart from one. He approaches that computer just as a female voice is heard.

She asks if anybody is there. Simon quickly says that he’s there. Rather calmly, she introduces herself as Catherine and asks for his name. He says his name is Simon and quickly starts throwing questions at her: Where is he? Why is he here? Where is she? Can she help him?

Catherine says that he is as Upsilon and that she doesn’t know why he’s there. She then says she’s at Lambda and tells him to go there and see her. That’s when the last computer fails, the classic blue screen being displayed. Communications are down.

 Simon starts walking through the station again. He reaches a door that he opens with the device. Behind that door, he is greeted by a long glass corridor that is… underwater. The station is underwater. He walks through the corridor, looking outside to see all kinds of fish, some more terrifying looking than others. After that, he encounters a dismantled robot in a dark corner. He approaches the robot and hears a young female voice speaking. He waves a hand in front of the camera that seems to be the head, but there is no reaction. The head moves around the female voice is talking about all kinds of stuff, some making sense, some not. That’s when he notices that the robot body is being slowly devoured by some kind of black goo coming out of the wall. Suddenly, in one moment of apparent lucidity, the camera turns to him and the female voice, says as seriously as possible, “Please, kill me!” before drifting back into saying random stuff that makes no sense. Simon looks around and notices a weird looking chip inserted around where the heart would be. He grabs the chip and pulls, but the entirely socket comes out with the chip. The circuits are still attached. He places it on the ground and then grabs the first thing that he can and starts smashing it. As soon as he does that, cries of pain start coming out from the robot. Simon panics and keeps doing it harder and harder, until the robot eventually ‘dies’.

Simon sits there, shocked at what just happened. That’s when he hears heavy footsteps coming from the distance. He looks around the corner. The footsteps become louder and louder. Suddenly a giant robot appears from behind the corner. He looks around and notices Simon, at which point he starts charging towards him. Simon starts running through the station, the robot chasing him vehemently. He eventually reaches the room used to leave the station. He locks the door and starts depressurizing it. He escapes.

The ocean is extremely dark. There are two trails of lights, forming some kind of road, going away from the station. He follows them until he reaches a point where the trails split. There’s a sign pointing him towards Lambda. After a short while, he reaches Lambda.

He enters Lambda and is quickly greeted by Catherine, who guides him towards where she is. He reaches her body and quickly realizes that Catherine is not real, but a scan of a human consciousness that was placed in a body. That’s when Simon realizes that he is the same thing, too. Catherine tells him that he’s been dead for almost a hundred years.

Simon starts asking questions about everything, and Catherine says she will answer everything while he transfers her in his Omnitool, the device he found earlier. She starts reading out of his file. Apparently, Simon died two weeks after his car crash, or a few days after he went to David Munshi. Catherine says that David Munshi was the first person to scan person consciousness and Simon was the first person in the world who had that done on him. Simon asks about his car crash. Catherine asks him if he can’t remember, and Simon says that the last thing he remembers happened at the stop light. We see a quick shot of Simon looking at Ashley, who is tapping away on her phone. He clearly loves her, just from the way he looks at her. She looks up and sees the green light, then tells him. He apologizes and drives…

He asks what happened to Ashley. Catherine is quiet for a while, then says that she didn’t make it. She died the following day due to the injuries she sustained.

Simon does not know how to react. He sits down and covers his face with his hands. Catherine says she is sorry after a few moments, and he looks up and says it’s alright. He asks where they are, what this is and why they are there.

Catherine explains that he’s in Lambda right now, a station from PATHOS-2, an underwater facility. They are there because a comet struck and killed everyone on Earth in the year 2103. Only members on PATHOS-2 survived the impact, but the station itself was affected by the impact. People realized they didn’t have much left to live so most of them decided to either move their consciousness into robots or have it scanned for the ARK before killing themselves.

Simon asks about the ARK, and Catherine explains that it is a simulated reality for a collection of human brain scans. Her plan was to launch it into space, but she never got to it. It works on solar power. Simon asks why, and Catherine explains that she does not know. When she was uploaded into the system and activated, her real self was still alive. The brain scan was only two days old and already activated. The real Catherine killed herself the following morning. She doesn’t know why, but she knows that she missed Taiwan, she missed her family, her colleagues. She knew she was probably the last human being alive… She hated that her colleagues killed themselves after scanning their consciousness despite her best efforts to help them, to keep them around. She hated that. She does not know why she never attempted to launch the ARK, even though she clearly wanted to do that.

Simon asks about launching the ARK and where it would be launched. Catherine says it would be launched into space. Simon asks how she plans on doing that since they’re underwater, at which point Catherine starts explaining that PATHOS-2 was built to launch things into space with the help of a Space Gun. It’s a ‘gun’ that reaches from the bottom of the ocean up to the surface. It could launch almost any kind of satellite into space for a really low cost.

Catherine explains that they need to get to Site Tau, where the ARK is located and then go to Phi, from where they could launch the ARK, but it’s situated in the Abyss. As they prepare to leave the station, they encounter more robots glued to walls by that black goo and Catherine explains that the black goo is the WAU. It’s PATHOS-2 artificial intelligence and up to the comet strike, it was docile. After that, it realized it needs to help humanity survived and so it kept uploading consciousness into robots without them knowing what happened, and went as far as creating new robots that went insane and want to kill everything. There was even one case where it forcefully kept a dying person alive until someone killed them so they would get rid of the pain. Catherine explains that Simon was also probably uploaded into his body by the WAU.

Simon asks Catherine what the plan is when they get out of Lambda and she says that originally she wanted to get the deep sea submarine, but that was recently taken over by the WAU and it’s not such a good plan anymore. She says they need to take the elevator into the Abyss, but that means Simon has to get a tougher suit. She suggests they go to Omicron and find a suit there.  They manage to find a Power Suit and Catherine says that in order to change suits, she has to copy his consciousness into the other suit, to which Simon agrees. He sits down in a similar chair to the one he woke up in and a bright flash follows. He wakes up in his new suit and gets out only to hear moaning from the room he initially went in. He goes there to find his old body moaning and moving very slightly, like he is having a nightmare. He asks Catherine what the hell that is about and she explains that she cannot move consciousness, but only copy them, which means the old one stays untouched. She then says she has forcefully put the old copy to sleep in order to let Simon choose. Simon asks what there is to choose from and Catherine explains that he’ll either let his old copy live and he wakes up in two days all alone or he’ll kill him. Simon does not know what to do, but eventually decides to let his old copy live.

They get to the elevator and start it. Since it takes a lot of time for it to move down, Catherine breaks the silence and asks Simon if he loved Ashley. Simon asks why she would ask that, and Catherine says that based on his reaction that’s what she thought. She then says it doesn’t matter and that it’s not her business. He admits he loved her and that, looking back, the most beautiful moments he spent were with her. He then asks Catherine if he misses her real life, and she says yes. He asks what she misses the most, and she explains that when she was young she used to live with her family in an apartment building in Taipei. Late at night, when she couldn’t sleep, she would go up on the rooftop and look at the city below her, the multicolored lights. She would see hundreds of people, roaming the streets, each in their own life, each with their own joys and worries, and then above them, the night sky, a few distant stars visible. It wasn’t amazing, that night sky, but she still adored it. She missed her normal life, she missed dating. She missed having a loved one with her, someone she could hug whenever she felt like it. Simon asks how she ended up in this place. She explains that people knew about the comet 30 years before it struck, before she even was born. She wanted to live, she liked living, so she chose to work here, knowing she’d survive. They reach the bottom.

From here on, Simon has to struggle through pitch black water, fast flowing currents and vicious sea creatures. A long one take shot follows with Simon struggling to walk through the currents, being thrown in all directions, being attacked by sea creatures and having to hide to avoid close encounters. He eventually reaches site Tau, where he finds the ARK guarded by the last living person on Earth, Sarah Lindwall. She is barely alive, food had run out on Tau long ago and she is being kept alive by a life support machine. She grants Simon permission to take the ARK and then asks him to disconnect her from her life support. Simon respects her wish.

Catherine then tells that they need to move the ARK to Phi in order to launch it and that there’s a way to ship the ARK alone, without them. After that, Simon would have to fight his way towards Phi. He ships the ARK towards Phi and then heads there himself. He reaches Phi without disturbances and walks down the corridor. He notices that there are names on each door, and one door says Catherine Chun. He enters the room and finds the body of Catherine on the bed, a gun wound to the chest. Catherine then asks if she’s still there, and Simon says yes. Catherine asks him nicely to leave and close the door, which he does, apologizing.

Simon proceeds to load the ARK into the Space Gun. After that, Catherine instructs him to sit in a chair and plug the Omnitool in a slot in the chair so they could upload themselves into the ARK. Thing is, they have to start the countdown first then start the upload into the ARK. Simon starts the countdown manually, then puts his helmet and Catherine starts the upload into the ARK. We see the progression of the upload. Catherine is finished and just with a second left to launch, Simon is uploaded as well. A bright flash follows and we see the launch of the ARK, with Simon still in the chair.

He is stunned. Soon, he starts yelling at Catherine asking her why the they weren’t on the god damn ARK. Catherine loses her temper and yells back at him that she told him they couldn’t move consciousness, only copy it, and that they basically lost the coin toss. One consciousness gets left behind, the other one moves to the ARK. Simon calls her a liar and says that he struggled so hard just to be left here in the middle of nowhere. Catherine says he’s an imbecile before her critical systems fail, leaving Simon stranded with a broken Omnitool at the bottom of the sea, alone. The emergency alarm starts. Simon is calling out for Catherine and asking her not to leave him alone here. And we fade into the end credits.

A post-credits scene shows the ARK reaching space, the destroyed planet visible underneath. The ARK opens its solar panels and slowly starts moving away from the camera.

We then see Simon waking up in the ARK. He is in the middle of a beautiful forest, completely unaware of the version he left behind. For him, it’s a smooth transition. He starts walking through the forest until he leaves it and reaches the shore of a massive lake. There, at the shore, he sees no other than Catherine. He calls out to her, she turns to him and… the end.
 

 

 

Edited September 21, 2016 by ChD

[ChD]

Life is Strange

Director: Colin Trevorrow

Genre: Drama
Cast:

Ellen Page as Max

Mary Elizabeth Winstead as Chloe

Chris Pratt as Mr. Jefferson

Release Date: October 16

Composer: Ludovico Einaudi

Cinematographer: Mihai Malaimare Jr.
Theaters: 3500
MPAA Rating: PG-13

Budget: 75M

Plot: 

 

The movie starts with the camera moving slowly along the shore of Arcadia Bay, showing us the entire town, with people living their normal everyday lives while the opening credits are being displayed. After the credits end, the camera takes a turn towards the ocean and we see a massive storm approaching.

We cut to Max (Ellen Page), standing in a forest, confused. She is looking around and her eyes land on a lighthouse on a nearby hill. Behind the lighthouse, the sky is black. She starts walking towards the light house. The wind is extremely strong and the ground is muddy. She slips and falls a couple of times before reaching the top of the hill. From there, she can see an enormous tornado approaching Arcadia Bay. Something big hits the lighthouse next to her, smashing it into bits, the debris falling towards Max. Before she gets hit by the falling debris, she wakes up in the middle of her photography class.

Her teacher, Mark Jefferson (Chris Pratt), a very likeable, charismatic and attractive professor who used to be one of the best photographers in the world, having won numerous awards, notices that Max had been sleeping. He starts talking to Max, telling her how they were talking about selfies and what the first ‘selfie’ was. He asks her to take a selfie and demonstrate what it is. After that, he asks her a few questions to which she doesn’t know the answer to. He laughs and says that next he would prefer that she slept at night rather than in his classes because he still thought he was an entertaining person. He asks other students if they find him boring and nobody says anything. The class ends afterwards and Mark reminds everyone in the class that many of them, Max included, haven’t submitted a picture for the Everyday Hero contest and that they should.

Afterwards, Max goes to the bathroom the relax a little since she is still shaken by how real that dream felt. She reaches the bathroom and washes her face. She then notices a blue butterfly in the corner of the bathroom, behind the bathroom stalls. She takes out her camera to take a picture of it. She goes behind the stalls to get a better view of the butterfly and takes the picture, and that’s when Nathan Prescott, one of her classmates, enters the bathroom. The butterfly flies away from the noise.

Nathan starts talking to himself, telling himself to calm down and that everything will be fine. Another person enters the bathroom. She is Max’s age, has some tattoos and blue hair. She taunts Nathan about some exchange they were supposed to do. Nathan loses his temper and pins her against the door, taking out a gun and waving it at her. The girl starts panicking and tells him to put it away or he’ll get in a lot of trouble. Nathan asks her if she wants to make fun of him now. Max is still hidden behind the stalls, not knowing what to do. The girl starts struggling and in the struggle, she causes Nathan to pull the trigger and shoot her in the stomach. He lets go of her and she collapses on the ground, bleeding.

At that point, Max wakes up in her photography class again. This time Max is convinced that wasn’t a dream. The fact that everything that happened last time plays out exactly the same way as before proves it to her. As her class ends, she heads straight for the bathroom, intending to save the girl from getting shot. She hides in the same place as before and waits for the two of them to enter the bathroom. Nathan shows up, soon followed by the blue haired girl. They start arguing, at which point Max sets off the fire alarm. Nathan quickly leaves the bathroom, soon followed by the blue haired girl. On her way, Max decides to go to the principal and tell him that Nathan had a gun on him. The principal says he’ll have a talk with Nathan’s parents and then invites Max to leave the building.

Later that same day, Max is walking through the car parking lot, heading towards the dorm, when she is approached by Nathan, who accuses her of spying on him. Max denies everything and Nathan becomes quite aggressive, threatening her. At that point, a truck pulls right next to Max. The driver is the blue haired girl that Max saved earlier, who tells her to quickly get in. Max gets in the truck and they drive away. As she keeps driving, they realize they know each other and that they used to be good friends a few years ago. The blue haired girl is Chloe (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). In the car they discuss how their relationship fell apart and what they’ve done since. Chloe tells Max that her life has become rather difficult after her father’s dead and her mother’s new marriage. They both head to Chloe’s home, where, after smoking some weed and letting Max choose the music, they both lay in the bed, talking. As Max gets up to change the song, she notices a stack of posters that she saw around her school a lot. It’s for a missing girl – Rachel Amber, who Chloe claims was a really friend of hers.

They talk a bit more and Chloe asks Max is she still has that old camera, which Max confirms. Chloe offers Max her father’s old camera, claiming nobody uses it and it’s just collecting dust. Max accepts and thanks her. After a short while, Chloe’s stepfather, David Madsen, who is a security guard at Max’s university, arrives home. He doesn’t stand the loud music, so he starts coming up the stairs. Chloe tells Max to hide since her father hates strangers. Max does, and after a short confrontation between Chloe and her stepfather, Max and Chloe sneak out of the house and head to the lighthouse.

There, Max has another vision. It’s the same as before, but this time she finds a newspaper page on the top of the hill. She checks the date – this upcoming Friday. She comes back to reality and tells Chloe everything. She has issues believing Max, but they start talking about the things they could do with Max’s power. Then, suddenly despite it being a really sunny day, it starts snowing.

Later that same day, Max is in her dorm, thinking about a possible picture to submit for Mark’s contest. She gets a message from one of her close friends, Warren, if she would like to go out with him and watch a Planet of Apes movie. Max says she does not feel that way about him. He accepts. She goes to bed.

The following morning, she goes to the local diner: The Two Whales. On her way there, while sitting in the bus, she notices that there are stranded whales on the beach. Max takes a seat and the barmaid, Joyce, Chloe’s mother, recognizes her as she comes to her table to take her order. The two of them talk a bit, including about Chloe, David, and a few other things. Joyce brings Max her order a few moments later, at which point Chloe also enters the diner. She greets her mother, who is upset at her for having yet another fight with David the previous day. She takes Chloe’s order and returns with what she ordered shortly afterwards.

Chloe and Max talk more about Max’s ability. Chloe still has a hard time believing it, so Max asks her to empty out her pockets. Chloe does that. After that, Max rewinds the time and tells Chloe exactly what she has in her pockets. She says she is 90% convinced by that move. They finish eating and Chloe suggests that they head to her hideout. Max agrees.

Chloe’s hideout, where she and Rachel used to hang out, is as the junkyard. Chloe reveals she stole David’s gun and suggests that they shoot targets. They gather a few bottles from around the junkyard and line them up for them to be the targets. As Chloe says they are ready to start, Max’s nose starts bleeding and she collapses. She has another vision of the tornado and the light house. After Max comes back to her senses, Chloe helps her on her feet and hands her the gun, but Max says she doesn’t feel like shooting targets anymore. Suddenly, Frank, a homeless looking guy, covered in tattoos and with many piercings, shows up. He tells Chloe he wants the movie she owes him, to which she says no. A heated argument ensues, during which Chloe notices Frank is wearing one of Rachel’s bracelets. She starts accusing him, at which point Frank loses his temper and pulls a knife on Chloe. Max, having the gun in her hand, points the gun at Frank and tells him to leave. Frank ignores Max and he and Chloe keep threatening each other. After a sudden move from Frank, Max pulls the trigger, only to miss Frank and for the bullet to ricochet of a stack of old cars straight into Chloe, who collapses and starts bleeding. Max quickly rewinds the time and this time uses the gun to shoot into the air. This makes Frank think twice before turning around and leaving, calmly.

Chloe and Max decide to leave the junkyard after that, splitting up after Max claims she is still shaken by what happened and needs to rest. Chloe accepts that.

The following morning, Max goes to her Art class. As she approaches the door, Kate Marsh, a very religious class mate of Max’s, runs out of the classroom, crying. Max enters the classroom to find it empty, apart from Mr. Jefferson, who is sitting behind his desk. Max asks what happened and Mr. Jefferson says that Kate had come to him to ask for help regarding the small incident she was part of. Max asks him what he said, and he explains that he tried helping her comforting her, stating that someone’s sex tape getting leaked on the internet – especially in the state Kate was in that video – is a big deal, but that it would get better eventually. After that, Kate started crying and said her family hates her and that she doesn’t know what to do. Once again, he said he tried to comfort her, for her only to run out of the classroom. Max asks why he didn’t chase her, and he takes off his glasses and rubs his eyes. He says Kate should see a professional and that he cannot help her the way she expects to be helped. People start entering the classroom, at which point Max drops the subject and takes a seat.

During the middle of the class someone enters the room and tells everybody that Kate is on the top of the dorm building, wanting to jump and kill herself. Max quickly runs to the dorm building. There are people gathered around, looking up at Kate. David, Chloe’s stepfather, is trying to talk Kate out of it.

Max decides to rewind time in order to save Kate, only to realize she is not able to. Instead, she realizes she can freeze time now, which she does. She runs towards the roof. As she exits onto the roof, her nose starts bleeding and she collapses. Time starts moving again. As her vision is fading, she sees Kate jumping from the roof. After a few moments, she wakes up, her face covered in blood. She craws to the edge and looks down, then starts crying.

We cut to Max sitting on a chair in the principal’s office. Nathan, Mr. Jefferson and David Madsen are there, as well. The principal is talking to Max, but she is staring into space, not paying attention to anything. He finally gets her attention and tells her this is very important. She tells him how she saw Kate running out from Mark Jefferson’s classroom and what she was told by Mr. Jefferson himself. The principal decides to suspect Jefferson’s photo contest due to the potential negative publicity it could gather. Mark Jefferson agrees with that decision, claiming he feels somewhat responsible for what happened.

Max exits the office and finds Warren waiting for her. He tells her he wants to make sure she is alright and wants to walk her back to her dorm. Max is walking silently, hugging herself, and Warren walks next to her, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, the light around them dims and they both look up to see a solar eclipse occurring.

In the evening of that same day, Max is woken up by a text message from Chloe, who tells her to meet her in front of the dorm. There, Chloe says she managed to steal David’s keys to the main building and that they should break into the principal’s office. After Max uses her powers repeatedly in order to get into his office, they discover files on themselves, as well as Kate, Nathan, Warren and Rachel. Shortly after, Chloe discovers files on the principal’s computer that cover up Nathan’s wavering grades and the incident with the gun. They also find a drawing in Nathan’s folder that reads “Rachel in the Dark Room” all over.

After a while of searching through his office and finding nothing else important, they decide to leave. Max tries to head straight back to her dorm, but Chloe is set on making her feel better, so she forcefully takes Max with her to the academy’s interior swimming pool. After they play around a while, throwing each other in the water, splashing each other, Max talks about how she feels after having failed to save Kate. Chloe tries to comfort her, saying it wasn’t her fault, but Max feels guilty anyway. Their discussion is interrupted as security shows up and they have to make their escape.

Chloe convinces Max to spend the night at her place. The following morning Max wakes up only to find her clothes still wet and smelling of chlorine. Chloe tells her to try on Rachel’s clothes because they should fit her, but after taking a look at them, Max says it’s not her style. Chloe attempts to convince Max, telling her she’s too mellow and never open to trying new things every day. Max argues against that. To prove her point, Chloe dares Max to kiss her. Max does, to Chloe’s surprise.

After that, they head downstairs to have breakfast. When Chloe’s mother leaves the table for a moment, Chloe leans towards Max and tells her she just had a bright idea: Max should check David’s computer. She tells Max the password and that she never had the time to look it through properly and that she’s convinced he’s up to something. Max does that. After rewinding time a few times in order to avoid getting caught by Chloe’s mother, Max manages to find files on Rachel, Kate and herself, and she also discovers that Rachel was romantically involved with Frank.

She returns to the table and Chloe’s mother starts speaking to both of them. She gives Max a copy of the picture her husband took the same day he died. It’s a picture of young Max and Chloe. After breakfast, they leave, at which point Max tells Chloe what she found. When Chloe hears that Rachel was involved with Frank, she suggests that they get to the bottom of that and break into Frank’s RV to look for proof.

First, they have to get the keys to the RV, which Max does by going to the diner and sitting at the table with Frank. They talk, and after rewinding for a few times, she manages to get his keys. They get into RV and find proof regarding his relationship with Rachel. Chloe becomes angry and takes her rage out on Max. She drops Max off without saying a word to her, then leaves.

Later that same day, Max is sitting in bed, looking at the photo that Chloe’s mother gave to her. She notices that there are voices coming from that picture: her voice, Chloe’s voice, and her father’s voice. She realizes that if she focuses on the picture, she can travel to that day. She does that and is in her younger body, in the kitchen with Chloe and her father. They are all cooking. Well, Chloe’s father is cooking and Chloe herself and Max are fooling around and having fun.

Chloe’s father is very charismatic and fun to be around, and he obviously loves Chloe more than anything, and she loves him too. Max then realizes that she can stop him from leaving, and therefore he wouldn’t die. She finds his car keys and hides them somewhere where he wouldn’t look. He starts looking for his keys and doesn’t find them. At that, time starts changing and Max wakes up in her dorm. She exits her room to find out that everything changed. She is now part of a prestigious group of students from the academy, all of which Max always disliked. Warren is together with another girl and hates Max. Panicking, Max decides to head to Chloe’s house. She knocks on the door and Chloe’s father answers. He is amazed to see Max again and asks her questions about what she’s been up to the past couple of years, also mentioning that Chloe will be incredibly happy to see Max again. He goes back inside to bring Chloe out. Max is shocked to see that Chloe is now a quadriplegic and confined to a wheelchair.

They take a walk on the beach shore and talk about the time they’ve been apart. Max apologizes to Chloe for not being there when she had the accident, and Chloe accepts her apologies and says that it’s nice to have her around again. We cut to later that same day when they’re at Chloe’s house, preparing to watch a movie. After her father leaves the room, Chloe asks Max to help her overdose on morphine so that she can die because she feels like a burden to her parents and she knows they cannot afford everything at the rate they’re going. Max is speechless, and after a short moment of silence, says she will do it. She turns the dial on Chloe’s morphine drip to its highest setting. A smile appears on Chloe’s face as she says thank you and nods off for the last time.

Max uses the photo to travel back to the day Chloe’s father died. This time, she does not do anything with his keys and he leaves the house after saying goodbye to both Max and Chloe and telling them to be good while he’s gone. The timeline returns to its normal self.

Max wakes up in Chloe’s room and is extremely happy to have her own Chloe back. Still, she decides not to mention anything about the alternate timeline to Chloe.

Next, Chloe suggests that they break into Nathan’s dorm room to examine it. After making sure he’s gone, they break into his room, where Max finds a hidden phone behind the couch. Nathan returns and starts threatening Max, but Warren intervenes and beats Nathan up, leaving him on the floor as other occupants of the dorm come out to check what’s happening.

Max struggles to convince Chloe to go to Frank’s and ask for his client list in order to find Rachel. Chloe gives in, and they talk to Frank, who decides to cooperate if it means finding Rachel. He hands them the list and a gun. They head back to Chloe’s place where they start putting down all the clues they’ve gathered, which brings them to an abandoned barn. They head there to examine it, finding hidden stairs that lead to a secured bunker. There, they find a massive door with a keypad. Max manages to come up with the correct combination, and they enter the bunker only to see that it is filled with photo equipment, studio lights and that it has white walls all around.

In that same bunker they also find binders with girl names on them, filled with photos. All the girls are drugged and unconscious. There are binders filled with pictures of Kate and even Rachel. There are also empty binders with girl names on them. One photo of Rachel shows her dead in the junkyard. Chloe tries to convince herself Rachel is just posing for the camera. She ends up running to her truck, leaving Max to rush after her. Once they arrive at the junkyard, Chloe goes to the spot from the picture and starts digging with her empty hands, only to find a decomposing body. Chloe knows its Rachel based off of her clothes, and starts crying while Mag hugs her, comforting her as Chloe says Nathan will die for what he did.

In an attempt to find Nathan, Chloe and Max head to a party organized by students from the academy. They are greeted by a drunk Warren who asks Max to take a selfie with her, stating that the end of the world is coming and that he wanted pictures with his friends. Max and Chloe proceed to look for Nathan inside, but they can’t find him anywhere. Max talks a bit with Mr. Jefferson, who says he is extremely disappointed that his contest was cancelled and that today he would’ve announced the winner. There are many girls around him, all of them envious of the attention Max gets.

They ask people about Nathan, but nobody knows his whereabouts. Then, Chloe receives a message from Nathan that says there will be no evidence of Rachel left when he is done. They both rush back to the junkyard to check on Rachel’s body. Chloe runs ahead and sees that the body is still there. Max is a little bit behind and as she reaches Chloe, she is hit in the neck with a sedative. As she falls unconscious, she tries to warm Chloe. Chloe realizes something’s not right and turns around only to be shot in the head. As Max’s vision is fading, she sees Chloe’s limp body falling to the ground. A figure goes over her to see if she’s dead, and then he turns around to look at Max.

It’s Mr. Jefferson.

Max awakens from Jefferson’s drug only to find herself strapped to a chair in the bunker: The Dark Room. She shouts for help, to no avail. She looks around for a way to escape. The only thing in reach are the pictures he took of her while she was passed out. She manages to get her hands on them and travels back to the point where she was still being photographed by him. She fidgets and angers Jefferson, who increases her dosage. Max tries to escape and kicks the trolley where he kept the photos he already took and the drugs. His pictures are drenched in the drugs. Max passes out again.

She wakes up in the chair again. This time, she sees another pile of pictures. She uses those to travel back to a moment where she was more awake and Jefferson was telling her how Nathan was dead and a scapegoat for all his crimes. Max asks him if she could see her diary one last time before he killed her, but he says no. He throws her diary on the ground and it flips open to reveal the picture he instructed Max to take in his class, at the beginning of the movie. While Jefferson is busy, Max manages to get to the picture and travel back to that day.

Back in the classroom, Max immediately texts David about Jefferson and the Dark Room. Time passes and Jefferson is arrested. Max leaves the city to visit an art gallery after winning the photography contest. There, she gets a call from Chloe who tells her that the tornado was a real thing and that it’s headed straight for Arcadia Bay. Max decides to try and fix the current timeline once more, which results in her ending up in the Dark Room again.

Max realizes that this time, Jefferson burned her diary and this time she has no escape. Jefferson gets to killing Max, despite her begging and pleading but David enters the room, but Jefferson is ready and takes him out. Max rewinds time and asks Jefferson to take one last picture of her, a proper one. Jefferson smiles and says he agrees with what she wants and how she gives into him. He starts playing cheerful music as he fixes the lighting around her, proceeding to take the camera and look for the best angle. David enters again, this time catching Jefferson off-guard. He neutralizes and captures Jefferson. David sets Max free, asking her if she was alright. Max thanks him and he says she’s got nothing to thank her for since she was the one that brought him there. After that, David asks Max where Chloe is, to which she says she does not know.

Max grabs the keys to Jefferson’s car in order to drive to the diner in an attempt to track Warren down and use the picture he took earlier, so she can travel back and save Chloe. A massive storm is going on outside, but despite that, Max is driving at high speeds through the rain. She reaches Arcadia Bay to find it all destroyed. The tornado is quickly approaching. There are trucks on their sides on the street, burning buildings, totally destroyed buildings and even dead bodies on the streets. People are taking shelter in the diner. Max finds Warren there and uses the picture to travel back.

Upon seeing Chloe alive and well, Max hugs her. She tells Chloe everything and convinces her they both need to go to the light house because they’d be safe there. On their way there, Max’s nose starts bleeding and she collapses, passing out.

 She wakes up in the classroom at the beginning of the movie. She looks down at her desk to see it all covered in blood. Where Kate usually sat is a puddle of blood. As Max stands up, flocks of birds start hitting the windows, leaving huge red blood stains on it. The classroom is empty. She heads out of the classroom to find the whole academy empty. There are posters with her face on them with “Loser” written over her face.

Jefferson suddenly appears next to her, wanting to talk to her about her contest entry before she leaves. He then asks her if she’d like to spend the rest of her life in his Dark Room. Max doesn’t reply, at which point Jefferson takes her into his arms and says “Come on, you love me, don’t you?”. He disappears.

Max is suddenly in the girl’ dormitory hallway, where people are lighting candles in front of Kate’s door. We can see that Kate is mourning her own death in front of her own door. She notices Max and starts blaming her for her death. Max falls to her knees, closes her eyes and covers her ears, approaching a mental breakdown.

She opens her eyes and realizes she’s back in the academy hallway. This time the people move backwards and talk backwards as well. Max enters the bathroom where she first saw Chloe and wakes up in the Dark Room. She is not strapped to her chair, so she runs, trying to escape Jefferson. He keeps appearing in front of her. She evades his attempts to catch her. She eventually falls after she trips and is surrounded by a million of Jefferson’s. She wakes up in the chair as Chloe is doing some sexy poses for Jefferson to photograph. She is doing it willingly. They kiss afterwards, after which Jefferson turns to Max and laughs, saying it’s time for her to die.

She then is in the diner. It’s filled with the people who were taking shelter there. They are all looking at Max and begging her not to kill them. She runs out of the diner to see the tornado next to the bay, covering the entire sky. She looks to her left as a car is flying straight at her – and she wakes up next to the light house, with Chloe.

Chloe looks at her and smiles. Max asks what’s going on and Chloe says they both know the story and that she’s tried everything to stop this, to no avail. Max asks what she’s talking about and Chloe explains that it all started when she saved her, and that she should simply go back to that day and do nothing about it. Max says no and starts crying, but Chloe insists. She says she would feel selfish for many people to die just so that she could live. She wasn’t important, she wasn’t going to change the world for good if she survived. Max says she is important to her. Chloe kisses her and then rests her forehead against Max’s, begging her to do it.

Chloe gets Max’s bag, and takes out the picture of the butterfly Max took in the bathroom. She hands it to Max and tells her to do it. She takes a few steps back and watches Max as she focuses on the picture. She says “I love you” before time starts rewinding.

Back in the bathroom, Max goes behind the stalls. She sits on the ground and starts crying as Nathan enters the bathroom, then Chloe. They argue, and the gun shot follows. We then hear the sound of Chloe’s body hitting the floor and Nathan starting to freak out.

From here on, the original song of the movie takes over, no sound coming from the following scene.

We cut to everyone attending Chloe’s funeral at the cemetery. Max collapses next to the casket and starts crying. In the distance, we can see Frank standing next to a tree, paying respects to Chloe. As Max looks up at the casket, she sees the blue butterfly on it. It flies away towards the sun. Max smiles.

The End.

Edited September 28, 2016 by ChD

[Rorschach]

Psycho Squad

Directed by Danny and Michael Phillipou

Music by Daft Punk

Genre: Action/Comedy, Parody

Date: September 11th

Studio: Lager Studios

Budget: $20 million

Theaters: 2,635

MPAA Rating: R for Comical Violence, Language, some Sexuality, and Nudity

Running Time: 96 minutes

Tag line: The Internet's Most Infamous vs. America's Most Infamous

 

Cast:

Doug Walker as Nostalgia Critic

Brad Jones as The Cinema Snob

Viggo Mortensen as Jeffrey Ridgeway/Psycho Dad

Evan Peters as Jesse Ridgeway/McJuggerNuggets

John Gallagher, Jr. as Jeffrey Ridgeway, Jr./BigBrudda

Woody Harrelson as Larry Abraham

Kaley Cuoco as Nicole Arbor

Ian Hecox as Himself

Anthony Padhilla as Himself

Michael Phillipou as Ronald McDonald

Miles Teller as SoFloAntonio

Will Poulter as Stephen Quire/Greatest Freakout Kid

Joel Courntey as Jack Quire/Wafflepwn

Anne Hathaway as Anita Sarkeesian

CJ Adams as Super Minecraft Kid

Paul Dano as Christain Weston Chandler/Chris Chan

Ezra Miller as Greg Jackson/Onision

Adam Sandler as Cool Cat

Steve Buscemi as Derek Savage

Dane Boedigheimer as The Annoying Orange 

Doug Jones as Slenderman

with Bob Dern as Charles Green/Angry Grandpa

and Taran Killam as Donald Trump

 

Plot Synopsis: When Derek Savage and Cool Cat team up with Donald Trump to silence any criticism of them by threatening to destroy YouTube, it's up to the website's most infamous users to band together to stop Savage and Trump.

Edited October 2, 2016 by Rorschach

[MCKillswitch123]

"THE HOLLYWOOD TREASURE"

 

DIRECTOR: David Fincher

GENRE: Drama thriller

CAST: Emily Blunt as Catherine Collins; Britt Robertson as Gaby; Taron Egerton as Lucas; John Hurt as Willis

RELEASE DATE: December 4th, 2015
STUDIO: Phoenix Fire Entertainment (co-produced w/Fox Searchlight Productions)
THEATERS: 2553
BUDGET: $17.5 million
MPAA RATING: R, for Violence, Drug Use and some Sexuality

 

PLOT RESUME: Catherine Collins is a relatively known (but not too big of a name) actress enjoying life the she can. An assumed homossexual, sharing a home w/her girlfriend Gaby, she's a happy camper in the business of living. Or at least she would be, if she were to know where it is hidden. The hunt is on. On every corner, on every street, on every wallet, she'll be there to try to seek out its whereabouts. "It" meaning this thing she's looking out for, that she refers to as... the Hollywood Treasure. What is the Hollywood Treasure? Where can she find it? How? Who else wants it? Why? And how many people will she go through to get her hands to it?

 

PLOT SUMMARY: TBA...

Edited November 13, 2015 by MCKillswitch123

[rukaio101]

Empire of Corpses

Director: Francis Lawrence
Genre: Period/Sci-Fi/Drama
Date: October 23rd (Limited- 135 theatres), October 30th (Limited- 524 theatres), November 6th (Wide- 1352 theatres), November 13th (Wide- 2734 theatres)
Cast: tba

Plot: tba



MPAA Rating: R
Budget: $65m

[4815162342]

nvm

Edited September 1, 2016 by 4815162342

[DAJK]

The Run

 

Genre: Drama/Thriller

Director: Niel Burger

Cast: Lincoln Melcher, Tom Holland, Ewan MacGregor, Laura Dern

Runtime: 102 minutes

Release Date: 10/9

MPAA Rating: PG-13 for thematic materiel, violence, and some brief strong language

Budget: $38 million

 

Plot Synopsis: In a world where an all out World War has broken out in the Middle East and poverty has raged across America, 13 year old Terran (Melcher) lives with his father (MacGregor). The two own a large house twenty miles outside Chicago, and are relatively safe from the harms of poverty, as Terran's father runs a large corporation which has made a technological breakthrough in cold fusion, thus helping the war efforts in the Middle East. The two live alone, as Terran's mother was killed six months prior. The family used to be very generous, inviting many poor and homeless people into their home for a time feeding them and helping them regain their health until one night when Terran was 12 years old, one sickly man stole a gun and shot Terran's mother before shooting himself. After this incident, Terran's father becomes cold, believing the poor deserve to be the way they are, and does everything in his power to keep his son safe from the outside world. He hires many staff for safety reasons, but keeps them away from his son whenever possible.

 

The two grow apart, Terran being home-schooled by a tutor while his father locks himself in his study most of the time. Eventually, Terran begins to question why the poor have to be the way they are, and "why is he so special that he gets to live a normal life". He confronts his father one morning, and persuades him to talk with him as they walk through the grounds of their mansion, while staying in the relative safety behind the large iron gates. However, as the conversation carries on, Terran realizes how different him and his father are, when he realizes what a cold man he has become. Terran tries to convince his father that even the poor are people too, to which his father dismisses him. Terran becomes upset, and leaves his father behind in the yard. As he walks away, he tells his father "This is why the whole F****** world hates you!" Once Terran is inside, his father sits down on the grass and cries.

 

Terran is in his room when he hears shooting. A team of highly armed men have broken through the gates and make their way to the house. Terran watches as his father's men fire back at the intruders, but sees them all gunned down. He searches for his father but doesn't see him. Suddenly, from down below, he hears his father scream "Terran! Get out of here... Wait, no!" Terran hears the sounds of his father being gunned down by the attackers, and a rough voice saying "There's a child. Find him." Terran heads for the crawlspace in the upper hallway, which he uses to escape the house. It leads him to the forest just on the outside of his home, and Terran begins to run towards Chicago. 

 

It's the middle of the night when he arrives in some dense suburb. The first person he sees is an elderly homeless man, who begs Terran to come and help him. As Terran makes his way across the street, and older boy (Holland) warns him not to come close to the man. The boy introduces himself as Nick, and tells Terran that him and his mother have a small house a block away, if he wants to be fed and have a place to sleep. Terran follows Nick.

 

Nick lives alone with his mother (Dern), who cooks a meal of hot soup for Terran without asking questions. When the two are alone, Terran explains to Nick who he is and what had happened. Nick understands, explaining to Terran that there have been many groups who have wanted to kill his father for helping in the war effort. Terran breaks down and cries, and Nick leaves him in a small room with a bed for the night.

 

Meanwhile, the men who attacked Terran's house report back to a commanding officer, saying that "there was a child who escaped." CThe officer is outraged but tells the men that there is no use in searching. The next morning, Terran wakes up to find that Nick has gone out for the day and that he is alone with Nick's mother. She sits at a table with Terran and asks him if there is anything she can do to help (implying that Nick told her everything). She asks if Terran has any extended family he could go to, to which the boy shakes his head. Nick comes back later in the afternoon, and explains that fighting has broken out downtown and that it is spreading. His mother seems horrified by this and immediately instructs that they leave as soon as they can. She and Nick go to pack what few belongings they have, and tell Terran to wait for them in the kitchen. While packing, the mother and son decide that Terran can stay with them until they can figure out what to do with him. 

 

Nick's mother keeps an old car in her garage, and she sends a silent prayer when she sees that it is still there (not taken by anyone). They pile their stuff into the car along with jugs of gasoline. As they open the garage door and drive out, Terran is scared by how silent it is. But as they drive out of town, he begins to hear scrams and gunshots. Once they are on the highway, he asks where they are going, to which Nick replies "to Omaha, where my uncle lives." They drive for a full day, stopping to refill the gas tank a few times. Nobody talks, and Terran mainly sits there with his eyes closed, thinking about how there are still good people in the world. Then he thinks about the last thing he ever said to his father, and cries.

 

They arrive in Omaha, where there is much less poverty than in Chicago. They pull up to a middle class home, and are greeted by Nick's Uncle, who doesn't take too kindly to Terran being there. There is an argument between him and Nick's mother that night, to which Nick and Terran try to block out. It is revealed that Nick's Uncle has contacted child services to take Terran away, and they show up the next morning. Nick and his mother plead with the woman to allow Terran to stay with them, but the woman refuses, saying that modern law states that families cannot harbor orphaned children without authorization. Before they take Terran away, he speaks to Nick and his mother, telling them that he's okay with leaving, that they've done all that they could, by teaching him that there are still good people in the world.

 

The film ends with Terran sitting in the backseat of a child services car, asking the woman where he is going. The woman tells him that because of who his father was, they are going to keep his identity secret, but won't be able to find some place to live immediately. She turns around and smiles at him, saying "The world is a harsh place kid, but you just gotta be strong."

Edited November 11, 2015 by DAJK

[Blankments]

The Addams Family

Director: Adam Shankman
Date: October 2
Genre: Musical
Studio: Blankments Productions
Cast: Javier Bardem as Gomez Addams, Eva Green as Morticia Addams, Hugh Jackman as Uncle Fester, Lily Tomlin as Grandma Addams, Daisy Ridley as Wednesday Addams, Atticus Shaffer as Pugsley Addams, Alec Baldwin as Mal Beineke, Gwyneth Paltrow as Alice Beineke, Zac Efron as Lucas Beineke, and Brad Garrett as Lurch.
Music by: Andrew Lippa
Runtime: 115 min 
 

Plot: The ghoulish Addams family is visiting the graveyard for an annual gathering of all family members (living, dead, and undecided) to celebrate what it is to be an Addams ("When You're an Addams"). Uncle Fester stops the Ancestors' return to their graves to enlist their help. He explains that Wednesday, under protest, has invited her new (normal) boyfriend, Lucas Beineke, and his parents, Mal and Alice, to dinner, and muses that love is probably the most important subject ("Fester's Manifesto"). Wednesday pulls Gomez aside and freely discloses to him that her boyfriend, Lucas, has already proposed to her but she needs to make sure the families will get along. However, she does not want Gomez to disclose this information to Morticia until after dinner, when everyone has become friends, as she is concerned that Morticia will overreact to the situation. Gomez is torn at this decision, as he has never lied or kept secrets from Morticia during their entire marriage. However, he reluctantly agrees to keep this secret for Wednesday, as he states that Wednesday is no longer his little girl ("Wednesday's Growing Up"). Morticia catches Gomez acting peculiar, and he realizes that he is torn between keeping Wednesday's secret and hiding things from Morticia ("Trapped"). Wednesday then tortures Pugsley while admitting that love is pulling her in a new direction ("Pulled").

As the Beinekes arrive, Wednesday and Lucas instruct their families to act normal so they can all enjoy a simple dinner ("One Normal Night"). But the moment Lurch ushers the Beinekes into the mansion, tensions begin to mount. Alice begins to spout happy poems at random, Pugsley, Fester, and Grandma fail at acting normal, and Wednesday, after wearing black for eighteen years, appears in a bright yellow dress. However, Fester still believes that love will prevail ("But Love (Reprise 1)"). Privately, Lucas and Wednesday share their feelings with each other, while Fester and the Ancestors watch from the shadows. The kids' love wins over the Ancestors ("But Love (Reprise 2)"). Mal and Gomez spend some time getting to know each other, as Gomez shows off some of his more unusual instruments of torture. Alice and Morticia are also becoming familiar with each other by looking through pictures in an Addams photo album. During their talk, Morticia tells Alice that her marriage to Gomez has been a success because there are no secrets or lies between them, while Alice states that her marriage with Mal is mostly based on deception ("Secrets"). Later, Morticia catches Gomez, Wednesday, and Lucas all acting strangely, and she refuses Gomez's request for a tango, which she has never done before. Gomez is sad and realizes that he is in more trouble than he realized ("What If?"). Meanwhile, Pugsley is worried that Wednesday's love life means she won't torture him anymore. He steals a potion from Grandma after she reveals it will bring out someone's dark nature. Pugsley plans to slip it to Wednesday at dinner ("What If?" continued).

At dinner, "The Game" is played, where each person at the table confesses something ("Full Disclosure"). Gomez tells a fairy tale that is a thinly veiled reference to the secret he is keeping from Morticia, while Uncle Fester admits he's in love with the moon. In a mix-up, Alice drinks Pugsley's potion and in front of everyone declares her marriage to Mal is a mess of lies as she reveals her misery and woe ("Waiting"). As Mal, humiliated, attempts to leave with his family, Wednesday announces that she and Lucas are getting married, and Morticia realizes that she has been deceived. Chaos engulfs both families, and Uncle Fester, trying to be helpful, instructs the Ancestors to create a sudden, terrible storm, trapping everyone in the mansion for the night.

During the storm, Wednesday tries to leave, but Lucas wants to stay and work things out with their families, leading the pair to have their first fight. Gomez tries to apologize to Morticia, but Morticia is too deeply disappointed. Morticia reminds herself that happiness is nearby ("Death Is Just Around the Corner"), while Mal and Alice argue as well, with Alice eventually kicking Mal out. Uncle Fester calls for an interlude as he plays his ukulele, singing a love song to the moon ("The Moon and Me").

Walking out in the yard, Wednesday runs into Gomez. He is happy she's found someone to love, yet sad that his daughter is growing up ("Happy/Sad"). Wednesday is left worrying that she and Lucas are too different. Then as a show of trust, Lucas blindfolds Wednesday and lets her shoot an apple off his head with a crossbow ("Crazier Than You"). In the shadows, Fester and Mal witness this act of love, and Mal realizes that he has forgotten how to be crazy as well. Alice comes back to him, and Mal and Alice join Wednesday and Lucas in a double duet, as they all admit that they are crazy. In another room, Pugsley asks Morticia if there is a monster under the bed. She tells him there is and he relaxes but cannot bring himself to confess what he did to Alice. As he drifts off to sleep, Morticia announces that she is leaving as she cannot accept that Gomez lied to her. Gomez is panicking that his marriage is falling apart, but he is determined to save it by taking Morticia on a long-promised trip to see the sewers of Paris ("Not Today"). Gomez intercepts Morticia at a bus stop as she is about to leave and wins her back by making Morticia remember that she went through exactly the same scenario with her own mother ("Live Before We Die"). Morticia finally accepts Gomez's apology, and they kiss and make up with a tango ("Tango de Amor").

With all the couples reunited, Grandma makes Pugsley admit to slipping the potion to Alice, but Pugsley is congratulated since it brought everyone together. Uncle Fester, wearing a rocket, tells everyone he's flying off to be with the moon. Gomez announces the Paris trip to Morticia, and as the families sing one last ballad, they are all shocked as Lurch sings out loud for the first time, just as a puff of smoke is seen on the moon, signaling Fester has just landed ("Move Toward the Darkness"). Everyone is happy as the credits begin to roll (“When You’re an Addams (Reprise)”)

Soundtrack list:
"When You're an Addams"………………Cast
"Fester's Manifesto"………………………..Hugh Jackman
"Wednesday's Growing Up".……………Javier Bardem
"Trapped"…………………………………….….Javier Bardem
"Pulled"……………………………………………Daisy Ridley, Atticus Schaffer
"One Normal Night"………………………...Cast
"But Love"………………………………………..Hugh Jackman, Company
"Secrets"……………………………………….….Eva Green, Gwyneth Paltrow, Company
"What If?" …………………………………….….Javier Bardem, Atticus Schaffer
"Full Disclosure/Waiting” …………….……Gwyneth Paltrow, Company
"Just Around the Corner"….………………Eva Green, Company
"The Moon and Me"………………….……..Hugh Jackman, Company
"Happy/Sad"………………….…………………Javier Bardem
"Crazier Than You"………………….………..Daisy Ridley, Zac Efron, Alec Baldwin, Gwyneth Paltrow
"Not Today"……………….…………………….Javier Bardem
"Live Before We Die"….…………………….Javier Bardem, Eva Green
"Tango de Amor"………………….…………..Eva Green, Javier Bardem, Company
"Move Toward the Darkness"……………Cast
"When You're an Addams (Reprise)"…Cast

Theaters: 3,823
Rating: PG-13 for crude humor and some suggestive content.
Budget: $50 million

[Rishrow13]

Fairy Tail: The Journey to The Black Magic

Director: James Gunn

Music By: Hans Zimmer

Genre: Fantasy, Action/Adventure

Date: October 23

Studio: Mutagenic Productions

Format: 3D and IMAX

Budget: $150 million

MPAA Rating: PG-13-Violence, Language, and some Sensuality

Theaters: 3,954

Running Time: 2 hrs, 10 minutes

Cast:

Dylan O’Brien as Natsu Dragneel

Jennifer Lawrence as Lucy Heartfilia

Devon Bostick as Gray Fullbuster

Summer Glau as Erza Scarlet

Tara Strong (voice) as Happy

G Hannelius as Wendy Marvell

Sandra Bullock (voice) as Carla

Samuel L. Jackson (voice) as Pantherlily

Jennifer Garner as Mavis Vermillion

Peter Dinklage as Makarov Dreyar

Liam Neeson as Gildarts Clive

Zachary Gordon as Romeo Conbolt

Bella Thorne as Cana Alberona

Kaley Cuoco as Mirajane Strauss

Kristen Bell as Levy McGarden

Jared Padalecki as Laxus Dreyar  

Christian Bale as Freed Justine

Oscar Isaac as Gajeel Redfox

Genesis Rodriguez as Juvia Lockser

Hayden Panettiere as Lisanna Strauss

Brooklyn Decker as Evergreen

James McAvoy as Bickslow

Manu Bennett as Elfman Strauss

Kevin Michael Richardson (voice) as Igneel

Andrew Garfield as Jellal Fernandes

Brittany Snow as Ultear Milkovich

Alexandra Daddario as Meredy

James Earl Jones (voice) as Acnologia

 

Summary:

In a land far far away lies the kingdom of Fiore, a small peaceful nation of 17 million, and a place filled with magic. There is a wizard guild in a town called Magnolia called Fairy Tail where Natsu (Dylan O’Brien) and Lucy (Jennifer Lawrence) both wizards fro Fairy Tail discover a magic power they’ve never sensed before when they’re at sea finishing a job. It’s very powerful... and very deadly. With the help of Gray Fullbuster (Devon Bostick) and Erza Scarlet (Summer Glau) and Natsu’s cat Happy (Tara Strong) and the help of the guild all go out to find what that magic is and find out who is behind it.

 

[Rishrow13]

I was working on my movie but I've decided I'm going to have to switch out a cast member. Instead of Bella Thorne playing Cana Alberona, I've decided to put Anne Hathaway instead. (I don't know if you can do that though). And I also decided to edit the cast list:

 

Dylan O’Brien as Natsu Dragneel

Jennifer Lawrence as Lucy Heartfilia

Devon Bostick as Gray Fullbuster

Summer Glau as Erza Scarlet

Tara Strong (voice) as Happy

G Hannelius as Wendy Marvell

Sandra Bullock (voice) as Carla

Samuel L. Jackson (voice) as Pantherlily

Jennifer Garner as Mavis Vermillion

Peter Dinklage as Makarov Dreyar

Liam Neeson as Gildarts Clive

Zachary Gordon as Romeo Conbolt

Anne Hathaway as Cana Alberona

Kaley Cuoco as Mirajane Strauss

Kristen Bell as Levy McGarden

Oscar Isaac as Gajeel Redfox

Genesis Rodriguez as Juvia Lockser

Hayden Panettiere as Lisanna Strauss

Manu Bennett as Elfman Strauss

Kevin Michael Richardson (voice) as Igneel

Andrew Garfield as Jellal Fernandes

Brittany Snow as Ultear Milkovich

Alexandra Daddario as Meldy

Edited February 5, 2016 by Rishrow13

[ChD]

The Nightingale

Director: Alfonso Cuaron

Genre: World War II Drama
Cast: TBA
Release Date: November 20
Theaters: 3755
MPAA Rating: R

Budget: TBA

Plot: TBA