Jupiter Ascending (2015)

[James]

This way of grading movies makes my head hurt.

But that's the point, that's not my grading system. There are movies that will always be almost impossible to beat like ROTK so what's the point of giving a movie a B when it was enjoyable enough to give it an A when not compared to a better one.

[Goffe]

which one is stranger - Ethan's taste or James grading system?

 

I can't genuinely answer that question.

Edited February 16, 2015 by Goffe

[Ezen Baklattan]

I was not a fan.

Good visuals and great score, and gotta love giant flying dinosaurs, but the movie is such an uneven and convoluted mess that gives the stupidity in STiD more than a run for its money. That, and Kunis and Tatum just seem so bored.

I can't believe The Wachowskis made a story this bland and weak.

Edited February 25, 2015 by Spaghetti

[Ezen Baklattan]

Also, did it occur to anyone else that the final act of this is basically the plot of MARS NEEDS MOMS?

[Empire]

But that's the point, that's not my grading system. There are movies that will always be almost impossible to beat like ROTK so what's the point of giving a movie a B when it was enjoyable enough to give it an A when not compared to a better one.

[Water Bottle]

C+

 

Sure, it looks great but wow is it bloated. I think the film could have been significantly improved if the entire story with the brother who was trying to marry the genetically clone of his mother was removed would have moved this movie up into B-level territory. I mean seriously we get this action scene where Tatum's character has to rush against time and many obstacles in order to stop Kunis from marrying a lying creepy psychopath. Then the end of the movie, we see Tatum once again rush through time and many obstacles to once again stop Kunis from abdicating her throne...or being forced to. The point is that the action got a little too repetitive.

It would have also been nice if Kunis wasn't such a damsel in distress through the whole thing.

 

Also, Channing and Kunis relationship was so boring that it stopped the movie in it's tracks anytime it decided to concentrate on their relationship.

 

The movie has many flaws but it was pretty to look at, it was occasionally legit funny, and an entertaining way to spend an evening.

[Blankments]

It really is a mixed bag, but the real fault is that it peaks early with the chase in Chicago. Redmayne is delightfully hammy and the script probably has a bit too much exposition. Definitely worth seeing though; it doesn’t have the same amount of ideas as most of the Wachowskis’ other works, but still pretty fun, and hey, Sean Bean lived! B

[max314]

I think people would have loved the film if the climax had been crisper.

A "We are Groot!" or "He is the One!" type moment where it all comes together and ties everything up.

It had a satisfying conclusion, but I think audiences needed a catharsis that they didn't quite get.

Personally, I found the coda with Jupiter now appreciating her life to be the satisfying resolution I was looking for – but I understand if people wanted something more...punchy.

[eXtacy]

Its definitely a mess but I still enjoyed it so I have to say a C+ from me. There was a lot of missed potential here

Edited February 19, 2015 by eXtacy

[RichWS]

Read everybody's thoughts hoping it would help me decide whether or not I should catch a matinee. I still don't know.

[DeeCee]

Visually it looks very good although I wasn't as impressed with some the action scenes. The big Chicago chase was underwhelming. I just kept getting distracted by the distinct lack of people on the streets.

Although it was easy to follow and the motivations of all the characters were clear it felt like a lot of story stuffed into one movie. It might worked better expanded into a HBO series or a series of novels.

Still, if you have a spare few hours it's worth checking out. They probably won't get this budget again.

I should add that I didn't pay to see it. I had a free ticket.

Edited February 24, 2015 by DeeCee

[RichWS]

Went to a matinee today. This flick is straight up garbage and I say that as someone with immense respect for the Wachowskis. 

[Ozymandias]

This movie is straight awful.  The 2 main characters are incredibly flat and boring and Jupiter is a laughably written fish-out-of-water female character that always needs to be rescued, shes like a boring ass damsel in distress for most of the movie and never changes or learns to help herself. Uh, really?  The romance between Dog Boy(Channing Tatum) and Toilet Girl(Mila Kunis) is really awkward, stale, and forced.  The dialogue in this is just fucking horrible, its like really REALLY shitty B-movie dialogue and that is very surprising coming from the Wachowskis who did The Matrix(1999)... even the dialogue in The Matrix Reloaded/Revolutions, Cloud Atlas, and V for Vendetta(written by) had some weight and gravitas to them.  All the performances in this movie are either really flat or wildly over the top.  Eddie Redmayne seemed like the only one who knew he was in a really terrible movie after it was too late to pull out and decided to see what he could get away with... and oh boy is he bad.  There are a ton of boring and convoluted space politics that reminded me of The Phantom Menace and there is also a comical/clumsy anti-capitalist message here.  There are a lot of really dumb costumes and really ugly and probably unintentionally hilarious character designs.  I haven't seen Battlefield Earth, but I can't think of another big budget scifi movie in the last 15 years that comes close to how bad this is... it is aggressively terrible and there is really no excuse for it.  How in the hell did this get green lit at WB?  Did the Wachowski's slip some LSD into the exec's coffees right before they pitched it?  This is the nail in the coffin for the Wachowski's when it comes to getting big budgets and they're either gonna have to retire or make small stuff like they're directorial debut Bound.

 

F

[RichWS]

It's the worst film I paid money to see since Alice in Wonderland. I know the reviews were terrible but I thought it might be a "so bad it's good" situation. NOPE.

[DeeCee]

It's better then Battlefield Earth and After Earth.

 

The lesson learnt.

 

Don't include Earth in your title.

[Bishop54]

It's better then Battlefield Earth and After Earth.

 

The lesson learnt.

 

Don't include Earth in your title.

Don't include a planet in your title.

[dashrendar44]

Don't include Pluto, Mars, Earth, Saturn, Mercury Neptune nor Jupiter for a certified flop.

 

What's left is Uranus...

Edited February 25, 2015 by Red Room of Dash

[Ezen Baklattan]

It's the worst film I paid money to see since Alice in Wonderland. I know the reviews were terrible but I thought it might be a "so bad it's good" situation. NOPE.

I can't remember the last time I actually left a film and legitimately hated it. I guess maybe August: Osage County? Most of the shit I've seen either rotted over time or I watched at home.

[Ezen Baklattan]

There was so much exposition thrown around in the movie that I almost fell asleep. I literally didn't care about anything that happened in the movie after, like, 50 minutes in. I was just waiting for it to end.

[Ozymandias]

It's better then Battlefield Earth and After Earth.

 

The lesson learnt.

 

Don't include Earth in your title.

 

Lol, After Earf is probably worse than JA because its an M. Night Dingdong movie starring the immensely unlikable idiot Jaden Smith because his narcissistic father wanted a vanity project for him and his son, but I haven't seen any of Dingdong's movies after The Village.