Storks (2016)

[CJohn]

Discuss it.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Spaghetti and his girlfriend (Sheghetti) went to see this movie today.

 

We have many many questions about this movie.

 

• Why is it that the wolf submarine and a kid trying to harness Phineas and Ferbs' architecture skills two of the more mundane aspects of the movie?
• How was this only written by one person? I feel like there are so many contrasting ideas and bizarrely jarring shifts in tone and style that the number of writers feels like it was in the double digits.
• Andy Samberg is in this movie. The Lonely Island worked on Warner Bros.' The LEGO Movie. Storks, you have no excuse to not put some Conner4Real on the soundtrack!
• What is this movie even trying to convey? It's trying to do something with family, but it accidentally proritizes the idea of the importance of biological families even though it tries to hint otherwise? This movie has no idea what it's trying to say. The main stork protagonist also pretty much learns nothing?
• There's also a theme of being good parents and not workaholics, but it's weird that the movie focuses on these two essentially stock themes when the entire foundation is built on a hugely ethically insane premise? Oh, well get to that later.
• Like, the film's basic plot structure is actually quite derivative - the stock character types (redeemed screwup, nervous ascendant, evil boss, boss's evil assistant, imaginative child, etc.) and tropes (two initial enemies become friends, break up, become friends again) that it makes the movie's bizarre content seem all the more abrupt.

• The ending features a huge stork convention - does this mean there are storks not working for the company? What do they do in their time?
• The human girl (Tulip) had like 15 different threads that the story could have pulled for. Did the writers of the movie have any idea what they wanted to do with her? I feel like they try to do like 20 things with her character.
• Also, if she was left there due to a botched operation (which was enough to shut down the whole operation), how on earth did she survive for 18 years without starving or becoming a social wreck?
• It seems like the others wanted nothing to do with her, expect that one weird creepy stork that went crazy over her (who tries to redeem himself and adopt her) even though the movie wants to show clearly that he's a villain at the beginning but resolve it later?
• Why did this movie need like 47 villains? The wolves, the penguins, the pigeons, the boss? Was the movie that desperate for time when it was already pretty short for a kids movie?
• Like, for example, they bragged about Key and Peele as the wolves, why not just do more with that? They're in it for like 10 minutes.
• Why the fuck was there a giant robot / cosmic device thing at the end of the movie?
• How the fuck are the babies so chill? That scene, with several babies, you'd think it would scare the living shits out of them.

• THERE IS A FUCKING SKYBEAM IN THIS MOVIE. WARNER BROS HAS A SKYBEAM FETISH CONFIRMED? WHY WB?
• Why can some animals talk but others can't? This always wireds me out with any talking animal movie ever.
• Why do 1 in 3 movies in Hollywood feature the song "How Do You Like Me Now?"
• The pigeon in this movie is so weird. 
• Is this movie also weirdly sexist? In the flashforward of the baby, her big accomplishment that ends the montage will be getting married? The cool dad-naggy mom stereotype is so so tired as well.
• Also they show off so many heterosexual couples? And like it's weird because this would be such an easy way for gay couples to have kids? Probably over thinking things here, but these are pretty weird implications.
• Speaking of, babies are requested - which means foster children are basically screwed? They could be adopted by infertile/LGBT couples? The villains want to stay with the corporate company, because IT'S A KIDS MOVIE SO CORPORATIONS = BAD but they don't really need to make babies because people seem to be doing just fine? Unless other stork companies somehow exist? Give us some goddamn mythology movie? You already had so much filler, why not fill it with things that will have your universe make sense?!?!?!

 

So in the end, they make babies again. There are so many things worrying about this based on the idea that humans send in letters to request

• How do abortions work in this universe? Is it like a cancel order? Do miscarriages involve accidentally dropping babies into the ocean upon delivery?
• Also, is there like a huge divide between stork-born humans and natural-born humans? Like, the company stopped making babies for 18 years, yet it clearly didn't stop all baby production since human children clearly exist? Do people even know? Would they be traumatized about being carried by a stork?
• Also, how does this not create huge overpopulation problems if babies can be requested on demand?
• Speaking of, do they do background checks? What's stopping the storks if Joseph Kony wants a bunch of babies to raise as child soldiers?
• Also, the movie shows babies are designed according to letters, and ninja skills are accounted for among many other things? Basically these are "designer babies" made 100% according to a user's desires? JESUS CHRIST. THIS IS EUGENICS. 
• Like seriously? Are things like mental illness or diseases or other defects simply product errors? Does that mean they be returned?
• THERE IS SO MUCH THAT COULD GO HORRIBLY WRONG HERE. THIS IS A KIDS MOVIE.
• WHAT IS GOING ON
• WHY
• IS THIS HOW THE WORLD IS? MUST WE GO ON LIVING LIKE THIS? WHAT IF THIS IS REAL? WOULD WE KNOW WELL?

 

 

I cannot begin to describe the horrors that hit you upon watching this movie and thinking about it. Weirdly adept and inept, poignant and repugnant, funny and disturbing, I seriously don't know what I just watched. 

 

UNDEFINED / 10

[robertman2]

Someone is over thinking a kids movie

[DAR]

So you liked it?

[filmlover]

But does the dog die?

[Ezen Baklattan]

Weirdly, overthrowing makes the movie more enjoyable. It's a mess for sure, but in a weird way, I would recommend it as a hilariously odd, sometimes intentionally, animated movie. 

[Morieris]

So many kid's movies these days have the exact same plot beats....and they hit them. They may not be creative or unusual but they hit them.

 

I think this is the first movie i've seen that doesn't do that. In a bad way. Like they colored half a page of the simplest thing imaginable and got bored. Hey, let's be self aware and drag a shtick out too long! Done with it.

 

The Wham Line was "I was supposed to fire you!" but I had forgotten about it. So at that point, I was like "Well, what's the big thing that will temporarily break up the group." and there was zero emotional payoff. It was amazing.

 

And Junior (Who apparently isn't related to Grammar's character? Why bother naming him that way at all then.) kept going "I don't want to be The Boss." and I guess that was the reason why?

 

Every so often, the movie would stop dead in its tracks for twenty seconds to have some kind of weird aside with the characters involved. Just enough to kill the momentum.

 

And then the 'climax' had...babies being made and everyone just kind of not being angry about it? Well what was the point of that? & the point of the pidgeon following them to...get Junior fired and take his job? I think? (I liked the line delivery and voice acting though so props there)

 

The only time I laughed hard was "I thought it was gentrification!", but I do give the last few minutes credit for being semi-touching.

 

Warner Animation Group, I am definitely expecting better from Lego Batman. I enjoyed this less than Secret Life of Pets, well done. 

 

Quote

• Also they show off so many heterosexual couples? And like it's weird because this would be such an easy way for gay couples to have kids? Probably over thinking things here, but these are pretty weird implications.

 

It's blink and you miss it at the end but you can see maybe two same sex couples for like a second at the end montage. 

Edited September 25, 2016 by Morieris

[Ezen Baklattan]

The story is a gigantic mess. Hunter sets up the pigeon as being the new boss after exposing the baby, but then nothing really happens? It just falls on Junior? 

 

Honestly it's kind of a crappy kids movie at first until you realize the existential horror of its universe making it far more entertaining. The WTF factor isn't like FREE BIRDS where it hits you in the movie, more like it hits as you leave the theater.

[Blankments]

The Master: A Lego Ninjago Short shows that any worry about The LEGO Movie being a fluke is a mistake. Wonderfully witty and a whole lot of fun.

 

Storks is really quite something. The perfect agglomeration of Saturday morning cartoons, Looney Tunes, and the average CGI film, it's funnier than most others in its medium. The influence of Lord/Miller as producers is quite obvious in its love of anarchy and "anything goes" attitude for the jokes. Almost every joke hits too, and thus, it's constantly hilarious and not afraid to go for the bizarre.

 

The voice cast is stellar, led by Andy Samberg and Katie Crown, both voice vets in film and television respectively. It's really quite lovely to see Crown, always a welcome presence in current cartoons, to get a showcase role on such a big film. Sweetland and Stoller prove to be a great mix, the former clearly influencing the animation style (his former short, Presto, comes to mind a lot when looking at the physical comedy in it). Stoller's trademark mix of wackiness with some poignancy is here too, leading to a really great climax.

 

Warner Animation Group burst on the scene last year with The LEGO Movie. Storks proves that they're worth more than just LEGO. Through slapstick comedy and cartoony animation, WAG seems to be content with filling a gap that no other studio wants to touch: the pure comedy animation. Some might insult the "generic" aspects, but that would be ignoring the subversive elements. Others might not be a fan of the hyperactivity of the animation. One of the unsung joys of CGI is that it can give us just as much squashing, stretching, and other wacky visuals as traditional animation used too. And for those who want more emotional depth to their animated films? Well, there is more than enough room for multiple styles of animation to succeed, and Storks - well, to steal from its own tagline - delivers. B

 

Also, Jesus @Spaghetti, the movie makes it VERY clear it doesn't care about it's own internal logic; don't know why you had to dissect that so much lol

[robertman2]

4 minutes ago, Blankments said:

The Master: A Lego Ninjago Short shows that any worry about The LEGO Movie being a fluke is a mistake. Wonderfully witty and a whole lot of fun.

 

Storks is really quite something. The perfect agglomeration of Saturday morning cartoons, Looney Tunes, and the average CGI film, it's funnier than most others in its medium. The influence of Lord/Miller as producers is quite obvious in its love of anarchy and "anything goes" attitude for the jokes. Almost every joke hits too, and thus, it's constantly hilarious and not afraid to go for the bizarre.

 

The voice cast is stellar, led by Andy Samberg and Katie Crown, both voice vets in film and television respectively. It's really quite lovely to see Crown, always a welcome presence in current cartoons, to get a showcase role on such a big film. Sweetland and Stoller prove to be a great mix, the former clearly influencing the animation style (his former short, Presto, comes to mind a lot when looking at the physical comedy in it). Stoller's trademark mix of wackiness with some poignancy is here too, leading to a really great climax.

 

Warner Animation Group burst on the scene last year with The LEGO Movie. Storks proves that they're worth more than just LEGO. Through slapstick comedy and cartoony animation, WAG seems to be content with filling a gap that no other studio wants to touch: the pure comedy animation. Some might insult the "generic" aspects, but that would be ignoring the subversive elements. Others might not be a fan of the hyperactivity of the animation. One of the unsung joys of CGI is that it can give us just as much squashing, stretching, and other wacky visuals as traditional animation used too. And for those who want more emotional depth to their animated films? Well, there is more than enough room for multiple styles of animation to succeed, and Storks - well, to steal from its own tagline - delivers. B

 

Also, Jesus @Spaghetti, the movie makes it VERY clear it doesn't care about it's own internal logic; don't know why you had to dissect that so much lol

Mind if you send me a link to the Ninjago short?

[Blankments]

There is no link; it's theatrically exclusive

[Ezen Baklattan]

Lol I was so weird on Saturday nite 

[cannastop]

On 9/25/2016 at 0:26 AM, Spaghetti said:

• Why do 1 in 3 movies in Hollywood feature the song "How Do You Like Me Now?"

Wait, the Toby Keith song?

 

Lol, I just realized that you meant "How you like me now?" without the "do" part.

 

 

[4815162342]

On 9/25/2016 at 0:26 AM, Spaghetti said:

 

Why do 1 in 3 movies in Hollywood feature the song "How'd You Like Me Now?"

 

 

 

@MrPink time for your dissertation on Hollywood music tropes.

[CoolioD1]

i don't think spaghetti should ever watch a looney tunes cartoon. his mind would be blown open. "And then the coyote paints a fake tunnel... and the road runner goes through it anyway! But the Coyote can't go through it!!! WTF?? *GIF*"

[cannastop]

47 minutes ago, CoolioD1 said:

i don't think spaghetti should ever watch a looney tunes cartoon. his mind would be blown open. "And then the coyote paints a fake tunnel... and the road runner goes through it anyway! But the Coyote can't go through it!!! WTF?? *GIF*"

Probably shouldn't watch Pixar either.

WTFFFF? The toys talk and then they don't? WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?

 

*ded*

[MrPink]

2 hours ago, 4815162342 said:

 

@MrPink time for your dissertation on Hollywood music tropes.

 

I'm convinced every movie features either How You Like Me Now, a rendition of Kashmir, or the danger motif from James Horner.

 

It's like one degree of separation, to one of those songs.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Lol I was a bit drunk last Saturday. 

 

Need to watch it again when I'm less weirded out.

[cannastop]

17 minutes ago, Spaghetti said:

Lol I was a bit drunk last Saturday. 

 

Need to watch it again when I'm less weirded out.

Next time go full blanks and ham it up beyond plausibility.

[Blankments]

8 hours ago, MrPink said:

 

I'm convinced every movie features either How You Like Me Now, a rendition of Kashmir, or the danger motif from James Horner.

 

It's like one degree of separation, to one of those songs.

This movie uses How You Like Me Now brilliantly just saying

 

7 hours ago, cannastop said:

Next time go full blanks and ham it up beyond plausibility.

fuck you