Weekend Thread | Bourne 60M, Trek 24M, Bad Moms 23.4M, Pets 18.2M

[James]

 

[robertman2]

It's a scientific fact that Attack of the Clones is the worst Star Wars movie, unless you count the one that must not be named

[Eric is Quiet]

10 hours ago, ThatOneTrek said:

Okay, I'm gonna do a very awful attempt at incorporating the titles of all summer movies into a very idiotic story:

 

One day, a group of friends were talking about the Civil War while in The Darkness, when one guy had an idea to do a reenactment of one of the battles for money.  One of the other friends said "God, you really are a Money Monster."  He then responds with "Don't be such an Angry Bird, we can invite all of our Neighbors and they'll pay money for our crappy reenactment!"  He then responds with "I don't want to rip off our neighbors, they seem like such Nice Guys."  He walked out of the room while everyone else exchanged ideas, before someone decided to do an exaggeration of a battle.  "Maybe we can come up with a fake Civil War battle that took place during the Apocalypse and follows a girl named Alice!  She can also be a Popstar."  Everyone acknowledged him as a fucking idiot and they kicked him out just as he was about to pitch his idea for them to be attacked by Mutant Turtles.  There were now 3 people left.  Two of the three people left kept talking at the same time when one of them said "It should be Me Before You..."  Reluctantly, he let him talk first.  Realizing that no one could see him giving that they were in the dark, he turned on the lights and said "okay, Now You See Me."  As he was walking back to where everyone was sitting, he tripped over his copy of World of Warcraft and decided to run out of there to play the game.  "Okay, I need help Conjuring up ideas now that it's just me and you." Just then, their friend named Dory walked into the room and said "IM BEING CHASED BY CENTRAL INTELLIGENCE, HELP ME RUN THE FUCK AWAY."  One of the guys said "Why did you say Central Inteligence instead of CIA?"  "BECAUSE THE PERSON WHO WROTE THIS HAD TO HAVE THE WORD CENTRAL INTELIGENCE SHOEHORNED IN THERE SOMEWHERE SO HE CAN MAKE HIS GOAL COME TRUE."  As they all were trying to find a way to escape the room, they decided to jump out the window into a lake.  Once they swam to the Shallows of the water, they heard fireworks going off nearby.  "Why are they going off when it's not even Independence Day?"  Dory said "Fuck that shit, we gotta run and find a USB drive called The Neon Demon.  Basically, I stole a copy of that movie from theaters and distributed illegal copies of it online.  I also have kind of a bad track record of doing this, but this is the first time I've been caught."  One of the guys asked "Do you have a copy of Free State of Jones?"  Dory replied "No, but I have a copy of The Legend of Tarzan!"  The other guy said "Aren't you on the run from cops trying to Purge you?" Dory responded "Fine, we'll do a double feature of Tarzan and The BFG after we outrun the cops."  (Also the two main characters are called Mike and Dave because I had to shoehorn this movie in here at this moment and I couldn't figure out how so here you go).  After they run through a nearby forest, they emerge into a local city and hide in a Pets store.  Unfortunately, the pet store worker used to be a manager at a theater that Dory stole movies from.  He said "there's the person that Infiltrated a whole lot of my movies!"  As this happened, a swarm of Ghosts emerged from the back storage closet and began attaching the trio.  However, Mike turned all the Lights Out.  These ghosts were not made to be exposed to darkness however, and as such, the darkness caused the ghosts to create a portal, and they were sucked Beyond another dimension into another galaxy and another solar system, and landed on another planet in the middle of an Ice Age, with the only other person there being Jason Bourne.  Dave said "JESUS CHRIST THATS JASON BOURNE."  Dory said "I just realized I had kids at home.  Damn I'm such a Bad Mom."  Mike said "you really had a Nerve to go on this adventure with your kids at home."  As Jason Bourne committed Suicide for unknown reasons, they realized that everything on this planet had Nine Lives, including them, for unknown reasons.  Dory used up all of hers quickly, but found a way to reemerge under the name Florence.  Mike and Dave decided to throw a party with all the other males on this planet and have a Sausage Party.  While they were there, they met a guy named Pete who had a dragon, someone named Kubo, and someone else named Ben-Hur.  They decided to try and help them return home.  They decided to recruit a couple of Dogs that helped out in this planet's War.  They used Pete's dragon to ride their way to the edge of the planet, where Ben-Hur and Kubo used their Hands of Stone to open the portal.  Before they left, Pete had one word of advice: "While going through the portal, just Don't Breathe."  As such, Mike and Dave were able to return home...200 years in the future from where the first left.

 

THE END

 

Epilogue: Florence still lives in the planet working as a successful Mechanic.

 

Post credits scene: Mike looks across an ocean and says "Look!  I see a Light Between Oceans!"

[grey ghost]

Why is The Purge 3 overseas total so low? It's only at 12 m with only 4 big markets left.

 

Purge 2 made 40 m OS.

[EmpireCity]

Bad Moms got $7.8m, so went up $200k from the true Friday number.  

 

 

[CJohn]

1 minute ago, grey ghost said:

Why is The Purge 3 overseas total so low? It's only at 12 m with only 4 big markets left.

 

Purge 2 made 40 m OS.

One of the markets is the UK, it should do well there. Also, this franchise isn't released in many markets OS, so it is possible less countries got it compared to Purge 2.

[La Binoche]

I stopped watching the Bourne movies after the 3rd (?) one. So they had Jeremy Renner take over and then Matt Damon decided he wanted to come back so they kicked Jeremy out and pretended he never happened? 

[La Binoche]

I wonder if Kristen Bell will ever find a good role on the big screen. She deserves one. 

[filmlover]

2 minutes ago, La Binoche said:

I stopped watching the Bourne movies after the 3rd (?) one. So they had Jeremy Renner take over and then Matt Damon decided he wanted to come back so they kicked Jeremy out and pretended he never happened? 

The movie completely ignores the Renner one, yes.

[4815162342]

Just now, filmlover said:

The movie completely ignores the Renner one, yes.

 

Mostly. When they show the list of programs hacked, the program from Bourne Legacy is included as one of them.

[Ethan Hunt]

What are you guys talking about. There was never a Rennet Bourne movie. I don't know what you guys are talking about

[JohnnyGossamer]

1 minute ago, Ethan Hunt said:

What are you guys talking about. There was never a Rennet Bourne movie. I don't know what you guys are talking about

Yeah... I thought that just a Hawkeye solo outing, no? Was that really a Bourne movie?

[La Binoche]

She's also a good singer and dancer. She should make better use of her talents. I mean if Tayloose Swift, Katy Generic and Lipsyncney Spears are allowed to be be called SINGERS, she deserves a record deal. 

 

 

[filmlover]

Kristen Bell has a big moment near the end of Bad Moms where she tells her husband at home with their crying kids who is begging her to come back to stop being a little bitch and suck it up. The whole theater applauded.

[TalismanRing]

Eh.  She was Veronica Mars she's better than that.  She's needs a role that will showcase her ability to convey sharp intelligence while still conveying humanity and vulnerabilty.  Too bad they don't make many adult thrillers or mysteries as films any more.  She might need to go back to TV for a meaty role.

[filmlover]

1 minute ago, TalismanRing said:

Eh.  She was Veronica Mars she's better than that.  She's needs a role that will showcase her ability to convey sharp intelligence while still conveying humanity and vulnerabilty.  Too bad they don't make many adult thrillers or mysteries as films any more.  She might need to go back to TV for a meaty role.

She's been on TV for the past few years with House of Lies (aka one of the worst shows ever to waste really good actors).

[TalismanRing]

1 minute ago, filmlover said:

She's been on TV for the past few years with House of Lies (aka one of the worst shows ever to waste really good actors).

 

OK, she needs to go back to doing GOOD TV.

 

So on scale of 1 to  True Detective Season 2  how bad and wasteful is House Of Lies ?

[POTUS 2020]

http://deadline.com/2016/07/jason-bourne-bad-moms-nerve-opening-weekend-box-office-results-1201795475/

Updated Sunday, 7:11 AM: Jason Bourne should bag $60M for the weekend while Bad Moms started out strong due to advanced ticket and group sales and then eased back a bit to arrive at $23.2M. The R-rated comedy will end up at No. 3 in its debut. The third newcomer, the YA thriller Nerve played out pretty well all week long after opening early in the week with previews on Tuesday; it should end the weekend at $14.9M. For further analysis and production budget numbers see below

 

 

 

1). Jason Bourne (UNI), 4,026 theaters / $22.7M Fri. (includes $4.3M previews) / $20.85M Sat. (-9%) / $16.7M Sun. (-20%) / 3-day cume: $60M+ / Wk 1

2). Star Trek Beyond (PAR), 3,928 theaters (0) / $6.7M Fri. / $9.9M Sat. (+50%) / $7.9M Sun. (-20%) / 3-day cume: $24.1M to $24.5M (-59%) / Total cume: $106M / Wk 2

3). Bad Moms (STX), 3,215 theaters / $9.5M Fri. (includes $2M previews) / $7.8M Sat. (-18%) / $5.8M Sun. (-25%) / 3-day cume: $23.2M / Wk 1

4). The Secret Life of Pets (ILL/UNI), 3,677 theaters (-371) / $5.5M Fri. / $7.2M Sat. (+30%) / $5.4M Sun. (-25%) / 3-day cume: $18.2M / Total cume: $296.15M / Wk 4

5). Lights Out (WB/NL), 2,818 theaters / $3.5M Fri. / $4M Sat. (+16%) / $3M Sun. (-25%) / 3-day cume: $10.75M (-51%) / Total cume: $42.7M / Wk 2

6). Ice Age: Collision Course (FOX), 3,052 theaters (+5) / $3.26M Fri. / $4.1M Sat. (+26%) / $3M Sun. (-25%) / 3-day cume: $10.45M (-51%) / Total cume: $42M+ / Wk 2

7). Ghostbusters (SONY), 3,052 theaters (-911) / $2.9M Fri. / $3.9M Sat. (+35%) / $2.9M Sun. (-25%) / 3-day cume: $9.7M / Total: $106M / Wk 3

8). Nerve (LGF), 2,538 theaters / $3.75M Wed. (includes $1M Tues. previews) / $2.3M Thurs. / $3.18M Fri. / $3.3M Sat. (+4%) / $2.3M Sun. (-30%) /  3-day cume: $8.8M / Total cume: $14.9M / Wk 1

9). Finding Dory (DIS), 1,733 theaters (-843) / $1.2M Fri. / $1.6M Sat. (+36%) / $1.3M Sun. (-20%) / 3-day cume: $4.15M / Total cume: $468.9M / Wk 7

10.) Hillary’s America (QUAL), 1,066 theaters (-151) / $708K Fri. / $958K Sat. (+35%) / $765K Sun. (-20%) / 3-day cume: $2.4M / Total cume: $8.65M / Wk 3

Edited July 31, 2016 by No Prisoners

[sfran43]

#JasonBourne Scores $60 Million, #BadMoms Makes $23.4 Million https://t.co/mpuTFqLknK pic.twitter.com/VN87DSForG

— TheWrap (@TheWrap) July 31, 2016

[TalismanRing]

Just now, No Prisoners said:

http://deadline.com/2016/07/jason-bourne-bad-moms-nerve-opening-weekend-box-office-results-1201795475/

 

Damn, every time I look Bad Moms loses another million.  I expect it to have strong weekdays though.