Pixels | Chris Columbus | July 24, 2015 | Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Michelle Monaghan, Josh Gad, Peter Dinklage

[Blankments]

Sandler called up Bob Chipman, the day before Pixels' release.

 

Sandler: Come on, I tried for once.

 

Chipman: It doesn't matter, I'm gonna destroy your movie.

 

Sandler: But you didn't even seen it... I mean, did I did something to offend you?

 

Chipman: As a matter of fact, I didn't see it. Happy for that confession? And you know what else? You took valuable funding from a film studio which otherwise might have been used on something worthwhile. Like a Fincher Jobs movie, or a Lord/Miller Ghostbusters spin-off.

 

Sandler: Okay... well. I mean you haven't even seen it... I didn't...

 

Chipman: That's true; I haven't heard a word of it or even seen the trailer. But after the embargo lifts tomorrow I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna bomb your movie. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other scripts for farts and vacations. Measuring your worth in inflated budgets? Well this is the cinema and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can produce and act in your own blockbuster for the joy of nostalgic adults everywhere without coming through me first. So good luck at the box office.

 

Sandler: Well... You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing? An Ant-Man review?Is that any good? Is it? Did you even see it? Let me read it.

 

Chipman: You can look it up online later!

 

Sandler: Look it online... let's read. Minuscule... That's just labels. Emotional... You kidding me? Sounds like you need a Pixar movie to clear that up. That's a label. That's all labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge, and guess what? This isn't a Pixar movie. There's no such thing as a real life Pixar movie.

 

Chipman: Are you finished?

 

Sandler: No! I'm not finished! There's nothing here about the humor! There's nothing in here about the need for a standalone plotline! There's nothing in here about the locales! It's just a bunch of crappy opinions, backed up by even crappier comparisons... You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor! Kevin James is gonna win a fucking Oscar some day! This movie cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucked malicious cowardly shitty written review and you shove that right the fuck up your wrinkly tight ass.

 

Chipman: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Same with Kevin James. You get Michael Douglas for a movie, I'll give it a fair shot. Let's be clear on that. Now I'm gonna kill your movie. *uploads review*

[WrathOfHan]

 

Sandler called up Bob Chipman, the day before Pixels' release.

 

Sandler: Come on, I tried for once.

 

Chipman: It doesn't matter, I'm gonna destroy your movie.

 

Sandler: But you didn't even seen it... I mean, did I did something to offend you?

 

Chipman: As a matter of fact, I didn't see it. Happy for that confession? And you know what else? You took valuable funding from a film studio which otherwise might have been used on something worthwhile. Like a Fincher Jobs movie, or a Lord/Miller Ghostbusters spin-off.

 

Sandler: Okay... well. I mean you haven't even seen it... I didn't...

 

Chipman: That's true; I haven't heard a word of it or even seen the trailer. But after the embargo lifts tomorrow I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna bomb your movie. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other scripts for farts and vacations. Measuring your worth in inflated budgets? Well this is the cinema and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can produce and act in your own blockbuster for the joy of nostalgic adults everywhere without coming through me first. So good luck at the box office.

 

Sandler: Well... You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing? An Ant-Man review?Is that any good? Is it? Did you even see it? Let me read it.

 

Chipman: You can look it up online later!

 

Sandler: Look it online... let's read. Minuscule... That's just labels. Emotional... You kidding me? Sounds like you need a Pixar movie to clear that up. That's a label. That's all labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge, and guess what? This isn't a Pixar movie. There's no such thing as a real life Pixar movie.

 

Chipman: Are you finished?

 

Sandler: No! I'm not finished! There's nothing here about the humor! There's nothing in here about the need for a standalone plotline! There's nothing in here about the locales! It's just a bunch of crappy opinions, backed up by even crappier comparisons... You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor! Kevin James is gonna win a fucking Oscar some day! This movie cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucked malicious cowardly shitty written review and you shove that right the fuck up your wrinkly tight ass.

 

Chipman: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Same with Kevin James. You get Michael Douglas for a movie, I'll give it a fair shot. Let's be clear on that. Now I'm gonna kill your movie. *uploads review*

 

 

Chipman or, the Unexpected Virtue of Furiosity

[Blankments]

What if this had been another Will Ferrell/John C. Reilly venture?

That could've been interesting. I think Rogen/Franco would make bigger cash, but Ferrell/Reilly would certainly still be bigger than this.

 

Also, Ed Helms/Zach Galifanikis could've been a suitable replacement, although less than the other two teams above

[BK007]

Sandler called up Bob Chipman, the day before Pixels' release.

 

Sandler: Come on, I tried for once.

 

Chipman: It doesn't matter, I'm gonna destroy your movie.

 

Sandler: But you didn't even seen it... I mean, did I did something to offend you?

 

Chipman: As a matter of fact, I didn't see it. Happy for that confession? And you know what else? You took valuable funding from a film studio which otherwise might have been used on something worthwhile. Like a Fincher Jobs movie, or a Lord/Miller Ghostbusters spin-off.

 

Sandler: Okay... well. I mean you haven't even seen it... I didn't...

 

Chipman: That's true; I haven't heard a word of it or even seen the trailer. But after the embargo lifts tomorrow I'm gonna turn in the worst review anyone has ever read and I'm gonna bomb your movie. Would you like to know why? Because I hate you and everyone you represent. Entitled, selfish, spoiled children. Blissfully untrained, unversed and unprepared to even attempt real art. Handing each other scripts for farts and vacations. Measuring your worth in inflated budgets? Well this is the cinema and you don't get to come in here and pretend you can produce and act in your own blockbuster for the joy of nostalgic adults everywhere without coming through me first. So good luck at the box office.

 

Sandler: Well... You know... What has to happen in a person's life to become a critic anyway? What are you writing? An Ant-Man review?Is that any good? Is it? Did you even see it? Let me read it.

 

Chipman: You can look it up online later!

 

Sandler: Look it online... let's read. Minuscule... That's just labels. Emotional... You kidding me? Sounds like you need a Pixar movie to clear that up. That's a label. That's all labels. You just label everything. That's so fuckin' lazy... You just... You're a lazy fucker. You know what this is? You even know what that is? You don't, You know why? Because you can't see this thing if you don't have to label it. You mistake all those little noises in your head for true knowledge, and guess what? This isn't a Pixar movie. There's no such thing as a real life Pixar movie.

 

Chipman: Are you finished?

 

Sandler: No! I'm not finished! There's nothing here about the humor! There's nothing in here about the need for a standalone plotline! There's nothing in here about the locales! It's just a bunch of crappy opinions, backed up by even crappier comparisons... You write a couple of paragraphs and you know what? None of this cost you fuckin' anything! The Fuck! You risk nothing! Nothing! Nothing! Nothing! I'm a fucking actor! Kevin James is gonna win a fucking Oscar some day! This movie cost me everything... So I tell you what, you take this fucked malicious cowardly shitty written review and you shove that right the fuck up your wrinkly tight ass.

 

Chipman: You're no actor, you're a celebrity. Same with Kevin James. You get Michael Douglas for a movie, I'll give it a fair shot. Let's be clear on that. Now I'm gonna kill your movie. *uploads review*

Is that supposed to be funny...

[Hangman]

zz

Edited September 20, 2017 by Hangman

[DAJK]

I'm glad you liked it! I hope I'll like it too, but we'll see this week.

[kowhite]

Just came back from a screening of Pixels. Before the movie, they took away all cell phones, searched every bag, and used a metal detector wand on everybody. I thought this was way too much security for the horrible movie I'm about too see.

 

But I have to say, I actually liked this movie. I enjoyed all of it.  The special effects were great.  The cast was great. Dinklage had some really funny one-liners. Sandler and Gad were funny too.  I usually find Sandler and Kevin James a bit annoying, but not in this one.  

 

I don't really have anything negative to say, except that they could have done so much with the 3D in this movie, but it was wasted.  

 

I could be wrong, but I think a lot of people will like it as well.

B+

So...it's better than Jack and Jill?

[grim22]

So...it's better than Jack and Jill?

 

No way can anything in Pixels top this scene from Jack and Jill

 

[kowhite]

Forget product placement...let's just put a fucking commercial in our movie.

[Hangman]

So...it's better than Jack and Jill?

 

I don't know, never saw Jack and Jill

 

Out of the last 5 Sander movies I saw (Grown Ups, GU2, Just Go With It, That's My Boy, and Funny People), there's no comparison. Pixels was waaayyyyy better, but I know that's not saying much

[kowhite]

I don't know, never saw Jack and Jill

 

Out of the last 5 Sander movies I saw (Grown Ups, GU2, Just Go With It, That's My Boy, and Funny People), there's no comparison. Pixels was waaayyyyy better, but I know that's not saying much

Jack and Jill may honestly be the worst movie I've ever seen.

There is basically nothing good about it. Oh god.

Reason enough I saw some reviews saying this is Sandlers new bottom and I'm like...nope...not possible.

[grim22]

Jack and Jill may honestly be the worst movie I've ever seen.

There is basically nothing good about it. Oh god.

Reason enough I saw some reviews saying this is Sandlers new bottom and I'm like...nope...not possible.

 

We did get the best ever Red Letter Media review out of that movie though

 

 

[The Panda]

What if Neveldine/Taylor had directed it?

What if Charlie Chaplin rose from the grave to direct with a John Williams And Ennio Morricone collab for the score and it starred Chris Pratt and Paul Rudd in place of Sandler and James

Edited July 23, 2015 by The Panda

[grim22]

What if Charlie Chaplin rose from the grave to direct with a John Williams And Ennio Morricone collab for the score and it starred Chris Pratt and Paul Rudd in place of Sandler and James

 

And Jennifer Lawrence as the female lead. Peter Dinklage can stay.

[The Panda]

Jack and Jill may honestly be the worst movie I've ever seen.

There is basically nothing good about it. Oh god.

Reason enough I saw some reviews saying this is Sandlers new bottom and I'm like...nope...not possible.

Yeah, Peter Dinklage is in it, that right there saves it from being capable of being that bad.

[shayhiri]

And Jennifer Lawrence as the female lead. Peter Dinklage can stay.

 

Are we talking pron here?

[Frozen]

I heard the ending was that Jill was actually dead and everyone was playing along with Jack's delusion of her. Is that true? I never saw it.

Edited July 23, 2015 by Frozen

[Gopher]

No way can anything in Pixels top this scene from Jack and Jill

 

I'd like to think this is a conversation Sandler had with himself in post-production of the movie.

[Rman823]

I heard the ending was that Jill was actually dead and everyone was playing along with Jack's delusion of her. Is that true? I never saw it.

That probably came from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOzrgw70cyc

[kowhite]

I heard the ending was that Jill was actually dead and everyone was playing along with Jack's delusion of her. Is that true? I never saw it.

I you give Adam Snadler waaaaaay too much credit, that might almost be clever....it's not, but given the circumstances...it almost is.