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The Panda

DAJKS's (And Everyone Else's) Worst of 2014 (baumer starts pg 6)

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I am doing this list today and my top 10 best tomorrow (technically 15 for both since I am doing 5 honorable mentions).  However, I figured after I do mine there might be others who want to do a worst list so just post and tell me if you would like.

 

Running List of Who Wants to Go

DAJK

 

 

Now to the point

 

2014-worst-movies-main-2.jpg?w=650

 

Many people like to honor and praise their best movies of the year, however I have an inner voice within me that has to speak.  Before I can praise Hollywood and other filmmakers about how many great films they gave us this year I have to first remind them that they also put me through a lot of misery with these dreadful movies.  The list I am about to make however isn't going to necessarily be a rundown of what I thought the worst made movies of the year (weird huh?), just because I gave a movie an F and another a D doesn't mean the F will be ranked and the D won't.  When I composed my list I took into consideration some more things such as,

 

1.Was I mostly able to forget the horrible experience?  If the movie was so bad that it stuck to my memory then it caused me much more misery than the one that didn't, then it deserves to be on in place of the other (even if it has more good to it than the other).

 

2.Did the movie have a right to suck?  It's one thing when Scary Movie 6 is a stinkpile, it's another thing when it is agony to sit through the new Spider-Man movie (Even if the new Spider-Man movie is technically better than Scary Movie 6)

 

3.Did the movie shit all over something I love?  If so, you can bet it made this list even if there were some movies technically worse than it.

 

Now enough of my pre-commentary, it's time to start this.

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Quick note: My presentation is going to be a bit more rushed and lazy for this list.  I'll actually take time to do a nice and more thorough presentation for my top 10 of the year.  Before I get to my top 10 though, I will give 5 (dis)honorable mentions to movies that didn't make the list but I needed to mention how much I despise them as well.

 

(Dis)Honorable Mention #5

Ride Along

ride-along-2014-03.jpg

 

Kevin Heart has started to become a very large Hollywood star, and despite all of his charm, there was nothing he could do to make this movie funny at all (a tragic sin of a comedy).  I will be honest though, I had mostly forgotten about this movie a couple weeks after I had seen it, but after looking back at my running list of the movies I had seen from 2014 I simply felt like this needed a mention for the pure fact this movie really had no reason to not be funny, yet it pretty much failed in every alley.  Now, obviously this wasn't bad enough to make my top (or bottom) 10, but I did think this deserved a little shout out for sucking.

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(Dis)Honorable Mention #4

The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies

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This is probably the most controversial choice on my list (or just barely missing my list), but it's no secret on these forums how much I dislike these Hobbit movies.  Everything is just completely worn out in this film, and it is literally just an excuse for Peter Jackson to have a giant CGI orgy.  Even the few things the first two Hobbit movies did right (the special effects) doesn't work in this film because there is so much of it it simply leaves you null.  The only reason this movie didn't make my top 10 for the worst is because had I personally not been such a big fan of Tolkien's work I probably would have only found these movies mediocre (and not worthy of this list) because the majority of my beef comes from Jackson's directorial approach with these movies, and despite that there are still really good moments scattered throughout them, it just so happens that all of those moments are surrounded by Jackson's steaming pile of overstretched shit.

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(Dis)Honorable Mention #3

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

tmnt-poster.png?w=670

 

This was one of my most recent viewings on the list, so it's still fresh in my head (which may be why it's on here over some other films).  My main problem with this movie is that it is way to boring to be a movie about ten foot ninja super hero turtles.  It is absolutely dull and nobody in the movie seems to care about anything going on.  Thankfully it was fairly short so I only had to stomach it for so long before the credits rolled, but everything in the movie just feels recycled and boring.  I don't know how many times I have seen the plot point of the big bad villain revealing his plans to the hero to spray *insert your disease, toxin, gaseous substance here* over all of the city, but I will say it wasn't an interesting plot point the first time I saw it, and it's definitely not an interesting one for the fiftieth time in this movie.  I spent three dollars to rent this movie, and even that felt like way to much.

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(Dis)Honorable Mention #2

The Nut Job

the-nut-job-poster01.jpg

 

Now, I understand I am not the target audience for this film, but that doesn't change the fact that it was one of the most painful movies to sit through of the entire year.  This is one of the only movie's this year where when I finished the film I had a migraine from watching it.  It's all obnoxious noise and the fact that we have to endure a sequel to this in a year is even more painstaking.

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Hmm... the only movies I found painfully bad to the point where I wanted to leave the theatre where Hercules, Guardians of the Galaxy and 22 Jump Street. Also, Tammy, but not on the same level.

22 Jump Street is great, Guardians is really good, and I actually like. Hercules. :lol:

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(Dis)Honorable Mention #1

Pompeii

pompeii_ver4_xlg.jpg

 

I'll be honest, the only reason this movie didn't make it into my top/bottom 10 is simply because I really should have known better with it being a Paul W.S. Anderson film.  The movie's level of production values is about on par with your average porn film, however it lacks any of the sex, especially when you consider than this is a grade D mash up of Titanic and Gladiator.  Also, I can't put this in my bottom 10 simply because I could probably get a lot of guilty pleasure out of it if were watched with a group of friends in a so bad that it's good sort of way.

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If I did a top 10 worst, I would like 5 of them and only really hate 2. I try to avoid most films I think I'll not like and it usually works out pretty well.

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Now for the 'real' list

 

Number 10

I, Frankenstein

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I know this movie was dumped in January because Lionsgate had no faith in it, but what gave them enough faith to even give this the go ahead?  I, Frankenstein was absolutely atrocious in about every way it possibly could, and it doesn't even give you the satisfaction of even being a true guilty pleasure.  Aaron Eckhart tries to channel his inner over the top Dark Knight and it turns into one of the worst lead performances given this year.  The movie is an abomination in about every sense of the word, but I have to say it's not like this ever had any prospects to be remotely good, however it could have at least made itself guiltily enjoyable.

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if I did a top 10 worst I would like 5 of them and only really hate 2. I usually avoid most films I think I'll not like and it usually works out pretty well.

 

I have a belief that in order to truly enjoy the good movies you need to see some bad ones too.  (However I do at times try to avoid the bad ones but somehow end up getting dragged to them anyways)

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