SUR(VI)VOR Ep. 5: Clowning Around Part One

[SLAM!]

@captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @elcaballero @Fancyarcher @glassfairy @JJ-8 @Keanu @Mr Pastaffelees @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Sheikh @StarWarsMemer @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh

 

*The contestants line up inside of a pizza parlor (the kind with red/white checkered flooring.)*

SLAM!: Welcome to the next Survivor challenge! Today, in a competition inspired by It: Chapter 2, you will be making balloon animals for a group of children. The children will tell you what balloon they want, and you must make the balloon they want. The kids will score you based on how well you did!

Mr Pastaffelees: I'm hyperventilating! (faints)

Wrath: ...You gotta be kidding me.

 

CONFESSIONAL - glassfairy: So you're telling me that the guy who designed a large number of haunted houses, the guy behind a whole bunch of dangerous challenges from the past seasons, is afraid of a bunch of punk kids and their balloons? Gimme a break.

 

*Team Wakanda huddles together.*

DAJK: Alright. We just lost a tribe member, and I don't wanna lose another one so soon. Who among us is confident with balloons?

JJ-8: Balloons are my JAM! I LOVE BALLOONS! I LOVE HELIUM!

Claire of Themyscira: Boy, you best calm down.

captainwondyful: How exactly are we gonna make balloons... Do we blow into them, or...

ZeeSoh: Do we blow into them? Yeah, no shit.

 

*Team Asgard huddles together.*

StarWarsMemer: I actually work at a day-care in my real life... But it's tough for me to blow steady streams of air... I'm not sure how I'll factor into this...

YourMother the Edgelord: I'm sure you'll do fine! I believe in you!

Thanos Legion: As long as you stay in your proper place, you are free to do as you please.

Keanu: Hey. We shouldn't be belittling others. Not in front of all those children...

elcaballero: Those kids must grow up sometime. Let them hear our true thoughts.

chasmmi: Oh! Sheikh, don't you have a good singing voice? You should be good at controlling your air flow.

Sheikh: Um... Yeah. I am.

 

*Team Sokovia huddles together.*

PanaMovie: ...Yeah, Mr Pastaffelees isn't waking up.

Rorschach: Anything could've happened to him...

Fancyarcher: Do we panic? We panic, right?

Wrath: No panicking. We need to focus on doing the best we can. No matter what.

glassfairy: Focusing on one's own business. Now, that's what I like to hear.

 

*The challenge starts. Sheikh is exceptionally good at making balloon animals, and the kids are amazed.*

chasmmi: Yeah, I thought he'd be good at this.

Keanu: (to a kid) Did you say you want a cat? That happens to be my specialty!

*Thanos Legion blows into a balloon, but can't get it to work. He peers over to YourMother, who's doing much better than him, and he scowls.*

 

*Meanwhile, a kid asks Fancyarcher for a turtle balloon.*

Fancyarcher: Oh gosh... That sounds complicated... Um... Pressure... Mounting... Oh no... Um... *He blows a balloon, but the balloon pops, and the kid starts crying.*

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) We're not gonna have a good score if the kids ask us for complicated balloons... *A kid asks him for a pterodactyl, and he frowns.*

glassfairy: Come on, guys. You should be able to make the more complicated balloon animals.

*A kid walks up to glassfairy.*

Kid: Can I have a unicorn?

glassfairy: What? No. Why would I make a unicorn? 

Kid: Why not?

glassfairy: Listen, kid. Our challenge is to make balloon animals, not balloon fictional creatures.

Kid: But I want a unicorn!

glassfairy: Yeah, and I want a banana nut muffin. I guess we're both out of luck.

Kid: I'm gonna tell on you! *The kid runs off.*

glassfairy: Yeah, go do that. See if I care.

 

captainwondyful: I think JJ-8's found his calling...

*A group of kids are huddled around JJ-8, who is making so many balloons that his voice has become very high-pitched.*

JJ-8: WHO WANTS ANOTHER BALLOON?

*The kids say "Yay" in unison.*

JJ-8: MY LIGHTHEADEDNESS CAN WAIT, I'M MAKING AN OWL!!

*DAJK brainstorms ways he can be aggressive while making a balloon animal. He blows into the balloon, and pops it. The kid tells DAJK in sign language that he's okay with the popping because he's deaf.*

Zee-Soh: Hey, DAJK.

DAJK: Yeah?

Zee-Soh: You gotta know time and place. There is a time to be aggressive, and there is a time to be... reserved.

DAJK: Reserved?

Zee-Soh: Yeah. A little more subtle.

*DAJK looks down and ponders his words.*

 

*elcaballero are sitting next to each other making balloons for kids. Both of them have high-pitched voices from the helium.*

elcaballero: Back when I was a young lad, I would have birthdays at my family's four-story house, and the ones who made balloon animals wore suits.

StarWarsMemer: They did?

elcaballero: Yes. They were the artisans of the balloon animal business.

StarWarsMemer: Well, I'm friends with a guy who dresses up in a clown suit and makes balloon animals at the day care every once in a while.

elcaballero: He could be making balloon animals for much more privileged individuals than kids at a day care.

StarWarsMemer: Oh, hush. Professional or not, he's doing it for the kids. That's what matters. *He hands a kid a balloon, and the kid smiles.*

elcaballero: I must inform you... You don't treat me like everybody else.

StarWarsMemer: Oh? Why'd you say that?

elcaballero: You see, most of the ones who talk me are really only talking to me to get my money. To tap into my wealth.

StarWarsMemer: Don't let those people bother you. Whether you're rich or you're poor shouldn't matter. All people should be treated the same.

elcaballero: Of course... It's just... What I'm trying to say is... Thanks for being genuine with me.

StarWarsMemer: No problem, el-jalapeño!

elcaballero: It's elcaballero, but... You can call me that if you want. Call me by your name and I'll call you by mine. MeowwoeM.

StarWarsMemer: Oh! Did you watch the first two episodes?

elcaballero: Of course. And for the record, I always thought you were pretty cool!

*StarWarsMemer blushes.*

StarWarsMemer: Wow! Thanks!

 

*Claire of Themyscira is almost finished with a Tiger balloon--she's using both an orange balloon and a black balloon.*

Claire of Themyscira: This baby's gonna be perfect... MmmmmHmmmm...

*captainwondyful side-eyes Claire of Themyscira. She finds a tack under her chair and tosses it in the air. The tack lands on the balloon and pops it. Claire gasps and turns toward captainwondyful.*

Claire of Themyscira: Girl, you must have a death wish poppin' my balloon like that!

captainwondyful: Huh? I was just minding my own business...

Claire of Themyscira: Oh, so now you're gonna lie to me.

captainwondyful: I didn't pop your balloon, I swear!

*They stare at each other for a long time.*

Kid: Hey... Uh... Girl with the Captain America t-shirt... Can I have my seahorse?

*Claire of Themyscira slaps captainwondyful, who swiftly slaps her. They pull each other down and start fighting each other.

chasmmi: Woah, woah, woah!

*chasmmi rushes over to Team Wakanda's area to break up the fight.*

chasmmi: Stop fighting! Both of you!

*Claire of Themyscira spits onto captainwondyful, who gasps in shock. ZeeSoh walks past chasmmi with his hands in his pockets.*

ZeeSoh: Guess you still think you're the hero, huh...

*chasmmi side-eyes ZeeSoh.*

 

SLAM!: Um... I think now's a good time to stop the challenge...

 

*The kids wave goodbye and exit the pizza parlor. The contestants turn to SLAM!.*

 

SLAM!: Without further ado, here are the results!

 

TEAM ASGARD

Spoiler

Sheikh - 89.83%

chasmmi - 85.55%

Keanu - 85.25%

YourMother the Edgelord - 83.65%

elcaballero - 81.65%

Thanos Legion - 81.10%

StarWarsMemer - 80.76%

Team Average - 83.97%

 

TEAM SOKOVIA

Spoiler

Rorschach - 80.15%

Wrath - 79.09%

glassfairy - 79.30%

PanaMovie - 75.95%

Fancyarcher - 73.15%

Mr Pastaffelees - 36.58% (placeholder)

Team Average - 70.70%

 

TEAM WAKANDA

Spoiler

JJ-8 - 84.28%

ZeeSoh - 83.83%

captainwondyful - 82.43%

DAJK - 81.83%

Claire of Themyscira - 79.45%

Team Average - 82.36%

 

SLAM!: Team Asgard wins the challenge!

*Team Asgard jumps up and down in joy.*

SLAM!: Team Wakanda comes in second!

*Members of Team Wakanda sigh in relief, while captainwondyful and Claire of Themyscira stare at one another in anger.*

SLAM!: And, unfortunately, Team Sokovia must go to Tribal Council.

*Team Sokovia stare down at the ground in unison.*

 

CONFESSIONAL - PanaMovie: Don't worry about me. I've been watching my teammates like a hawk. I know how to vote.

CONFESSIONAL - glassfairy: I'm just glad I'm going to Tribal Council so I can vote to eliminate one of these losers...

CONFESSIONAL - Mr Pastaffelees: Well, it looks like I might be going home this week! But don't worry, America! If I'm eliminated, I'll just move on to my true passion in life... Spaghetti! *He raises a bowl of spaghetti with meat sauce and parmesan up to where the camera can see.* Bon Appétit! *He twirls noodles onto his fork, and he slurps the noodles giddily into his mouth.* Delicious!

 

SLAM!: Here's the information you need to know:

 

Spoiler

TUCK SHOP

The Tuck Shop is officially open for business!

 

Every week, a subset of items will be on sale at the tuck shop. Buy a quick boost now, or wait for something better down the road! Here is everyone's current balance. If you are not listed, you have 0 coins.

 

The highest scoring member of each team gets two coins.

Every member of the winning team gets three coins.

In the case that a player who did not send in predictions is on the winning team, that player will not receive tuck shop coins.

 

Current Balance

8: chasmmi, YourMother the Edgelord

7: Mr Pastaffelees, Rorschach

6: Keanu, Sheikh, StarWarsMemer

5: Claire of Themyscira, DAJK, elcaballero, Fancyarcher, ZeeSoh

4: Thanos Legion

3: glassfairy, PanaMovie, Wrath

2: JJ-8

 

CANDY APPLE - 3 Coins (Gives the average of your predictions a boost of 2%.)

RECYCLE PAD - 5 Coins (Doubles your vote in the Tribal Council.)

ROTTEN APPLE - 5 Coins (Reduces 2% from the score of another player--yes, this can be used for either second immunity or weekend challenges)

 

This is the only item on sale this week. PM me if you want it by Thursday, September 12th at 11:59PM PST! Also, remember that you do not need to use it this week! Simply indicate in any challenge when you will be using it!

 

 

TRIBAL COUNCIL - FOR TEAM WAKANDA ONLY

Sorry Team Sokovia, but you will be sent to Tribal Council. All team members must send me a PM with who they wish to vote off the island. However, there is hope. The second immunity challenge is also listed below. Winning the challenge will make you immune from elimination for this week.

 

SECOND IMMUNITY: PREDICT THE FOLLOWING TUESDAY GROSSES (NOT PTAS) OF...

It: Chapter 2

The Lion King

Overcomer

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Spider-Man: Far From Home

 

Votes are due by Wednesday at 5PM EST.

Second Immunity Predictions are due by Tuesday, September 10th at 11:59 PM PST.

(I recommend giving your vote alongside your second immunity predictions.)

 

Good luck to all of the Team Wakanda players!

 

WEEKEND CHALLENGE #4

PREDICT THE FOLLOWING 3-DAY WEEKEND GROSSES:

The Goldfinch

Hustlers

Brittany Runs a Marathon

It: Chapter 2

The Peanut Butter Falcon

Overcomer

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Ne Zha

 

Predictions are due by Thursday, September 12th at 11:59 PM PST.

 

(There will not be a Flash Fight this week.)

 

Edited September 10, 2019 by SLAM!

[Claire of Themyscira]

SPIT???

 

I would NEVER...

 

I would DEFINITELY throw hands though.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Um....I definitely sent in predicts on Thursday. My team can attest to that. Did you delete the chat?

[SLAM!]

8 hours ago, Mr Pastaffelees said:

Um....I definitely sent in predicts on Thursday. My team can attest to that. Did you delete the chat?

 

I deleted one or two of the chats... I kept the one that said 'master thread'. I never did get your predictions for some reason... I'll make a post in the PM that I was using.

[Wrath]

1 hour ago, SLAM! said:

 

I deleted one or two of the chats... I kept the one that said 'master thread'. I never did get your predictions for some reason... I'll make a post in the PM that I was using.

Its true. I mean, I can't 100% vouch that they were sent, but I've PM'ed you about it.

[SLAM!]

@captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @elcaballero @Fancyarcher @glassfairy @JJ-8 @Keanu @Mr Pastaffelees @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Sheikh @StarWarsMemer @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh 

 

I apologize to everyone; when I was calculating the averages, I used the actual for The Lion King in place of the actual for Good Boys.

 

I have also found Mr Pastaffelees to be telling the truth in regards to his predictions; I did not receive them due to human error.

 

I have therefore made the executive decision to redo everyone's average, and I will also add Mr Pastaffelees' score to the Team Sokovia average.

 

No matter which team is sent to Tribal Council, the Second Immunity predictions will still be due tonight. They will still pertain to Tuesday grosses. I expect to be able to post the new averages before 6:00 PM EST.

[Favorite Fearless Legion]

14 hours ago, SLAM! said:

SECOND IMMUNITY: PREDICT THE FOLLOWING WEDNESDAY GROSSES (NOT PTAS) OF

I was wondering if underlined was a copy paste error from last week (when the 4-day threw things off by a day).

8 minutes ago, SLAM! said:

They will still pertain to Tuesday grosses. 

This seems to suggest so?

Edited September 10, 2019 by Thanos Legion

[SLAM!]

52 minutes ago, Thanos Legion said:

I was wondering if underlined was a copy paste error from last week (when the 4-day threw things off by a day).

This seems to suggest so?

 

Yes, that is the case. Will fix soon.

[SLAM!]

@captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @elcaballero @Fancyarcher @glassfairy @JJ-8 @Keanu @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Mr Pastaffelees @Sheikh @StarWarsMemer @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh

 

Please disregard the averages posted above.

 

I have retallied the results. Here are the new averages:

 

TEAM ASGARD

Spoiler

Sheikh - 88.10%

Keanu - 86.70%

chasmmi - 85.38%

YourMother the Edgelord - 84.41%

Thanos Legion - 84.33%

elcaballero - 84.06%

StarWarsMemer - 78.15%

Team Average - 84.45%

 

TEAM SOKOVIA

Spoiler

Mr Pastaffelees - 83.25%

Rorschach - 81.53%

glassfairy - 81.09%

Wrath - 80.21%

PanaMovie - 79.40%

Fancyarcher - 73.49%

Team Average - 79.83%

 

TEAM WAKANDA

Spoiler

JJ-8 - 85.71%

ZeeSoh - 85.71%

captainwondyful - 82.76%

DAJK - 81.65%

Claire of Themyscira - 79.66%

Team Average - 83.10%

 

According to the new results, Team Asgard is still the winner of the Weekend Challenge, and Team Sokovia is still the team headed to Tribal Council. There are a few changes to the Tuck Shop Coin earnage; the new coin totals are posted in the spoiler box below. I will allow Rorshach to keep the coins that were given to him as an apology gift.

 

@Rorschach @glassfairy @Wrath @PanaMovie @Fancyarcher As you are eligible to be eliminated, please remember to send in your Tuesday Gross Predictions by 11:59 PST tonight. @Mr Pastaffelees, please remember to send in your vote by tomorrow at 5 PM EST (though I recommend sending it as soon as you can).

 

Again, I apologize to all players, as everyone was affected by my error. I will make sure something like this doesn't happen again.

 

Spoiler

TUCK SHOP

The Tuck Shop is officially open for business!

 

Every week, a subset of items will be on sale at the tuck shop. Buy a quick boost now, or wait for something better down the road! Here is everyone's current balance. If you are not listed, you have 0 coins.

 

The highest scoring member of each team gets two coins.

Every member of the winning team gets three coins.

In the case that a player who did not send in predictions is on the winning team, that player will not receive tuck shop coins.

 

Current Balance

9: Mr Pastaffelees

8: chasmmi, YourMother the Edgelord

7: Rorschach, ZeeSoh, Thanos Legion

6: Keanu, Sheikh, StarWarsMemer

5: Claire of Themyscira, DAJK, elcaballero, Fancyarcher

3: glassfairy, PanaMovie, Wrath

2: JJ-8

 

CANDY APPLE - 3 Coins (Gives the average of your predictions a boost of 2%.)

RECYCLE PAD - 5 Coins (Doubles your vote in the Tribal Council.)

ROTTEN APPLE - 5 Coins (Reduces 2% from the score of another player--yes, this can be used for either second immunity or weekend challenges)

 

This is the only item on sale this week. PM me if you want it by Thursday, September 12th at 11:59PM PST! Also, remember that you do not need to use it this week! Simply indicate in any challenge when you will be using it!

 

Edited September 12, 2019 by SLAM!

[SLAM!]

@Fancyarcher @glassfairy @Mr Pastaffelees @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Wrath

 

TRIBAL COUNCIL #3

 

SLAM!: Welcome back, Team Sokovia, to the Tribal Council! Who's ready to vote off another contestant?

Mr Pastaffelees: I'm definitely not...

Wrath: Every Survivor player must go to Tribal Council sometime. Let's get this over with...

Fancyarcher: I love you guys so much... I don't want to vote any of you out...

 

*voting commences*

 

Rorschach: This is the most logical decision. *writes his vote in cursive*

PanaMovie: *says nothing; simply votes*

Wrath: For the good of the team... *writes down a name and sets down the pen*

Mr Pastaffelees: I'm sorry, buddy. *writes name, hesitates, and places the vote*

Fancyarcher: Geez... I don't know who to vote for... Um... Gosh! *hurriedly writes the first name that comes to his head*

 

*The voters sit down. glassfairy crosses his arms and wears a smug look.*

SLAM!: Looks like someone isn't voting...

glassfairy: Don't need to. Not a single other player on this team deserves the courtesy of my vote.

SLAM!: Huh. Quite the brutal philosophy. Well, let's get to it!

 

 

SLAM!: Before I reveal the votes, I will reveal who won the immunity challenge.

 

Spoiler

Fancyarcher wins with a score of 91.20%!

 

Fancyarcher: Hopefully this isn't something I end up needing, but... Better safe than sorry.

(The other tribe members share in shock.)

 

SLAM!: Let's reveal the votes. First vote:

Spoiler

Fancyarcher Does Not Count

 

SLAM!: The second vote:

Spoiler

Fancyarcher Does Not Count

 

SLAM!: The third vote:

Spoiler

Fancyarcher Does Not Count

 

SLAM!: The fourth vote:

Spoiler

PanaMovie

 

(PanaMovie cocks an eyebrow.)

 

SLAM!: The fifth vote:

Spoiler

glassfairy

 

(glassfairy's smile drops real quick.)

 

 

SLAM!: Looks like we have a tie in the votes. The tie will be broken by the Second Immunity Challenge scores. The tied player with the lowest percentage score will be leaving the game.

 

Let's reveal the percentage scores of the tied players:

 

Spoiler

PanaMovie - 88.58%

glassfairy - n/a

 

SLAM!: That settles it. The third player eliminated from Survivor: Season Six is...

 

Spoiler

glassfairy

 

SLAM!: You need to bring me your torch.

*glassfairy looks at PanaMovie in anger.*

PanaMovie: Look on the bright side. At least you can get yourself a banana nut muffin.

*glassfairy begrudgingly brings his torch to SLAM!.*

SLAM!: glassfairy. The tribe has spoken.

*glassfairy points an angry finger at Fancyarcher.*

glassfairy: If I had played for immunity, it would've been your ass out of the game.

Fancyarcher: Oh, I believe that. (He sits at the edge of his seat and blows air into his fists.)

SLAM!: Time for you to go.

*glassfairy stomps away.*

 

CONFESSIONAL - glassfairy: These losers are gonna be out of the game so fast, it's not even funny. They made a grave mistake even thinking about voting me out. I hope they leave one by one...

 

SLAM!: 3 down, 17 to go! Can the contestants survive the crazy and imaginative challenges? Who will be eliminated next? And how will The Goldfinch and Hustlers factor into next week's chapter? Find out on the next episode of Survivor!

 

(By the way, Fancyarcher earns two Tuck Shop Coins for thwarting his own elimination.)

 

Post-Council Story Content

Spoiler

*Fancyarcher pulls aside PanaMovie and Rorschach.*

Fancyarcher: I'm not gonna lie. I'm pissed.

PanaMovie: I don't blame you, man. I'd be pissed, too.

Fancyarcher: I don't think you understand, PanaMovie. Only two votes were not against me. I was one of those votes. So at least one of you voted to eliminate me.

Rorschach: Relax, man. Just because the team voted for you doesn't mean we can't still work together. I'm glad you're here.

Fancyarcher: We did a fist-bump, Rorschach. A fist-bump.

PanaMovie: Yeah, well, minds change. Situations change. It's not always gonna go your way.

Fancyarcher: I won't forget this.

*Fancyarcher storms away. PanaMovie and Rorschach exchanges glances.*

 

*Wrath and Mr Pastaffelees sit together in the break room.*

Mr Pastaffelees: I'm really glad I brought my bubble blower... *Pastaffelees blows bubbles.*

Wrath: I wasn't lying.

Mr Pastaffelees: Huh?

Wrath: I wasn't lying when I said, "for the good of the team."

Mr Pastaffelees: Well, you know what they say, Wrath. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." (blows more bubbles)

*Wrath rests his head against the wall.*

Wrath: Then I guess I've been on the road to hell for some time now.

*Mr Pastaffelees continues blowing bubbles. Wrath sits in silence.*

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

 

Edited September 11, 2019 by SLAM!

[Wrath]

@Fancyarcher As the team shrinks, we need to talk strategy. Can’t message you...

[ZeeSoh]

@captainwondyful vs @Claire of Themyscira

 

[SLAM!]

@captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @elcaballero @Fancyarcher @JJ-8 @Keanu @Mr Pastaffelees @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Sheikh @StarWarsMemer @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh

 

Obligatory reminder that the Weekend Challenge predictions are due tonight at 11:59 PM PST!

[JJ-8]

12 hours ago, ZeeSoh said:

@captainwondyful vs @Claire of Themyscira

 

[SLAM!]

@captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @elcaballero @Fancyarcher @JJ-8 @Keanu @Mr Pastaffelees @PanaMovie @Rorschach @Sheikh @StarWarsMemer @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh

 

I have an announcement to make.

 

The top four scorers in the current weekend challenge across all of the teams will receive a special secret reward.

 

That is all.

[Favorite Fearless Legion]

If anyone manages to score above 20% on Goldfinch I'm sure that'll help

[Cap]

2 hours ago, Thanos Legion said:

If anyone manages to score above 20% on Goldfinch I'm sure that'll help

Only four people got that right, clearly. 

[SLAM!]

The new episode will be posted later tonight.

 

All of the data has been crunched, and I have the results; how late I post the episode depends on whether I'm allowed to work on my computer during my meetings. Yeah, those Monday meetings that I was talking about are starting today...