Cookie Does Requests or Whatever (Cookie's Corner Y6) - Unlike Garfield, this thread doesn't hate Mondays

[cookie]

22 minutes ago, Spaghetti said:

I mean let's not pretend it isnt preferable to what we're seeing in theaters next February.

With CW's VFX budget, I kinda doubt that.

[cookie]

Thirsty

 

While it's less funny than it could've been (and too over-the-top in spots for its harder moments to be taken seriously), there is some level of bravery in the topics it tackles, especially with the final reveal surrounding Adrien. That doesn't make the movie great, but it does make it bold enough for it to stick, at least for a little while after leaving the theater.

 

B-

[cookie]

If it makes you feel better @YourMother the Edgelord

 

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

I'm considering bumping Super Mario Bros to a full B+ since the downgrade felt a bit harsh in hindsight.

 

[YM!]

While it could’ve used more work, I’m glad I did Thirsty, and I’m more relieved to find out at the very least it’s decent. I plan on gettin into to more serious or stepping out of my comfort zone and while Thirsty isn’t a slam dunk but a step in the right direction is relieving. Big thanks @cookie

 

 

Question: would you stan for Shahidi Best Actress

[cookie]

5 minutes ago, YourMother the Edgelord said:

Question: would you stan for Shahidi Best Actress

If the remaining crop is weaksauce, maybe, but she's not that high on my list.

 

I would stan Zoë Kravitz for Best Supporting Voice Actor/Actress if you're pushing her.

Edited September 27, 2019 by cookie

[YM!]

2 minutes ago, cookie said:

If the remaining crop is weaksauce, maybe, but she's not that high on my list.

 

I would stan Zoë Kravitz for Best Supporting Voice Actor/Actress if you're pushing her.

I pushing Kravitz or Glover for SVA

Grace for LVA

[cookie]

Duck Hunt

 

A cute animated kids film occasionally marred by some weirdly dark moments the movie brushes past hoping the kiddies will have forgotten about it by the time the next cute thing happens. Could've been a lot lamer given the material, but it's fine for what it is.

 

B-

 

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

Ben Mendelsohn as R.O.B is the dumbest thing ever and I love it.

 

Edited September 27, 2019 by cookie

[cookie]

Facepaint

 

I'll be honest... I haven't seen either Hereditary or Midsommar (and only know spoilers from the former), so I can't tell you how it holds up as an Ari Aster film. With that said, it's more bizarre than it ever is scary.

 

Mufasa as a case of facepaint isn't the weirdest thing I've seen this week, I'll grant it that.

 

B-

Edited September 28, 2019 by cookie

[cookie]

Gonna do the last three in order of word count length.

 

Voicemail

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

I have not seen the original One Missed Call, nor have I seen its supposedly awful 2008 remake. But that should not matter and this new version should be able to stand on its own, especially when it doesn't even share the same title as its forebearers.

 

Also, let's get the obvious joke out of the way:

 

THE CALL IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE FUTURE YOU AS YOU'RE ABOUT TO DIE

 

You're welcome. Okay, actual review now.

 

I actually want to start with the ending, because it's the kind of ending that sacrifices a satisfying resolution in favor of abrupt shock value... and I think it suffers for it.

 

Now, I'll admit, I've never been a fan of those kinds of endings. so maybe it'll work better for other people, but I think given how much domestic abuse plays a role in the story I would've preferred an ending where

Spoiler

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

the curse is in some way lifted, or at least Yara finds a way to escape it and come to terms with her past trauma. There is that bit where her supposed ghost says Melanie understands her, but that could just be Melanie fucking with Harold before she kills him, so it doesn't really do much for me.

 

By instead ending as it does... It just drops the ball for me, because I was enjoying the film up to that point.

 

Outside of some other hangups (Ms. Carruthers's strange behavior never really goes anywhere and she disappears from the movie not long after Isaac's death. If it's supposed to be a red herring it's a pretty weak one), I think the rest of the movie is perfectly solid and hangs together quite well, given how often these types of stories tend to stumble over themselves rather quickly. Morena Baccarin in the lead role is an obvious highlight for more than a few reasons, and part of why I didn't like where the film ended up. JGL is kinda wasted as Harold since he's pretty bland of a character, but all the teens are alright.

 

Outside of Baccarin, the film's second strongest point would be its effective use of subtle scares to go along with its more bombastic in your face ones, even if they do get repetitive as the film goes on, though never to the level of the Silent Hill movies or the first Amityville. The kills are pretty creative in their simplicity, and there are more than a few moments where the shock value serves the movie better than it does in its denouement.

 

I think out of the Xillix horror pantheon the first Silent Hill is the strongest one (and the first Amityville the weakest), but Voicemail is in the upper echelon of that, even if the ending didn't do it for me.

 

B/B+

 

Edited September 28, 2019 by cookie

[Xillix]

Fair.

 

As for the ending, I totally understand your response but...

 

Spoiler

I will say it's not something done just for shock value. It's a film that's all about the perpetuation of the cycle of abuse, not only in the way that we have the three different families with similar dynamics, but sprinkled through earlier bits of the narrative as well. Of course there's Yara's speech about Melanie resenting having to protect her sister, where she is implicitly really talking about herself, reinforced then with the bathroom scene in the climax where her brother becomes part of her horrific visions. Harold points out her connection with Natalie, how she understands her because of their similar experiences, which is a fairly heavy bit of foreshadowing. Also of course Melanie's attempted embrace of Natalie earlier on, and the fact that the killing of Natalie's father is by far the most hands-on and outlandish. Honestly, the curse being lifted and Yara finding peace/forgiveness would have been much more of a swerve than the way the film actually ends, which is what it's been building to subtly the whole time. Obviously I can understand it feeling abrupt or you preferring a happier ending, though.

It's a theme which, if I get to do a sequel which would pull from both Japanese sequel films and include a lot of original content as well, will definitely be expanded upon substantially.

 

Also, for whatever it's worth, it really is Yara who called Harold after she died (and Tim).

 

[cookie]

Fiesta Loca

 

This was a lot more fun than I first thought it would be; sort of this really entertaining blend of Coco, Krampus and that Bill Cosby movie from the early 90s that must not be named.

 

The only real issue I have with it is that El Cucuy is pretty weaksauce as a villain and he's dispersed a little too easy. Antonio Banderas turning into a skeleton motorcycle to help blue boi save Dora the Explorer is awesome enough to make up for that, though.

 

A-/B+

[cookie]

Hired Guns

 

It's definitely a movie that relies on its star power to carry itself since I didn't find any of the crew that interesting as individual characters, though some are better than others. It's a pretty solidly crafted western as it is, but could've been more.

 

B/B-

Edited September 28, 2019 by cookie

[cookie]

That concludes the original review phase. Reminder to everyone that you still have over 30 hours to make a request for the bonus round.

 

(And since @Rorschach's sad face made me feel bad I'll allow him to make one request for the bonus round. Just remember to quote the original post.)

 

Scoreboard in the order the films were reviewed as a reminder — Super Mario Bros. has been officially upgraded to a B+.

 

In the Aeroplane over the Sea - A

The Ancient Magus' Bride and the King of Cats - B

Borrasca - B+

Gateways - A/A-

Spark: A Hero's Promise - B+

Mass Effect: Ascension - A-/B+

The Most Wanted Man in Great Britain - A

Lumberjanes: Secret of the Eye - B-/C+

The Feminist - C+

de Blob - B-

Teyonnah and the Renegades: A Righteous Sextet - B/B-

Super Mario Bros. - B+

The Neon Psalms - B-/C+

Chuck Norris & Liam Neeson vs. the Current Hollywood Landscape - B+

LiveStream - D

Plus One - B

Thirsty - B-

Duck Hunt - B-

Facepaint - B-

Voicemail - B/B+

Fiesta Loca - A-/B+

Hired Guns - B/B-

 

 

 

Edited September 29, 2019 by cookie

[Rorschach]

On 9/27/2019 at 1:44 PM, cookie said:

So before I continue with today's reviews, as the request phase has proceeded faster than I anticipated I am hereby announcing a

 

BONUS ROUND

 

This round is only open to players who've made requests in the previous round:

@Spaghetti @SLAM! @YourMother the Edgelord @4815162342 @Blankments @Reddroast @Xillix @Ethan Hunt

 

You have until Sunday at 23:59 Pacific (Monday 9:00 CET) to make ONE additional request. Only rule is that your request cannot be a film you personally wrote.

 

Also, these requests will not be carried out in a specific order, rather I'm picking based on what I feel like reading at the time.

 

Please quote this so I don't miss your post.

XJ-9: Rebirth

[Ezen Baklattan]

*looks closely at Norris, Borrasca, and Mario*

[cookie]

The bonus round is now closed for further requests. List is in the OP.

[cookie]

Pikmin

 

Out of the five Nintendo properties that have so far been adapted to CAYOM (and from what I've heard of Star Fox and my own plans for Zelda) this is the most literal adaptation of its source material. That provides a faithful recreation for fans of the game, but it doesn't do all that much for audiences seeking anything more demanding. With a runtime barely clocking in over an hour disregarding credits, it's at least a really brief affair and should be an easy distraction for younger viewers, but its lack of ambition is bound to annoy older crowds.

 

C+

Edited September 30, 2019 by cookie

[cookie]

Understand

 

...Yeah, I kinda got too excited at the hilarious prospect of David Henrie being this arbiter of the enlightenment to not realize that it wouldn't come in until the film's last ten minutes (and then end is such an abrupt way it makes Voicemail's ending look like Return of the King's), and the rest of the movie is lackluster, rather tension-less and pretty boring all things considered. Garfield tries with what he has, but it's not enough.

 

C-/D+

Edited September 30, 2019 by cookie

[cookie]

No more reviews for today. The bonus requests will be done at a slower pace (two per day) so I can spend more time working on my future projects, but if all goes well expect a top 25 next Monday/Tuesday.

[cookie]

Apologies to those who've been waiting for the bonus round reviews, I've been busy/intermittently lazy so I didn't continue when I said I would. They'll resume tomorrow and be done by Sunday. Top 25 is still on track for Tuesday.