Jurassic World (2015)

[JohnnyGossamer]

Yes! JP3 was awesome, had great characters and was also the first to have nice taro dactyl (sp?) shots. The first one is good but it does take forever to get the action started.

Great, great pterosaurs and a hell of a spinosaur and Grant speaking to raptors... I'll give it that.

Edited June 30, 2015 by JohnnyGossamer

[K1stpierre]

I'm baffled.

[Rorschach]

The kids in JW easily trump them.

Yeah but they're kids and I can't blame them for having to deal with a script that probably could've written them better and a director who could've possibly directed them better. Every time I see a kid in a big budgeted film, I kind of expect them to get on my nerves. It's kind of expected as they don't have quite as much experience and haven't perfected the craft yet like most adults. Macy and Leoni are adults. They have literally no excuse to being annoying whatsoever, and yet, they are possibly the worst thing about the worst film of the franchise because of how annoying they are. Edited June 30, 2015 by Radical Rorschach

[KGator]

I enjoyed this movie.  Sure some of the plot was a bit over the top.  The configuration of the park and the types of rides/attractions they had for the guests (getting insurance must be a real bitch) was puzzling but not enough to not enjoy the action and visuals.  The humanization of the dinosaurs was a bit much.  At the end I was half expecting Blue to high five the T-Rex after defeating D-Rex and then give Chris Pratt a wink before running off into the jungle.

 

The characters were not well developed but hey . . . this movie is not about winning any oscars.  You either get eaten by a dinosaur or you don't.  Outside of running from dinos . . . the character motivations and interactions aren't too sophisticated.

 

its definitely worth seeing on the big screen though.

[baumer]

If Blue would have winked at him, it would have fit.  I woulda been fine with that.

[GeneralKong]

I was left a bit underwhelmed after seeing it on opening night, and my opinion of it has gone down further in the 3 weeks since.  Regardless of the quality of the special effects, I felt that it wasted a talented ensemble with a rushed and poorly written script. I am willing to shrug off writing flaws to a certain degree, but not when it's so obvious in a film that isn't trying to be completely brainless. Pratt tries his best, but they somehow managed to find ways to underutilize him.

 

C

Edited July 4, 2015 by GeneralKong

[shayhiri]

Voted F.

 

Such "movies" shouldn't (be allowed to) exist.

 

Same for Terminator 5.

 

PS: Ahahahahah, and bapi loved JW, as if I didn't have enough reasons to know it's shit.

Edited July 4, 2015 by Shay Impossible

[glassfairy]

I don't know the last time i've done a review but this was so bad I had to. This movie...

 

Now, I like a ridiculous movie more than the average person but this was on a whole other level. And I watch SyFy movies AND LOVE THEM. And this was more ridiculous than Sharktopus. I mean this movie wishes it could make as much sense or have an ounce of its' charm. I wish (OH HOW I WISH) I could be transported into an alternate universe where modified dinosaurs are being used in war just so I can start a nuclear war to wipe everyone on there out of existence. I mean I still don't understand how my soul didn't leave my body when it was revealed Big White could camouflage herself. Was there any thing in this movie that wasn't ridiculous? A meeting of the minds between the Kardashians and Hiltons could not produce anything more ludicrous.

 

The only really positive thing I can say is that this did work as being some effective birth control. I am now certain I will have to have my ovaries removed because I cannot allow there to be even the slightest possibility I can have a child like the younger boy. I really wanted to whisper in his ear when he was crying about the divorce that it was probably over him being such an annoying little shit. Both the parents better lawyer up over who doesn't get to keep him. I'd honestly rather give birth to the little boy from the Babadook.

 

As for Aunty Claire running in heels through the whole movie... girl how stupid do you have to be to not break off the heels? Girl how are you not limping and damn near crippled at the end of the movie? Girl how was your eyeliner still more perfect at the end of the movie after all that than mine is when I just put in on? Girl???

 

As for the acting... when Chris Pratt is out-acting everyone else...

 

As for the tired ass score...

 

D-

[Gopher]

As per usual HULK sums up my thoughts and makes them better!

 

FILM CRIT HULK ‏@FilmCritHULK  33m33 minutes ago

NEVER HATE A MOVIE BUT JURASSIC WORLD SURE AS HECK HATES YOU.

 

FILM CRIT HULK ‏@FilmCritHULK  31m31 minutes ago

DRAMALESS, MEAN, BIPOLAR IN REGARD TO BOTH DEATH AND ANIMALS, AND SEEMINGLY HATES WHEN WOMEN ARE EITHER PROFESSIONAL OR FEMININE.

FILM CRIT HULK ‏@FilmCritHULK  29m29 minutes ago

THE FIRST 30 MINUTES IS EVEN SERVICEABLE BUT THEN IT JUST BECOMES 90 MINUTES OF NOISE. THERE ISNT A SINGLE REAL "SEQUENCE" EVEN.

 

fantabulizer ‏@fantabulizer  14m14 minutes ago

@FilmCritHULK Jurassic World may hate you, but it loves all your money.

[Ezen Baklattan]

Hulk still hasn't seen Inside Out, though. Hulk needs to get on that ASAP.

Even without the bullshit hypocrisy and general ugliness of the film's thematic structure, it would have been an agressively mediocre blockbuster either way.

I get why the finale may save face, but it's fan service taken to a cringy level. At least Tomorrowland's final act tried to convey something.

Edited July 5, 2015 by Spaghetti

[Phil in the Blank]

i still can't get over how stupid the idea of weaponizing dinosaurs is.

[Phil in the Blank]

I don't know the last time i've done a review but this was so bad I had to. This movie...

Now, I like a ridiculous movie more than the average person but this was on a whole other level. And I watch SyFy movies AND LOVE THEM. And this was more ridiculous than Sharktopus. I mean this movie wishes it could make as much sense or have an ounce of its' charm. I wish (OH HOW I WISH) I could be transported into an alternate universe where modified dinosaurs are being used in war just so I can start a nuclear war to wipe everyone on there out of existence. I mean I still don't understand how my soul didn't leave my body when it was revealed Big White could camouflage herself. Was there any thing in this movie that wasn't ridiculous? A meeting of the minds between the Kardashians and Hiltons could not produce anything more ludicrous.

The only really positive thing I can say is that this did work as being some effective birth control. I am now certain I will have to have my ovaries removed because I cannot allow there to be even the slightest possibility I can have a child like the younger boy. I really wanted to whisper in his ear when he was crying about the divorce that it was probably over him being such an annoying little shit. Both the parents better lawyer up over who doesn't get to keep him. I'd honestly rather give birth to the little boy from the Babadook.

As for Aunty Claire running in heels through the whole movie... girl how stupid do you have to be to not break off the heels? Girl how are you not limping and damn near crippled at the end of the movie? Girl how was your eyeliner still more perfect at the end of the movie after all that than mine is when I just put in on? Girl???

As for the acting... when Chris Pratt is out-acting everyone else...

As for the tired ass score...

D-

Edited July 7, 2015 by Spottswoode

[Captain Craig]

Grade: A

 

You know, it didn't really add much in terms of new to the saga. At it's core it was largely a retread of the first movie, I get that.

However, it was still lots of fun for a pimped up script copy cat of the '93 film!!

[Gopher]

Also love Kermode. I don't often think the same way he does but nobody can talk about movies this eloquently and this fast. 

 

[Blankments]

I feel like it should end five minutes earlier with Jake Johnson's character turning off the lights and then credits roll. Everything after it is kinda just there; would've been more effective.

 

I'm happy I rewatched it; I actually like the first half more. Seeing the park up and running is super cool, and when it's set in the park, I really like it. The action and talking scenes are just kinda dull. Solid B-

[dashrendar44]

It's a litmus test how much bullshit you can endure till your brain gives up trying to make sense of it all. Absolutely nothing makes any sense, from character's behavior/motivation to the anthropomorphized dinos that act like Pokemons at script's will, people will use the eternal straw "It's a dinosaur movie, duh! It's not supposed to be an Oscar-bait, Just enjoy the dumbness". It's not because it's a "dinosaur movie" that everything got to be dumbed down and scripted poorly using trite stereotypes and ludicrous characterization like your Carnosaur 3 common B-movie, that's what made Jurassic Park stands from the awful and bland B-movies lot because Spielberg took a b-movie premise seriously and filmed it as such. That's what separates the T-rex attack from the last act of Lost World. The former is a model of tension building and pure horror mise-en-scene as much as awe struck, the latter just revels in eye-rolling dumb shit for the sake of it once the boat arrives to San Diego, Jurassic World is Lost World's last act stretched to 2 hours.

Edited July 8, 2015 by MADash Rendar

[Lordmandeep]

I think you dont understand Dash.

 

The simplicity of it makes it wide appealing and the reason it was such a big hit.

 

It feels like a 90's epic blockbuster, where all logic goes out the window and you have likeable characters and cool action like Independence Day. 

[Gopher]

"Turn off your brain" is a disease. I thought we were done with this mentality after Transformers. If movies like Furious 7 can make all the dots align and provide thrills that make contextual sense, nothing else should be excused. 

[Hatebox]

I think you dont understand Dash.

 

The simplicity of it makes it wide appealing and the reason it was such a big hit.

 

It feels like a 90's epic blockbuster, where all logic goes out the window and you have likeable characters and cool action like Independence Day. 

 

Where were they in JW?

 

(Normally I wouldn't rag on a film this much, but the record box office feels like it mitigates circumstances.)

[dashrendar44]

I think you dont understand Dash.

 

The simplicity of it makes it wide appealing and the reason it was such a big hit.

 

It feels like a 90's epic blockbuster, where all logic goes out the window and you have likeable characters and cool action like Independence Day. 

 

No, it's the Canada Dry of the 90's blockbuster. None of the flavour but all the rotten industrial aftertaste when the bubbles have vanished.

 

I've seen most of them in theaters (JP, TLW, MIB, ID4,Twister, Armageddon and the likes) and never I felt that popcorny awe and carefree entertainment breeze watching JW.

Edited July 8, 2015 by MADash Rendar