SUR(VI)VOR Ep. 1: The Art of Surviving in the City

[SLAM! 5,694]

@Mr Pastaffelees stands in the middle of an inner-city intersection, directly facing the camera.

 

Spaghetti: For this season of Survivor, our survivors will compete on an island where they’ve never been before. Manhattan. Welcome to season six of Survivor!

 

*Two buses with the survivor logo drive down the street. The first bus is labeled “Veterans,” and @DAJK, @YourMother the Edgelord,  @chasmmi, @Wrath, and @Fancyarcher are in the front.*

DAJK: Can you believe it! We’re actually playing Box Office Survivor again! And in the Big Apple, no less!

YourMother: I wanna get some Buffalo Chicken Wings while we’re here, if we have the time between challenges.

DAJK: Can I have some with you?

YourMother: Soulmates share their chicken wings, sweetheart. That’s the unspoken code of being one’s soulmate.

chasmmi: Oh. Right. They fell in love in Season Four. I forgot about that.

Fancyarcher: I’m so glad I get to play again after missing out on Season Five! How about you, Wrath?

Wrath: Han’s not here… He’d be on this bus if he were here…

Fancyarcher: Oh, you’re right… Aren’t you his father?

Wrath: Yes. And if he’s not here, I’ll win in his absence. Like son, like father, as they say.

(chasmmi side-eyes Wrath…)

 

*We move to the back of the bus, where @captainwondyful, @ZeeSoh, @baumer, @Rorschach, @Sheikh, and @Keanu are seated. @ZeeSoh stares at DAJK and YourMother while they laugh and look in each other’s eyes.*

ZeSoh: That should be me with DAJK.

Rorschach: Um… What?

ZeeSoh: (blushing and scowling) We would’ve had a showmance together if everyone hadn’t of voted me out.

Rorschach: Well, you can always find another showmance partner. There’s… Nine newcomers? Yeah, nine newcomers.

captainwondyful: So if New York City is nicknamed the Big Apple, then why is Roald Dahl’s book titled James and the Giant Peach?

baumer: There is no relation between New York City and Roald Dahl’s novella.

captainwondyful: Huh? I could’ve sworn there was a relation.

baumer: Nope. Nada.

captainwondyful: Well, that makes sense, because I was wondering where the giant bugs were…

(baumer rolls his eyes)

Sheikh: (hunched over and tapping his foot) I’m nervous about the game already… What if they vote me out before the game really starts?

Keanu: Hey. Worrying can’t make you any younger. That’s what my insurance agent used to say.

Sheikh: (laughs) Yeah. I guess you’re right.

(Keanu crosses her leg, stares out the window, and smiles.)

 

*The second bus is labeled “Newcomers.” @MeowwoeM, @Avatree. @PanaMovie, and @Reddroast are in the front.*

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) I never thought Survivor would take place on the ‘island’ of Manhattan. I guess there’s only so many tropical islands in the world.

Reddroast: Maybe they wanted the soles of our feet to burn on hot concrete as opposed to sand.

PanaMovie: You do realize it’s not that hot in New York, right? It’s more ‘cold’ than anything.

Reddroast: You wanna know cold? “Cold as Ice” by Foreigner. That’s what’s cold.

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) Touché.

MeowwoeM: I don’t think we’ll know what the weather’s really like until we’re outside of the bus!

Avatree: Not even if I use my smartphone?

MeowwoeM: A temperature is just a number on a screen, silly! It’s a different thing entirely to really feel the climate!

Avatree: Huh. Well, that’s one way of looking at things.

 

*Meanwhile, in the back of the bus, @Thanos Legion, @Premium George, @Kjtc, @Darth Lehnsherr, and @MrGamer are having discussion amongst each other.*

MrGamer: Boy, I sure do have the heebie-jeebies waiting for the game to start! What about you, mister, uhh… Premium George, yes?

Premium George: The universe is infinite. I am but a speck of dust in relation to the cosmos.

MrGamer: Well, aren’t you the bluenose! What about you, Thanos Legion?

Thanos Legion: Tell me, stranger. What is it that you do for a living?

MrGamer: I write 1920s mobster novels! I’m the bee’s knee’s at what I do!

Thanos Legion: Hmph. Seems to me like you will be of little consequence.

MrGamer: Hey, I know my onions, mind you! I’ll outwit you! Just you wait!

(Darth Lehnsherr leans towards Kjtc.)

Darth Lehnsherr: Does it tire you out just listening to that guy’s incessant yapping?

Kjtc: Dude. I’m tired regardless. It’s fine, I’ll just push through until I have time for a nap.

Darth Lehnsherr: Well, it still grinds my gears.

Kjtc: …You have gears?

Darth Lehnsherr: What? No…

 

The buses stop in front of a skyscraper and lets all the competitors out at once. Spaghetti is standing in front of the skyscraper.

Spaghetti: Welcome, survivors!

MeowwoeM: It’s the famous host of Survivor seasons three, four, and five! Sam Pastaffelees Ghetti! Wow!

Fancyarcher: Spaghetti! Long time no see, man!

Reddroast: Is it me, or does he look different in person than he does on television?

Spaghetti: So first things first! I know all of you are eager to start the game! But we have two surprises first!

Chasmmi: Well, it’s a good thing we won’t be surprised by an additional player, because there’s an even number of people here—twenty, to be exact.

Spaghetti: Yeah… About that…

ZeeSoh: Oh no… Here we go again…

 

*A long black limo rolls up on the curb, and a @Claire of Themyscira , a confident woman in designer clothes, steps out of the vehicle before it drives away.*

Claire of Themyscira: The box office queen is back, bitches. Coming from her own limousine.

baumer: Well, well, well. If it isn’t Claire of Themyscira.

Claire of Themyscira: That’s exactly who it is, boo.

captainwondyful: I see baumer as more of a Koopa Troopa than a Boo…

Sheikh: Yeah, I don’t think that’s what she meant.

MrGamer: Back in the 20s, they’d call women like her a bearcat!

Avatree: Um… Okay?

 

*Spaghetti whistles for a taxi, which promptly pulls to the curb. He opens the backseat door and turns back towards the contestants.*

Spaghetti: It’s true. Claire will be joining the game as the 21^st contestant. But as I said, there’s one more twist to the game.

DAJK: Really? What is it?

(Spaghetti smiles.)

Spaghetti: I’m not the host of the season.

(MeowwoeM gasps.)

PanaMovie: (cocks an eyebrow) Yeah, that’s a twist, alright.

Premium George: All things must take their place in the cycle of time.

YourMother: But if you’re not the host, then… Who is?

Spaghetti: He’ll be coming out of that building in just a moment. But as for me, I’m out of here. Ciao!

 

*Spaghetti gets into the taxi, and the taxi drives away. The contestants stare at the front entrance of the building, and Darth Lehnsherr impatiently checks his watch. Finally SLAM! sheepishly steps out of the building. The contestants stare with their jaws open as he nervously smiles at the contestants.*

 

SLAM!: (in a cold sweat) Good morning, sunshine! The world says hello!

 

*Crickets chirp. Many of the contestants are still in shock. SLAM! takes a folded piece of paper and nervously opens it in order to read the introductory speech he failed to memorize.*

 

SLAM!: Hello, Survivors! I am SLAM!, formerly known as Slambros, and I am your host! Again, I say hello!

 

*SLAM! looks up from his paper and stares expectantly for reactions.*

 

Keanu: Goodness me. This game really is cursed.

Ktjc: What? Cursed?

Rorschach: Relax, man. It’s an inside joke.

Chasmmi: Let’s hope so…

 

*SLAM! continues reading.*

SLAM!: You will be staying in the hotel behind me as long as you are competing in the game, and you will compete in many challenges that take place in the city and state of New York! But before I reveal the first weekly challenge, I will reveal the teams! As you may know, Avengers: Endgame recently became the highest grossing film of all time. So in celebration of that milestone, this year’s initial team names are themed around well-known setpieces from the Marvel films!

 

ON TEAM ASGARD:

Spoiler

Avatree

chasmmi

Keanu

MeowwoeM

Sheikh

Thanos Legion

YourMother the Edgelord

 

Thanos Legion: Looks like it’s 3 teams of 7. Perfectly balanced. As all things should be.

Keanu: Look at that, Sheikh! We’re on the same team.

(YourMother stares in horror.)

 

ON TEAM SOKOVIA:

Spoiler

baumer

Fancyarcher

PanaMovie

Premium George

Reddroast

Rorschach

Wrath

 

baumer: Really? You named a team after that fictional European country in Age of Ultron? You could’ve done so much better…

Reddroast: Sokovia? More like So-boring-a.

Fancyarcher: I’m just happy to be here, guys. Team names are just icing on the cake.

 

ON TEAM WAKANDA:

Spoiler

captainwondyful

Claire of Themyscira

DAJK

Darth Lehnsherr

Kjtc

MrGamer

ZeeSoh

 

MrGamer: Well, our team sure packs a wallop!

Claire of Themyscira: That’s exactly right! I’m on the WOKEST team there is! Wakanda Forever!

Darth Lehnsherr: I’m on the same team as the incessant yapper and the flamboyant diva. Great. Just great.

 

*DAJK and YourMother rush to each other’s side.*

DAJK: Oh, YourMother! I didn’t expect to be on a different team as you!

YourMother: These things happen, DAJK. Don’t worry. We’ll make it to the merge, and we’ll be together then. Okay?

DAJK: Okay… (sniffles)

(ZeeSoh flashes a wolf-like smile, unbeknownst to them. In fact, PanaMovie is the only one who notices this out of all the contestants.)

 

SLAM!: Okay. So. Here is the thread where the rules have been established if any of you haven’t seen the rules yet:

 

 

 

SLAM!: And here is the first weekly challenge.

 

WEEKLY CHALLENGE #1

Welcome to the first challenge of the game. This will be an excellent way to determine where the strength of each team lies. For this first challenge, you will be crossing a busy street, finding and printing out your predictions, and crossing it again to turn them in. It’s inspired by Good Boys! You’ll love it! These are predictions you’ll be making:

 

Spoiler

PREDICT THE THREE DAY WEEKEND FOR THE FOLLOWING MOVIES:

47 Meters Down: Uncaged

The Angry Birds II

Blinded By the Light

Good Boys

Where'd You Go, Bernadette? (a bonus +1% to the average of the one with the closest prediction for this film)

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Fast & Furious: Hobbs & Shaw

Once Upon a Time in Hollywood

The Lion King

 

PREDICT BY THURSDAY, AUGUST 15TH AT 11:59PM EST. SEND THEM VIA PRIVATE MESSAGE TO ME.

 

SLAM! The team that comes in first place will all receive three coins for each member to spend at the Tuck Shop, where there are many items that can enhance your game. Of course, first place gets immunity as well. The team in second place won’t receive any tuck shop coins, but they’ll be immune as well! But the team in third place—last place, per se—will have to go to Tribal Council, where they will eliminate one of their teammates. (I will also go ahead and mention that the first place winner of the second and third place team will also get some tuck shop coins.)

Avatree: Well, the weekly challenge sounds pretty easy!

Premium George: Nothing worth winning is ever easy to win.

SLAM!: Oh! One more thing, before I go…

 

Spoiler

FLASH FIGHT #1

Throughout the game, there will be several mini challenges. These are completely optional, but can provide a boost in weekly scores and give a team the winning edge. However, mess this up and you could pay the price later.

 

PREDICT THE TUESDAY PTAS OF THE FOLLOWING:

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

The Art of Racing in the Rain

The Kitchen

The Farewell

Toy Story 4

 

THE DEADLINE IS TUESDAY, AUGUST 13TH AT 11:59PM.

 

SLAM!: And with that, the game begins! Outwit! Outplay! Outlast!

*SLAM! exits. The contestants take a moment to take it all in.*

MrGamer: Well, isn’t that a real hum-dinger!

 

CONFESSIONAL – Thanos Legion: I. Am. Inevitable. In other words, I am inevitably going to win.

CONFESSIONAL – Keanu: SLAM!’s gone a long way. He seems like a good host, but he has some big shoes to fill. At the very least, he hasn’t brought up how crazy he acted in Season Five when he found out me and Sheikh were falling in love.

CONFESSIONAL – YourMother: I can’t believe they split up me and DAJK… I’ll have to make sure I make the merge so we can be together again. But ZeeSoh being on the same team gives me strange vibes. Will something happen between them? …No, I think our love is strong enough.

CONFESSIONAL – ZeeSoh: With YourMother out of the way? DAJK is mine. And I’ll chisel him, ever so meticulously, into the person he never knew he could be. (evil smile)

CONFESSIONAL – PanaMovie: I’m gonna keep my eye on that ZeeSoh guy. I think he’s up to something.

CONFESSIONAL – captainwondyful: You, the viewer, might have seen that I’ve been saying a lot of really stupid things. (She picks at her fingernail, then looks directly into the camera.) Between you and me? It’s an act. I’m acting stupid. That way, I won’t be seen as a threat.

CONFESSIONAL – Wrath: Han… If you’re watching this… Know that I love you… And that I’ve changed for the better… And that I’m going to do everything that I can to win. And with the earnings, I’ll patch together the divide between us. Keep watching. You’ll see.

 

TO BE CONTINUED

Edited August 12, 2019 by SLAM!

[YourMother the Edgelord 21,344]

@ZeeSoh stay away from my man.

[DAJK 18,219]

Great write-up here @SLAM!. Looking forward to having you host!

[SLAM! 5,694]

Oh! Before I forget:

 

Quite a few people really did forget to send me the three traits. For those people, if you're dissatisfied with your character, it's never too late to send me your three traits! Send those whenever you can--include them in your private message when you send me predictions for the flash fight or weekend challenge, if you need to. It's no biggie!

[Fancyarcher 36,551]

Great job on writing this piece @SLAM!. Things are off to a very interesting start. Also I sent you three traits about my character. I had actually forgotten to do that beforehand, so thanks for reminding me. Can't wait to read the next episode. 

Edited August 12, 2019 by Fancyarcher

[PanaMovie 998]

Nice!

 

I like my team, thank you for this @SLAM!

[Cap 11,331]

@SLAM!  what does you could pay the price later mean on the tuck shop? Details, please!

[SLAM! 5,694]

1 hour ago, captainwondyful said:

@SLAM!  what does you could pay the price later mean on the tuck shop? Details, please!

 

"Pay the price" is meant as a figure of speech, conveying the idea that performing last (or second-to-last) in a Flash Fight could have consequences. For instance, while the winners of the Flash Fight would receive a percentage increase, the ones in last place would receive a percentage decrease. Or while the winners receive Tuck Shop coins, the losers get Tuck Shop coins taken away. So the Flash Fight performances can potentially determine how much power one has in the game. Therefore, players must decide if the Flash Fight is a risk worth taking.

[Rorschach 7,018]

On 8/11/2019 at 5:27 PM, YourMother the Edgelord said:

@ZeeSoh stay away from my man.

Your avatar is too fitting for this post 

[SLAM! 5,694]

@Avatree @baumer @captainwondyful @chasmmi @Claire of Themyscira @DAJK @Darth Lehnsherr @Fancyarcher @Keanu @Kjtc @MeowwoeM @MrGamer @PanaMovie @Premium George @Reddroast @Rorschach @Sheikh @Thanos Legion @Wrath @YourMother the Edgelord @ZeeSoh 

 

Obligatory reminder that the deadline for the first Flash Fight is in about eleven hours, at 11:59 PM EST!

 

I want to post the Flash Fight results as sort of a "Part Two" for Episode One either tomorrow or Thursday! That way, there's some more meat to Episode One. Flash fights don't happen all the time, so episodes usually have just the results of the Weekend Challenge and the week's Tribal Council, in terms of game and story content.

 

Hint: Knowing the Monday PTAs for the five films will likely help you predict the Tuesday PTAs! The monday grosses will likely be posted on a website such as Box Office Mojo around 5:00 or 6:00 PM EST, perhaps even a little sooner.

[MeowwoeM 25]

Where do we post our predictions @SLAM!

Edited August 13, 2019 by MeowwoeM

[SLAM! 5,694]

8 minutes ago, MeowwoeM said:

Where do we post our predictions @SLAM!

 

Send me your predictions via Private Message. Whether you want to send a new Private Message or post them in the same Private Message you sent about the three traits is up to you.

[Premium George 4,516]

Is it compulsory, SLAM! I didn't have time to do flash fights.

[Lokis Legion 14,697]

Just now, Premium George said:

Is it compulsory, SLAM! I didn't have time to do flash fights.

Optional. An option that I hope not to regret pursuing. We shall see what the morrow brings.

[SLAM! 5,694]

7 hours ago, Premium George said:

Is it compulsory, SLAM! I didn't have time to do flash fights.

 

Yes, the Flash Fight will always be optional.

[SLAM! 5,694]

The results of the flash fight will arrive tomorrow at or around noon!

 

The flash fight competition in the story will be inspired by Angry Birds!

 

That is all.

[Lokis Legion 14,697]

Looks like a 10.6% avg error for me 😬   

 

Hopefully those bumps in the 80s caused some other people trouble.

[SLAM! 5,694]

I just crunched the numbers.

 

These results are intriguing, to say the least.

[4815162342 64,996]

So how will the Slambros Curse apply now that Slambros runs the game....

 

[ZeeSoh 10,240]

6 hours ago, Thanos Legion said:

Looks like a 10.6% avg error for me 😬   

 

Hopefully those bumps in the 80s caused some other people trouble.

Oh huge trouble from The Kitchen. I think I predicted like 20% jump for it lol.